Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Spider Jerusalem]

Massive Action is needed here. However, I won't say when I'm going to do any of these things.
I will instead post on here when I have done them

This is a really good idea. I noticed that the correlation between me saying I'll do something and me actually doing it is pretty weak. On the other hand, if I just do it, it's more satisfying to log about and I have an incentive to do it.

Yeah definitely - can't take credit for this one though. I think I read an article or listened to one of Andy's Podcasts where he says don't talk about what you will do, talk about what you have done. You already get the validation without doing any of the actual work when you tell everyone you're going to do something and then you don't actually do it!

[Striker]

Stopped biting my nails - hands look much better

Did you do anything specific for this or just willpower?

I keep biting my nails but sometimes I barely even realise I'm doing it as stupid as that sounds

[Spider Jerusalem]

Stopped biting my nails - hands look much better

Did you do anything specific for this or just willpower?

I keep biting my nails but sometimes I barely even realise I'm doing it as stupid as that sounds

@Striker

Hi mate

Got some ‘No-Bite’ stuff called ‘Stop N Grow’ which you can get probably from a chemist/pharmacy quite cheap. It’s also on eBay for a couple of quid (£4.88).

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/370636852854 ... BMytDygbZf

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Should be enough in one bottle to get you through 2 weeks or so

2/3 times a day I coated my nails a couple weeks. Tastes like shit, but often it’s the taste that stops you doing it unconsciously and you stop yourself and say ‘ooh no, shouldn’t be doing this!’

It’s now got to a point where I don’t need the stuff as I’ve broken the habit

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Hope this helps

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Andy's Podcasts where he says don't talk about what you will do, talk about what you have done.

https://theinnerwinnershow.com/32/

And:


Similar concepts:

@KillYourInnerLoser

Those are the ones!

Thanks Andy - I'll check these out in due course. Currently on Episode: 65 and working my way through

Regards,

Spider

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 63: 13/12/2021

Working from home Self-improvement books and Presents

Last night the Prime Minister who is Kinda like the equivalent of a President for my American friends, addressed the country regarding the new Omnicron scariant and basically told us to 'get your vaccines/boosters or Lockdown again.' Also told us it's home working from now on

Government's turning into a Fascist Dictatorship (again), but I'm trying to see the positives: Saves me having to go to work at 07:00 and wait around for 2 hours - more time for self-improvement. I'm totally not surprised anymore. I won't be following the guidelines or getting their cringe booster shot. Getting beyond a joke now

The Dystopia is real

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Also I mentioned recently I'm going to ask for things which will help my self-improvement for Christmas

So far on my list I've got:

- Books - 12 Rules for Life and one of Jocko Willink's on Leadership
- A Bluetooth Speaker (Podcasts/chill music)
- Clothes - to improve my style

Only a few things, but saves me asking for mindless products for me to 'consoom' like an NPC. I'm an adult now too, so might even buy myself a few gifts

Just call me ‘Spider Clause’ 🕷 ho ho ho’s for everybody!

Today's Update:

- Woke up at 04:30

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- Had coffee and contemplation at my Battle-Station this morning

and

- Listened to Episode #65 of Andy's Podcast - Day 65: 'You Have a Fear of Rejection, but Most Girls are Sweethearts. This episode allowed me to look back on some of my past views on women when I was going down the path of the dark side of the Red Pill and heavily bought into the MGTOW Philosophy. Looking back, I was just looking for someone else to blame for my enabling behaviours. I will admit that some women do act like bad people, but I realise this is a good thing now: Obvious shitty behaviour = Easier to spot those red flags and shut it down before it goes any further.

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- Listened to Episode #66 of Andy's Podcast - Day 66: Don't be Sexually-Crass; Innuendo is an Artform. First part of this talked about keeping going even if you aren't in the mood and can't be bothered. There's a lot of wisdom in this. What you do might suck, but the habit is getting built. Like Joe Rogan says '90% of it is just showing up'. I had a couple of shitty filler posts on here when I had a gum/wisdom tooth infection and I was at a funeral, but I kept up the habit and I'm now back on it. I've also had more success when being subtle with my innuendos. Being as subtle as a brick does come across as too blunt and crass and can put unnecessary pressures/expectations on the girls I've talked to.

