Svadhishthana's log

[Svadhishthana]

Yesterday was good. More issues at work, but resolved them *still* trying to push something to the client... The thing that gets me about theses situations is how it's completely unpredictable how many of these issues will come up. I like being able to say "I'll have it done *today*" - but then something comes up that takes all day to resolve. So I say the next day "I'll have it done *today*"...

Anyway, got two shots yesterday, dog 2 and sports 9.

Ran into the same issues again for the dog shot - Lulu's not much of a model, but at least getting her to lay down in an air conditioned room was easier than last time. Also, getting both of us in focus was difficult, even after bumping up the aperture. Got some decent shots, but the *best* shot I got is really better suited for Lulu's tinder.
The other thing I noticed was - damn, son, you gotta shave yo' pits! Looks nasty!

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Sports 9 was just a shot of me doing curls in the gym. Curls for the girls! Staying in focus was difficult on this one, and I think I ended up focusing on my neck instead of my face. I'm actually pretty happy with the lighting, though. My garage has a window and an overhead light. the overhead isn't that bright, but is a more traditional light color instead of pure white. I put my floodlight in the window to boost light from that direction even more. So the effect was shadows from the window/spotlight, while the front was still lit softly overhead so you could make out details (and I look more tan). Now I just need to stop being a fuckin' scarecrow, and I might actually get a decent shot!

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

After those, hit the thrift store to pick up some more clothes and such, then some friends came over to work out, then went through the pics I took and headed to bed. Except then I stayed up late screwing around on my phone like a dumbass again. C'mon, me, get your shit together!

So today will be extra busy.

- Hammer out work shit.
- Get info to solar people
- More work on transferring bank accounts
- Post ad for tenant (one actually asked to stay another month, so that works out)
- Clean house in anticipation of touring people
- Work out
- Take more pics

[Svadhishthana]

Busy day yesterday. Work, plus solar paperwork, plus bank paperwork, plus posted my ad so was scrambling to message all the responses. Then worked out and some friends came over to use my driveway to work on their van. Had a glass of wine and a couple beers while we watched a movie. Not the best move, but I limited myself pretty well and I'm not fully into keto yet.

Unfortunately, no chance yesterday to take pics, but plan to make up for it today with a couple, and then plow through as many as possible over the weekend. I assume life will happen, so I wanna stay ahead of the game on these to give myself a buffer to hit my target end date of the end of the month.

Things to do today:
- Murder work in cold blood.
- Message more people about my open room to expand the top of my pipeline.
- More solar paperwork
- More bank paperwork
- Take 2 pics
- If possible, scout for locations for pics that will need them.
- Review keto grocery list and order things I will need that are shelf stable.

[Svadhishthana]

Ugh. Yesterday went pretty well, but then a friend invited me over to grill on his back porch. Ended up having a couple hard seltzers and ate a couple too many hot dogs. Not terrible, but less than ideal. More annoyed at myself for staying up late again screwing around on my phone, and again failing to get any pics.

Good news, though, is now it's the weekend, so I have some time to make up lost ground with the pictures. Also, toured a girl this morning who looks like she's gonna sign on, so hopefully will be done with most landlording chores for the month soon.

[Svadhishthana]

Whew... Took 6 pictures today, 5 of them dog shots. Lulu had the Best Day Ever, as I must have fed her half a bag of treats to get her to cooperate for shots. I had the weirdest day ever, as I shaved off all my body hair for the shirtless shots. Still need to go through them and try applying filters, so will do that tomorrow morning. All the shots took some time and work and frustration, so I'm glad I'm almost done with the dog shots, even if I don't end up using any of these in my profile. Getting a dog to pose in a certain way is a pain in the ass an a half.

Last shot was casual 4, but I reversed the colors since I didn't have a white jacket.

Also this morning, toured a girl who I think will sign a lease. Just need to check her references. That will be a *huge* relief. Woohoo!

[Svadhishthana]

Woke up this morning, and checked my phone - I got a message on Hinge. Well, that's a first. Message is criticizing my photos for looking staged, and seems angry that I called her sexy. Says something about MeToo... I can't figure out exactly the point she's trying to make, but the intent is clear - "I'm angry and I don't like you." Based on the logical coherence of the messages and their timing, I assume she was drunk. Totally ridiculous bullshit, and actually kinda funny, but my stomach is feeling a bit knotted up about the criticism. Criticism of my photos is warranted, of course - whatever. But unfortunately, this hits right at the heart of my insecurities - not that this particular woman doesn't like me, or even that maybe no women will ever like me, but that my sexual desires are bad, and expressing them will result in social ostracism.

As to her actual motivations - is she a bitch? Having a bad day? Raised weirdly religious? Who knows. Who cares. It's unknowable, and therefore only worth considering if the consideration itself is enjoyable. Unmatch. Her presence in my life passes like a stubbed toe. Nice to make your acquaintance.

