colgate - first instadate of the year!!!

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MakingAComeback
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Tue Mar 29, 2022 5:39 pm

Great update.

I can relate.

MAC THOUGHTS:

I think when a brain is subconsciously calibrating, there may be incongruences and inconsistencies in subtle subcommunications.

You know you are going to have to physically escalate, and you have not built this behaviour into your identity yet. Maybe there are subtle cues we give off to suggest we're not comfortable, and women pick up on this - hence the 'trance' comment.

Why do I think this?

Consider my 25 dates: the moment I ask them to come to mine, they stand up and say they need to go home. I am uncomfortable in those moments of asking, and at some level, as I know I need to physically escalate, I myself am incongruent on these dates. I suspect women are picking up on this, and I am hence obtaining the outcomes I do.

A lot of brain change will be needed to make these behaviour congruent

Day game, Night game, and continuing with dates with a focus on INTENT might be the fastest way to rewire a very uncalibrated brain.

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Tue Mar 29, 2022 11:50 pm

Thanks for the replies everyone.
lacroix wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:15 am
maybe that's why it came fast to you to escalate physically so quickly
Maybe part of it is me trying to steamroll past open/closed body language and expressions because I thought it didn't matter, when it seems like it does. And also some stupid roadblock I have where I think I have zero control of the girl and there's nothing I can do to open her up once she's closed off.
lacroix wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:15 am
For me the goal is to just joke around and have a ton of fun. I'm not always in the mood and can't always pull it off
Yeah, maybe I just need to "give myself permission to suck" and just try to talk to as many people (not just hot girls) as possible just to gain momentum and see what happens.
lacroix wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:15 am
wait, is this who I think it is? The guy who pulled multiple girls the same night when we were in Phoenix? LOL
No, funnily enough he didn't get anything. Only a clit vibrator from a chick who left her bag in his room, but that was from a duo pull with another guy. The guy who pulled+smashed twice on Saturday night was actually the guy I thought was some random dude trying to steal my approach in this post: viewtopic.php?p=27153#p27153
lacroix wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:15 am
So I think if you practice getting more comfortable with longer silences you'll be golden. One thing I sometimes do is just sit there with a really big derpy smile and say "sup," or "help me make conversation I'm blanking right now!" Just calling it out can be a pretty fun.
Funnily enough, during daygame instadates/dates, I do this a lot. I love just looking deep into a girl's eyes and then I don't have to do any work and she just drives the conversation haha. Maybe I need to just make small inroads at night and then do this too at night.
lacroix wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:15 am
Like, when you're pushing for sex/escalation and get turned down, maybe you randomly become a bit more insecure, your face expression changes and your confidence melts away. The solution I think is to OWN what you're doing. Being willing to stand by it, aka VULNERABILITY. I wonder if sometimes subconsciously you kissing/pulling is something you try to "get away with" with the girl.
Yeah, I think that's pretty much it. I feel like from being active in the daygame chat for so long gave me this toxic mindset that girls don't want to do anything and you're supposed to cajole them into servicing you.

But it's probably closer to something like, you are trying to offer an all-expenses-paid vacation to random people. Yeah, most people would probably decline an offer like that, even if it's all-expenses-paid so they have nothing to lose and everything to gain, but they have some excuses and/or obligations for why they can't do it, so getting someone to take it would probably be inherently low-percentages. But if you want to actually get the person who would be willing to take it in the first place, you have to actually have an exciting vacation ready for them and be able to express that in a way that makes them feel that they know you'd give them a good time.

^bit of a longwinded analogy, but I'm still nowhere close to that point yet. I have so many insecurities and feelings of inferiority I have to get over, still. But it'll happen.
lacroix wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 8:15 am
I'm not saying you're getting butthurt, but if you get awkward or shut down a little bit I think the girl might receive it that way. It's like, I liked this guy so much, all that happened was I didn't want to kiss him yet, why is he suddenly acting so different, was it just an act? For you it wasn't an act, just a bit of inexperience making you awkward.
Honestly, I think I do get pretty butthurt when it does happen. Like I feel like I lose interest just because she declined it initially and I start shutting down and getting cold. I don't think I do it overtly, but it kind of hits me in the same spot as probably how I acted when I was a kid and threw a tantrum when I didn't get what I wanted. I think especially because I made myself really vulnerable to the Destiny chick about being so open about how nervous she made me feel, and I still got declined.