- Read some more of 'Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender'. Yesterday's chapter was on Courage. Interesting to read how having courage can help you overcome almost anything. Also made sense how people who have the courage to try and achieve their goals with no guarantee of success are admired and respected. I definitely admire many of the forum members here who attack their goals.

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- Organised my self-improvement book collection. I'm getting back into reading and I'd like to go back and re-read these. 1 or 2 I haven't read yet or got part-way through and gave up. Be good to get back into it.

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- Re-joined Tinder after fixing my account. Was a Fucking pain in the ass, but I managed to get a new account. Bought Tinder Gold too. It's much cheaper through the web app. I'm still taking it easy as regards the dating, but I'll swipe every now and again and see how it goes. If I can get an easy lay here or there with no drama or bullshit, I'm up for taking it

I'll be 100% honest and level with myself as well as anyone who reads this: I'm still not completely over what happened last time. I have had that honest conversation with myself and asked the hard questions I couldn't ask 2/3 weeks ago:

How long should I punish and make myself suffer for another person's dishonesty towards not only me, but themselves?

Is it really my fault when I did everything I reasonably could to prevent anyone getting hurt?

How unfair was it that all those emotional issues and regrets this person caused by their own dishonesty were dumped onto me because of their own total lack of responsibility and unwillingness to accept they were wrong?

I am going to discuss a few aspects of this on my coaching call with Andy and I am hopeful that this will help me work through what remains of my guilt/bad feelings. I am in a lot better place than I was previously though which is a big positive ‍

- Worked 9-5 from home

Good to be out the office.

Gonna leave it there for tonight

Haven’t been feeling too well, so I’m going to try relax and get some sleep very soon. Nothing too bad, just a painful stomach ache and indigestion, but it’s not very pleasant so I’m gonna rest

Photos attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Brother_Tucker]

Day 49: 29/11/2021

I wasn't going to write this post, but it's been a really bad day today and I could really do with some support.

The girl I spent the night with the other night has abruptly told me she regrets the whole thing and doesn't want anything to do with me.

She said she felt it was too soon and although she wanted to at the time, now regrets it.

I've been pretty down all day. I keep thinking I'm a Fucking monster that pushed someone into doing something they didn't want to do, even though we'd planned it 2 weeks in advance and I told her there was no pressure and I was happy to wait until she was ready.

We'd been dating over a month and she was all up for it and everything was consensual - I kept checking with her if she was okay and wanted to continue. The things she specifically said she didn't want to do, we didn't do.

We even cuddled after, talked a lot and laughed and joked and then had breakfast the next morning. Next thing I know, she just did a complete 180 on me.

Although I kept ensuring she was okay and wanted to continue and I know it was consensual, I still feel like a horrible human being. I've felt awful and guilty all day.

I've always been respectful of a girl's wishes and never pushed anyone into doing something they didn't want to and I was actually in tears earlier thinking that I'm a Fucking scumbag of a human being.

I'm so worried I'm going to relapse into depression again because of this.

If anyone can help I'd really appreciate it as I could do with some support right now

Thank you to anyone who reaches out

It's been a little while since I posted on your log. I saw this happened to you and saw the guys offering support and I wanted to see how you would handle it before posting again. In short you took it a lot better than I thought you would.

A key thing that you need to know and the other guys have said as much is that this wasn't your fault. While Andy talks about being on the same team, something that needs to be added to that point is this: you are not responsible for her feelings . Sure you can do things that will affect her feelings and you shouldn't be a dick just because, at the same time whatever emotional reaction she has to anything you say or do is on her to process not you. A lot of guys take it on themselves thinking I made her sad so I have to fix this, then eventually enter a state where they walk on egg shells to avoid upsetting her. That's a miserable life, I can tell you from experience. You can acknowledge her feelings without accepting them or taking responsibility. This girl is an adult, she made an adult decision and then tried to make you feel bad for letting her make that choice. In a sense she was a grown up until she felt regret and want childish protection and understanding from a mistake she made. You know deep down you didn't push her to do anything she didn't want, in fact you were probably over cautious with checking in. We know from your logs that you don't strike us as the kind of guy who would force anyone to do anything so you wont get judgement from the guys here about it.

