MattsCrib doesn't want to hide himself

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Fri Mar 19, 2021 3:12 pm

Adam wrote:
Fri Mar 19, 2021 2:25 pm
MattsCrib wrote:
Fri Mar 19, 2021 12:23 am
For example, I saw a post from a man who tried to tell other men why feminism and NOT mra is important to men and... I just can't agree with it.
Good. You shouldn't. You don't need that poison in your life.
They do have their point, but like... I just don't get the guys who are like that. You can honestly, truly tell me that men DON'T have problems? Male problems are caused by "toxic masculinity", other MEN making men feel like shit? Other men "bullying" men like in middle school for "being girly"? Like... I couldn't give a shit if a guy told me that I was "girly", the bigger problem is that most men DON'T have "male privilege" and if male problems are brought up, often the more extreme feminists and the truly privileged men feel like it's whining.

I remember when I was in HS and lived a serene life - didn't care about "redpill", "evil feminism", being PC, girls cheating etc. I had great male friend, great female friends, overall good classmates - boys and girls had fairly similar problems and we all talked about it and tried to help each other, non of that "gender wars" bs. of "Well, at least you aren't being raped!" vs "Well, at least you're being wanted by someone!"

Maybe the solution literally is to get back to my "normie" friends who literally don't give a shit about politics and block people who have "woke" views (both right wing and left wing)...

I like this Dr. K talk:


Especially at the Hour 17 mark. The fact that men just can't understand female problems doesn't invalidate them, just like when women don't understand male problems.

Edit:

I did put a block on reddit and FB for a month :)
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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DNPTHC
Posts: 105 | Thanks: 91
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:44 am
Goal: Get Laid Again
Age: 26
Motto: Just Try

Fri Mar 19, 2021 4:05 pm

Getting away from red pill sites and off the internet in general m. (This forum included) is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

I come back to check in from time to time to see how people are doing. However i compare it to a rear and side view mirror.

It’s best to check it briefly to make sure you’re not hitting a blind spot so to speak.

Good luck with your goals
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Mar 20, 2021 1:38 am

DNPTHC wrote:
Fri Mar 19, 2021 4:05 pm
Getting away from red pill sites and off the internet in general m. (This forum included) is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

I come back to check in from time to time to see how people are doing. However i compare it to a rear and side view mirror.

It’s best to check it briefly to make sure you’re not hitting a blind spot so to speak.

Good luck with your goals
It's true. Staying out of politics (or sociological debates) overall is good for your mental health.



---
Log:

I feel SLIGHTLY better than yesterday. Still depressed and lonely
I made some good trades, some bad. Lost some, gained some (lost a lot due to greed for "shitcoin" gains lol, slowly making it back. DON'T FOMO!!)

I still have no idea what to do with the whole "can't feel attraction towards women due to them having the same biological/sociological needs/wants as I do, therefore I will be forever alone" shabang.
Chatted a lot with an old friend (a girl) online - I miss meeting my old, long distance friends, man.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:28 pm

Mental illness post ahead, written through an emotional lens

Log:

Nothing much.
- Started working out again
- Did a couple decent trades. (nothing much, +2% to portfolio but daily/weekly compound interest is a wonderful thing)

I do feel incredibly depressed and lonely and there's no change in that. I don't see the way out because I don't understand... What to change.

Also, I have a hard time understanding the term "nice guy". Like... I just don't get it. I feel like "nice guys" are always described as

1) Guys who are nice just because they want to get laid
2) Guys who don't assert themselves because of fear, are nice because they're afraid to ask what they really want.

Then I'm NOT a nice guy? I just don't freaking get it. All of the advice that I've been always given (about getting a girlfriend etc.) is that you should stop being a "nice guy" and read NMMNC etc. Like... I just don't get it. What is "nice" about me? WHAT?

What is BAD about me being nice? No shit I put my own needs before me - EVERY BODY does? Please help me.
Of COURSE I'm not some super assertive alpha male. Guess what? I don't LIKE being that.
I don't understand, just don't. Please, please help me. I need help, please, anyone.

What can I do to change myself? PLEASE. I sound like a broken record for over a YEAR now. Please, I beg you. Anyone. Talking to girls doesn't help.
I already put up web blockers, this DOES help, but it still doesn't fix anything.

I'm so incredibly confused all the time. I don't know what to do. "do anything" can't be an answer, because I'm ALREADY doing "anything".
I'm proud that I'm decently fit, even though severly underweight.