But I probably had some base mindset and entitlement that "oh if I make myself vulnerable, she will DEFINITELY let me escalate". In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have gone for a makeout right after putting her hand on my heart because she reacted in kind of a closed off way (she asked me if I was okay, as if something was wrong with me). There's no entitlement here. I literally forgot the basics of compliance that @pancakemouse had posted on my log a few weeks ago because I was so desperate and didn't think I'd get anything otherwise: viewtopic.php?p=30585#p30585
Adrizzle wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 9:18 am
You should have asked what she thought you were hiding.
I had asked her several times, and she couldn't come up with anything. I kept just telling her that I thought she was cute and I wanted to kiss her, because I didn't really know what I was supposed to say either, and that's what I wanted.
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Wed Mar 30, 2022 12:42 am

Read your whole entry. Your self awareness is top notch.

I don't really have any advice, I just wanna say I can really relate to the whole concept of shutting down after rejection. On my last date when I got rejected, I lost interest in the girl immediately.

I think it's an ego defense thing. It's the attitude of "She's not into me? Who cares, I wasn't that interested anyways."
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Wed Mar 30, 2022 2:53 am

Voldemort fucked us up the same way huh
colgate wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 11:50 pm
Maybe part of it is me trying to steamroll past open/closed body language and expressions because I thought it didn't matter, when it seems like it does. And also some stupid roadblock I have where I think I have zero control of the girl and there's nothing I can do to open her up once she's closed off.
Instead of being patient, pulling back, and continuing to build the connection, I just keep plowing along with the timer in the back of my head saying, pull at the 30 minute mark and if she refuses a couple pulls, cut her loose.

Basically why I lost today's instadate which I posted in the group chat.
colgate wrote:
Tue Mar 29, 2022 11:50 pm
Honestly, I think I do get pretty butthurt when it does happen. Like I feel like I lose interest just because she declined it initially and I start shutting down and getting cold. I don't think I do it overtly, but it kind of hits me in the same spot as probably how I acted when I was a kid and threw a tantrum when I didn't get what I wanted.
The worst case of this I've had was where the girl refused to pull 15 minutes in, and I literally had tears start welling up in my eyes, just like when I got rejected as a child. Thankfully I didn't actually cry (would be hilarious tbh) but my energy changed a lot and the girl felt it.
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countingsheep7878
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Wed Mar 30, 2022 6:09 am

hey @colgate read the last few longer posts and I have some ideas for you try. Seeding dates in person may help improve your flakiness or at least won't get a dead number because you will screen them out before they give you the number which they were going to ghost on.

Starting with normal approaches. When you go to close and get a number show her your phone and make sure you got the number right (insert some cute funny phrase around her name. My last one was Alexandra stylish picnic girl. This was referencing 2 call backs to our conversation. Another thing you can do is hand her your phone and have her put your number in.

Next; when you get her number ask her if she likes (insert what you want to do for a date, wine, bubble tea, coffee, margaritas etc) and then when she says she does respond with "okay great, we should get (insert thing you asked her if she liked) this week. What's your schedule like?" Get her to give you a date in front of you. Try to get the date within 3 days of your approach. You will get a lot less flakes that because either she won't commit to a date (which is usually her backing out) or she will commit to a date and you will text her about it. Make sure you text her a few hours later as well. Don't wait 2 days or whatever bullshit. Text her something simple like either Colgate ;) (use your actual name) or "Hey (insert girls name, its Colgate from the mall ;)" Then just make some small talk that same day (doesn't need to be a lot) and follow up the day of or day before to confirm the date. I like to you "so you pick out a cute outfit for our date yet?" as flirty way to get confirm. If the date is more then 3 days between when you met her then confirm the day before. If its within 3 days the late morning or early afternoon of the day of the date is fine.