I understand you taking a break from dating after that, it's scary getting accused of something you clearly didn't do even indirectly, you have that fear a man gets when they realize for the first time how exposed they are to a situation. You have gone through the list and said what could I have done differently, that's huge growth for you, your first thought was to take responsibility for a situation. This is something that was lacking from your original post about all your bad dates. Now that you have reflected on your self and asked people here where you fucked up, it's OK to accept this wasn't your fault. This is actually her and societies fault for letting her have buyers remorse and blame you. You cant carry guilt around because of this, you self reflected and confirmed you did everything morally congruent with who you are.

From your posts about her over the weeks, the main thing I would say is that for casual partners, you want to have sex sooner rather than later. You built this up with her and had a big conversation about it being honest. This isn't a bad thing, its normally the direction a serious relationship would go. You weren't looking for that though, so by delaying things you projected a long term commitment with a causal intention which the longer a girl has to think about, the more she will build it up and get anxious. Please don't read this last paragraph and think this would have changed the situation with this girl, there's no guarantee of that. Mentally she sounds like she's 16, old enough to do stuff but young enough to expect forgiveness and someone else to clean it up. Most girls don't accept accountability for any of their choices, that's just dating in general, but if you spot these one's in the future that might turn out this way after sex, be Jack Sparrow. Make a charming exit, get on your pirate ship and go looking else where for booty. There's lots out there and you don't need to put up with this kind of behavior.

You have to get back on the horse, the longer you leave it the more anxious you will be when you start dating again and you don't want to go backwards.

It's also good to see lots of UK people on here, I didn't realize there were quite as many.

[Now]

- Organised my self-improvement book collection. I'm getting back into reading and I'd like to go back and re-read these. 1 or 2 I haven't read yet or got part-way through and gave up. Be good to get back into it.

I spot the Book of Five Rings, good shit dude. I own that in German -- since you're a fellow manga connoisseur, have you read Vagabond? Follows a semi-fictionalized account of Miyamoto Musashi & has similar male/spiritual development themes as Berserk, but with samurais and shit.

Love how far you've come working through what happened with the girl. Keep it up man

We're all gonna make it,

Now

[Spider Jerusalem]

It's been a little while since I posted on your log. I saw this happened to you and saw the guys offering support and I wanted to see how you would handle it before posting again. In short you took it a lot better than I thought you would.

A key thing that you need to know and the other guys have said as much is that this wasn't your fault. While Andy talks about being on the same team, something that needs to be added to that point is this: you are not responsible for her feelings . Sure you can do things that will affect her feelings and you shouldn't be a dick just because, at the same time whatever emotional reaction she has to anything you say or do is on her to process not you. A lot of guys take it on themselves thinking I made her sad so I have to fix this, then eventually enter a state where they walk on egg shells to avoid upsetting her. That's a miserable life, I can tell you from experience. You can acknowledge her feelings without accepting them or taking responsibility. This girl is an adult, she made an adult decision and then tried to make you feel bad for letting her make that choice. In a sense she was a grown up until she felt regret and want childish protection and understanding from a mistake she made. You know deep down you didn't push her to do anything she didn't want, in fact you were probably over cautious with checking in. We know from your logs that you don't strike us as the kind of guy who would force anyone to do anything so you wont get judgement from the guys here about it.

I understand you taking a break from dating after that, it's scary getting accused of something you clearly didn't do even indirectly, you have that fear a man gets when they realize for the first time how exposed they are to a situation. You have gone through the list and said what could I have done differently, that's huge growth for you, your first thought was to take responsibility for a situation. This is something that was lacking from your original post about all your bad dates. Now that you have reflected on your self and asked people here where you fucked up, it's OK to accept this wasn't your fault. This is actually her and societies fault for letting her have buyers remorse and blame you. You cant carry guilt around because of this, you self reflected and confirmed you did everything morally congruent with who you are.

