Post-AA Program Log

[pancakemouse]

Hey guys,

I'm terrible at being consistent posting here. To be honest, the reason I don't post is I feel guilty not being able to post everyday and I don't want to spam here with random wall of text that isn't results. I've read through some of the other peoples posts here, and I realize this is retarded. Even a day where I approach 10 girls and get no numbers is progress.

Thanks for your support @Lord Rey . I saw that girl a lot before she left and I was able to get a handle of getting an erection. Won't say its perfect but I did at least penetrate her. I did get Cialis perscribed by my doctor (dude RX is like 100$ for 8 doses, wtf).

-- question --

I've completed my goal of apporaching 50 girls a day. And I haven't approached a single girl since.

So what happened is I got recognized. I approached a girl then the next day approached her friend (separately). Turns out they talked about it and I got called out on it. This REALLY pissed me off and made me quit cold approach. Its been a few weeks I largely haven't cold approached at all.

Nothing bad happened honestly, but I feel like an idiot. I don't want to have a reputation of being that guy who talks to every girl (even though that is what I am lol), and being recognized makes me feel like a shit. Has this happened to anyone? Am I overthinking this one?

Yes, it's happened to me, and I lost a hot lead because of it. It was a bad situation, too, because the girl was part of a community of Argentinian seasonal workers in Miami and I approached a lot of them during my time there. I figured I might be cut off from most of the community. I felt kind of bad, but it didn't stop me from approaching. It turned out to be a nothingburger.

You're in a large metro area, the chance of this happening is very low. Just keep approaching.

[chocolate]

Thanks @pancakemouse, I haven't restarted cold approaching yet but I will eventually. Turns out one of the girls I approached lives in the new building right infront of my place lol, but I don't remember who the fuck it was, so I'm sure I'll approach her again some day lol.

-- progress log --

I'm kind of drifting a bit these days, shifting between the two other goals I have of getting laid from night game and getting a useful tinder. Tinder is not going so well but I have another thread on that in the private section.

But I did progress in night game today.

I'm honestly pretty scared of night game. Tbh I'm mortified of night game. But tonight, for the second time in my life (the first time was in September of last year), I went to a bar ALONE.

Dive bar type place near McGill. There are 5 people in this bar total, only one girl. I go in anyway, some guy was singing Bon Jovi on the karaoke machine there and that's my fav band so I go in and sing with him (conveniently it made it really easy to walk into the bar alone and "play it cool"). Long story short I start talking to the girl and we had some decent chemistry. She told me she's stoned on shrooms but whatever I keep talking to her (she honestly seemed fine). She was super flirty, touchy feely on me and shit. We start dancing, bro from the moment I walk in shes basically enamored by me. It felt a hell of a lot like the girl I got laid with, very engaged in everything I do and wanting to be next to me a lot and do everything I want to do. Anyway, we talk, we dance (real close too, didn't kiss her or anything though, I think I could have if I tried but I'm skeptical it would have been received), we sing some Bon Jovi together. I stayed for like an hour.

Unlike the last time I went out alone, I know 1 pint is my limit before I get really drunk, so I stop myself at 1 pint. I honestly don't like getting hammered but I do really like getting laid the first night and GLL says its the best way to do so (plus I'm a fucking cheap skate and I'd rather pay mortgage or some shit).


The point: I got the bill and then turn to the girl and said, word for word "hey so I like you, I want to take you home". Shes taken aback by that, was like "whoa ok wow" and then she gives like a 5 second "ummmm" and then says "no not tonight" or something like that (I basically stopped listening after I heard the no). I didn't get the impression it was a straight no, like she actually seemed to think about it, but what the fuck do I know besides the long "umm".

As I left she walked out with me and was seemed to want to continue talking to me, but was like "ok see ya later" or whatever. So definitely mixed signals there.


-- questions --

- How did I do with that specific girl? Should I have been less direct? More subtle about it or something? Or is direct fine?
- Should I have tried to kiss her? Would that have made a difference?
- How busy of places should I be targeting? What kind of places? I read GLL "go out alone at night program" (I intended to do that tonight actually, did the above instead) but it doesn't talk about choosing good locations.

The girl I got laid with: I kissed her at the bar and said exactly above when we left. She played it off as "oh yes I'll go see your cat, but I won't have sex with you". The cat I mentioned on our date gave her an excuse to play it cool if you will.

