i addressed this exact point at 42:00 in the video
tl;dw i think since i have been using music and its community as a distraction, rather than deliberately sitting down and getting shit done, i'm just dicking around in the DAW and then browsing Twitter and other musicians. because when i realize "oh i needed to do x slightly hard thing in this project to make it good", i actually realize "wait i said in my schedule i should actually be going out and approaching/reading this nampa resource/xyzabc"
i guess i didn't mention this, but I've been doing day structures @MakingAComeback style with varied success. where you list activities throughout the day by time.
but! nothing is stopping me from concurrently assigning time for music so i can have a high quality session. on the other hand, it really isn't a priority because i still juggle going to the gym, eating (yes this is a nontrivial chunk of time), nampa, and studying japanese (which i was doing great with until i started tiptoeing in music again).
my OG plan was to completely ignore music except for maybe going to events now and then and prepping live stuff until i figured out dating and girls here. but I've been paying way too much attention to it (browsing Twitter, replying to people there, checking out loads of new music I've never heard etc) because of the social dopamine hits i get for literally existing, and getting previously unmet social validation needs met.
this post was not "what should i focus on" but rather "how can i dive into girls again and not derail myself"
I feel ya.
I think like most things, it just comes down to knowing yourself and what you want. The things you want are the things you'll make time for, you know?
I think it's worth taking some time to genuinely reflect on this and find the answer.
What you may come to find out is what you thought WAS a priority, no longer is a priority simply because you're in a different spot now than you were months ago.
As @AskTheDom often tells me: "You're not the same man you were yesterday, nor will you be the same man in the future." Things change.
As a side note: Not sure if you've noticed it, but your demeanor has changed significantly in a good way. It looks like you're mixing it up with people and engaging in passions that you enjoy. I can tell you seem a lot more content, which I bet is going to make handling the girl stuff significantly easier once you get clarity here.
One question that comes to mind: Is there a place where you can meet the kind of women you like inside of your music-related social circles?
i was getting a haircut and thinking about how great it would be if i approached after this
so i did
https://vocaroo.com/15mKL64NBHtq
^recording of my best approach today cut out in the middle because i took out my bluetooth headphones and the """""smart""""" mic relegated my voice to the background but you can kind of hear blips of it. was trying to see if the girl would walk and talk with me while she "waits for her friends" but she wouldn't
there were a couple i didnt record, so maybe around 8 approaches total
💁🏽♂️🐶 5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵. practitioner of deep work and self-engineering.
at first it was honestly me venting but then i started asking her about where she's from and etc and got her to giggle because i made fun of her hometown thanks to my secret japanese recon
"nagoya? all my japanese friends say it's boring but personally i think it's fun. they have a zoo!"
i tried to get her to walk with me to the convenience store to grab a drink because i was thirsty but no dice. no dice on the contact exchange either
japanese girls talk SO QUIETLY I CANT FUCKING HEAR THEM HOLY SHIT. AND japanese is a foreign language. is this what @september experiences when he approaches god damn
even if i tell them to speak up they basically dont and now i seem like the fucking retard gaijin who doesnt understand japanese FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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there's a certain japanese nampa guy that seemed to just blossom this year based on what he says and he's getting like multiple lays a day. apparently he had nampa coaching from some other guy. they both post in-bedroom pics all the time, sometimes even MMFF foursomes from duos they pull to the same hotel room and IM FUCKING JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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we will see where this goes.....................................
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Last edited by colgate on Fri May 05, 2023 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
💁🏽♂️🐶 5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵. practitioner of deep work and self-engineering.
had a great convo with one and exchanged insta where she followed me back later (i dmed myself on her phone)! she was off to meet a friend. https://vocaroo.com/14YYLOt7Io4j
basically it's me rambling about "fast fashion" (h&m, uniqlo) and how it's good (because both she and i have similar-ish clothing archetypes) and then poked fun at her for being from 鹿児島 kagoshima (look it up if ur interested lol)
the archetypes are really easy to understand here lol. i think i know more about japanese archetypes than i ever did in america and am starting to get a sense of how my brown ass can fit in
later i ran into her and her friend and when i told her to introduce her friend she was like "we're on a break!"
"from doing what?" "from nothing!" "so yall are having a break from doing nothing..." "yes"
japanese girls are so weird
also i was able to stick through a girl completely fucking ignoring me for like 30 seconds before she finally acknowledged my existence and bowed out japanese style in a different direction. https://vocaroo.com/14ysM1B8Y6DU
not able to do it consistently yet, but this is a first for me. this morning i basically thought of funny/interesting backdrops to say if she's straight up freezing me out and i think they work.