From your posts about her over the weeks, the main thing I would say is that for casual partners, you want to have sex sooner rather than later. You built this up with her and had a big conversation about it being honest. This isn't a bad thing, its normally the direction a serious relationship would go. You weren't looking for that though, so by delaying things you projected a long term commitment with a causal intention which the longer a girl has to think about, the more she will build it up and get anxious. Please don't read this last paragraph and think this would have changed the situation with this girl, there's no guarantee of that. Mentally she sounds like she's 16, old enough to do stuff but young enough to expect forgiveness and someone else to clean it up. Most girls don't accept accountability for any of their choices, that's just dating in general, but if you spot these one's in the future that might turn out this way after sex, be Jack Sparrow. Make a charming exit, get on your pirate ship and go looking else where for booty. There's lots out there and you don't need to put up with this kind of behavior.

You have to get back on the horse, the longer you leave it the more anxious you will be when you start dating again and you don't want to go backwards.

It's also good to see lots of UK people on here, I didn't realize there were quite as many.

@Brother_Tucker

Dude, let me start by firstly saying thank you so much for the effort and input you've put into this post as well as your previous posts on my log I've instantly felt relief from reading what you put. It's definitely helping me in the reflective stage of processing everything.

I read a chapter in 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' where he discussed about just giving the girl some space and not trying to fix everything. Shoulda put that into practice here, but I was kinda in full-blown panic mode and freaking out. Really like you say, responsibility needs to be placed onto her and not on me.

I see that now from what everyone has said and I now myself after much reflection and thought, know and regularly affirm to myself that I have never been that kind of man and never will be

It was the week from hell. I definitely thought I was gonna get a false charge made against me and that this was gonna ruin my life. Totally see the point about society being enabling of this behaviour: We live in the age of social media, #MeToo and 'Believe all women' where a man's reputation, freedom and life can be completely ruined on the mere say so of a woman with just 1 social media post or 1 sentence. Even if it's unproven, you're still seen as a woman abuser in everyone's eyes. Seen cases in my town where false complaints have been made after someone regretted the sex. Honestly made me question whether chasing tail was worth it. You can sort of see why some guys joined the Sexodus or went MGTOW.

Not that I will. just want to take a break for a while as it has definitely made me realise how vulnerable not just me, but every man can be to this kind of thing. You have definitely helped me get back on the right track though. I am back on Tinder now and I'm just messing around not putting massive effort in. For some reason girls seem to like that kind of attitude anyway.

Thanks for the advice RE: Casual relationships - I tried to do the good thing and although it was a good thing, I think it just wasn't the correct thing for what I wanted. I completely agree. Total lack of responsibility from women in general. They want to be like men up until self-responsibility comes calling. That's when it's time to pass the buck off to a man and dump their emotions onto his doorstep.

As for dipping out? Aye Aye Captain! Next time I see shit like that, I'm gonna Delta

Thank you again - really appreciate the support. Good to see someone else from the U.K too - that's a grand total of probably 3 people who'll probably be able to understand my Brummie accent!

I'll post on here if I have anything significant come back from Tinder in due course.

Regards and Many thanks,

Spider

[Spider Jerusalem]

- Organised my self-improvement book collection. I'm getting back into reading and I'd like to go back and re-read these. 1 or 2 I haven't read yet or got part-way through and gave up. Be good to get back into it.

I spot the Book of Five Rings, good shit dude. I own that in German -- since you're a fellow manga connoisseur, have you read Vagabond? Follows a semi-fictionalized account of Miyamoto Musashi & has similar male/spiritual development themes as Berserk, but with samurais and shit.

Love how far you've come working through what happened with the girl. Keep it up man

We're all gonna make it,

Now

@Now

Danke Schoen - Its a good one and I'm gonna re-read it at some point to refresh my memory. Never read Vagabond, but I'm definitely gonna check it out now if it's got similar themes to Berserk - gotta be my favourite and I loved the old-school anime too.