How do I feel LOVE? How do I start feeling LOVE towards girls? Please. A person should NOT live without love. I can't get therapy due to covid.
How is suicide NOT a valid option for guys like me? (I WONT DO IT). How do I fix this?

Edit:
Also, why is the thought of sex so repulsive? Why does it make me angry? Why does anything animalistic make me so frustrated? Why do people WANT to do that?
Why don't people want a proper, wholesome relationship? Both men and women? WHY do guys want to be so dominant? How does it make you feel? Good? WHY?
What does this feeling feel like? is it... Happiness? Joy? Just... Power? I don't get it.

How do I start feeling LOVED by girls?
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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jackBruh
Posts: 89 | Thanks: 36
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2020 9:21 am
Name: Jack
Goal: Build a career
Age: 23

Wed Mar 24, 2021 8:05 am

I admit I've never been in as bad a spot as you. But I've been in some pretty dark places, depressed from about 14 to 21, even passively suicidal at one point. Best advice I can give is self acceptance. It's ok!! Your feelings are completely understandable, and a reaction of your environment. Just gotta take it one day at a time, you seem somewhat hopeful that you can change, which is all that you need.
Take it slow, your brain WILL change. It's made to. Small steps. If you currently have 7 100% bad days a week, then do small things to make them 90% bad. You're working out again? Awesome, that's one hour or so where you feel ok. Eventually that 90% will turn into 80%, then 70% and so on. Maybe you'll have a miracle and have one good day a week. Keep it up! Then you might have two, or even three.
But just remember, that you are who you are. You might not like it, but IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE. You might not have improved as much as you wanted to, BUT THAT'S OKAY. And you have to tell yourself that.
Start a daily gratitude ritual with a calendar reminder/alarm. Just one good thought a day. Start with one, and work up.

You've got it

PS. I wasn't planning to, but I ended up doing shrooms one time and it really helped me, something you could try?
Get edgy accessories and photos
Do AA program
Work on Ecom biz 15 hours a week
Update log everyday
Hit 1/2/3/4 plates at the gym (hopefully in around 6 months?)
Get a tattoo
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dashedhopes
Posts: 153 | Thanks: 202
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2020 7:20 am
Name: Tristan
Goal: Increase Sub Count
Age: 25
Motto: Anything is better than nothing.
Location: Canada
Contact:

Wed Mar 24, 2021 11:07 am

MattsCrib wrote:
Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:28 pm
What is BAD about me being nice? No shit I put my own needs before me - EVERY BODY does? Please help me.
Nothing. Tell em to fuck off if they say you're too nice then.

Just don't be a bitch and let people walk all over you. No one needs to be a dick in order to succeed in life.
MattsCrib wrote:
Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:28 pm

MattsCrib wrote:
Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:28 pm
What can I do to change myself? PLEASE. I sound like a broken record for over a YEAR now. Please, I beg you. Anyone. Talking to girls doesn't help.
I already put up web blockers, this DOES help, but it still doesn't fix anything.
Create small goals and do them. Start eating more per day, might even make you feel a bit better cause it seems like you don't eat enough. Get your veggies in (actually helps my mental health). If I go a few days without veggies and then I have some veggies, I feel a lot better so I ensure this is a priority each day.

Celebrate your rewards and be grateful like Jack said. He mentioned some great gratitude stuff.
MattsCrib wrote:
Tue Mar 23, 2021 11:28 pm
How do I feel LOVE? How do I start feeling LOVE towards girls? Please. A person should NOT live without love. I can't get therapy due to covid.
How is suicide NOT a valid option for guys like me? (I WONT DO IT). How do I fix this?

Edit:
Also, why is the thought of sex so repulsive? Why does it make me angry? Why does anything animalistic make me so frustrated? Why do people WANT to do that?
Why don't people want a proper, wholesome relationship? Both men and women? WHY do guys want to be so dominant? How does it make you feel? Good? WHY?
What does this feeling feel like? is it... Happiness? Joy? Just... Power? I don't get it.

How do I start feeling LOVED by girls?
Are you a virgin?

I feel like any dude that has had sex and shared a real bond with a woman they wouldn't be saying this stuff.

I don't have that much experience with dislike or hating women or why guys do this? Maybe they were hurt by a female at some point and don't trust them?

Why do you hate sex? Is it because you're not having any? Because girls won't have it with you?