Right now, I've been sitting with the knot she left me for about an hour, trying to focus on it and accept it as I sip some coffee and type this out. In the end, this is the real goal - being comfortable with the knot. I didn't have it before, and now I've been given this opportunity to practice. A nice gift. Thanks bitch.

Today, starting off by going through the shots I took yesterday. Will post those up when done. I expect them to not be great, or even good. Lack of dog cooperation really put a hamper on my ability to fine-tune the replication, and I was honestly just really fucking tired by the end of the day.

After, will go out and try to get some more shots. Aiming for 6 again. That would give me a decent head start on the rest of the month, and bring the number of shots I need per day down to 1.3.

I'm starting to run out of food from my last meal prep. Keto starts next week.

[Vice]

Woke up this morning, and checked my phone - I got a message on Hinge. Well, that's a first. Message is criticizing my photos for looking staged, and seems angry that I called her sexy. Says something about MeToo... I can't figure out exactly the point she's trying to make, but the intent is clear - "I'm angry and I don't like you." Based on the logical coherence of the messages and their timing, I assume she was drunk. Totally ridiculous bullshit, and actually kinda funny, but my stomach is feeling a bit knotted up about the criticism. Criticism of my photos is warranted, of course - whatever. But unfortunately, this hits right at the heart of my insecurities - not that this particular woman doesn't like me, or even that maybe no women will ever like me, but that my sexual desires are bad, and expressing them will result in social ostracism.

As to her actual motivations - is she a bitch? Having a bad day? Raised weirdly religious? Who knows. Who cares. It's unknowable, and therefore only worth considering if the consideration itself is enjoyable. Unmatch. Her presence in my life passes like a stubbed toe. Nice to make your acquaintance.

Are you using Andy's opener of "Hey sexy"? Keep in mind that is intended to pair with a sexualized profile on your end, if your profile doesn't have that vibe, a different word is going to give you better results.

There's a way to tactfully express your sexual desires in a palpable manner, and honestly that comes with experience.

Good call on the unmatch; people in general give themselves enough negative self-talk, you don't need assistance with that.

Right now, I've been sitting with the knot she left me for about an hour, trying to focus on it and accept it as I sip some coffee and type this out. In the end, this is the real goal - being comfortable with the knot. I didn't have it before, and now I've been given this opportunity to practice. A nice gift. Thanks bitch.

I had one time a few months ago where this toxic woman absolutely trashed me; she said I was ugly and a few other things I don't remember. It definitely hurt and ruined my day, despite me knowing logically that I'm actually good-looking, and that I often get started at on the street and in venues. It was weird, but honestly that's a personal problem on her end, not yours.

Today, starting off by going through the shots I took yesterday. Will post those up when done. I expect them to not be great, or even good. Lack of dog cooperation really put a hamper on my ability to fine-tune the replication, and I was honestly just really fucking tired by the end of the day.

After, will go out and try to get some more shots. Aiming for 6 again. That would give me a decent head start on the rest of the month, and bring the number of shots I need per day down to 1.3.

I'm starting to run out of food from my last meal prep. Keto starts next week.

My own shots were garbage; I usually take about 200-300 photos and I'll pick only one lol.

Meal prep. That's what I need to fucking do in order to stop eating bullshit and waste money. Thanks for the update, you've inspired me!

[MakingAComeback]

Woke up this morning, and checked my phone - I got a message on Hinge. Well, that's a first. Message is criticizing my photos for looking staged, and seems angry that I called her sexy. Says something about MeToo... I can't figure out exactly the point she's trying to make, but the intent is clear - "I'm angry and I don't like you." Based on the logical coherence of the messages and their timing, I assume she was drunk. Totally ridiculous bullshit, and actually kinda funny, but my stomach is feeling a bit knotted up about the criticism. Criticism of my photos is warranted, of course - whatever. But unfortunately, this hits right at the heart of my insecurities - not that this particular woman doesn't like me, or even that maybe no women will ever like me, but that my sexual desires are bad, and expressing them will result in social ostracism.

As to her actual motivations - is she a bitch? Having a bad day? Raised weirdly religious? Who knows. Who cares. It's unknowable, and therefore only worth considering if the consideration itself is enjoyable. Unmatch. Her presence in my life passes like a stubbed toe. Nice to make your acquaintance.

Right now, I've been sitting with the knot she left me for about an hour, trying to focus on it and accept it as I sip some coffee and type this out. In the end, this is the real goal - being comfortable with the knot. I didn't have it before, and now I've been given this opportunity to practice. A nice gift. Thanks bitch.

Today, starting off by going through the shots I took yesterday. Will post those up when done. I expect them to not be great, or even good. Lack of dog cooperation really put a hamper on my ability to fine-tune the replication, and I was honestly just really fucking tired by the end of the day.

After, will go out and try to get some more shots. Aiming for 6 again. That would give me a decent head start on the rest of the month, and bring the number of shots I need per day down to 1.3.