You a Berserk fan as well? I got Volume 9 on order, but you can't get em' anywhere in the run up to Christmas! Alita: Battle Angel is next on my list after.

Thanks for the words of support too - I'm not 100% yet, but I'm definitely getting there.

Regards,

Spider

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 64: 14/12/2021

The Slight Edge and Back on Tinder

Better day at work today. Probably because I'm working at home for a bit

I've also gone back on Tinder. I'll post on here if there is anything of note, but so far I got zip. Not really putting too much effort in as I'm still a bit put off by latest events, but I've re-joined and bought Tinder Gold, so that's a step in the right direction. Probably change to a more positive attitude where I'll be ready to put more effort in, but that'll take a bit of time yet first I think ‍

My attitude on Tinder for the time being though is just like 'Whatever'. I either get girls or I don't

The Slight Edge came today as well, so I'm really pleased I've got a copy of it now. I'm gonna finish the book I'm on currently and then take a look at it whilst reading Andy's article he linked on here for me

I got this for 10 bucks used which is really good as it's an imported book and it's in decent condition. U.S.A and Australia always get the good shit!

Today's update:

- Woke up at 04:30 sunrise

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- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle-Station

and

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #67 - Day 67: Take Massive Action

One of my favourite episodes. I've taken massive action in the past and it's always paid off for me or if not, I've learned something from the experience. Last time I took massive action, was with getting a job. I spent £250 on a suit, £250 on a C.V writing company to write me a C.V and I applied for 5 jobs a day. I'm now in full-time work as a result

Massive action is coming soon.

Will only post about it on here when I've done it though as per my previous post

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- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #68 - Day 68: You've Gotta Sop Being Perfect

In the past, perfection has definitely been an obstacle and a major cause of procrastination:

'I'm not gonna start today as it won't be perfect.'

'Well I tried, but it didn't turn out perfect. I'll just give up.'

These are both conscious and unconscious thoughts that I've had to myself in the past and sometimes these thoughts resurface. I have to fight them back, but once I do, that's when the real progress starts:

'Shut up. We're doing it anyway.'

- Read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

Yesterday's chapter was on Acceptance. It made me see how acceptance can bring newfound peace within your life. Once you've accepted things, other people's opinions no longer matter to you and you feel happier

The things life throws at you, you can brush off easier and deal with

There are some things in my life which I have come to Accept:

- I have accepted that I'm not going to get the career I always wanted due to a medical issue I have. Took me many years to accept this.
- I have accepted that with dating, girls are going to ghost, flake and sometimes act shitty. Just the nature of the game.
- have accepted that there are some people in my life that I am never going to have a good/repaired relationship with.

And there are some things which I am still working on to Accept:

- I am struggling to accept that I haven't wasted my life - I'm nearly 27, I'm living at home and stuck in a shit job.
- I am struggling to accept that I am not to blame for other people's feelings.
- I am struggling to accept myself for who I am.

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- Worked 9-5

Today was better, but I'm not really enjoying this job I gotta be honest. I'm currently working from home, but it's just data input onto systems mostly.

I'm still new, so I'm gonna try and work myself out of this, but I am going to start looking for another job if things don't improve soon. I'll try get another job before I leave, but if push to comes to shove, I have enough savings to tide me over for a year probably if I need to say 'see ya' before I have something else lined up. I'd like to try and make it to a year or 2 if I can and get the experience in this particular field, but that might be a little too optimistic with how I'm feeling right now. I do have savings plans so at least if I'm struggling, I can say to myself:

'I saved that money. I worked hard in a job I hated, but it didn't go to waste'. It's going to be put to good use: To build my future.

- Took delivery of The Slight Edge.

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Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Now]

Hey Ben Danke Schoen - Its a good one and I'm gonna re-read it at some point to refresh my memory. Never read Vagabond, but I'm definitely gonna check it out now if it's got similar themes to Berserk - gotta be my favourite and I loved the old-school anime too.

You a Berserk fan as well? I got Volume 9 on order, but you can't get em' anywhere in the run up to Christmas! Alita: Battle Angel is next on my list after.