You can do something about this. We were all losers that didn't have sex at some point and switched it around and you can too.

Depression sucks man. Sorry that you're going through that. But you gotta take more action and work towards being better and feeling better.

I've been so down in the past and systematically over time, I've added/eliminated things from my life (alcohol, supplements, drugs, video games etc...) and feel much better than I used to.

I either add or subtract something from my life and see if it helps me.

Things like alcohol and drugs have a very negative effect on my mental health so I don't do them anymore. (minus some psychedelics from time to time cause they're less severe)

Certain supplements like 5-HTP, NAC and Kratom have a very positive effect and very little downside, which I utilize to help me when I'm down.

Write down what you want in life and then outline how you would achieve these then break those things into small goals in order to achieve them.

Then get started. Get hungry and strive for it every day.

Hope any of this helps.
25 years young.

Tristan - Canada

Youtube Channel - https://bit.ly/2CbEbKK (Road to 1k Before End of 2022)
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 pm

dashedhopes wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 11:07 am
Are you a virgin?

I feel like any dude that has had sex and shared a real bond with a woman they wouldn't be saying this stuff.
I am a virgin yes. I have had decent women around me all throughout my life though (friends, colleagues, family members etc.)
dashedhopes wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 11:07 am
Why do you hate sex? Is it because you're not having any? Because girls won't have it with you?
I really don't know. It's mostly because I had a culture shock when coming to college - I didn't know that people want sex that much, I didn't know that people actually enjoy sex more than love, I didn't know girls want to be fucked etc. The girls in my class (hs) had very similar problems to guys - we wanted relationships, but mostly couldn't find a suitable person. It's like once I got into college, I realized that people are way more animalistic than I am. Girls HAVE wanted to "seduce" me etc., but it's in a sexual way, not in a wholesome way as in "you're actually a decent person" etc. I have absolutely no idea why I've made sex this negative thing in my mind.

It's like animalistic = sexual = gruesome = evil = what bad boys/fucbois get = what I have no intrinsic want to be, what makes me feel good vs humane = romantic = wholesome = good = what decent people want = what I actually want to be like and what makes me feel good,

The only chances I've had with girls were girls who wanted to cheat on their boyfriends w/ me. No shit I get this negative attitude towards women.
I WANT women to WANT wholesome shit, because I ACTUALLY like being "beta", but for some reason evolution or culture just... Doesn't work that way.

What I want in life?

1) One, average looking, maybe 5-6/10 looking preferably virgin girlfriend (probably impossible)
2) Doesn't intrinsically like sexuality that much, doesn't think of sex as this "beautiful thing" and is mostly sexually repulsed
3) Is intrinsically attracted to "humane" values like virtue, calmness etc.

These are absolutely, utterly bullshit parameters and no sane woman would like that shit. Other people are actually normal and they WANT to be animalistic, they ENJOY that shit.

In short, I for some reason am repulsed how evolution/biology/culture has evolved in a sense, that people are more sexual than wholesome and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except cope like I've done for the past year or two

Edit: I haven't ALWAYS had bad ideas about sex

1) In college, I decided I want a gf (like I've always tried ever since I was like 14 ). Been through "TRP", PUA phases - never understood how come the guys there want to bang multiple chicks because that was never my want, need or goal. I thought I could just "cheat the system" - become a sexual guy and STILL get this wholesome shit, because girls react to the sexual, confident shit. (something-something "red pill tools -> blue pill goals" can never happen)
2) Became hotter in the last two years or so
3) last year (third semester), when I was extremely confident and happy where I was in my life (like... I've never felt before), I had bad multiple bad experiences in sequence with the only girls i've ever had a chance with - they had boyfriends and wanted me to cheat.
4) Became bitter, because sex and cheating was the 10th thing on my mind - I just wanted a decent girlfriend, maybe hold hands and shit.
5) From my happy, confident, improved self (because I truly wanted to reach my goals) I became this bitter, depressed shell of a human being because I realized that even IF I manage to find a girlfriend that has similar values, in the end it's just not realistic and there's a huge chance that even she will want to have sex rather than a "logical" relationship.
6) Came here, hoping to get back on track, on and off for a year or so - now I'm even more confused, depressed and utterly hopeless than before.

I just don't see a way out of it - only if someone literally...