I'm starting to run out of food from my last meal prep. Keto starts next week.

Hey brother. I know those knots, I have known some dark nights of those knots in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I have thought about why some people treat others badly for no reason at all.

In Non-Violent Communication Theory, Marshall Rosenberg makes some great points in this domain; people who hurt others for no reason, are people who are angry at a very deep place. Dr Jordan Peterson has great videos on resentment, he talks about how people who lack meaning in life slowly poison themselves until resentment and bitterness fester in them. MeToo and feminism, stuff like that, is something that pumps women full of adrenaline and cortisol, creates mental health issues, and makes them bitter and resentful. All victimhood ideologies do. I say this because girls who I cared deeply about in life became very bitter through feminism and it hurt me because I loved them. They changed physically, aged a lot, gained weight, just entered into a dark dungeon through consuming this content and reading these books. It's like a guy who gets into the red pill. As you may know I have ever looked into the red pill or anything like that as I want to start a family quite badly so cannot allow basically the male version of feminism to poison me and weaken me.....Only the warrior's path will allow this heart to feel at peace.

I also get some mean messages sometimes, relating to my age mostly, but some are just random and gross. It hurt the first time, but then I really hammered the numbers game as Andy said and sent 300 Hinge messages a day for months. Many girls were nice, but some were so awful, and for no reason at all - the reason? They are in emotional pain. Some beings in this world will simply twist in the wind, this way and that, because the foundational timbre of meaning was not something they laid down, because meaning bearing the burden of the cross, alone, with dignity and poise, because you EMBODY something, and are not willing to compromise your values.

The stronger we become in life, the better our outcomes become. The Matthew principle in the Bible. AInt it just the truth? The rich get richer, the poor get poorer. Andy said on the coaching calls that becoming an elite man is fucking brutal at the start, but when you get ahead, it is fucking effortless to achieve elite outcomes. Another guy who really helped me is The Bastard, and he told me that in this journey, like how when a plane is taking off, 80% of fuel is used just in taking off, and then it's plane easy sailing.

In truth, the harshness, rudeness, and emotional pain we feel in life become deep, unbreakable strength. One of the most powerful things in life is having a MISSION, going for what you truly want in life, and making it personal. For me, I came to this forum from a very dark dungeon, I simply thought no girl was ever going to ever respond to my texts, in many ways life did deal me a very bad hand many bad things happened to me for no reason but geuss what? In the deepest darkest dungeon of all time, I found something. It is my own personal belief that in extreme, extreme emotional pain, a man is able to access the most powerful weapon in this world: making the FINAL decision that no matter how many times I fail, no matter the pain and suffering that comes upon me, even if I am ground into a fine powder, even if I am shattered into a million pieces, somehow I will find the strength that I believe is somewhere inside of me, and I WILL SUCCEED. I love how David Goggins communicates this, he says his life was basically God training him: "God did not give me a get out of jail free card. God said, "David, I have put you in this world for a reason. Now. prove yourself".

I got my first receptive cold approach number today, as in, we exchanged, she gave me her no, and I send her a message, she sends several in response and we agree on a date. That is the furthest I have ever gone, and look at my log, look how fucking hard I tried just for those few moments of victory today? She may ghost, who cares, I know I am becoming a man I admire and I feel pride when I see myself in the mirror.

I believe in you and I see you as a guy who will make it in life. I enjoy reading your log, so don't you EVER FUCKING STOP.

I am going to win in life. You will too.

See you at the winner's table, first rounds on me,
MAC

[Reservoir]

It's happened to me too, even with clearly good tinder pics. I remember this one girl in particular who told me I made her want to vomit, because she didn't appreciate my forwardness.

However, I've also had girls who complimented me for being direct. I assure you many do appreciate it. And when your photos/looks are really good you can get away with astounding levels of forwardness. During lockdowns I was straight up telling girls I was looking for one night flings, and willing to uber myself to theirs with a bottle of wine on my first message.

Some girls act like cunts, and it's frustrating in the beginning, but nowadays I'm much more business-like in my approach, as I've already experienced a large spectrum of reactions online and I know what to expect / when to cut the conversation short on autopilot.

Keep persisting!

[Svadhishthana]

Thanks for all the support guys. And apologies for the late reply when you left so many kind messages. I feel kind of bad talking about it, because I know lots of you have had way worse, and all I got was a mean internet message. Did it even effect me that much? Honestly, it didn't feel that bad in the moment - I got kinda confused and a little angry and tense. But it's not like I had a breakdown. But the anxious feeling stuck around for an hour or two, and then thoughts about the messages kept popping into my head throughout the day. Trying to explain her actions. Trying to explain how she was wrong. Thinking of things I should have replied. Of course, just unmatching was the right call - no point getting in a fight with someone for being Wrong On The Internet.

