Thu Sep 30, 2021 8:57 am
Oh shit, wanted to say, I was driving yesterday and I had a few synchronicities happen. I saw my angel number (329) randomly on a motorway exit, and then the car in front of me had a number plate ended in MAC!
This is usually a sign that I am on the right path and need to keep working.
This song came on that I hadn't heard since my teens, and fuck me, it hit a chord. It was Green Day's Basketcase, and when he talks about how neurotic he is, how he saw a psychiatrist and was told he felt shit because he is not having sex, and when he "went to a whore...she said my life's a bore", and to "quit your whining 'cause it's bringing her down". LOL. Man, I saw an escort like 3 months ago as I was getting bummed about turning 30 still a virgin, and I was telling this chick about my lack of experience, she was also kinda weirded out by it. But in my case she was super sweet to me, so it was good. Man, Billy Joe Armstrong, American poet, in this song he's self-deprecating, eludes to an increasingly neurotic culture, and a collective crisis of identity and connection which would be amplified tenfold as the decades to come. I am grateful for the music of the 90s and 2000s, it was richer in substance and helped many of us from then form a deeper identity and be a bit more worldly IMO. I have a younger brother and the music he listens to is interesting but also just a different vibe. If I was a kid in this era, I would be entirely different as a person, and I am not sure I would be excited by the life that I would be living. Before social media, before much was going on with the internet, our culture was more human, more wholesome, and it was so easy to be blissfully unaware back then. There was no comparison between all the other folks out there. You were so ignorant to much of it, so you could do your own thing and be your own person IMO.
Back then, when I was 18-19 and going to clubs, there genuinely was no red pill or lord forbit, the dreaded black pill, there was nothing like that online, so I was blissfully unaware and truly, truly thought I would just somehow find a girl. I remember speaking to loads and loads and I was so sure someone, somewhere would be a good fit, but the more I met, I kinda of began to realise the world that existed outside of me was very different to the one my nerdy ass was living in. The other people were not interested in reading literature, playing music, drawing, painting, writing short stories. And CERTAINLY NOT the women. Some men kind of appreciated it, I found some good mates at Uni, but from the female side of things. they didn't resonate with this energy. It was more about getting drink and partying with them. They were very insecure about their perceived status and behaved very tribally, only wanting to know certain people, etc. We all have seen this play out.
I listened to that song and just laughed my head off. Fuck man. It brought back a lot. People have gone through this sort of tumult since the beginning of the world. You won't beat them, so you join them, strategically.
What matters is that you are happy. We'll need to play the game, but from there, when we've built ourselves up, I am sure we can make choices as to how we want to live. If I got rich, I would look at building a fortress out in nature or moving to the countryside. In 15-20 years I want the only concern that is left for me to be based on family.
My creative outlets mean a lot to me and I will keep tinkering away at them. I have only played guitar a day or two a week, and this makes me kinda sad. We do these things because they are sacred to us. I absolutely CRINGE that I used to think being interesting as a person would make it easier to find a girl. This is an example of very irrational behaviour being exhibited by people, which we are all prone to.
Gotta work.......later.
MAC
