Hydro's Log

[Hydro]

Went on a 1.5 hour walk and was listening to a lot of Andy's content. Positive vs Negative Pressure and on the walk, I saw a couple of interesting things.
There is a YouTuber that I watched a little bit, some time ago. I saw her man walking with some flowers on the street and that was cute (since it's valentines day).
However literally less than 30 minutes later as I was walking there was a dude in a car, moving slowly and I had 911 dialed on my phone (but didn't call it). I started knocking on the trash bin and he woke up. I gave him a thumbs up as a question of "You Good?" He gave it back, but I swear I thought this guy was dying. cycle of life huh

Just read this article about Guts and masculinity: https://www.jacksonpbrown.com/anime-and ... asculinity
For some reason the writer took it down so I went over to wayback machine and read it. Shout out to Guts.

[Hydro]

Just finished another walk, was listening to some Dostoevsky.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrZz4WtkNTs
Going to listen to this over in a week or two. It's less than an hour but D man is quite a writer and it takes time to reach the depth of his works.

Also listened to this beauty:

Agreed with Ketan. He did a collab with Andy i believe a year ago. The best part that I remember is him saying that guys in their younger years (early to mid 20s) will 'waste' that time away doing stupid shit and only until they reach their late 20s to 30s do they truly start taking action. Reminds me of Andy as well since he 'officially' started his self improvement journey at 28 as well.

Going to eat some nachos, take a shower and then go to bed.
See ya later guys!

[MakingAComeback]

Ketan is really smart, and a great dude. He's a friend of mine and has a great brain.

Homie hustled a lot in life, got a gorgeous GF, is advanced in lifting, got laid a bunch, and got past 6 figs in biz.

He is a friend of this forum, and is a member of The Killer Instinct panel show as you know.

Keep learning from these solid guys.

I spent 2 years around 25 studying success from the great minds. When I decided, it was time to put the theory to bed, and get proper coaching, I came here and got to work.

I do enjoy reading this log as it takes me back to the times when I was going for 2-3hr walks every day and just listening to Andy. I was almost 300lbs at the time and a virgin.

That same guy, 3 years later, became MAC.

I hope to see your transformation in the not too distant future.

KEEP WORKING

MAC DADDY

[Hydro]

Ketan is really smart, and a great dude. He's a friend of mine and has a great brain.

Homie hustled a lot in life, got a gorgeous GF, is advanced in lifting, got laid a bunch, and got past 6 figs in biz.

He is a friend of this forum, and is a member of The Killer Instinct panel show as you know.

Keep learning from these solid guys.

I spent 2 years around 25 studying success from the great minds. When I decided, it was time to put the theory to bed, and get proper coaching, I came here and got to work.

I do enjoy reading this log as it takes me back to the times when I was going for 2-3hr walks every day and just listening to Andy. I was almost 300lbs at the time and a virgin.

That same guy, 3 years later, became MAC.

I hope to see your transformation in the not too distant future.

KEEP WORKING

MAC DADDY

Yeah I've been actually listening to a lot of the killer instinct panels. I actually comment on Brian's videos (darknight526) and talk about some insights during the pod's.

Also I do want to thank you for essentially being a role model for me. I don't think you know how much you and your story mean to me brother. Keep working Mac, and soon over 1M people will have clicked on your logs.

[Hydro]

Finished up some walking around the area as I usually do.

Was listening to an interesting video, basically the philosophy of a blackpiller from the Late Great Friedrich Nietzsche.


The Last Man, he is the archetypal passive nihilist. He is tired of life, takes no risks, and seeks only comfort and security. Therefore, The Last Man is unable to build and act upon a self-actualized ethos (character).
Definitely speaks to me, a life of comfort, reminds me of this:
https://rumble.com/v13kmp6-the-comforta ... t-get.html

Trying to transition myself from a passive to an active nihilist: https://academyofideas.com/2012/11/acti ... -nihilism/

Will go on another walk to flush out some thoughts.

[Hydro]

Went on another 40 minute walk while listening to some videos.

This made me teary eyed because my father is a truck diver:

I'm currently not going anywhere in my life, holding onto this and other channels of self improvement to get my life going but god damn, am I an awful son.

Great video of finding out how fast I can lose weight without losing muscle:
https://youtu.be/ER0XQEWyqjo?si=4TU1RHJDMVVSTi_3
BF%/20 times total body mass. I can lose about 4-5 lbs a week, even more when first starting out.

An extra that I was listening to, since being a father figure is really motivating. Lights a fire under my ass if someone is under my care and responsibility.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pte4FlffSUw

Will continue to declutter my digital space since that is the #1 thing, but I am making progress. It's just holding me back. Imagine tabs as the #1 thing holding you back, yes tabs on the browser. Pathetic, reminds me of the Last Man that Nietzsche talks about.

