Adam's Self-Improvement Log

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
Post Reply
User avatar
Yaxir
Posts: 87 | Thanks: 15
Joined: Wed May 12, 2021 10:07 am
Goal: Get Laid / Lose Fat
Age: 26
Location: Istanbul

Sun May 16, 2021 5:36 pm

Adam wrote:
Sun May 16, 2021 4:31 pm
Something I've noticed: I tend to make negative assumptions about my interactions with women if they aren't super-friendly. When I talked to the woman who was engaged this week, she told me that "this is very sweet", but my automatic thought was "she's probably just being nice but is actually creeped out". There's nothing about the situation that justifies that assumption, but nonetheless that was my kneejerk response. Intellectually, I can accept that lots of women love being approached and get a little ego boost out of it, but deep down I find it hard to believe.
To tell you the truth, i have similar negative assumptions about women in general

NOT because there's anything wrong with them; nah ..

yes maybe there are differences in sexual organs and psychology and how they choose their mates compared to how men choose theirs, but ..

they're just as much human as you and me and they're driven by the same mammalian urges ( sex , success etc ) as you and me

BUT the assumptions have their roots in the limiting beliefs we have within our brains, in my case .. as i am originally from a very conservative Muslim country in SEAsia , i fear they will just call other men to beat me up for approaching them and asking their number .. this is because i have had some very shitty expriences with girls back in my home country, but i need to realize that women are not all like that, they're not all the same AND they're much more open / playful than my conservative upbrining and social conditioning had previously led me to believe

see how deep that reasoning goes ?

in your case, it could be something else but the principle remains the same, the inner anxiety or some other challenge that is probably testing your inner game, is what's causing these assumptions

ofc, i am yet to approach women and yet to get desire sex from a woman through seducing her

but this is something i realized after analyzing game for some time

and believe me, for a long time, i have been an anxious and nervy guy around pretty girls

i'm just starting to take action on killing that anxiety and being bold and upfront with girls, even those who are total strangers !

summary : limiting beliefs, probably those that have deep roots inside your brain cause negative and unhealthy assumptions in gaming women, there are probably ways to get rid of them

just throwing my 2 cents here

have a nice day mate !
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Mon May 24, 2021 1:10 pm

Weekly update on goals:
Last week's average weight = 168.1
This week's average weight = 168.7

No Sugar: 5/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
NoFap: 6/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
Bedtime: 4/7 days (aiming for 6/7)
Meditate: 7/7 days (aiming for 7/7)

Days since last binge: 49

ACTION I took this week:

A lot of dates happened to stack up this week. Three Hinge dates, plus coffee with a local girl that I met the other week when I stopped to pet her dog and chat. Dog-walking girl said before we met that she just wants friends right now and doesn't want anything romantic or sexual. A slight disappointment since she's very attractive, but I could use some more local friends and I appreciated that she was up-front and honest about it. She seems cool and is interested in self-improvement, so I'll keep hanging out with her. For the Hinge Dates: One girl was less attractive than her photos so I just had a short drink and then left, another was very fun to hang out with and when I invited her back to my place she said "yes, but not tonight". Then later when I texted her to set up another date said she thought we didn't have enough in common. Third girl though was a cute skinny Brazilian who was very into me. We just had drinks on the first date, then I invited her back on the second date. Great body, very enthusiastic, gives good feedback. I'd like to keep seeing her for a while.

Only one approach this week. I did it on Monday and the girl seemed creeped out. Which made me feel guilty. I wasn't able to overcome my anxiety around approaching for the remainder of the week.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
Radical
Posts: 1726 | Thanks: 1439
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:02 pm
Name: Cam
Goal: Funnel/Product Building
Age: 29
Motto: Take drastic action

Mon May 24, 2021 1:17 pm

Good shit dude
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Tue May 25, 2021 3:22 pm

Can anyone point me to any articles or posts that talk about the moral aspect of cold-approaching? Why they think that there's nothing wrong with doing it or even that it's a positive thing to do that makes the world better?

When I cold-approach, obviously nerves are an issue, but beyond that I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And of course if a girl has a negative reaction or seems creeped out, that reinforces that feeling. I know that most guys here value truth, and I don't want to have to hide any aspect of my life. And right now I feel like cold-approaching is something that I have to hide because I'm kind of ashamed of it. Intellectually, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I feel like there is, and I suspect that many people would judge me for doing it. I think that these beliefs and feelings are just a hold-over from societal and religious programming. It's not a moral position that I've thought through. But at the moment I don't have any counter-arguments against this ingrained idea that hitting on girls outside of the socially-approved areas like bars/clubs/online is wrong.