Insta dates: So instadates don't need to be a pull and sex close to be a win. I think a ton of guys assume this but its not really the most common way to get the sex from the girl you cold approached. What the instadate can be really effective in is letting you have that first "date" so when you have your second date a pull or a date back at your place is even more solidified or more likely. So now you just need to seed the next date while you are on your instadate. its pretty much the same thing as above. Just about like 2/3 - 3/4 of the way through your instadate (maybe 10-30 mins in) you ask her if she likes "wine, house music, some comedy tv show, margaritas, chocolate covered strawberries etc and then say we should do that later this week. When you are free? Then get your next date lined up before you leave her in person.

Here are 2 examples of how it could go on the insta date (let's pretend you are getting tea or coffee on the insta date)

example 1.

You: So do you like wine? Or do you just stick to your bubble tea over there?
Her: I like wine
You: Oh ya, red or white?
Her: I like sweet whites.
You: My type of girl, we should split a bottle of white on my romantic balcony sometime this week.
Her: (this is a pivotal response) she may give an objection here, like I don't meet guys at their place that quickly or I'd prefer a public setting. Or she will just say sound good / sounds fun
You: just response with "no worries, I know an awesome bar that we can get a glass of wine at (pick a bar within walking distance of your place). Have you been to (insert bar)? if she gives an objection, if not see your next line below
Her: Nope
You: Nice we can explore it together, what nights are you free this week?
Her: Thursday and Satruday
You: Okay great, (pick your day of choice)

example 2.

You: I started watching this hilarious show called impractical jokers. Have you seen it?
Her: nope but I've heard of it.
You: Oh you have to check it out, it will change your life. we should watch it later this week and maybe have a drink.
Her: ya that would be cool (or she will tell you an objection). If she says, ya maybe or something non positive then just say "you don't sound that confident my dear." then get her to voice her objection. it will probably be meeting at your place so quickly but just use the same pivot to a bar or coffee shop near you if you get that objection.
You: If she says ya that would be cool. you say okay great, what nights are you free this week?
Her: Tuesday and Wednesday
You: Okay great, (pick your day of choice) and get her number

Lastly. I see you saying you are "throwing a hailmary" a lot in your posts about going for the kiss. You aren't supposed to go for hail marys you are supposed to be going for the first kiss on emotional high spikes of the date / interaction. That may mean its a bit earlier but don't just wait for the end when shit is going south and try to get her to kiss you that is nor optimal. If you have her on a high note say "woah your eyes jjust like sparkled, let me see them." lean in close and look at them (comment on their color) ask her if she can tell what color your eyes are right now and then just whisper either

1. "I really want to kiss you right now."
2. "i'm trying so hard not to kiss you right now"
3. "can I kiss you right now"

if she gives any response other then no or a quick move away then you kiss her right after that line.

Try to implement some of these tips and see if your success doesn't improve.
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Wed Mar 30, 2022 6:26 am

Thanks for the reply @countingsheep7878
countingsheep7878 wrote:
Wed Mar 30, 2022 6:09 am
Seeding dates in person may help improve your flakiness or at least won't get a dead number because you will screen them out before they give you the number which they were going to ghost on.
I've done this before and noticed pretty much no difference in terms of flakiness unfortunately. Actually I tend to do this anyway and I pitch a date idea and if the girl doesn't seem down I don't go for the contact.
countingsheep7878 wrote:
Wed Mar 30, 2022 6:09 am
Starting with normal approaches. When you go to close and get a number show her your phone and make sure you got the number right (insert some cute funny phrase around her name. My last one was Alexandra stylish picnic girl. This was referencing 2 call backs to our conversation. Another thing you can do is hand her your phone and have her put your number in.
I don't think incorrect numbers were my issue. I used to actually just call myself on the girl's phone but I switched back to sending my name when I got the contact because it seemed pretty weird.

