Z to A - caffeine

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Tue Feb 09, 2021 9:02 pm

Hey All, pleased to meet your acquaintances here.

I'm based in the UK (around Windsor). I got into my first relationship (lasting a few months) at 28 years young. Getting to that stage felt like a huge milestone, bigger than several other achievements I've had in my life (arguably including my education).

I have been doing cold approaches for around 2 years. Here's what I have to show for it:
  • - 1 lay
  • - a few dates, most of which didn't progress after the first
  • - 4 coaches and many more sessions
  • - thrown out from a supermarket and banned from it
  • - blocked by over 20 women (mostly from cold approach after getting their numbers)
  • - Been ghosted by a few fellow wingmen for my results, two of which since have denied any contact
  • - Threatened with violence via a voicemail from an angry bf of one approach
  • - 2 cases where I could have been attacked, again by other guys after a set went wrong
  • - increased feelings of depression and anxiety...
... so, if you think you're having a hard time, at least you have this boob's results to compare with ;)

I've had around 15 dates from online in the past 3 months too. However, I only got past a first date on 2 of them. I could arguably take online more seriously, but I'm more concerned about finding and fixing the root problem.

I feel anxious whenever I'm out on my own, in public, whether it's on a street or in a store. I feel as if I'm always being watched, and that any conversation I have will go wrong. It's highly irrational, though likely linked to some experiences above, plus other deeper rooted things. Once the lockdown in the UK is over for good, I aim to book in with a psychiatrist. For now, I'm experimenting with adaptogens and techniques.

I'm aiming for a long term relationship. Anything else that's positive on the way (ideally sexual) would be great, especially if it results in reducing my baseline anxiety.

-----

EDIT 12th Aug 2021 - a Somewhat unrelated long term goal is that I want a detached house. I'm sick of hearing my neighbours and their kids, drives me nuts. Don't know about other countries, but in the UK terraced houses are usually poorly sound-proofed, and if I can hear stuff thru walls, I get very distracted. I'm definitely very unlike other folks in that respect, but that's just my personality.
Last edited by drz on Tue Aug 24, 2021 10:53 am, edited 5 times in total.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
Radical
Posts: 1469 | Thanks: 952
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:02 pm
Goal: Build Blog
Age: 28
Motto: Take drastic action
Contact:

Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:05 pm

Welcome dude

So the answer to bad results off this volume is :-

Looks and style

Those are likely the biggest issues you have.
It would help if you can post a few pics of yourself and we can give feedback on those.
You will no doubt have some potential but i'd need to get a better grasp of what you look and dress like - best to post the tinder pics you use.

I have a couple of questions regarding your post too

You say 'I got past the first date on two of them', did you attempt to get laid on any of the first dates straight off the bat?

You say you will wait til end of lockdown to sort counselling, why wait exactly?
Counselling can easily be successful over video call if you cant go face to face. Andy for example offers counselling if you can afford his packages. He will understand your issues better than most.
I offer 1-on-1 style coaching. PM me for more info
Newbie style guide click here | In depth style guide click here

Current goals: Build biz & move abroad
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Wed Feb 10, 2021 8:34 pm

Hey, cheers for your response.
Radical wrote:
Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:05 pm
Those are likely the biggest issues you have.
It would help if you can post a few pics of yourself and we can give feedback on those.
I've attached one image for now (which I'm currently not using for online). I typically wear a variation of this, the jacket being the most common part.
Radical wrote:
Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:05 pm
did you attempt to get laid on any of the first dates straight off the bat?
No... To be honest, I do not know exactly how to set that up. I'll point out that where I'm usually having the dates is not near where either of us live, typically a number of miles out.
Radical wrote:
Wed Feb 10, 2021 1:05 pm
You say you will wait til end of lockdown to sort counselling, why wait exactly?
Counselling can easily be successful over video call if you cant go face to face.
In honesty is because I'm currently being coached by someone else, with regards to more indirect approaches. I was hoping to finish that in a few months and if I see no apparent progress, then I'll go onto therapy to try and improve my confidence.

Cheers,
Z
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My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Wed Feb 10, 2021 8:37 pm

I went out into my locality today after doing a quick workout. I originally wasn't going to go due to snow, but that eventually cleared up and I just felt... better after working out, so I cycled off to my grounds.

