MattsCrib doesn't want to hide himself

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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Adam
Posts: 85 | Thanks: 62
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 33

Fri Feb 05, 2021 6:41 pm

MattsCrib wrote:
Fri Feb 05, 2021 5:52 pm
EDIT: You can see my performance at 28 minutes here (I'm the bass and later the guy who does the MJ impersonation lol)
As you can see I'm not that good looking as in pictures. Second from left.

https://sakala.postimees.ee/7171466/lum ... 1xWcrK7hE0
Again, you look like a normal guy. Slightly above average for handsome-ness, and you aren't fat.
MattsCrib wrote:
Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:59 am
Maybe I'm not bad looking, but it doesn't mean that I'm good looking enough, because then It would've happened already. A lot of it DOES have to do with the fact that I'm extremely skinny and have the body of a lanky 15 year old.
What would have happened already? You would have found a girlfriend that you really like? That shit doesn't just "happen", no matter how good looking you are. If you want sex, you need to actually ask girls out and go on dates. If you want a great girlfriend that you really like, that means you're being more choosy, which means you'll need to go on more dates before you find a girl that you really like who also likes you. You seem to keep assuming that your looks are holding you back, but how many girls are you asking out on dates? Unless you're getting TONS of rejections that you aren't telling us about, the problem is likely with your actions (or lack thereof), not your looks.
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Fri Feb 05, 2021 6:48 pm

Adam wrote:
Fri Feb 05, 2021 6:41 pm
You seem to keep assuming that your looks are holding you back, but how many girls are you asking out on dates? Unless you're getting TONS of rejections that you aren't telling us about, the problem is likely with your actions (or lack thereof), not your looks.
That's exactly what people have told me. But isn't it logical first to get, you know, some indicators that a girl likes me? Don't get me wrong, there have been some girls in my life who have liked me, but it happens maybe every 4-5 years. For the most part, I've also liked them back, but there have been other problems like them having bf-s. not liking me after chatting etc,

All of my friends have gotten girls with some kind of indicators, some spark etc. (my friends aren't "chads" - they just have a girlfriend here and there. Hell, even my good looking, respected friend has had maybe 5-6 girls in his life)

Also, normal isn't good enough. If i'm anything 4-6, I have to up my game by becoming an 7-7.5, but right now I have still no Idea what to change except hit the gym
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:27 am

Edit:

A shit night. Having a suicidal panic attack now again due to self hatred.

I'm so fucking tired of being looked at as a disgusting subhuman. I'm so tired of people telling me I shouldn't even help with work or ill break or I shouldn't run because I'm so weak and look sick. Sometimes when I start falling asleep, all of the visceral disgust reactions I've gotten from girls come back to me, of my ankle bones being visible, girls literally almost panicking about my weight.

Ive tried for TEN years to get my weight fixed. TEN FUCKING YEARS. I've hit the gym, I have visible pecs but I just don't get "big" and am still very boney.

I hate being lied to by guys, friends and family members of "actually looking decent" when girls give me looks like I'm some kind of a non human. How is it even socially acceptable to tell someone that they shouldn't even fucking lift because they'll break.

Girls LIKE me as a person, but we all know that's not enough and I don't have a clue on what to change on my appearance.

Rant over, I always feel slightly better after these attacks.
I'm buying a gym membership tomorrow to a more expensive but open gym
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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Adam
Posts: 85 | Thanks: 62
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 3:53 pm
Name: Adam
Goal: Lose Fat
Age: 33

Sat Feb 06, 2021 2:05 am

Just happened to check in here. I see your post was an hour and a half ago. You doing any better? You ended with plans for tomorrow, so I'm hoping that's a sign that you aren't still thinking about killing yourself.