I've not gotten an instadate to meet up with me for a subsequent date before. And tbh I was only doing them because I wasn't getting any regular dates. I honestly think I'm doing something wrong on approaches and/or I don't meet the looks threshold for most of the girls I got a contact from.

I'm really not sure what's going on, which is another reason I'm moving back to Nashville and I'll be focusing way more on elite body and nightgame. I think nightgame basically exposes every social skills issue you have very plainly, and it's more likely there will be dtf girls on the spot.

Next time I get a date or I'm in some high tension situation I'll try your kiss advice.
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Wed Mar 30, 2022 12:54 pm

countingsheep7878 wrote:
Wed Mar 30, 2022 6:09 am
Insta dates: So instadates don't need to be a pull and sex close to be a win. I think a ton of guys assume this but its not really the most common way to get the sex from the girl you cold approached. What the instadate can be really effective in is letting you have that first "date" so when you have your second date a pull or a date back at your place is even more solidified or more likely. So now you just need to seed the next date while you are on your instadate. its pretty much the same thing as above. Just about like 2/3 - 3/4 of the way through your instadate (maybe 10-30 mins in) you ask her if she likes "wine, house music, some comedy tv show, margaritas, chocolate covered strawberries etc and then say we should do that later this week. When you are free? Then get your next date lined up before you leave her in person.
It's generally accepted in the daygame community that rapport instadates (where you don't pull in the moment) doesn't make a day2 measurably more likely.

Like colgate, I've never had an instadate lead to a subsequent date.
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Mon Apr 11, 2022 12:43 pm

Feels nostalgic af to be writing "colgate's nashville log" for the subject again.

Moved in to Nashville last weekend, this time with Troy and @lacroix. And I'll be here for the next 11 months.

My main goal now will be elite body. I'll be posting in my bulk log sporadically because I don't want to have a log that's just counting calories (omg just kidding @goldfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love u). But I've been lifting weights 4x a week and going to the boxing gym 2x a week so far. Reason for the focus on elite body is because I literally want to be this guy and have girls react to me like this:


Guys here might say I already look attractive enough. And girls have even told me "omg don't get all muscly" blah blah. But I've met plenty of guys in game so far and have seen how much looks does impact results. For myself, I see focus on elite body equivalent to some obese guy losing fat, even if I might be of an average fitness level already.

It's not enough. I want girls to find me as irresistible as I find them right now.

Anyway, I knew moving in with two guys who also go out and game would also push me to do that as well, so I will also be focusing on nightgame. Because I'm in one of the best places to do nightgame, and I'm already somewhat familiar with it from being here back in October.

Nightgame
Lots of "holy shit I can't believe I'm back on Broadway" emotions walking down the street on Thursday night.

My last log involved me talking about how I don't like having conversation at night. Turns out I actually don't "hate conversation at night" at all, I just don't start off the night by genuinely having fun and enjoying myself.

We live in a time and age where you can literally exchange sheets of paper for inebriating drinks and dance to music recorded and produced on silicon bricks with flashing lights for the low price of showing up to a freaking club. Humanity is better than it's ever been. We'd all have to hunt for food 30000 years ago and be wondering if we'll even survive the next day. People literally show up to clubs and bars to celebrate the abundant society humans have achieved. And maybe the lack of awareness and even perhaps feeling like I contributed nothing to it personally (which isn't even necessarily true) translates into feeling like an alien at these places. But it's like, that doesn't matter. I still enjoy probably the most delectable fruits humanity has ever grown throughout history in the year 2022.

So my new mindset is literally just fistbump and cheers as many people as possible when I walk into a place. Doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl, young or old, just anyone. I'm walking into these places grateful that I live in a time where I can enjoy this kind of club environment in the first place.

Within like 2 minutes of the first place I walked into, some chick latched onto me and started drawing "tattoos" on me with a marker, introduced me to some of her friends, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek out of nowhere and I snapped it.