long time no see! let's forget about our childhood fights and make up <--- the one i used in the audio
wow, we're like already married! i did something so now you won't talk to me...my BAD, sOrRy (i haven't tried this one yet)
here's an interaction where the girl would have been potentially interested but i got into boring info exchange ARGHHHHHHHHHH MY WEAKNESSES TRANSCEND LANGUAGE BOUNDARIES!!!!! https://vocaroo.com/1l77jbSy4m7H
but i did an exercise earlier where i listed 10 traits my ideal girl should have (other than looks). i should be veering the conversation towards talking about that rather than OMG YOU DO PART TIME WORK??? OMG UR A UNIVERSITY STUDENT THATS SO EPIC LOLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! https://bulldog-pen.notion.site/24-Cutt ... fd2fff4a29
also i need to be approaching more girls. 10 is nowhere close to enough volume, and i only spent like an hour and a half before excitedly dming my potential future nampa coach.
approach anxiety is more or less gone (though i'm still copping out of some ballsy approaches)
gotta set quotas! next sesh i will approach at least 15 girls. i'm gonna do it on monday since i have some errands/plans tomorrow with my host family.
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japanese nampa fucking blows my mind
it is nothing like cold approach in the west. this is like the difference between chess and go囲碁 or something
guys casually having many hundreds, even thousands of instadate lays. (ok the thousands guys all say they have been nampaing for...20+ years!!! thats still fucking crazy dude)
3, 4, 5, i've seen as high as 7 lays in one day.
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sounds like cap, a fucking scam, or whatever you want to call it but then they're posting 3 new pics of different girls in hotel/bedrooms on twitter per day.
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this seems like a japan-only thing. like obviously the same guy goes to europe or usa and he wouldn't be able to do it. likewise, skilled westerners come to japan and are able to replicate this fucking insanity, but only in japan.
but i digress. what the fuck is going on in japan, how is the birthrate declining???????????????
i have to get to the bottom of this...
and then to the top!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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the nampa coach i dm'ed on twitter replied.
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here's a translation of one of the important bits (google translate FUCKED this i might as well just translate it myself lmfao)
ただし、僕のコンサルのスタイルとして根性論でひたすら声をかけるのはあまり推奨していません。外見が整っていなければスト値上げにコミットして頂きます。トークが悪ければ、そこを改善する講習をします。最小限の努力で最大限の結果を出すことを重点においておりますので、そこはご了承頂ければと思います "i don't recommend just going ham with approaching in my consulting. if your looks aren't in check you gotta first commit to increasing your value. if you suck at communicating, you gotta improve that. ideally, we will want to squeeze out the maximum results from the minimum amount of effort"
this is straight up what troy told me when i first messaged him. cool that at least the baseline for banging chicks is universal lol
also he'll recommend if i should also start doing online too. i haven't gotten around to setting up my online profiles here again. but now i could actually use most of the japanese dating apps since i have an actual ID here (japanese dating apps require japan-local ID verification to use)
i wonder if he knows i'm a foreigner yet loooool.
he has a 3 month long 1-on-1 coaching program basically which is exactly what i need.
what the fuck is the point of coming to japan otherwise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TIME TO APPROACH ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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💁🏽♂️🐶 5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵. practitioner of deep work and self-engineering.
also noticed going to the gym before/doing any kind of physically exerting exercise + blasting music while walking around decimates my approach anxiety and hypes me up to talk to girls.
when i was just getting into cold approach in america i would blast a bunch of music in my car while vaping my ass off before the approach session too. my best approach sessions were when i was in that state lmao.
even when i quit vaping, i still blasted a bunch of music in my car on the way to the approach venue and i didn't realize how much it probably helped
other guys here on the forum are doing it too so i'll post whatever song i remembered most from my sesh with my reports
and you can get an idea of whatever "alien music" i was talking about in my last video log lol
💁🏽♂️🐶 5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵. practitioner of deep work and self-engineering.
guys casually having many hundreds, even thousands of instadate lays. (ok the thousands guys all say they have been nampaing for...20+ years!!! thats still fucking crazy dude)
3, 4, 5, i've seen as high as 7 lays in one day.
Stop it, you're making me want to move to Japan...
But you're also making me excited to read your future posts where you're the one doing this!!!
good resource because even if you want to arrogantly avoid english, it's rare to find anything of quality specifically for foreigners looking to break into the nampa scene, and it highlights many of the key differences from western mindsets about dating.
but it's also cool to see the similarities!
also this book is quite high-level but it really helps me also navigate through the swarm of japanese nampa content. been noting down high level concepts from the book and then going to YouTube channels like the following for low-level ideas on how to implement them (i hate reading long text in japanese lmao, this is much more consumable for me)
funnily enough this guy straight up said the best opener is "konnichiwa" (hello in Japanese) and that you need to get on with it. lol. that actually massively helped me a lot.
also everyone seems to use twitter. i had made an account and basically indiscriminately followed dozens of nampa guys and they'll post tips and whatever in addition to reports
💁🏽♂️🐶 5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵. practitioner of deep work and self-engineering.
got into the station at around 5:30pm and did like 2 or 3 approaches.
then i kept walking around pussying out on every girl
i was like THIS IS FUCKING RETARDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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yeah so basically i think i actually experienced my first culture shock of my whole life with my ~6 months of life in japan experience.