Was still feeling pretty nervous and somewhat paranoid, so I just started talking to a few randomers about any silly observation I could make (such as "have you noticed how the road has changed colour since it snowed" or "wow that's an amazing coat you're wearing, where'd you get it from?").

Eventually I came across an Indian woman in her 20s who I made an observational question on, and about 20 minutes of casual conversation later I got her Instagram. Given she mentioned (before I closed) that she was seeing someone, I doubt this'll lead anywhere but better than nothing.

Z
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Fri Feb 12, 2021 10:25 am

Girl from Wednesday responded but objected with the bf problem I mentioned before, so that's a dead end.

On the flip side, a girl from an online app I managed to persuade via a long phone call, to meet me in my locality, coming out of London. Appreciate this' breaking lockdown but wouldn't be the first time that's happened. Will see if this actually materialises however.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
Radical
Posts: 1469 | Thanks: 952
Joined: Sat May 30, 2020 12:02 pm
Goal: Build Blog
Age: 28
Motto: Take drastic action
Contact:

Fri Feb 12, 2021 12:48 pm

What you wear then isnt really what I would recommend for a guy approaching or in their tinder pics. Its too smart and boyfriendy

If you swapped that leather jacket onto a slim fit black t shirt and skinny fit black jeans it would be a better look for approaching

Getting a first date lay is fairly simple. If you have met out somewhere then you invite her back to yours for a drink after like 30 minutes or so. Obvs with covid theres more dating happening at your place already. What I suggest is go for a walk with them to check they are sane and then invite them to yours for some wine.
I offer 1-on-1 style coaching. PM me for more info
Newbie style guide click here | In depth style guide click here

Current goals: Build biz & move abroad
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:21 pm

An update. Shortly after my last post I ended up in a relationship with an indonesian chinese girl, and a few weeks later a Mexican (both met via an app). I'm still with the Mexican as she actually puts out.

Other stuff I've been doing:
- fasting and cutting sugar. Dropped around 7 kg of weight in the space of 6 weeks, and it has made sleeping easier
- busking and gigging more
- Getting coaching (though due to my high anxiety personality, cold approach is still pretty challenging for me to keep my cool in set).

@Radical - Cheers for the advice. Actually I've been wearing tighter fitting t-shirts when out, mainly because it's summer in the UK (which I think you're also based in). Not been doing so much "game" with just that, though on the times I have, it's made little negative difference and obviously is easier to go around in.
Last edited by drz on Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
MakingAComeback
Posts: 947 | Thanks: 699
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2021 1:17 pm
Goal: 8 dates by Dec 31st
Age: 30
Motto: No Excuses

Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:26 pm

Dude, so proud of you. Well done.

MAC
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Thu Jul 29, 2021 11:54 am

Cheers.

Not much of an update, but I changed my avatar. The previous one was somewhat cold and insincere.

EDIT:
Went out today and chatted with various strangers, 3 of which were women and my convos lasted around 5+ minutes (all were taken though).
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Fri Aug 06, 2021 9:59 am

A musing from a busking session a few weeks ago:

I was out with my band playing in the street, and this fairly normal looking guy in a black shirt came up to us, simply saying "Hello how are you?" after one of our songs.

From this alone, you'd think that there'd be nothing odd. However, it was the guy's vibe. Don't know how to describe it, but he was hella nervous. You could just tell from his tonality & high pitch of voice, his lack of conviction, him forcing himself to make eye contact. It was not comfortable, just instinctively, not just for him but for me.

Whilst I/we responded in a relaxed manner, I could tell he was just out of place with himself. He quickly walked off after we gave one response and he was nervous, hunched etc. He later admitted he was on the autism spectrum. Bless the guy. I gave him some tips on how he can relax (as I've been in the same place before).

---

Why have I mentioned all this?

You can look good, be muscular, dress well and talk to as many men or women as you like. But, if your vibe is off (especially if you're out of place with yourself), you won't garner any true respect, let alone be taken as a prospect by girls.