And I had several other conversations and approaches and got a couple snaps here and there. I won't literally document every interaction I had, but any feelings of "I hate talking to people at night" literally vanished when I walk into places trying to make myself known to as many people as possible and getting on the same celebration wavelength as everyone else.

Huge contrast from the ironically lonely nights I had in Nashville back in October where I felt I didn't understand these people in the first place. But I'm starting to see the stepping stones now.
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Mon Apr 11, 2022 1:00 pm

@colgate

Good luck in Nashville man - hoping to start a bulk myself very soon and may also post my progress with it on my log

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Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:36 am

On Daily/Regular Logging
I was thinking to my time when I was in Nashville previously. Despite being depressed for most of the month after getting booted off the university campus and none of my contacts going anywhere, I was still going to the gym regularly, getting work done, keeping on track with my diet, and even still approaching girls at different venues semi-regularly, and trying to go out alone at night.

The fact that I logged all of it made me remember that I was doing all that because I honestly wouldn't have remembered otherwise, since that month felt like a total blur. And there were a few days I just posted something like "just posting this for accountability".

I've also seen how @Spider Jerusalem bounced back after a long series of "continuity posts". Initially I thought, wait what's the point of this. Like why is the goal to just post on the forums every day. But then out of nowhere he starts going on a bunch of dates and getting hookups. Which made me realize that in one of my lowest times since I'd been on the forums, just logging what I did today at least made me feel like I had to be accountable for something, and I managed to still stay consistent with gym/diet and jettison back into action in November with dating.

I think maybe the reason I wasn't logging as much as I used to was some sense of "fuck, I always have to have some sort of story if I want to post on here...or else I don't have the right to post". Which is completely made up nonsense, but it is what I felt. I'm just not at that stage in my life, especially with dating, where I can just be like "hey I'm only going to post about cool stories on my log". It's also a disservice to myself, because I always read people's logs and wonder "how the fuck did they get to that point. how are they doing this shit." since you tend to start omitting out details of things you take for granted. The stories are cool and you love to hear them as motivation, but you're still always like "please tell me how the FUCK you got to this point".

Wasting my life
Which brings me to why I'm even writing this in the first place.

As I said in my previous post, I just moved into Nashville a bit over a week ago. I have been going to the gym (4x a week), boxing (2x a week), bulking (2300-2800 calories, 160g+ protein every day), and going out at night (3-4x a week).

But I know I'm wasting the rest of my time doing jack shit. It's mostly frying my own brain with watching YouTube videos all day. It literally feels like vaping again, minus the actual vape. In other words, I'm just pleasuring myself for doing nothing. Maybe it's more like I'm numbing my brain from confronting discomfort too, but it's not like my sedated self would figure that out in this state. Anyway, it's basically the same state I was in right before I made this post 2 months ago: viewtopic.php?p=28745#p28745

What am I doing??? I need to get back into some sort of grind mode. I don't know with what, but I feel way better and shit just starts lining up when I'm actually grinding. And yeah I've been going to the gym and bulking blah blah, but that shit should just be part of my daily routine anyway, for the rest of my life. What am I doing with the other 10+ hours that I'm awake? Exactly.

Even if my effort->outcomes ratio is extremely low (in general) when I'm in grind mode, some good shit always happens. Since I've joined the forums it's gotten me exposed to a LOT of great guys I will be eternally grateful for, a bunch of dates (whereas I had zero in my life previously) and makeouts, and I know I've even gotten 2 dormant guys "back in the game" just from them seeing me hustle. And all my effort up until now has landed me in a place where I'm in 24/7 contact with one of the best mentors for dating and another guy who hustles as much as I do and takes the same amount of risks, and also happens to be conversely good at the things I need to work on. I've got a guaranteed 11 months in this position, so I've got to do my part in this.

I know I'm putting off many tasks and many things I want to start getting into, and wasting my time with pointless crap instead. It's not a matter of what tasks they are, but I'm not doing them because I'm satiating myself with YouTube videos.