You've mentioned "maybe" getting some therapy or "maybe" getting some coaching. Dude, if you're having serious suicidal thoughts there's no maybe about it. Get help with someone who can work with you one on one and give you a serious chunk of time. The guys on here want to see you succeed but we can only give you advice from a distance which won't be as helpful as in-person help. You "maybe" get therapy if you think you're a little less happy than you could be. If you're thinking about killing yourself, you stop saying maybe and do whatever it fucking takes to get better.
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Greenranger
Posts: 19 | Thanks:
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 1:09 am
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 19
Motto: compare yourself to the person you were yesterday

Sat Feb 06, 2021 3:05 am

MattsCrib wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:27 am
Edit:

A shit night. Having a suicidal panic attack now again due to self hatred.

I'm so fucking tired of being looked at as a disgusting subhuman. I'm so tired of people telling me I shouldn't even help with work or ill break or I shouldn't run because I'm so weak and look sick. Sometimes when I start falling asleep, all of the visceral disgust reactions I've gotten from girls come back to me, of my ankle bones being visible, girls literally almost panicking about my weight.

Ive tried for TEN years to get my weight fixed. TEN FUCKING YEARS. I've hit the gym, I have visible pecs but I just don't get "big" and am still very boney.

I hate being lied to by guys, friends and family members of "actually looking decent" when girls give me looks like I'm some kind of a non human. How is it even socially acceptable to tell someone that they shouldn't even fucking lift because they'll break.

Girls LIKE me as a person, but we all know that's not enough and I don't have a clue on what to change on my appearance.

Rant over, I always feel slightly better after these attacks.
I'm buying a gym membership tomorrow to a more expensive but open gym
I understand that you have been having a hard time, feeling like a disgusting subhuman, having girls look at you with visceral disgust, and poking fun at your boney figure.

I can relate to that on a personal level, especially the part about loosing sleep due to traumatic flashbacks.

If I may ask, has anyone explicitly said that they find you disgusting?
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Feb 06, 2021 9:42 am

Adam wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 2:05 am
Just happened to check in here. I see your post was an hour and a half ago. You doing any better? You ended with plans for tomorrow, so I'm hoping that's a sign that you aren't still thinking about killing yourself.

You've mentioned "maybe" getting some therapy or "maybe" getting some coaching. Dude, if you're having serious suicidal thoughts there's no maybe about it. Get help with someone who can work with you one on one and give you a serious chunk of time. The guys on here want to see you succeed but we can only give you advice from a distance which won't be as helpful as in-person help. You "maybe" get therapy if you think you're a little less happy than you could be. If you're thinking about killing yourself, you stop saying maybe and do whatever it fucking takes to get better.
I have a therapist appointment. Im not suicidal in a sense that I want to kill myself, I just find living and existence unbearable sometimes.

I wish to not exist, not to die or kill myself, if that makes any sense.

I am taking small steps, hitting the gym today.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
User avatar
MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Feb 06, 2021 9:43 am

Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 3:05 am
MattsCrib wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 12:27 am
Edit:

A shit night. Having a suicidal panic attack now again due to self hatred.

I'm so fucking tired of being looked at as a disgusting subhuman. I'm so tired of people telling me I shouldn't even help with work or ill break or I shouldn't run because I'm so weak and look sick. Sometimes when I start falling asleep, all of the visceral disgust reactions I've gotten from girls come back to me, of my ankle bones being visible, girls literally almost panicking about my weight.

Ive tried for TEN years to get my weight fixed. TEN FUCKING YEARS. I've hit the gym, I have visible pecs but I just don't get "big" and am still very boney.

I hate being lied to by guys, friends and family members of "actually looking decent" when girls give me looks like I'm some kind of a non human. How is it even socially acceptable to tell someone that they shouldn't even fucking lift because they'll break.

Girls LIKE me as a person, but we all know that's not enough and I don't have a clue on what to change on my appearance.

Rant over, I always feel slightly better after these attacks.
I'm buying a gym membership tomorrow to a more expensive but open gym
I understand that you have been having a hard time, feeling like a disgusting subhuman, having girls look at you with visceral disgust, and poking fun at your boney figure.