@Vice - yep, using the sexy opener, and no, my profile isn't sexualized. I'll sub cute when a girl is straight-up giving a cute vibe, or else if she's giving off vibes of someone I'd actually like to hang out with. But yeah, saw it in the tinder guide and basically said "that makes me uncomfortable, guess I should do it." So it's kind of been an exercise for me in just generally expressing that sentiment at all. Good news is, it seems to have had the desired effect, and I no longer get anxious when sending it, so maybe it's time to switch it up. When you say "better results" - do you mean "more positive responses and fewer negative responses" or "more girls showing up at a time and a place with sex on their minds"?

Because if the former, I think I'd prefer to keep doing what I'm doing - while getting a bitchy response did suck, it's definitely just part of the game, and I'd rather keep inuring myself. Here it was in real (okay, digital) life - a bitchy rejection. And I had the opportunity to digest it, which was probably good for me.

On the other hand, if the latter - well, that forces me to look at my actions and my goals. Right now I'm just messaging girls with no expectation that they'll meet up because I know my profile is shit, and I am mostly doing it for anxiety exposure. Meanwhile, I'm taking a bunch of pictures to get better with my camera, posing, and all that, with the aim to eventually put some better pics up. But I really have to ask - is my goal to overcome social anxiety? Is my goal to get really good at taking pics for tinder? Or is my goal to Get Fucking Laid? I think a few of the shots I've taken that might be worth putting up, but I've been procrastinating on it because "I'm still working on this project." But the goal is to keep the goal the goal. So yeah, I need to go through and try out some of my new pics.

@MAC - thank you for the encouragement. I will say this woman probably has some work to do, and some hurdles to overcome. I am honestly now trying to wish her the best, as I know I have my own hurdles, and have been anything but saintly many times in my life. I hope she finds what she isn't looking for, and I will try to thank her for her gift of boosting my emotional resilience.

@Reservoir - thank you! I know this is not a universal response, and even with a garbage profile, the vast majority have been polite at worst. While it doesn't feel good, I'm happy to know first hand that most women are not like this. And thank you for giving me hope for the future!

Okay, update:
After posting two days ago, I was feeling pretty low energy. Maybe it was just lack of sleep and wrestling a dog for 6 hours the day before, or maybe it was the emotional hit of the morning, but I procrastinated starting taking pictures until after noon had come and gone. Luckily, I thought up Productive Procrastination long ago, and used the time to do bank paperwork. But eventually I dragged myself out to get some shots. Because of the time, I decided to go for 3 shots outside - Casual 9, 11, and 12; and then three inside - sports 3, 6, 7.

I head off to find a spot to start shooting, but feel some anxiety. I keep feeling fear of if someone sees me, if they ask me what I'm doing. I know intellectually these fears are baseless - most people are oblivious or don't give a shit; I can lie; even if I told the truth, they'd probably just laugh and slap me on the back. The average person who even might notice me would likely only feel mild curiousity - not some kind of murderous rage. But just while starting to drive to places I'm planning on scoping, I pull over to take a breath. I consider stopping by the park by my house and trying to meditate under a tree for a bit, just to chill the fuck out. While I'm considering this, my phone reminds me I agreed to do a virtual tour for a prospective tenant at 5. It's now nearly 3. I consider meditating again. Consider just calling the day a bust and going home. Instead I say fuck it, I have limited time, I'll at least scope some spots. I can probably get at least one shot

I drive around the industrial district near my house. I remember a side street of a side street turning into a bridge and going over the rail lines. I follow it - it twists and turns around the tracks, various storage yards, and another bridge for an arterial. Underneath the arterial bridge, there's a big gravel lot. At the far end of the lot, a parked freight train. Jackpot. Perfect backdrop to lean against for Casual 9. The road I'm on only sees the occasional box truck as traffic, and following the tracks a few hundred yards down a property line fence leaves me more or less isolated. I set up shop and snap my shots. I realized too late that the black shirt I'd got from the thrift store, apparently, was actually a women's shirt. Ha! So I end up making some adjustments on the flannel around my waist so I don't end up showing my belly button to the camera. I finish the shoot, happy I got one, but anxiety still pumping a bit. What if someone asks what the fuck I'm doing by the tracks? What if someone came by in the meantime and took down my tag number? But I start walking back to my car and nothing bad has happened. Knowing how ridiculous my fears are, I decide to push myself a little, and put on my sunglasses. It's pretty bright out, so they're justified - but I'm no longer some weird guy sneaking around the train tracks. Now I'm a weird guy sneaking around the train tracks wearing aviators. And a black shirt. Like fuckin Tom Cruise in Top Gun or some shit. Better watch out, or I'll convert you to scientology.

I look at my phone. 4pm. One hour. I look at the next picture I'm replicating. The model's pose is pretty tame, clothes are straightforward. But I need some kind of landmark to stand in front of. In the picture it's some kind of pagoda - really, probably just an arbitrary upscale Chinese restaurant. But I have it listed in my notes as "landmark". I think - "Finding something like that will take way too much time. And Jesus, I'm nervous shooting alone in front of a freight train - how the fuck am I gonna shoot with other people around?" I'm about to just pack up and go home, find something else to do. But then I have an idea. A great idea. A Fucking Hilarious idea. I'll use Casa Bonita as my landmark.