Unlike vaping (where I replaced it with candy) and fapping (...I just talked to girls), I'm not really sure what to replace YouTube with. Maybe I'll go cold turkey (I've done that in the past and weaned myself off of it). But usually every time I've gone off of YouTube, it's because I had something else going on in my life (or I was getting free dopamine from elsewhere).

The only thing I can think of for now is starting a daily log again. I'm hoping the embarrassment of posting that I did jack shit will probably incentivize me to have more days I feel proud of, instead of days I feel I'm wasting.

(only excuse I have for the past 2 days is I somehow got super sick and spent all day sleeping yesterday. Still went to the gym. Ended up missing boxing today from sleeping, but decided to go to the gym late at night instead. Haven't really hit all my calories specifically in the past 24 hours though)
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MakingAComeback
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Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:53 am

lets fucking go bro

will hold you accountable with the MOUSE 2 BULLDOG EFFORTS

the rest you will def work out

grinding is mandatory tho dude. you can watch youtube etc but why not consume the stuff that gets your mind and subconscious right so you SLAY in life

as you know I seldom have a minute free and grind my whole god damn life

theres pros and cons

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Wed Apr 13, 2022 9:11 am

MakingAComeback wrote:
Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:53 am
you can watch youtube etc but why not consume the stuff that gets your mind and subconscious right so you SLAY in life
Yeah, funnily enough that has been the majority of what I've been watching. Self-improvement videos, and motivational type content. Mainly Hamza Ahmed and the recent trend of "Zyzz inspirational" meme videos.

But a couple problems:
1. You can still watch "too much" good content, but still go nowhere. ie: you can delude yourself into thinking you're being "productive" and "this is fine" because it's "self-improvement related" without actually taking action.
2. I realized I fell back into just general entertainment, and watching way too much of that, in lieu of focusing on many tasks I have to do, such as work. I feel like if my days are just me wasting my own time, I become depressed, and that definitely starts to reflect in my interactions with people and my body language/behavior becomes avoidant in general, because I'm "guilty" of my "uselessness" in that moment

I mainly wrote the above post to see if holding myself accountable to daily logging will help with actually taking action again, especially when I haven't exactly figured out what it is. Though I have specific things I need to do outside of gym/diet/nightlife such as work and getting back with the other social circle I had here in Nashville. So it's probably going to be more freeform, but I don't want to come in here like "just watched 6 hours of YouTube guys but at least I went to the gym and ate my calories lol"
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5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
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colgate
Posts: 919 | Thanks: 1775
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2021 9:23 pm
Name: bulldog
Goal: BANG!! japanese chicks!
Age: 27
Location: japan
Contact:

Thu Apr 14, 2022 4:12 pm

I hate trying to portray myself as "omg I'm so different", but I've rarely found my archetype of socially disconnected here on the forums. I think the average person on the KYIL forums is very socially attuned and aware, and emotionally in touch, probably so socially attuned that it cripples them from even "taking action" in the first place.

On the other hand, in the daygame chat (where I'm basically dormant now), the chat is basically full of socially disconnected guys. So it made sense that I was initially allured to that group, not realizing a lot of the ideologies touted there are actually ineffective (which is something I probably would have realized if I wasn't so socially disconnected in the first place).

I have almost zero awareness of how my behavior comes off to other people. My communication skills are atrocious, and I bang my head at the wall as to why "doing x thing" is wrong. It's like I'm literally socially impaired, like borderline autistic, even though I'm not.

Whenever I read about or learn about "certain social skills", I always process it as "oh you just do this surface level thing and it works out?", and somehow when I ask that I always get the "no you're missing the point dude" response, and I'm continually flummoxed. Meanwhile, I endlessly toil away and have no idea what the fuck I'm doing is wrong. I'll get feedback and pointers from people and try to implement them, but ultimately even after implementing them it feels like that wasn't enough and then it's back to square one.

Like how can I be so fucking retarded socially to not pick up on basic emotions, especially from girls. From my point of view, in the moment, girls are just randomly into me, and then out of nowhere they just flip out of nowhere and lose all interest. And it's not just girls, I've had the same with friends before.