Just read this phenomenal article by Chris:
https://web.archive.org/web/20171025234 ... ack-to-top
Pour Conclure
A goal without a plan is just a wish.
You don't need to know exactly how you are going to accomplish your goal (that is what you learn from daily experience) but you do need to know how you are going try.

Will definitely take it into account. DAILY SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT.

[Hydro]

Finished up my another walk, got some groceries, took a shower and now going to bed.

Was listening to this as I was washing my hair. Definitely lifefuel since this guy talks about getting a math degree and natural born talent vs practice.


Definitely love the video and the sense of comfort that someone else basically "quit" math for their bachelors and then got a masters and currently getting a PhD in it. Crazy, inspiring and empathetic towards my plight as a student.

Goodnight guys

[Hydro]

First I made sure to defrost the chicken in the sink.
Once I kept the water running (very slowly), I cleaned my washroom. I was listening to a couple of pieces of content by Chris:
https://rumble.com/v13i95g-be-a-player- ... onkey.html
https://rumble.com/v13klwa-my-promise-t ... -2012.html

Also this was in the back of my mind:
https://nav.al/build-sell
Imagine gaining the skills of an engineer to build the technology and the social skills of pickup. That would be a dangerous combination to have in the freemarket.

Will report back soon, been feeling like a bitch.

[Hydro]

Reporting back after 11 days...
Been ruminating a lot these past days and have been seeing some white pills but also some black pills.

For the white pill side: I've recently been bombarded with a lot of content about guys who were in my position who have been killing it in their dating life.
For example:
I watched this video by Ketan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J1rgB8B8yU
How he got laid on the same day he approached a girl, awesome stuff.

Watched Ravi's video about when he was down bad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZHulusyWk
Interestingly enough he was 28 when he made this video. I'm currently 28 right now and would like a kick in the butt to be like big bro ravi.

Another Indian guy who was a 38 year old virgin and he lost his virginity and has been on over 50+ dates and dozens of sexual partners (he said 25-30 I believe):
I'm not insecure about my race, more about my obesity (fixable I know) tbh. But knowing that guys like me in a similar position are killing it are definitely whitepills on whitepills.
And man like, the trajectory between this video and this post of another desi guy who was in the same exact position: https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments ... ool_humans
is night and day, hopefully the person in the post has a fulfilling life.

The guy who posted the above video, Avery posted a vid about a book to download (only available for a short period of time). It's similar the Andy's Tinder Guide but for cold approaching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLW7aBNlfo4
I did download the book so these are all whitepills that have been sent my way which is good.

I will post about the blackpills in my next post as of now.

Some other interesting videos that I read/watched:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5EbJWekguA: The whole "Just Be Yourself" Meme. You know you've made it and have reaped the rewards in the Manosphere when JBY is actually good advice. Most men are not there (yet).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWwEHDFttrw: An interesting convo/debate about Evo Psych between some heavy hitters.
https://www.youtube.com/live/ifiRYo9n0G ... 9Vu&t=2977: A top content creator who is talking more about philosophy instead of manosphere related content. Posted this since I know he's going to hit it big and I am in his first 1000 subs (Just like Andy (: )
https://ifstudies.org/blog/even-in-2024 ... ective-man: Being a protective man is very good to lower your chances of divorce.
https://www.psypost.org/covid-19-leaves ... iq-scores/: If you got Covid, your IQ went down between 3-9 points depending on the severity. If you caught it the second time, add another 2 point reduction.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10528646/: "Children and adolescents with two obese parents (my life) have an 80% chance of becoming obese, while those with only one obese parent have a 40% chance"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhAzunKxGWk and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ung2nrYBvmM: Some anime and motivation about becoming better. Definitely stuff that I can listen to as I'm walking and working out.

[Hydro]

Now onto the blackpills:

I have been ruminating about death quite often this past week. I mean today I had a final for my class and I didn't even go. yes, a final exam and I didn't even go. Me dying has been something that I've pondered a lot about over the years, but man these past few days have been really accelerated the rumination about things.

I have been looking at a lot of information as to why people commit suicide and I've learned a good amount and even ordered a book from Dr. Thomas Joiner (lost his father to suicide in 1990) who is the leading expert on why people commit suicide. He created the Interpersonal Theory of Suicide.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl ... 20suicidal: Essentially the 3 aspects as to why people delete themselves is
1. A perception of being a burden to others (perceived burdensomeness)
2. Social disconnection to something larger than oneself (thwarted belongingness)
However it isn't just these two. These two ingredients will make you ruminate about suicide (which is exactly where I'm at in life) but these are the thinkers. The doer's have a 3rd potent ingredient which is
3. A capability (learned fearlessness) of suicide. Typically from a gradual desensitization to violence and a decreased fear of pain, combined with technical competence in one or more suicide methods.