For anyone out of the loop, Casa Bonita is a Denver institution of sorts, famous for its terrible food, indoor cliff divers, and for being featured in an episode of South Park. And I thought, yes. This is hilarious and I love it. I don't care what anyone thinks, I want my picture with Casa Bonita in the background. It's so fucking weird!

I start driving there. 15 minutes to get there. 15 to get back, so 30m to actually shoot. Good, I think. Probably can't stand more than 30s of the anxiety once I start shooting. As I drive there, the whole time I'm scared I'm just gonna show up, bitch out, and turn around. Instead I arrive. Pull in. There are families with kids headed to the strip mall shops. A trailer selling elotes and kettle corn. A few homeless people milling about. I'm nervous, but I'm already here, and I can't keep waiting around since the clock is ticking. I get out of the car and start lining up my shot. Nothing happens. I break out the tripod. I take a few test shots to get the focus right. No one's yelling at me, asking what I'm doing. I start actually shooting and doing the pose. I get a few momentary glances from people walking by. No one gives a shit, but I'm still on edge. I keep wanting to get back in my car and gtfo, but I stick around. I know this is good for me. "One more and I leave," I tell myself several times, trying to prolong the exposure as long as I can.

When I pack up and leave, the tension releases in my car and I just start laughing. I feel like I got away with something. I get home, do the tour, and now I'm this weird kind of amped. Still anxious about shooting in public, but now I've had some success. I have one more shot to get in the daylight, and just enough daylight to get it. I don't have a location yet, and finding one might be the crux - no idea if I'll just drive around and find no good locations and come home empty handed. But I'm high on the idea of Pulling It Off.

I find a parking garage near downtown, and just my luck, they closed down the top floor. I park and step over the orange tape. I think I might actually get this shit without having to deal with my anxiety at all, until I start scoping my position and realize that when I'm shooting I'll be completely visible to everyone on the ground in a two block radius. Fuuuuuck.

The angles aren't right to capture the downtown skyline, so I settle on the amusement park to the north. Getting the zoom right is a pain in the ass, and I keep being concerned I'm gonna drop my camera 5 stories to the ground. But eventually it's time to shoot, and I swing my legs over the edge and put myself in view of everyone around. Keep breathing, just start shooting...

As I'm shooting, I start realizing how oblivious everyone is. Most people on the ground don't even notice me, since they never look up. The other thing I notice is just how much is going on around here that I might not normally notice. Two girls wait a full 5 minutes at a crosswalk before the light turns, despite the intersection being completely empty. A motorcycle pulls a wheelie going down the street. A Camaro decides to make its left turn into a drift. A pickup truck is bored, and is driving in circles in the parking lot below me. It's all just surreal. I feel a weird sort of confidence, and force myself to keep shooting until the sun has fully set behind the horizon.

Back home, I do the three shots in the gym. Nothing to note, except that the pose in sports 6 looks absolutely ludicrous when I'm doing it. But as I wrap up shooting, I realize.... Tomorrow's Labor Day. I have the day off. I can shoot again. So I scroll through the shots I need to get - I'm missing a lot of the travel shots. I know a good hike I could do, which is typically totally empty. I can get 7 of the shots. But I'm gonna have to wake up early to beat the thunderstorms. So I throw clothes, accessories, water, etc in my backpack, and set my alarm for 4:30.

The next morning, my coffee is hot in my mug, and the darkness around my car is heavy as I drive an hour west out of the city. Grogginess and caffeine and darkness and no other cars on the road - it feels right. No other cars at the trailhead when I arrive. I follow the double track as it dips into the trees and the noise of the interstate quickly disappears. I get my first shot at sunrise, then hoof it up to the saddle. I get my second and third shots on the ridgeline, gusts blowing my hair around. Unfortunately, the golden hour only lasts an hour and I'm already battling serial-killer-eyes. I turn around before reaching the summit - I've been there before, and my mission today is shooting, not summiting. I tick three more shots in an alpine meadow, and head down. At the base, I get one more shot with the mountain in the background.

I drive home, and barely walk in the door when my phone buzzes to remind me I agreed to do another tour in 30 min. Fuck! Clean the house, do the tour, and then I'd made plans to work out with a friend. Then, time for bed. Holy shit that was a long day.

So now I think I have about 3000 photos in my backlog that I need to sort through and apply filters to and all that. 26 shots left means I only need to average 1.1 shots per day for the rest of the month.

Today, have another tour in the afternoon, and also need to work out and meal prep, and some friends invited me over for a going away party of sorts. So it might be a miss on getting a shot, but I'll try to figure something out.