And then I can reflect on my actions and be like "okay, yeah I fucked up this specific thing here". And then I try to remember not to do that for next time, and perhaps progress past that point a little bit, but then I somehow always take the worst possible path again, and fuck the next step up too, and then I tumble down and crash 5 steps back and I have to try to figure out how to not only get back to where I was previously, but be faced with the same problem I had earlier again. I guess the entitlement of "well I'm this far though, so why am I so far behind, I need to catch up" gets me really impatient, and then I become super sloppy trying to claw back to where I was previously, but because I'm being so sloppy, my "results" are even worse than before.

^wow writing the above paragraph made me realize this issue permeates beyond dating and girls and is a huge reason I tend to brickwall at a lot of things in general.
💁🏽‍♂️🐶
5'5" indian in 🇺🇸→🇯🇵, childhood in religious cult, turned teenage internet gay, now aspiring toxic male.
📖 My Story

🥰 dating log
💪🏾 training log

see my interview!
User avatar
Toast
Posts: 872 | Thanks: 1100
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2021 12:31 am
Name: Devin
Goal: Japanese Plate
Age: 29
Motto: The Time to Hesitate Has Ceased
Location: Tokyo
Contact:

Mon Apr 18, 2022 12:54 am

I think picking up on social queues is a skill that can be polished.
Walking around with the people I met yesterday they were talking about similar things and I was oblivious to what they were saying.
Its a good start that you are aware of what you are lacking cuz that means you can only improve from here.

I essentially have to relearn all my social skills here in japan cuz Japanese chicks react quite differently then in America. So were somewhat in the same boat. My convos are extremely stale and limited, and I do a lot of American things that put chicks off.

You will get there soon I'm sure. You have surrounded ur self with great mentors and other practitioners so just soak it all in while u can.
Japanese Lay count -10

Toast's AA Log
viewtopic.php?f=42&t=517&p=9840#p9840
User avatar
1v1mekid
Posts: 128 | Thanks: 21
Joined: Mon Nov 29, 2021 2:30 am
Goal: girls
Age: 31
Location: Los Angeles

Mon Apr 18, 2022 3:37 am

colgate wrote:
Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:36 am
As I said in my previous post, I just moved into Nashville a bit over a week ago. I have been going to the gym (4x a week), boxing (2x a week), bulking (2300-2800 calories, 160g+ protein every day), and going out at night (3-4x a week).

But I know I'm wasting the rest of my time doing jack shit...
70% of the population can't stick to a diet and training program to save their lives(literally.. heart disease/diabetes). 99% of guys don't approach women. Also, aren't you like a software engineer? That doesn't sound like jack shit to me.
colgate wrote:
Thu Apr 14, 2022 4:12 pm
I have almost zero awareness of how my behavior comes off to other people. My communication skills are atrocious, and I bang my head at the wall as to why "doing x thing" is wrong. It's like I'm literally socially impaired, like borderline autistic, even though I'm not.

Whenever I read about or learn about "certain social skills", I always process it as "oh you just do this surface level thing and it works out?", and somehow when I ask that I always get the "no you're missing the point dude" response, and I'm continually flummoxed. Meanwhile, I endlessly toil away and have no idea what the fuck I'm doing is wrong. I'll get feedback and pointers from people and try to implement them, but ultimately even after implementing them it feels like that wasn't enough and then it's back to square one
You're probably not as bad as you think. I read an old post about how you fingered some girl in your car you met cold approaching? You're probably not too far off. Also, is that like a PUA group? Maybe stick to ye olde GLL fundamentals: Look good, talk to girls.

"Hi, you're cute. Handshake." 30s conversation. Ask for contact, leave. Meetup rate from day game numbers will always be crap. Doesn't matter if you 5 min conversation where you dhv'd, push pulled, kinod her or had a 30s conversation.
2022 Goals:
1 new lay by dec-31 ✔️
$90k/year by dec-31✔️
move out ✔️
lose 15lbs ✔️
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