1) outlawed sex with multiple partners
2) made it so that people can only date their looksmatches (5 w/ a 5, 6 w/ a 6 etc.)
3) completely destroyed the sexual marketplace

... I see myself becoming calm and confident again, because it would mean that I could reach my goals, but in the current system - I just don't fucking see it.
Also, it IS utterly bullshit, since a lot of people WOULD be miserable in a totaliarian system like that. I'm one of the select few who would fit into that system, others would be depressed.

I know that there are men in my family line that have had very similar issues - they've become alcoholics and there have been cases of suicide

99% of my issues stem from a probable, undiagnosed mental illness or something... I just don't know

I just hate being this angry and depressed - I wish I could have these simpler times back like in HS where I didn't think about girls, when I didn't care about sexuality etc. I just can't... the "red pill" and "black pill" is burned into my subconcious and it won't change :/
Last edited by MattsCrib on Wed Mar 24, 2021 3:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:47 pm

jackBruh wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 8:05 am
I admit I've never been in as bad a spot as you. But I've been in some pretty dark places, depressed from about 14 to 21, even passively suicidal at one point. Best advice I can give is self acceptance. It's ok!! Your feelings are completely understandable, and a reaction of your environment. Just gotta take it one day at a time, you seem somewhat hopeful that you can change, which is all that you need.
I had it completely opposite - normal life up until later years of college. I had a great HS experience.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
User avatar
dashedhopes
Posts: 153 | Thanks: 202
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2020 7:20 am
Name: Tristan
Goal: Increase Sub Count
Age: 25
Motto: Anything is better than nothing.
Location: Canada
Contact:

Wed Mar 24, 2021 7:38 pm

MattsCrib wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 pm
I really don't know. It's mostly because I had a culture shock when coming to college - I didn't know that people want sex that much, I didn't know that people actually enjoy sex more than love, I didn't know girls want to be fucked etc. The girls in my class (hs) had very similar problems to guys - we wanted relationships, but mostly couldn't find a suitable person. It's like once I got into college, I realized that people are way more animalistic than I am. Girls HAVE wanted to "seduce" me etc., but it's in a sexual way, not in a wholesome way as in "you're actually a decent person" etc. I have absolutely no idea why I've made sex this negative thing in my mind.

It's like animalistic = sexual = gruesome = evil = what bad boys/fucbois get = what I have no intrinsic want to be, what makes me feel good vs humane = romantic = wholesome = good = what decent people want = what I actually want to be like and what makes me feel good,

The only chances I've had with girls were girls who wanted to cheat on their boyfriends w/ me. No shit I get this negative attitude towards women.
I WANT women to WANT wholesome shit, because I ACTUALLY like being "beta", but for some reason evolution or culture just... Doesn't work that way.
I feel like I'm placating to your feelings and thoughts and it usually fuels people like you.

So I'm done doing that. You need to do shit.

Some people like casual sex some don't that's not crazy.
MattsCrib wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 pm
What I want in life?

1) One, average looking, maybe 5-6/10 looking preferably virgin girlfriend (probably impossible)
2) Doesn't intrinsically like sexuality that much, doesn't think of sex as this "beautiful thing" and is mostly sexually repulsed
3) Is intrinsically attracted to "humane" values like virtue, calmness etc.
Yea it's not going to happen dude.

And likely this is just going to make you more resentful later.

You legit need to just get laid so you can have some realistic thoughts about this shit.

Honestly, stop thinking about the world in these ways. It's like poison for your mind and you're not going to change anything. Literally never...

Accept that and move on.

Try to get laid, cause that's the first step to finding someone that you'll truly love and have as your girlfriend.

End of story.

Please don't respond with a bunch of weird shit about how you can't do this and write me a wall of text.

You need to get laid and kill these thoughts you have.

Cause right now, you're just some weird incel loser and you think it's normal for some reason.
25 years young.

Tristan - Canada

Youtube Channel - https://bit.ly/2CbEbKK (Road to 1k Before End of 2022)
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Fri Mar 26, 2021 12:57 am

dashedhopes wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 7:38 pm
MattsCrib wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 pm
I really don't know. It's mostly because I had a culture shock when coming to college - I didn't know that people want sex that much, I didn't know that people actually enjoy sex more than love, I didn't know girls want to be fucked etc. The girls in my class (hs) had very similar problems to guys - we wanted relationships, but mostly couldn't find a suitable person. It's like once I got into college, I realized that people are way more animalistic than I am. Girls HAVE wanted to "seduce" me etc., but it's in a sexual way, not in a wholesome way as in "you're actually a decent person" etc. I have absolutely no idea why I've made sex this negative thing in my mind.