[Svadhishthana]

Busy day yesterday, so didn't have time to shoot unfortunately, or even go through the photos I did get. Work til 5, then worked out, then toured a guy, then went to my friends' place to see them off. I ate a reasonable amount, and drank only slightly too much.

Also yesterday, as my roommate and I were headed over to my friends', another roommate texts me to say she's moving out in a month. I'd put her on a month to month lease when she moved in because I really just wanted to get people in the door in the early stages, so she's free to do it.... But I'm like, frick, you couldn't have waited a month or two? So now I'm basically turning over half the house in the course of a month. Which is a bit of work, sure, but the real issue is that when I'm touring people one of the biggest things on their minds is who their roommates will be, so it's difficult to sell people on the place when a bunch of the people currently living here are moving out, and they're just gonna have unknown roommates in the future.

Keto starts today, but I still need to food prep for it - luckily, I still have breakfast and lunch good to go for today. No breaking the diet until I hit 175, unless I manage to line up a date. Then I can have a drink or two.
Current weight: 186.3

PXL_20210908_142212748.MP.jpg

Will try to squeeze in sorting through photos and getting another shot somewhere in there.

[Svadhishthana]

Managed to check the boxes yesterday, but was dragging ass. Not feeling motivated. Probably somewhat due to drinking the night before, and some sleep debt. Unfortunately only added to it last night, once again just fucking around on my phone. Dragging ass at work, too, which I need to rectify - working til midnight to make up for lost time *is not* conducive to achieving my other goals. Ironically, by 5:30 I felt like I *wanted* to keep working, which was really just a procrastination tactic because I was feeling sluggish and didn't want to get up and do other things.

But eventually I got started. Meal prepped - all the food I'll eat til next Wednesday is ready to go. Shot one absolutely trash shot - hobbies 11. Because I got started so late, it was already dark outside, so I couldn't get the shot there. Ended up taking it with the mirror I have hung in my living room, so the background is off and the lighting is terrible, and I was self conscious about my roommates walking in and asking what I'm doing, so I didn't even get that many shots. But still, I'm glad I did it, since doing anything is better than doing nothing, and keeping the ball rolling is critical.

After shooting, I *finally* got around to sorting through some of my existing pics. The rest I managed to get off the camera and onto the computer, so will hopefully sort through those today.

Casual 4

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

I don't have a white jacket, so I swapped the color scheme here - black jacket and white shirt. I believe I'd gotten some hair styling product just before this shot and applied it to my hair, but I didn't bring it with me for the shoot. A mistake - the winds that pick up every day around sunset were throwing my hair everywhere, fucking up a lot of my shots. Also, no watch - one just arrived in the mail. Not sure if I'll ever wear it in real life - I hate how they feel and fashion for the sake of fashion is something I actively dislike... but then, that's limiting beliefs on my part. But I'll wear it for shots going forward where the model is wearing one. Maybe it'll grow on me.

Dog 3

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Lulu ***hated*** this shot, and it shows. After I put her down the first time, she actively avoided being in a position where I could pick her up again.

Dog 4

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Again, getting Lulu in position here was the crux, I was never actually able to get her to stay still long enough to do the actual pose. Closest I got was holding a treat up where it kinda sorta looks like she's interested in me. At one point I tried sticking a dog treat up my nostril, but unfortunately she didn't go for it.

Dog 5

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Laying down. This is where Lulu is a good girl. Unfortunately, I'm a fucking moron and never actually got the camera angle right. I also didn't pose quite right - the model has happy, welcoming eyes, but in the vast majority of my shots I have hyperfocused, kinda "I dare you" eyes. Maybe not the worst from a dating app perspective, but not what the original pic was going for, and therefore a failure on my part. Lighting also could have been better - I should get another one of the lamps I have.

Dog 6

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

This was actually one of the dog shots I managed to replicate best. Unfortunately due to the zoom of my lense and the height of my ceiling, I'm closer than I should be, an issue exacerbated by the fact that I have to crop on of the tripod legs out of all my pics, since it was sitting in my left armpit. Again, I need to take better note of the model's facial expression before shooting - in most of the shots I'm looking straight into the camera because I didn't remember what I *should* be doing, and didn't bother to double check. All the shots I got that actually replicated the model's pose were purely incidental.

dog 9

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Same issues as dog 4. I tried rubbing some dog treat on my neck to entice Lulu to lick me, but she didn't go for it.

One last thing I did yesterday was install some wifi-enabled LED lights in my bedroom. Only about $10 each at home depot, and the app they run on allows them to be put on a timer. They flipped on this morning at 6 am - way better than an alarm clock! Plus they have a couple different settings, so they can be set to cool white during the day to emulate sunlight, and a warm, dimmer white at night to be easier on the eyes (and more appropriate for other bedroom activities).

