Sun Mar 05, 2023 8:42 pm
Thanks everyone for your thoughts.
I have a grasp on what I am going through. It's a form of inner resistance, the body saying "no" in body-mind parlace, and an indication of my stress response pulling me away.
I am going through a patch of spiritual dryness/depletion.
When one is engaged in deep struggle, for a prolonged period, it is only natural that one's fire begins to burn dimmer.
It is expected to struggle when doing hard things. In struggle, there is brain change.
But when struggle becomes underlying, becomes something we think about 24/7, something that is always on the mind underneath the surface - it can eat away at us....
I have been going through this during this stage of my journey. In London, the dates were aplenty, and it often felt fun day gaming.
Moving away, it is such an inconvenience to go to day game on the weekends, it is such a pull away from my weekly activities, and given I was not quite able to get my negative perceptions of day game to abate, having to carry that and work through it, is burdensome at times.
Within me, there is a lot of doubt, fear, worry, and this sense of a certain withering away of the Self. The endless cycle of pursuit, to no avail, when it has been something I am having to go out my way to do now, is draining.
If there was volume in this city, I'd not have these feelings. I'd go to the city centre, approach, and drive home and carry on with my life.
Having to get ~2/3hrs of transport to London on Sat morning, crash with friends Sat night, return for ~2/3hrs on Sun, often quite tired and having to push myself and use inner resources, has been beating me down a little.
The endless push. The hard ass work.
You only have one bucket to draw from. And it can be a lot doing all this - biz, gym, dating. I've been through this many times, this is infact nothing compared to how it was previous. And I have improved on ALL metrics: socially, looks, game wise. The lot. I am outright better in every way.
And yet, part of me just doesn't feel hopeful, optimistic, or joyful in dating right now.
See, I have been through this. But in London, I had the antidote. I COULD get dates using online dating, and though it was a lot of work, I'd be able to sit and talk with a girl, and that was enough to soothe my soul and feel like everything will be OK.
In the West Mids, and also, Bristol, I wasn't able to make shit happen.
Outside of London, in dating app terms, I am not able to get anything.
I DID have a makeout in Bristol, and did exchange twice - I'd, eventually, crack night game and make things happen there.
But I would, sometimes, come back from those nights, feeling rotten. I can't even tell you why. I just would.
Despite the improvements, social skills, game, and just being better with people, though I see it, and should be really happy, for some reason, I am not.
Only part of this is a "results" thing.
This game has brought a lot of shit my way, for months now, and no real win since Nov 2022. The "breakup", the near misses, the slow loss of my joy in day game, the massive gains in nightgame, which I just couldn't find happiness over.
Getting better, is all well and good
But living in fear, doubt, insecurity, pain, and feeling like your life is passing you by inside, is what creates a wound that obscures the rest.
How do I know this?
Since the DG coaching session, I mentally put myself on "monk mode" and LET GO
As the hours passed, the world grew brighter in colour, my interactions with everyone in the world got better (I do chat with random people and so on). Because I knew, Ravi, you don't have to do this for a while, it's OK, let go and stop worrying.....
I am carrying some pain, it is clear, and that is the problem.
At this stage, I am not sure why I feel like this, given I have made improvements, and also am better in every sense.
Therefore, it is not really in relation to dating or self improvement. Rather, it is an underlying body of pain I have been hanging onto unconsciously, and will now need to let go.
I do understand the inner work process fairly well. I think I will need to let go of whatever is going on inside me, over a duration now.
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My week will be focused on business, and living in a more peaceful state of acceptance.
Joyful productivity occurs from a place of letting go and being still.
Spiritual crises can occur at any time in our life and as men, we must face it head on, and be brave enough to let go, and let ourselves heal energetically
R