Thanks in advance

EDIT: This one by Andy is pretty helpful https://killyourinnerloser.com/other-pe ... -on-girls/. I read it a few months ago but forgot about it until he posted the link in a similar topic that SamJ_ made
Last edited by Adam on Wed May 26, 2021 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
SamJ_
Posts: 485 | Thanks: 109
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 25
Motto: Cant cross the sea by standing&staring @ the water

Tue May 25, 2021 3:57 pm

Adam wrote:
Tue May 25, 2021 3:22 pm
Can anyone point me to any articles or posts that talk about the moral aspect of cold-approaching? Why they think that there's nothing wrong with doing it or even that it's a positive thing to do that makes the world better?

When I cold-approach, obviously nerves are an issue, but beyond that I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And of course if a girl has a negative reaction or seems creeped out, that reinforces that feeling. I know that most guys here value truth, and I don't want to have to hide any aspect of my life. And right now I feel like cold-approaching is something that I have to hide because I'm kind of ashamed of it. Intellectually, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I feel like there is, and I suspect that many people would judge me for doing it. I think that these beliefs and feelings are just a hold-over from societal and religious programming. It's not a moral position that I've thought through. But at the moment I don't have any counter-arguments against this ingrained idea that hitting on girls outside of the socially-approved areas like bars/clubs/online is wrong.

Thanks in advance
I'm interested in this too. I've also clearly creeped out several girls pretty badly in my last few approaches and yeah that's the worst cuz it makes you feel guilty like you're doing something wrong. Ive def avoided many approaches because of this worry. I think a lot of people think what we're doing is in fact wrong and I guess the only thing to do is ignore them and keep going. It's hard to not take bad reactions personally though. Like only 15 approaches in, I'm already getting some of the worst reactions I imagined and they could theoretically get even worse. So yeah I hope others have some advice on this. Don't get me wrong some girls have been great and loved talking to me. But yeah idk.
User avatar
Spazdig
Posts: 151 | Thanks: 35
Joined: Tue Oct 13, 2020 9:01 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 27

Tue May 25, 2021 4:25 pm

What's this shite about the 'moral' of cold-approach? It's the most moral way to seek out potential mate there is? It's what girls fantasise about, what love stories are written about. Girls don't care that it took 100 girls before her, what matters is you're the guy that had the balls to go up to her in the mall/library/cafe , instead of just staring at her like every other chump, stated you're attracted to her and asked her out. Girls don't care about the grind you did to get to the point that you were the be the one she said yes to during the day.

@SamJ_ From your last entry, the only thing you're doing wrong is simply not stating your intent and being honest enough. You don't approach a girl 'to say hi'. That's weird and doesn't make sense. It's like knocking on the door with no intent to go through when it opens. You go up to her because you think she's hot, and that's what you should say. What happens after that is irrelevant and nothing to do with you. She gives you a bad reaction after you tell her you think she's attractive? That's her problem. Unless you're a fat, bumbling slob with stains on his shirt, she has no reason to be mean to you. As Chris rightly said, emotionally healthy people are not rude to strangers.

What makes it difficult? It's because it takes getting wasted for most guys to go up to talk to a girl in a poorly lit night-club. While she's also probably wasted. You think the best, most honest decisions are made in that state? No, but it's what most normies do. The average male lay-count is also around 7, so if you want to be like everybody else, go do that. The top 20% of males get 80% of the women. If you take out naturals, good lookers who have had it easy and a silver spoon in their mouths, you make up a smaller percentage of men who have actively worked hard on themselves to get laid.

It's also to do with your lizard brain, it's a primal thing. The theory is because back in the cave days, with tribes with ~<100 people, you try to hit on the girl who is the chief's woman, or rejects, you end up dead or exiled. Your blood line ends there. So those who play it safe, survive. There's also many who who played it safe and end up miserable with a partner they don't love, but since squirting out a baby takes less than 2 minutes or less from out end, the bloodline continues.

So you are born to fear hitting on girls unless disinhibited by substances or already acquired experience. And you get that by approaching girls. She's not available? "That's fine, take it as a compliment then" and goodbye.
User avatar
SamJ_
Posts: 485 | Thanks: 109
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 25
Motto: Cant cross the sea by standing&staring @ the water

Tue May 25, 2021 4:45 pm

Spazdig wrote:
Tue May 25, 2021 4:25 pm
What's this shite about the 'moral' of cold-approach? It's the most moral way to seek out potential mate there is? It's what girls fantasise about, what love stories are written about. Girls don't care that it took 100 girls before her, what matters is you're the guy that had the balls to go up to her in the mall/library/cafe , instead of just staring at her like every other chump, stated you're attracted to her and asked her out. Girls don't care about the grind you did to get to the point that you were the be the one she said yes to during the day.