It's like animalistic = sexual = gruesome = evil = what bad boys/fucbois get = what I have no intrinsic want to be, what makes me feel good vs humane = romantic = wholesome = good = what decent people want = what I actually want to be like and what makes me feel good,

The only chances I've had with girls were girls who wanted to cheat on their boyfriends w/ me. No shit I get this negative attitude towards women.
I WANT women to WANT wholesome shit, because I ACTUALLY like being "beta", but for some reason evolution or culture just... Doesn't work that way.
I feel like I'm placating to your feelings and thoughts and it usually fuels people like you.

So I'm done doing that. You need to do shit.

Some people like casual sex some don't that's not crazy.
MattsCrib wrote:
Wed Mar 24, 2021 2:43 pm
What I want in life?

1) One, average looking, maybe 5-6/10 looking preferably virgin girlfriend (probably impossible)
2) Doesn't intrinsically like sexuality that much, doesn't think of sex as this "beautiful thing" and is mostly sexually repulsed
3) Is intrinsically attracted to "humane" values like virtue, calmness etc.
Yea it's not going to happen dude.

And likely this is just going to make you more resentful later.

You legit need to just get laid so you can have some realistic thoughts about this shit.

Honestly, stop thinking about the world in these ways. It's like poison for your mind and you're not going to change anything. Literally never...

Accept that and move on.

Try to get laid, cause that's the first step to finding someone that you'll truly love and have as your girlfriend.

End of story.

Please don't respond with a bunch of weird shit about how you can't do this and write me a wall of text.

You need to get laid and kill these thoughts you have.

Cause right now, you're just some weird incel loser and you think it's normal for some reason.
I get it, but I still don't understand how I will become attracted to the "opposite" in a sense, how to actually WANT to get laid (as in, not feel sex repulsed).
I usually don't have issues with girls in the macro sense, It's just all of that "yeah you like that slut" and "I fucked her hard until she passed out while I choked her" drives me closer to "the end". It sounds... Evil. Like, HOW do I stop thinking my current mindset is not normal? Right now it feels like people are telling me to "murder puppies until you start enjoying it" or something like that. My first step would be to reprogram myself to think that "evil = good", while I right now don't see how it can be considered good.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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Dustin
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 31
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:30 pm
Goal: Get laid
Age: 30

Fri Mar 26, 2021 1:29 am

You just need to start doing shit man. And stop this obsession with all this bizarre thinking and ruminating. What dashedhopes told you is very accurate.

As a extremely neurotic person probably just as bad as you or even worse, I say this with love.

You are way too caught up in a fantasy of life instead of real life itself and confronting it and living it. Stop jacking off, start working out, move your location, talk to and hit on girls.

You also have things the wrong way around. You are trying to find all the answers to your questions before you do anything.

It's the wrong way to do things. To find answers, you take action, and through action answers become more illuminated to you. You could literally spend your whole life ruminating on this shit forever, just going through it over and over again. It is pointless although you may not currently see it that way.

Go out and take action, and as you gain experience then reconsider these issues and give them some thought. But right now this is literally just running in circles with no end in sight.
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 94
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Apr 03, 2021 9:59 pm

Hey!

Not much to say, because nothing much has happened.
No social contact whatsoever - I only talk with my parents and sometimes with my friends online (we are in semi-lockdown)

Haven't worked out much and I weighted myself - I'm 55kg and 179cm, which is severely underweight. A lot of it comes from the fact that I have very mild cerebral palsy, which makes my bones incredibly thin and muscle/fat growth hard. I'm in a weird state where I have some visible abs, but almost no fat on my legs and arms - my calves are as thin as my forearms lol.

I don't care much about my appearance anymore lol except maybe having decent hygiene and clothes - I don't want to be a complete homeless looking wacko.

Depression - eh, you kinda get used to it. I still sometimes have nightmares about girls and relationships/the state of our culture etc. I don't buy the bs of it being "fixable" in a sense - it's fixable for people who want to be part of that system, it's not fixable for people who don't fit in it. They just kinda... cope I guess.

Forcing yourself to smile helps.