I can relate to that on a personal level, especially the part about loosing sleep due to traumatic flashbacks.

If I may ask, has anyone explicitly said that they find you disgusting?
I've had those "eww" reactions pretty often, even when I'm not even doing anything. There have been some where I've approached a girl.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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Crisis_Overcomer
Posts: 254 | Thanks: 143
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 7:25 pm
Goal: Earn $5,000/month
Age: 31
Motto: Motion beats meditation

Sat Feb 06, 2021 10:28 am

MattsCrib wrote:
Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:02 pm
Obviously no girls liked me in a sexual/romantic way
Just curious, given your endless sexual experience with multitude of girls throughout the decades (yeah, I'm trolling but in a light-hearted way), what exactly signals to you that a girl likes you in a sexual/romantic way?
Main goal:

I Will Live Stress-Free In A Nice, Central Apartment By August 2021
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Feb 06, 2021 10:43 am

Crisis_Overcomer wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 10:28 am
MattsCrib wrote:
Thu Feb 04, 2021 11:02 pm
Obviously no girls liked me in a sexual/romantic way
Just curious, given your endless sexual experience with multitude of girls throughout the decades (yeah, I'm trolling but in a light-hearted way), what exactly signals to you that a girl likes you in a sexual/romantic way?
Haha :D

Every time (every 4-5 years)
* a girl smiles at me
* I make an obvious move (light flirt followed by "you're cute, are you single?" or something like that)
* she makes 3 moves back

So yeah, it's usually this look, this smile. It's pretty obvious imo, at least when a girl has liked me.

When a girl doesn't like me it's almost the exact opposite: she has either a blank neutral face or a disgust reaction and she tends to avoid me.

I obviously don't make my move with these girls.

Edit: One of the girls we were supposed to go to trip w/ got possible Covid, so we postponed it
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
User avatar
Greenranger
Posts: 19 | Thanks:
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 1:09 am
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 19
Motto: compare yourself to the person you were yesterday

Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:23 pm

MattsCrib wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 9:43 am
Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 3:05 am


I understand that you have been having a hard time, feeling like a disgusting subhuman, having girls look at you with visceral disgust, and poking fun at your boney figure.

I can relate to that on a personal level, especially the part about loosing sleep due to traumatic flashbacks.

If I may ask, has anyone explicitly said that they find you disgusting?
I've had those "eww" reactions pretty often, even when I'm not even doing anything. There have been some where I've approached a girl.
And when you say "eww", was that ever verbal.

In terms of gaining muscle, "dashedhopes" a bodybuilder on this forum will be able to help you with that.
User avatar
MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:44 pm

Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:23 pm
And when you say "eww", was that ever verbal.
Yes. It was. One of those instances was literally yesterday.
Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:23 pm
In terms of gaining muscle, "dashedhopes" a bodybuilder on this forum will be able to help you with that.
Thanks! I've been to the gym before, however it was months ago, pre-covid.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
User avatar
Greenranger
Posts: 19 | Thanks:
Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 1:09 am
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 19
Motto: compare yourself to the person you were yesterday

Sat Feb 06, 2021 5:01 pm

MattsCrib wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:44 pm
Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:23 pm
And when you say "eww", was that ever verbal.
Yes. It was. One of those instances was literally yesterday.

Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 4:23 pm
In terms of gaining muscle, "dashedhopes" a bodybuilder on this forum will be able to help you with that.
Thanks! I've been to the gym before, however it was months ago, pre-covid.
Oh shit, that sounds fucking rude, I hope that you don't internalize that.

If you need any help with improving your mental health, I have got a few sources you can look.

Have a good day
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MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sat Feb 06, 2021 5:07 pm

Greenranger wrote:
Sat Feb 06, 2021 5:01 pm
Oh shit, that sounds fucking rude, I hope that you don't internalize that.