GLL gave a good suggestion now that I think of it of "hey wanna get out of here and have another drink" or something like that.

[pancakemouse]

Thanks @pancakemouse, I haven't restarted cold approaching yet but I will eventually. Turns out one of the girls I approached lives in the new building right infront of my place lol, but I don't remember who the fuck it was, so I'm sure I'll approach her again some day lol.

-- progress log --

I'm kind of drifting a bit these days, shifting between the two other goals I have of getting laid from night game and getting a useful tinder. Tinder is not going so well but I have another thread on that in the private section.

But I did progress in night game today.

I'm honestly pretty scared of night game. Tbh I'm mortified of night game. But tonight, for the second time in my life (the first time was in September of last year), I went to a bar ALONE.

Dive bar type place near McGill. There are 5 people in this bar total, only one girl. I go in anyway, some guy was singing Bon Jovi on the karaoke machine there and that's my fav band so I go in and sing with him (conveniently it made it really easy to walk into the bar alone and "play it cool"). Long story short I start talking to the girl and we had some decent chemistry. She told me she's stoned on shrooms but whatever I keep talking to her (she honestly seemed fine). She was super flirty, touchy feely on me and shit. We start dancing, bro from the moment I walk in shes basically enamored by me. It felt a hell of a lot like the girl I got laid with, very engaged in everything I do and wanting to be next to me a lot and do everything I want to do. Anyway, we talk, we dance (real close too, didn't kiss her or anything though, I think I could have if I tried but I'm skeptical it would have been received), we sing some Bon Jovi together. I stayed for like an hour.

Unlike the last time I went out alone, I know 1 pint is my limit before I get really drunk, so I stop myself at 1 pint. I honestly don't like getting hammered but I do really like getting laid the first night and GLL says its the best way to do so (plus I'm a fucking cheap skate and I'd rather pay mortgage or some shit).


The point: I got the bill and then turn to the girl and said, word for word "hey so I like you, I want to take you home". Shes taken aback by that, was like "whoa ok wow" and then she gives like a 5 second "ummmm" and then says "no not tonight" or something like that (I basically stopped listening after I heard the no). I didn't get the impression it was a straight no, like she actually seemed to think about it, but what the fuck do I know besides the long "umm".

As I left she walked out with me and was seemed to want to continue talking to me, but was like "ok see ya later" or whatever. So definitely mixed signals there.


-- questions --

- How did I do with that specific girl? Should I have been less direct? More subtle about it or something? Or is direct fine?
- Should I have tried to kiss her? Would that have made a difference?
- How busy of places should I be targeting? What kind of places? I read GLL "go out alone at night program" (I intended to do that tonight actually, did the above instead) but it doesn't talk about choosing good locations.

The girl I got laid with: I kissed her at the bar and said exactly above when we left. She played it off as "oh yes I'll go see your cat, but I won't have sex with you". The cat I mentioned on our date gave her an excuse to play it cool if you will.

GLL gave a good suggestion now that I think of it of "hey wanna get out of here and have another drink" or something like that.

Points to hit in any nightgame set:
- Find out her logistics: is she there with anyone? Is she meeting anyone later? Where does she live?
- Seed the pull: girls are like cats. If you try to spring upon them the idea of going home in one fell swoop, they'll often get scared. Instead, get them used to the idea of going home with you soon. First, talk about where you live. Then, talk about your place, and point out something cool about it: "Yeah, I've got this cool balcony." Later, make a reference to it: "You actually seem cool, you might get to see the balcony ;-)" Then you soft close "I kind of want to take you on a little adventure later..." and you see how she reacts to it. If it's positive, you describe going back to your place and seeing your balcony.
- Handle objections: If you run into non-complliance at any part of the process of taking her home, you handle the objections. So when she says ummm no, what could you have done? Do you know the reason she said no? If not, try to find out, and try to overcome the objection.

Kissing is just another form of escalation. It doesn't make or break taking a girl home.

The ideal venue is one with lots of girls, a good gender ratio, where the culture is one of pickup, and there are enough girls that are "your type".

