after moving 4 times, including to literally another country
approaching thousands of girls
throwing out my clothes and redoing my wardrobe thrice (many more redos to come btw)
hitting the gym, gaining 20 lbs, and literally shooting up
roids naturally sourced vitamins and organ meat
meeting the most stellar group of people i'll probably meet in my life
biting hard into the blackpill,
and then puking it out in order to continue anyway
the ultimate boss has revealed itself
the bedrock pill
18 months of experience led me to find my true make or break moment
there is no extreme impulse decision i can do to get out of this one
for its very definition is the antithesis to impulsivity
i've run out of impulse decisions to make anyway. now i'm in japan surrounded by anime girls 24/7. is there any other decision to make?
this is the ultimate test of my entire life.
my entire life is on the line now. either i will be able to careen to the top echelons of society or get deported back to america and literally die.
i have no middle ground. there's no "oh whatever get some job and then get married and grow old". maybe for some of you, you might actually have that option. but i and many others don't. that wasn't possible for me because the complacent path i was put on was absolutely horrific, absolutely degrading, and absolutely insulting.
it's either that or have my harem of anime girls
god rolled the dice and told me i have to live life to the extreme
was any of this worth it?
...
...
...
consistency
it taunts me
it laughs in my face
i don't want to bring it along for the ride.
i only like doing new things. i love just being spiked and spiking myself all the time.
it's an anvil i won't lug around
...
and yet unlike roadrunner, the coyote hits me with it every time
i dream to swiftly dash around it, enjoy the ride, and get to my destinations
yet every so often, after i deny its necessity for the 47th time, lo and behold, it smashes me into the pavement, my spattered guts roasting on the asphalt, ready for some ホルモン焼き
and yet i can pick myself up, and start over.
but i never bring
it along
so i just flagellate in place
repeatedly getting slammed by the anvil. and somehow i'm still here.
but because i'm still here i just accept this as my mode of existence.
...
...
...
yes, as i said earlier, there is no impulse decision around this one.
the very definition of consistency is sticking to a plan. over a looooong period of time.
guys talk about "passing shit tests from girls" but i can't even fucking pass the shit tests from myself. i'm fucking over
...
...
...
"oh i have x base stats with y upbringing yielding z personality that isn't helping me while all these other people are all blah blah whine complain"
ok but no
...
...
...
monday: no approach
tuesday: no approach
wednesday: 40 approaches, 1 contact
thursday: no approach (ok i actually got sick)
friday:
4 approaches
saturday:
10 approaches
it's fucking retarded how 2 weeks of hitting the streets nearly every day, or at least 6 days a week got flushed down the toilet from one week of half-assedry. both yesterday and today felt like my first days approaching ever. it doesn't matter that i could get an instadate or an almost instapull last week, i fell off and got punished.
i'm still barely tipping the scales at 71kg, there's no reason why i could not have been 75kg now, ready to evaluate my body. it's not that i have been eating enough calories and I'm reaching a ceiling, no i just stopped paying attention to food for a few months and now my weight is trickling down.
and there's no random magic hat decision i can make to revert these. there's no fucking undo button. and even if there were it wouldn't serve any purpose because i'd just keep making the same mistakes.
...
...
...
it cloaked itself as many things. wrong location, unattractive looks, strange behaviors.
but with nothing left, all external bullshit variables isolated, now the truth has come forward
consistency
i'm writing all of this because i can't hide from it anymore. everything else has been taken away. i don't have a looks problem, and i even have proof i'm not completely unattractive personality wise. both are fixable and moot anyway if you apply
consistency
and the only ready way around it is... literally to stick to a plan over a long period of time.
subpar looks? go to the gym for x amount of time until you get noticed based on your body alone. fashion may seem like an impulse decision, but it ends up being a life project and just one fashion overhaul doesn't fix it all
unattractive behavior? this is the hardest. not only do you have to put yourself in a situation where you're talking to a girl regularly, you have to be aware of what's unattractive in the first place. but that's the easy part. the hard part is
consistently and repeatedly zoning in on specific unwanted traits and fixing them on the fly. after all, i'm at a stage where i act differently around people i'm comfortable with and around a girl i just approached, and even the behavior i have when i'm around people i'm comfortable with is up for debate on whether it's attractive to girls. "just be yourself" doesn't apply to someone like me unfortunately. regardless, this requires
consistency to fix
we could go on and list things that need to be worked on. that's not really the point of this post
but every single one of the above issues are completely surface level. all fixable.
there's no "injectable consistency serum" i can
legally get a prescription for from a trusted medical professional and shoot in my ass twice a week
and 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months is not enough. hell i barely last that long on many things
there's no fucking defined time period on any of these. it's literally "do it until you have the desired result. and then probably keep doing it". you have no safety of "defined time period"
uh, ok I have to eventually end this post lol.
the ending is that i have laid all my cards out on the table and i have to stop losing my own brain's shit tests. not much else that can be said
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「YOU TIRED ASS NIGGA LET'S FUCK SOME BITCHES COME ON BOY WHOOOO!!!」