@SamJ_ From your last entry, the only thing you're doing wrong is simply not stating your intent and being honest enough. You don't approach a girl 'to say hi'. That's weird and doesn't make sense. It's like knocking on the door with no intent to go through when it opens. You go up to her because you think she's hot, and that's what you should say. What happens after that is irrelevant and nothing to do with you. She gives you a bad reaction after you tell her you think she's attractive? That's her problem. Unless you're a fat, bumbling slob with stains on his shirt, she has no reason to be mean to you. As Chris rightly said, emotionally healthy people are not rude to strangers.

What makes it difficult? It's because it takes getting wasted for most guys to go up to talk to a girl in a poorly lit night-club. While she's also probably wasted. You think the best, most honest decisions are made in that state? No, but it's what most normies do. The average male lay-count is also around 7, so if you want to be like everybody else, go do that. The top 20% of males get 80% of the women. If you take out naturals, good lookers who have had it easy and a silver spoon in their mouths, you make up a smaller percentage of men who have actively worked hard on themselves to get laid.

It's also to do with your lizard brain, it's a primal thing. The theory is because back in the cave days, with tribes with ~<100 people, you try to hit on the girl who is the chief's woman, or rejects, you end up dead or exiled. Your blood line ends there. So those who play it safe, survive. There's also many who who played it safe and end up miserable with a partner they don't love, but since squirting out a baby takes less than 2 minutes or less from out end, the bloodline continues.

So you are born to fear hitting on girls unless disinhibited by substances or already acquired experience. And you get that by approaching girls. She's not available? "That's fine, take it as a compliment then" and goodbye.
Yeah I agree with all that on an intellectual level, but it still feels like I'm doing something wrong. Also with this girl in particular I approached, I can almost guarantee if I said "Hi I think you're hot" the reaction would've been just as bad if not worse. I just wanna make girls comfortable with me when I'm approaching.
User avatar
Spazdig
Posts: 151 | Thanks: 35
Joined: Tue Oct 13, 2020 9:01 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 27

Tue May 25, 2021 4:56 pm

Then this is the article for you.
User avatar
SamJ_
Posts: 485 | Thanks: 109
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2021 11:14 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 25
Motto: Cant cross the sea by standing&staring @ the water

Tue May 25, 2021 5:03 pm

Spazdig wrote:
Tue May 25, 2021 4:56 pm
Then this is the article for you.
Yeah that looks like a really good article, thanks. I definitely am seeking too much validation. Like when one really hot girl who looked unapproachable told me "I admire your courage", I felt like a friggin hero, and then when girls act really creeped out I feel like a loser. I guess both of those extremes are bad because I'm letting the girls' reactions dictate my mood without even realizing it.
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Sun May 30, 2021 3:30 pm

Weekly update on goals:
Last week's average weight = 168.7
This week's average weight = 168.4

No Sugar: 4/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
NoFap: 5/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
Bedtime: 4/7 days (aiming for 6/7)
Meditate: 4/7 days (aiming for 7/7)

Days since last binge: 56

ACTION I took this week:
Got a new Camera. Haven't taken any pictures with it yet.

Dates: Had another date with Brazilian girl from last week. No dates with new girls this week.

No Approaches this week.

My weight has stayed steady around 168 for the past three weeks, so obviously I need to change something up. I've just been restricting the types of food that I eat without counting calories. Might need to go back to counting them.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Sun Jun 06, 2021 6:12 pm

Weekly update on goals:
Last week's average weight = 168.4
This week's average weight = 168.8

No Sugar: 1/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
NoFap: 4/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
Bedtime: 2/7 days (aiming for 6/7)
Meditate: 4/7 days (aiming for 7/7)

Days since last binge: 63

Didn't realize until now that my habits were this poor this week. I think it was partially my being unusually busy with work this week and also just feeling slightly down in general.

ACTION I took this week:

Started Running a mile each day around Noon. This should help with the fat loss. Continued going to the gym as I have been. That habit is pretty much set in stone.

I sent Brazilian girl a text about trying out the sexual bucket list idea. Unfortunately she wasn't into it. She sent an ambivalent response and then a few days later said that she enjoyed hanging out with me but this isn't what she wants anymore. Which sucked. I half-regret suggesting the idea to her since it seems like it weirded her out but I'm also proud of myself for taking the risk. For the next girl, maybe I'll sleep with her a few more times and seed the idea by asking what she's into and trying a few things with her before proposing the bucket list idea. For context, I'd gone on three dates with this girl and slept with her twice. She knew that the relationship was casual. Thought she'd be into the bucket list idea, but oh well.