[chocolate]

Progress Log for the last few days:

Thursday: did fuck all (no girls progress that is, I did do things like my job though)

Friday: Pretty much a bust of a day. Cold approached one girl at the gym, she laughed at me and like walked away, so I just left. Afterwards, went out to a club with some friends. Same place I went last time and made out with a girl. This time it was filled with dudes and was a total bust. I danced and talked with a few girls (maybe like 2 or 3) but well one was not interested, one just wanted to dance and talk but not do anything, and one was a man dressed as a girl (FML, but, no homo, the most attractive person in the place). I'm pretty good at dancing and being the life of the dance party FWIW, but yeah thats just leftovers from my days of being a teenager. Not sure if its really successful strategy though.

Saturday: did fuck all

Sunday: I went to a bar like 30 minutes before closing (12:30 am). Didn't talk to anyone really, everyone was in groups and I didn't really know how to break the ice with anyone. Maybe 10 people in the whole place.



Edit: Forgot the response to the pancake man

Ok so yes those are two things I didnt do (seed the pull and handle objections). I did find out she was alone at the bar though.

Seeding the pull seems pretty straightforward actually, honestly pretty logical. I'll use that next time. I tend to reuse and make call backs to previous things we talked about so yeah, seems pretty natural. Thanks.

With handling objections: this is a bit of a sticking point for me. Like she said "no" straight up, is it OK if I just ask "why?". I find its kind of creepy/pushy/demanding to push someone to do something they don't want to do. I know this sounds stupid but putting people in an uncomfortable position has always been something I've struggled with. I come from a place of being a people pleaser, so I've always struggled with confrontation. I'm want to be everyones friend. I know objectively you are correct, but I have a hard time reconciling that with my emotions.

Any advice here or anyone else have this issue too and how to get over it (people pleasing/avoiding confrontation)?

[pancakemouse]

With handling objections: this is a bit of a sticking point for me. Like she said "no" straight up, is it OK if I just ask "why?". I find its kind of creepy/pushy/demanding to push someone to do something they don't want to do. I know this sounds stupid but putting people in an uncomfortable position has always been something I've struggled with. I come from a place of being a people pleaser, so I've always struggled with confrontation. I'm want to be everyones friend. I know objectively you are correct, but I have a hard time reconciling that with my emotions.

Any advice here or anyone else have this issue too and how to get over it (people pleasing/avoiding confrontation)?

You can be playful with it to tease the objection out:

Her: no
You: damn, do I smell that bad ;-)

[chocolate]

Updates:
---

Not much to report honestly. Biggest success was that I went out to a bar alone on a weekend day (Friday/Saturday).

- I went out Thursday night but there we're no girls (like actually zero girls at the place I went to). I talked with a few guys but that's about it. I left that place and then went to a dance club near my place and danced with a few girls, but nothing happened. Maybe 5 people dancing in the whole place. Music was dope though. Had a few nothing conversations over the night FWIW. One of the workers told me that 11pm-1am Fri/Sat is the best times to be there.

- Friday: wanted to go out, pussied out. I told myself its because I went out yesterday, but in retrospect that was bullshit: it was definitely because I was too nervous to go out on a weekend day.

- Went out tonight (Saturday) and its very similar story to Thursday. I went into one bar and couldn't find a spot. To be fair that shouldn't have been too much of an issue I could have still ordered a drink. There were some girls there, not a ton by any means, but I might have been able to strike up a conversation with some. I had a lot of anxiety so I decided to leave and check out if there was other places with girls. Went to a few other places but not much success; more or less the same story or worse girl/guy ratio. This was the first weekend day (Friday/Saturday) I went out alone. Being seen alone on a weekend is quite scary for some reason.


Generalized Thoughts:
----
I came into this post feeling like a failure, but I suppose its not so bad.

The anxiety of being out on a weekend day is really high. I think its a combo of two things:

1) the streets feel dangerous/intimidating and I don't feel like I belong. Its F1 weekend here so lots of loud cars in the roads (more than usual anyway). The bars aren't much better, every place has a slightly different vibe but I still feel quite like an outsider. Lots of guys at the bars. Being out on a weekday is less intimidating but I think that's largely because the places are less packed.

2) Big crowds or lots of people make me nervous. I think this has a lot to do with being seen alone. Being seen by a few people doesn't bother me too much, but being seen by a lot of people bothers me more for some reason. Dunno.

I'll need to play with the times I go out. I've been hitting the bars around 11pm-12am this week due to logistics but I'm starting to think that earlier might be better.