If you need any help with improving your mental health, I have got a few sources you can look.

Have a good day
Thanks!

I've been dealing with it for ten years. Of course i've internalized it. I'm more sick and tired of friends and other guys telling me that "i'm actually fine" when it's normal girls who have given me shit. I hate the overall gaslighting and the fact that people don't even fucking believe me when I tell them that yes, girls HAVE told me that I look sick, yes girls HAVE given me disgusted looks, told me how my legs are smaller than her wrists etc. It IS fucking rude, but apparently people haven't internalized that it's as rude as calling a fat person a bucket of lard.

Funny thing is, i've even had "gender issues" a few years back, because even though I really wanted to be a man and treated as a man, I also... felt like a man - I was treated pretty much as a girl. I've even been misgendered and asked to leave the mens bathroom because I looked skinny like a girl (it was when I had longish hair). They were shocked and apologized, but it still makes me feel subhuman.

Edit:

Forgot to thank you guys. I do get these "urges" and I'm very thankful when people respond. Again, no, I won't kill myself. I DO have some suicidal thoughts and I AM getting help, but like I said - it's not that I want to kill myself in a sense, it's more like "i don't want to lose" or feel pain kind of feeling, wanting to not exist etc.

Less complaining, more doing.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
User avatar
MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Sun Feb 07, 2021 2:54 pm

So I've had that good ol' beta male anger/depression again for the last few days - I'm hungry, don't want to eat, constantly tired, haven't showered - all that good shit right? I had a realization today that makes me feel good - I'm literally at the bottom, so whatever I do, it won't matter. I can do anything and I won't lose. I can do ANYTHING.

Which means I can literally not shower, be disgusting as fuck, say anything I want to girls, be a nice guy, be a douchebag, be skinny, fit, tired, energetic and everything inbetween - I can do ANYTHING :D And it kinda feels... good in a sense to be the "worst". You have nowhere to fall. I can wank for days, I can do nofap if I want, I can watch porn, I can not eat for days and nothing won't change - for some reason my mind sometimes turns this into a positive as in there's no pressure.

Hell, I don't even have to struggle to get a girl to like anymore, because I mean, I really don't like how the system works - so I can completely opt out of it if I want to :D I can still talk to girls, flirt to them, like I said - do literally ANYTHING (of course, there are some moral implications etc.). Back In highschool I think I had that mentality, and that was one of the reasons why I was so free and happy. No girls liked me romantically/sexually so I was free to do whatever I wanted, say whatever I wanted etc :D

i might even do some further tests to feel that freedom again like I did in hs - literally talk to random chicks without showering, looking like shit, not having slept, having wanked etc.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
User avatar
MattsCrib
Posts: 347 | Thanks: 93
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:48 pm
Name: Matt
Goal: Get rid of hatred
Age: 25

Mon Feb 08, 2021 5:34 pm

Log:

Called the gym - turns out that it opens tomorrow lol and you have to make an appointment. So yeah, I'll go there tomorrow evening.
Depression's been pretty much the same - had anger attacks, typical sleepiness, fall asleep at 5am, wake up at 2pm etc. I always have to remind myself now that 1) It doesn't matter 2) I'm at rock bottom, so I can do everything I want with nothing to lose. So yeah, like I said, I don't care much about my sleep schedule and wanking anymore. Struggling to get these fixed with no result isn't reasonable, so I kinda give up on it - maybe it'll get better, maybe not. The same thing with overall depression - there's not much I can do to get better, so I just do whatever I feel like doing. I dunno, maybe the just give up, brah is good. But right now, it feels like... Nothing matters in a sense and I feel the "pain" but... It doesn't matter, you know? I'll still probably hit the gym tomorrow.
2021 GOALS

- Figure out how to start liking girls (besides friends)
- Fix sleep issues/depression
- Make at least 5k EUR by the end of 2021
- Gain 10kg, get a proper sixpack
- Get Instagram art/design following
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