Ok, todo today:

- Transfer my last banking dependency to new bank. After that, finish transferring most of my cash, and just keep an eye on my old bank accounts for a month to make sure nothing is left charging them.
- Follow up with a potential roommate to see if she's gonna sign on.
- Finish trace logging functionality at work (arcane, I know, but I want to commit to a specific goal).
- Get another shot. One of the dog shots.
- Work out
- Finish sorting and filtering my backlog of shots.

Keto day 2
Weight: 186.7

[Svadhishthana]

Still working on work bullshit. However, did get a shot in yesterday (dog 10), worked out, and sorted through 2 of the photos I took. Also, finished repointing bank account dependencies - now I just need to move the money over.

Casual 9:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folder ... p=sharing

I think earlier this day I was reading some photography stuff on reddit, and realized I was an idiot. One of the big issues I'd been having with my shots was that about half of them would be out of focus when my head moved slightly in the frame, so autofocus would be focusing on the background. Slapped my head when I realized - just line up the shot, and then flip to manual focus mode so autofocus stops ruining your shots! As long as you stay in the same plane, you'll still be in focus!

The images themselves here are pretty good and sharp, imo, and the freight train behind me is killin' it looking rough and tough and sexy. But the thing that jumps out at me about these shots is how I look very posed and awkward. I have three ideas for helping with this in the future.

First is to re-pose between shots. Shake out, loosen up, move around. And then get back in the pose. Getting into the pose multiple times will probably lead to a more natural result on at least one attempt, instead of getting more and more ridged as I hold the pose for longer.

Second is to check my photos as I'm going more closely. Much of the time, it seems I end up making stupid mistakes in my replications, just because I forget about one aspect of the original I should be focusing on, or because I'm doing some aspect of the pose wrong. For example, in this set, I had my right elbow winging out way too far, and it looks weird. I should have noticed while shooting and corrected. Part of this issue is that it is often a bit annoying to look at photos as I'm shooting them. Since the D7000 doesn't have an ootb option to link to things wirelessly, I hacked it using a wifi-enabled SD card. But the tech is old and underpowered. It works *okay*, but I often have to walk towards the camera to get into range of the signal, and even then, transfer times are quite slow, and the app on my phone is buggy. Right now have some stuff in the mail to try getting a wired USB connection to my phone. If that works, I'll start looking more into wireless transmitters that run off USB.

Finally, I should look at the model and consider how he got into the pose. What position was he in before? Of course, there are infinite possibilities - but we can tell from the vibe of the model and the photo what they might be. For example, the model in this photo wasn't sprinting a few seconds before he jumped over to the wall and struck this pose - he was probably either already leaning against the wall. Possibly he started off with a closed-off, arms crossed posture, and then relaxed into the shot, or else he started off with arms at his side, and then moved into a more introspective stance. Realizing this, and practicing moving into the pose from where the model might have started would probably yield more natural shots.

Casual 11:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Now, I'm proud of myself for getting these shots, but goddamn if they didn't turn out like shit. Very annoying, since it looks like I actually lined the shots up pretty well, and they could have been pretty good *except* that the wind blew in and flipped up my hair so I look like a jackass in nearly every shot. And then once I fixed my hair, I fucked up my positioning and all the rest of the shots were out of focus. The one shot I kept was the least-bad one, really just preserved to prove I went out and did the shoot.


I also went through the shots for casual 12 once last night before I realized it was getting late. Lots of shots to sort through, so it'll take a while, but... holy shit, this was a fucking awesome shot. The lighting is on point, the wind is cooperating, my posture is pretty natural, I lined the shot up right. Stoked to go through them today to try to find the best ones!

Girl I'm trying to move in seems like she's pretty committed, but she's dragging her feet *so hard* on actually putting ink on paper. Very annoying, since I want that ink to be dry before I start looking to fill the other room I just learned was going to open up so I can tell prospective roomies about who is going to live there.

Alright, to do today:

- Finish logging shit for work, test all code, make sure it's good to push out next week.
- Another dog shot. 8, 9, or 11.
- Move money.
- Sort and edit existing shots.
- Work out

Hopefully this weekend can be like last, and I'll be able to knock out tons of shots quick. Looking forward to it!

Keto day 3: 184.9

[Svadhishthana]

Ok, slight change of strategy here - writing in the log before bed instead of in the morning. I've been fighting the impulse to fuck around on my phone at night a lot recently, so maybe this could judo-flip that habit into a good thing. Journalling before bed will maybe empty my head of all the crap rattling around, and not feel like the day was a total waste. Or if it was, feel like I can do better tomorrow. Today was one of those days.

Just totally dragged ass all day. Then a bunch of emotional whiplash as I thought my potential tenant had fallen through, then came back and said she was in. Still no ink on the dotted line, though.... But then got another message from another girl who seems super cool and might fill the room I had unexpectedly open up. So things are going good.... maybe. A more or less accurate summary of my life as a whole, I suppose.