Cheers,
d
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Fri Aug 06, 2021 5:14 pm

My coach cancelled on my previously arranged session in London tonight, again. I'm not best pleased about that, especially as I got the message whilst having lunch... So I went out 2 hours later to my locality.

Going on a bicycle, out, and doing cold approaches on a full stomach is not something I would advise an anxious individual like myself to do. My parasympathetic nervous system has taken over, and thus I'm not really in the mood to do anything immediately after eating, as opposed to waiting a few hours.

Nevertheless, as members like @KillYourInnerLoser have alluded to - baby steps are best. Thus, in order to facilitate my bad mood, I had a process :

- Taking 500 mg Ashwagandha; 1000 mg Red Maca root; 500 mg Rhodiola extract; 500 mg Licorice root extract (22% glycyrrhizin), immediately before heading off
- Chatting to a few randomers about any observations I could make, be it guys etc. I had 2 of these and both sucked, but better than doing nothing
- Got to a bridge and just, stopped. Meditated, 10 minutes, and listened...

That made things easier. I'd say I chatted with 3 girls (one of which I didn't realise was with someone else after I opened) though no closes, none of the conversations I had were interesting enough for me to want to take anything further. I spoke with 3 more guys as well, but really just to keep my mood up and convince myself that I wasn't in danger.

Would have talked with a few more, but a thunderstorm occurred, and no-one will want to talk to some randomer (from personal experience) in the middle of harsh rain.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Thu Aug 12, 2021 11:44 am

I had a coaching session in central London last night. Worth having, especially as I didn't otherwise really want to be there (was also in a fasted state, 24 hours, and at the time of writing it's now been closer to 40 hours fasted).

Most of it was concerning approaching individuals who were idling around doing nothing, one or two of which were guys , especially considering I was nervous. For the first few sets I was tense and very passive, which unhelpfully is my default state. Needed a few sets to warm up. Most important part was having prolonged conversations.

One highlight was an instant date with an 2nd year university lass at around 9 pm which lasted for 90 minutes. No kissing though felt a little tension. I'm not that bothered, though we exchanged details anyway even though she flew back to the Netherlands today. You never know what might arise in the future.

I also gave my details to a very well dressed young Russian student. However, the interaction was barely for five minutes and felt somewhat awkward. Unsurprisingly, I have not heard back from her. In hindsight I should have taken her details instead, but I didn't feel a particularly strong connection so I didn't bother asking.

---

My coach has been pushing for me to book a Reiki session for a month now. I've finally found an available therapist who is near where I live, so with luck I can get this booked for a few weeks time and see what influence it has on me.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Tue Aug 24, 2021 10:56 am

This thread is of relevance - viewtopic.php?f=17&t=687&p=19140&hilit=caffeine#p19140

Last Thursday my sleep was horrible. I was so pissed off that my day was ruined; I've decided just to quit caffeine, in an attempt to avoid this happening so often. I've been without it for 5 days as of today.

The bad parts in my experience:
[*] Muscle pain, everywhere
[*] Generally more tired, brain fog. I took a nap for the first time in my adult life on day 2.
[*] Working out is harder, I have less strength
[*] Hungrier. Fasting is proving to be pretty difficult on just decaffeinated coffee, I have had to eat slightly more.

The good parts:
[*] Sleeping is easier, I'm more tired at night and I wake up feeling slightly less groggy.
[*] Marginally less distractable.

I'm hoping that come a week's time, most of the bad parts will become largely irrelevant. I'm also hoping as a side point that I'll have more focus in any interactions I have.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Wed Aug 25, 2021 1:42 pm

I had a reiki session last night. It felt very similar to a long guided meditation session at first, and unsurprisingly ended up being pretty relaxed. However, if I really wanted to I could do that on my own.

What was more odd, was that I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night, from a past blow-out. I was ruminating over it for like 30 minutes before I ended up doing something else.

Pretty odd. I think I should meditate myself again in a few days as a "check-in"

6 days without caffeine as well. Good stuff.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
User avatar
drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 38
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
Goal: Improve cold approach
Age: 31
Location: UK

Thu Aug 26, 2021 8:34 am

Not much of an update, but did 27 (and a half) chin-ups in a row this morning after Wim Hof breathing. That's a new high for me.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
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