the thing is in america, if you approach a girl and she's not interested, usually she'll be cordial about it and tell you she has a boyfriend or that she's "not looking for a relationship" right now.
or say she doesn't straight up say it up front, she'll probably at least put up with you until you ask to exchange contacts and then reject it there, or give it to you and ghost.
even in california where i approached in a mall that was 80% asians, while i indeed got japanese-girl-style frozen out quite often there too, i usually just didn't bother with those and immediately bounced to the next girl because i knew that eventually some girl would actually have a conversation with me (also i had a much thicker skin due to the "potential energy" i had built up from just regularly approaching)
however, in japan, first of all it's not rude to straight up ignore someone that you don't want to talk to.
second of all, a good chunk of girls who are ignoring you are actually gameable and you can "crack" through them. just listen to this:
not going to translate the entire video but basically the chick straight up takes 5 minutes to say a single word, and up until that point based on the things he says her demeanor ranges from literally staring at her smartphone with her earbuds in to taking them out and oscillating in between, her reactions ramping up in a zigzag until she finally starts giggling and talking.
what's funny is the first thing out of her mouth was i'll pass you my line lol. she eventually followed him into a convenience store and i think after that they exchanged.
anyway, the opposite case also happens. it happened to me twice today actually. i got into a convo that lasted maybe like 3-5 minutes and then literally point blank in the middle of the conversation, the girl just puts up her hand and accelerates off. like she doesn't tell me a reason to leave or say "well it was nice meeting you!" just straight up bounces.
it's funny that ppl in the west think that japanese culture is probably indirect and everyone's always putting up a façade, but in reality americans put up their own façades in a different way. and as someone who was raised in america, i took american aizuchi for granted
anyway, even when i get girls who start smiling/giggling here and there and maybe talking a liiiiiiiil bit, it's kinda like i really gotta be putting on a show for the girl. (funnily enough in the youtube video i linked, at one point the guy was like "damn what is this it's like you're watching tv except im the tv")
i have to be putting on a show for the girl, and the show has to be good, and she might decide to straight up non-react for 5 minutes before finally saying a single word
or else she's gonna change the fucking channel lmao
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so i'm basically pussing out on talking to every single female in my vicinity and stalling because i...don't want to take responsibility for progressing the interaction?!?!??!?!??!
yeah, we have a lot of work to do here
regardless i had told myself i needed to approach 15 girls today, and doggone it, 15 girls were going to be approached
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i decided to pull out a trick i used to do in america nightgame, where i would say "okay i need to approach 1 girl in this venue before i'm allowed to leave this place", and i was able to approach many girls this way.
so i did something similar. "go approach 1 girl in the station", "now go approach one girl at the crosswalk" ..etc etc. breaking it down into chunks like that helped me get it done, probably because the location change gave me a slight dopamine hit even if i had a bad interaction
on my 14th approach, i got the most bubbly girl i've run into here! i told her she looks like bubbles from powerpuff girls (lol!!!!) and she obviously had no idea what that is so i had fun explaining powerpuff girls to a japanese girl....................lmao
we chatted for maybe 3-5 minutes when i suggested we bounce to get some tea or something.
my friend is waiting for me tho wait you said you were going home tf yeah i live with my friend ohhh like a sharehouse? lol that's fine let's just go for like 10 minutes noooo i have to get up early tomorrow yeah i wake up at 6:30am to go to the gym i aint trying to stay up late either noooooo i really have to go <<<<--- probably could have just kept the convo/approach going instead of the following ok let's exchange lines and i'll take you on a date uhhh...i can't. my manager reads all of my line messages your what does what now???
ok so the thing is, in japan there are these places called "girls bars". basically guys with a lot of money but no girls go to these places and drink, but the hostesses all act cute and shower you in compliments so your inflated ego empties out your entire wallet on booze
however, these places usually have strict rules not allowing the hostesses to date or otherwise talk to boys. and they usually have "managers" that verify this.
sleeping with one of these girls is basically the forbidden fruit in japan. but guys are able to do it through instadate lays essentially
and one day...
ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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during my session i spotted a dude flagging down girls and so i talked to him. dude has been nampaing for like 8 years.
he says he does like 100-200 approaches a day!!!!!!!!!! ok now i know what i need to be aiming for lmao
my 16 in 4 hours is me pussing out of like 90% of the girls i actually want to approach tbh.
but i know i'll be able to get to that point again where i enjoy approaching just for the hell of it
I went back to the university around noon and the volume was really high. Immediately started approaching girls but yeah it was 0/17. The only one I really remember is some tall black dude saw me hitting on a girl and he was like "ayyy, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take!"
Even if you live in a small town, if you are determined enough you can find high volume places at certain times. I even rescheduled my weekly meetings with my boss so I could go out at noon.
On the upside, I have my second cold approach date on Sunday, so that'll be exciting (first time was in Nashville)
i did it before!!!
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meeting tomorrow evening with the nampa sensei i've been messaging on twitter!!! very excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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💁🏽♂️🐶 5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵. practitioner of deep work and self-engineering.