While doing some work at my local coffee shop on Friday, I struck up a convo with a cute girl who was working at the table across from me. Got her number as she was on her way out and then met her for drinks that night. She was cool and easy to talk to, but is definitely looking for a boyfriend and not interested in dating casually. She was very nice about it and appreciated me being honest, so that's another positive experience for being honest with girls.

I took the train to the city on Saturday to try to talk to some girls. It was like trying to do it for the first time again. I couldn't get myself to approach. Walked around for about an hour, then met my sister for a drink and went home afterwards.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Thu Jun 17, 2021 3:09 pm

Didn't do my weekly update on Sunday, so I'm putting it here a bit late.

Last week's average weight = 168.8
This week's average weight = 168.3

Days since last Binge: 70 (As of Sunday. Now it's 74)

Not much to report from last week. Was very busy with work. I did one approach on Monday with the help of some pushing from Toast and Master. No Tinder dates. The big project I've been working on goes out soon so that should free up time. I'm trying something new with the diet this week to push through the plateau I've been at for the last month, but I'll save the report for Sunday so I can post about what I've actually DONE, not what I plan to do.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Mon Jun 21, 2021 2:26 pm

Weekly update on goals:
Last week's average weight = 168.8
This week's average weight = 168.0

No Sugar: 2/7 days (aiming for 4/7)
NoFap: 4/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
Bedtime: 2/7 days (aiming for 6/7)
Meditate: 4/7 days (aiming for 7/7)

Days since last binge: 70

ACTION I took this week:
I switched to a 18/4 fasting schedule on Tuesday this week. I find it way easier to keep calories low with that schedule than I do with the 14/10 that I was doing previously. I basically just didn't eat until after work, then had a nice big meal at 5 and stopped eating at 9. Even with a few days where I snacked after 9, the calories were still pretty low. I will keep following this strategy this week.

Had one Hinge date on Monday that I wasn't very into. I've been getting few matches through the apps over the past two weeks, but I have two dates set up for this week. One Monday night and one Tuesday.

I got a new camera and asked a few friends to come out with me to take pics. They were busy last weekend but I'll try again this week.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Sun Jun 27, 2021 11:43 pm

Weekly update on goals:
Last week's average weight = 168.0
This week's average weight = 166.9

No Sugar: 1/7 days (aiming for 4/7)
NoFap: 3/7 days (aiming for 5/7)
Bedtime: 2/7 days (aiming for 6/7)
Meditate: 5/7 days (aiming for 7/7)

Days since last binge: 0

My average weight went down a pound over the week which I attribute to the updated fasting schedule. Fasting until 5 every day really helped. Most days I only ate between 5 and 9. On a few days I snacked after 9, but that didn't seem to affect the weight loss very much.

Unfortunately, I binge-ate on Saturday. I ate some junk food and then lapsed into that old mindset of "I've already messed up so to hell with it." I should have messaged my accountability group beforehand to have them kick my ass out of it, but I didn't. I told them about it afterwards and Toast (rightly) yelled at me for not messaging the group since that's the whole point of an accountability group.

ACTION I took this week:

I had three online dates this week. The two on Monday and Tuesday didn't go anywhere. Monday girl wasn't very attractive. Tuesday girl was, but conversation was difficult and I felt like we didn't connect. I invited her back to my place anyway because I still need practice facing that fear, but she said no. Which was probably for the best. I wouldn't have felt good about a one-night-stand with a girl I didn't enjoy hanging out with. I had an unexpected date on Friday. I matched with a girl on Tinder without realizing that I'd previously met her through a different app back in September 2020. She reminded me and we both had a laugh over it. Our date way back then didn't go anywhere, but I thought what the hell and asked her out again. She was happy to meet again that night. We met for drinks and conversation was waaaay better and easier than the first time we met. Apparently, when we first met she had recently gotten out of a relationship and I was her first online date after that relationship so she was super-nervous. It's funny: back then I assumed that it was my fault our conversation fizzled. That I just wasn't good enough at coming up with topics or being interested. And maybe I was worse at conversation back then. But it seems like a big part of it was her nervousness and not that I did anything wrong. But anyway, conversation was good and there was mutual attraction, so we went back to my place after about an hour. Apparently she's moving in August, so I'll try to see her a few more times before she leaves the area.

Other action: I got a friend to come out with me today and take some dating pictures for me. I'll post what I think are the best ones for feedback.
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
User avatar
Adam
Posts: 393 | Thanks: 255
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 34
Motto: Become someone you admire

Mon Jun 28, 2021 12:02 am

I put the Pics up in the Tinder Section of the forum if you want to take a look and provide any feedback.

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=765
2022 Goals:
(1) Get Abs
(2) Get to 15 lifetime lays (currently at 10)
(3) Move to a new city with lots of single girls - DONE 6/12
Post Reply