Didn't get everything done at work that I wanted. Not the biggest deal... Probably can just test and ship without the feature I was working on. But it would have been nice. But then again, who gives a shit about nice? Well, I mean, it would help everyone troubleshoot future issues which are sure to come up, which is probably me... But then, why'd I spend so much time making it user-readable? This is the problem with not caring about your job - you can trick yourself into doing work that might not even be work that needs doing, just so you can avoid working on the hard problems but tell your boss you've been doing things.

I think part of my low energy might be persistently shorting myself sleep. But also it might be that my glycogen is finally totally empty after a few days of no carbs.

Friend came over to work out today. This is the power of community - I might not have been able to drag myself into the gym today otherwise, but all he had to do was show up, and it was time to do presses. Definitely lacking some snap in the gym, too.

After the gym sesh, friend and I looked at my bike a bit. Spark plug wrench finally came in the mail, so I changed out the spark plug. Put the gas tank back on, hit the ignition and she fired right up! Turned over better than the day I got her! But then after a couple minutes of idling, she started loping and died again. And then it seemed I was back to square one: crank-no-start. I did figure out I could get the engine to turn over and keep running if I pulled on the throttle when starting or running the engine. As I understand it, the throttle really just controls the proportion of air that goes into the cylinder when the fuel-air mixture is injected. Will need to do more research, but it looks like signs are pointing towards needing to tune up the carb. Damn. More emotional whiplash, as when I heard her fire up I was really hoping my bike troubles were over.

Still moving forward on solar stuff. I really need to research loans now so I can get a good rate and all that.

Didn't take any pics today. Didn't sort through existing pics either. Didn't make progress on changing banks. So really a day of falling flat on my face and staying down. It's okay, though. Tomorrow I can get back up.

So tomorrow, I'm going out shooting. I could maybe clear out the remainder of the casual shots. From there, I just have 1 sport shot, 1 hobby shot, 1 travel shot, and 3 dog shots. So potentially I could clear out all of those this weekend, leaving just the 12 physique shots, which I was planning on saving for last so that hopefully I'd have more abs to show. I'm looking forward to finishing up this project. Already thinking of some of the shots I want to get that I think will work better for me.

Hooooopefully that one girl will sign the lease.

I can actually transfer some bank funds.

And then after dark I can work through *all* the friggin photos I still need to sort though.

A'ight. Beddy-bye time.

[Svadhishthana]

Girl signed the lease this morning, fuck yeah! One room down, two to go.

Keto day 4: 181.0

[Svadhishthana]

Checked some boxes today. It was good.

Moved some money. Transfer limits are making this take forever - part of why I'm leaving my bank.

Got shots. Casual 2, 3, 7, 8, dog 8, 11.

Casual 7 and the dog shots I got at home. Casual 2 and 3 I went back to the railroad tracks. Made sure to give myself some exposure to shooting in public on casual 8 by doing it in a park. No one gave a shit.

During noonish when lighting conditions were bad, I went home and worked on sorting and editing.

Casual 12:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

Really fuckin happy with how these came out. Barely even put any filters on them.

Sports 3:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

This one was ok. Got a bit of serial killer eyes from the overhead light, but was able to offset them with my spotlight. Also a lot of shots where I just look very surprised, instead of reserved like the model.

Sports 6:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

I look absolutely ludicrous here. I am just *not* buff enough to pull off this move. Lighting was also extremely different, but I actually kinda dig some of the darkness and shadows in the pic.

Sports 7:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

I am honestly baffled by the model's pose here. He looks like he's trying to rest, but then he's up on his toes, which, lemme tell you, is *really friggin strenuous*. I think my posing looks kinda stiff here though. I think a good idea for future gym shots is to actually be doing the lift while or after I do the shot. Makes it more real, less staged.

Travel 2:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

I think I look kinda stiff in these again, but it's not a bad shot. But what annoys me is how bright it is. When I got to where I shot this, I set my bag down and thought the lighting at the moment would be perfect for replicating the reference picture.... But then realized I was still wearing glasses, and left my contacts in the car, losing those critical 20 minutes of perfect light.

Travel 3:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders ... p=sharing

I thought these actually turned out pretty good as well. I sorted through a *ton* of photos where I'm kinda just stumbling across the mountainside, but thank God for the law of large numbers. Only downside is the monochrome outfit - I forgot to pack the jeans I was gonna use.

Pretty tired from shooting and dieting today. Went to a friends place and hung in his hot tub drinking bubbly water for a bit in the evening to chill out.

Ok, tomorrow I should be able to finish up with most if not all the non-physique shots.

Casual 5 and 6 will be the crux, since I'm gonna challenge myself to do them in public. 5 will be especially difficult, since I need to find some stairs or something to walk away from.

Hobbies 4 should be relatively easy if I can get the house to myself for a bit. Otherwise, more social exposure.

Travel 7 will also require social exposure.

Finally, dog 7 will require leaving the house for a bit, just to the park a couple blocks away. This will depend on whether or not Lulu is home. But it should be the easiest shot I will get with her.