Also, I feel like I'm starting to turn asexual - which is... A good thing? :D

I know that it's not possible truly, but I don't wank nor do I randomly get aroused anymore - it's mostly when I think or see sexual things, I get kind of an "anti-boner". You know the feeling you get when you see a roadkill, dead animal? The "disgust" feeling of your dick sucking itself inside xD I still want to feel loved, which kinda sucks lol, since well... It doesn't exist :D :D

During my time here and reading about all of the sexual stuff - yeah, It has kinda fucked me up lol. (NOT ONLY here - also generally figuring out about life)

Sometimes I really wonder that damn - I really am going to be alone for the rest of my life. The fact that I'm lonely right now isn't really that bad, but the fact that I have to live for the rest of my life being unwanted and unloved seems... nuts. I know, I know - I have my parents and my siblings and my good friends, but still. Wow :D When I was younger I didn't know I WOULD BE the kind of guy lol. I always felt... Normal, slightly weird maybe but... I've never been this super anti-social neckbeard with weird issues (except for the last two-three years I guess). I always thought that 90% people would be loved and maybe only like the extreme neckbeard fat-ass nerds would be excluded, but no!

So yeah, I really don't know how to handle "future-loneliness" lol. That's something I have to figure out. Some of my female friends actually completely understand - they've literally told me that even the slightest detail about a guy can make him unattractive (shape of nose, shoes, his job etc.) and It IS crazy, girls apparently truly do like a small minority etc. (no shit lol) Of course a lot of this is cultural as in what determines physical attraction IS NOT fully biological if you think of different cultures and periods of time.

Oh, I've also had a LOT of bad crypto trades - lost a looot due to me being dumb and greedy. You learn from failure, but so far I've mostly lost xD Now I do trading with "paper money" for awhile to get better at it.


The one thing that sucks about these nightmare/night panic attacks is that you just randomly wake up and can't fall asleep again, which kinda ruins your schedule (my sleep schedule has been horrible for about two years lol)

One thing that's cool is that it's my birthday next week - I'm turning 26. My other town roommate also has a birthday, so we may invite some college people and friends (a small group) - would be nice to have some kind of a social gathering.

So yeah, that's it. I love reading about your guys progress and I definitely try to help if people truly seem to have the will and strength to try :D Hell naw do I want other guys to give up like I've done - I WANT you guys to succeed and I truly feel that for most of you guys it IS possible. Is it worth the squeeze? To each their own :)

I hope to start working out again next week - I want a sixpack by summer,, now I have a mere squeezed fourpack.

I'm sorry if that my posts are depressing - I have noone to vent to. I feel like my friends and family are incredibly tired of me already and me always complaining about my life, being hopeless etc. My parents have even told me that lol.

I'm really fucking terrified sometimes that my friends will start to despise me.


Edit:

Some more news

1) Did some talking about my exchange program to the Netherlands in autumn
2) Got a decent gig for summer with a cool band. (I think it's at a festival) with a nice payment.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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Dustin
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 31
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:30 pm
Goal: Get laid
Age: 30

Sat Apr 03, 2021 11:12 pm

I've kind of thought about your posts on here some. I don't think I've ever actually seen or heard of anyone like you before and I don't mean that in a bad way either.

I mean is the issue though that you feel like you need to have sex to get love from girls and you can't get it w / o it and you only want love from them and not sex? I am just trying to understand you but I don't think the same say so I am not sure I actually even can exactly.

I mean honestly if you are truly asexual then I don't see how you can't actually get tons of love and appreciation from people, including girls, without having to fuck anyone. If anything it might be even harder when you want to fuck them, cause then there is more on the line.

I think girls actually love to just be friends with high value guys and not have to fuck them. I don't see any issue there really.

I just can't tell if you are actually truly asexual or there is something else going on here and it seems maybe you don't exactly either? I don't know.
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Dustin
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 31
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:30 pm
Goal: Get laid
Age: 30

Sat Apr 03, 2021 11:15 pm

I definitely would see it being a problem for the mass majority of women though if you want them to basically just love you and not have sex with you and have some sort of non sexual committed love or something. Maybe if you met a girl who is the same as you, I don't know if that person does exist or not, but if they do I would think it be very hard to find.
User avatar
Dustin
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 31
Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2021 9:30 pm
Goal: Get laid
Age: 30

Sat Apr 03, 2021 11:20 pm

What exactly are you wanting from a girl to happen? Cause you seem to want / need something from them at least, but then are asexual at the same time. Just for them to love you? I'm not sure I fully understand what that means or would entail. If a girl loved you, and you got exactly what you wanted, what would it look like?
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