So I've had that good ol' beta male anger/depression again for the last few days - I'm hungry, don't want to eat, constantly tired, haven't showered - all that good shit right? I had a realization today that makes me feel good - I'm literally at the bottom, so whatever I do, it won't matter. I can do anything and I won't lose. I can do ANYTHING.
Which means I can literally not shower, be disgusting as fuck, say anything I want to girls, be a nice guy, be a douchebag, be skinny, fit, tired, energetic and everything inbetween - I can do ANYTHING
And it kinda feels... good in a sense to be the "worst". You have nowhere to fall. I can wank for days, I can do nofap if I want, I can watch porn, I can not eat for days and nothing won't change - for some reason my mind sometimes turns this into a positive as in there's no pressure.
Hell, I don't even have to struggle to get a girl to like anymore, because I mean, I really don't like how the system works - so I can completely opt out of it if I want to
I can still talk to girls, flirt to them, like I said - do literally ANYTHING (of course, there are some moral implications etc.). Back In highschool I think I had that mentality, and that was one of the reasons why I was so free and happy. No girls liked me romantically/sexually so I was free to do whatever I wanted, say whatever I wanted etc
i might even do some further tests to feel that freedom again like I did in hs - literally talk to random chicks without showering, looking like shit, not having slept, having wanked etc.