Here is a picture:

nihms301351f1.jpg

GOOD NEWS: I have the first two but I have too much fear to actually follow through since death is counter-intuitive to what the body wants. Even Andy himself talked about this, when he would have a knife and wanted to die but he couldn't. I think about jumping off my apartment building but can't. I mean this literally happened to a student a couple of days ago: https://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/loc ... s/3236523/
May they Rest in Peace and my condolences to their friends and family. But to put it into perspective of my situation, they had the capability (doer) while I just have the desire (thinker). This is actually my current problem that I am thinking too much and not pulling the trigger (no pun intended). Bad news is that I am not getting anything accomplished in life or moving forward. Good thing is I am not high risk at all. I'm basically in this half dead, apathetic, place in life. kinda sucks.

I ordered one of his books (and may interview him in the future) titled 'Myths about Suicide'. It's coming in the mail by next week I believe and really would like to learn about this topic since people talk about it but not many people are informed about it.
His other books that I plan to read:
1. Why People Die by Suicide
2. Lonely at the Top: The High Cost of Men's Success (Why men commit suicide more often)
3. The Varieties of Suicidal Experience: A New Theory of Suicidal Violence (which just came out a month ago, interesting timing on my current plight).

Some other stuff related to this topic:

Listened to a podcast about Joiner while I was taking a shower: https://www.npr.org/2010/04/28/12636590 ... ut-suicide
Another podcast on my walk: https://www.sallyspencerthomas.com/hope ... -podcast/1
Interestingly, there was a car parked 45 degrees at the curb of a residential intersection. The radio was playing loudly and a pedestrian said that he called the non-emergency number an hour ago and nobody came. The car was there for 2 hours, as that's what he told me. I called 911, told the paramedics about the info and they were there. We thought the guy might've been dead because of how loudly the music radio was playing but I saw his chest rising as I looked in the driver's window. He's good (I believe) but yeah, interesting stuff.

Tried to search up how to hang myself (couldn't find stuff) but oddly is one of the main ways that men commit deletion, women more so pharmacological drugs: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl ... -Table%201
Also in the same paper: 62% of women who committed suicide had made previous suicide attempts, 62% of men who committed suicide had not previously made such an attempt. Meaning guys delete themselves on the first attempt (62% of the time) and women delete themselves on their non-first, aka, 2nd, 3rd, 4th attempt (62% of the time).

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38328720/: Most attempts occurred in people under 40, with drug poisoning being the most common method. Factors like being single, unemployed, and having mental health issues were linked to suicide attempts. Suicidal ideation was often triggered by mental disorders or relationship conflicts. Currently single, unemployed and have had mental health issues so yeah that's tuff for me.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9437900/: A majority of American men who die by suicide (60%) don’t have any known history of mental health problems and https://neurosciencenews.com/male-suici ... lth-20834/: Males with no mental health history who died by suicide in three of the four age groups—adolescents, young adults and middle-aged men—more commonly experienced relationship problems, arguments or another type of personal crisis as precipitating circumstances than for those with prior histories. The researchers emphasized the importance of focusing on these kinds of acute situational stressors as part of suicide prevention efforts and working to discourage the use of alcohol, drugs and guns during times of crisis.

I am feeling better, but yeah not the best. Will tune in for more stuff about my life. Also I plan on signing up back to the gym tomorrow as I've put my membership on hold. Will report back!

[MakingAComeback]

As you know man, with any discussion of suicide, we have to signpost you to support services, such as Samaritans.

With suicidal ideation, and dealing with these thoughts, we recommend you speak to a therapist, and find support that can help you work through this.

Clearly, in your case, you'll have a lot to work through.

Your inner world, will be quite a challenging place, given your struggles with blackpill and such. I learned a lot from the blackpill, and it was useful to me, but only because I saw the bigger picture: with Game, masculinity, massive action, and maxxing out across all domains, anyone can succeed.

You just have to become the best version of yourself.

Anyway, that aside, you had a final exam and didn't go. To me, it's clear, your inner world, is a very dark and fragmented place. You'll need to get to the bottom of this, and situations like this, where there is just "failure to launch" so to speak, often require a lot of untangling.

Journalling here, is good, but I'd suggest you find someone to help you work through your psyche, and regain clarity and a commitment to your objectives in life.

Keep going homie, you will succeed.

-Ravi

[bonzo34]

@Hydro stay with us man.

[Zug]

@Hydro was sorry to read your last post, hope you're doing well, honestly as I'm writing this I'm quite worried about you. If you need help or want to talk to someone, DM me. Happy to jump on a call.

[Sewerdog]

Here is a picture: nihms301351f1.jpg

Respectfully is that true you're alone? There's people here reaching out to you because we see the value of your life. Community is hugely important and you're already a member of this one because you're trying to improve.

Personally, when I've been feeling very very low I think I'll just show up anyway even if it's only to see what happens and that if I have eternity to experience nothing I may as well stick around to experience something and observe each moment without needing anything from it. Because being alive is enough on its own.