Christmas time is the worst for buying things lol.
Yeah sorta, I love the aesthetics (and music, hai yai forces m8) of Berserk but haven't read a lot of it yet. Got it recommended when I finished Vagabond, got the same lone warrior looking for something/someone DNA, but Vagabond had no fantasy/monsters like Berserk - more human.

We're all gonna make it,

Now

[Brother_Tucker]

It was the week from hell. I definitely thought I was gonna get a false charge made against me and that this was gonna ruin my life. Totally see the point about society being enabling of this behaviour: We live in the age of social media, #MeToo and 'Believe all women' where a man's reputation, freedom and life can be completely ruined on the mere say so of a woman with just 1 social media post or 1 sentence. Even if it's unproven, you're still seen as a woman abuser in everyone's eyes. Seen cases in my town where false complaints have been made after someone regretted the sex. Honestly made me question whether chasing tail was worth it. You can sort of see why some guys joined the Sexodus or went MGTOW.

I do want to stress this, these accusations are rare, they do not happen to everyone and for the most part if you're not being creepy or pushing way to hard, you will probably never face one, especially when you get better at screening (this is why I go for second date lays rather than first date, I'm a bit more cautious and want to know the girl isn't completely crazy.

I've only ever once come close to a false accusation and that was at party. A long story short a girl started hitting on me, we made out and she put my hand on her. When I realized she was more drunk than I thought I backed off made an excuse and walked away from the situation, I'm not putting myself into dumb situations when I have as many other hell yes girls open to me (the advantage to having a rotation). Later she kicked off at another guest later saying they were trying to feel her up and take advantage and she was eventually kicked from the party for causing problems. Right there could have been a really bad night for me, but I had 3 things which made sure that didn't happen: -

1. Abundance - Other options so I'm not desperate
2. Experience - Able to spot the signs and walk away
3. Situational Awareness - Not being drunk and knowing that playing stupid games only wins stupid prizes

You have these things too, as long as you keep these things in mind you may never run into this situation again.

I realize what I said about women came off more negative than I meant. You have to love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Accountability is a big problem, but you just have to accept that its going to come up in any relationship. You don't have to put up with bad behavior but you do have to know that it can and will come up from time to time.

From no more Mr Nice Guy, she was the wrong women, you can find really great women she just wasn't it and that's OK, keep looking.

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 65: 15/12/2021

Self-reflection 🪞

Want to say a big thankyou to @Brother_Tucker and @Now who had the back and forth with me yesterday on this progress log. I took the opportunity to do some self-reflection after reading the responses last night and during my free time this morning. Slowly coming to a few realisations about what happened recently and I am taking the opportunity to learn from it

I was on a downer for a week or 2 after and this experience did really affect me, but with everyone's help, I'm getting there and working on getting back into the dating ‍

I realise and accept now that it wasn't my fault. Although I can use this experience to be more aware for the future when I start dating again. Hopefully soon. I'm swiping and chatting a little, so I'm not completely off the dating

Had to go into the office today for some training, so I got there early and had some time to kill. Took my book and headphones and made use of the dead time by getting through another chapter and one of Andy's podcasts

- Woke up at 04:30 Hrs

- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle-Station

- Listened to Episode #69 (Lol ) of Andy's Podcast - Day 69: Should You Put Aside Getting Laid During COVID?

With a new 'Scariant' on the way, this is definitely a relevant episode again. The Government recently voted in more draconian Lockdown measures - mandatory vaccinations for health workers, Mandatory masks etc. Although I'm on a break from dating, it's made me realise I can't use things like COVID or past experiences as excuses. Already re-joined Tinder and bought Tinder Gold, so it's a small step. It's a numbers game and eventually I'll meet a decent girl

- Listened to Episode #70 of Andy's Podcast - Day 70: Having Sex in Public When I Didn't Have Good Logistics

Interesting to hear some of these stories. This is something I got into myself when I was a teenager and still living at home. Now I'm older it's not something that I don't do any more as when I was younger, it was out of necessity rather than desire. Also with the job I was working in my late teens and early 20's, I had to behave myself. I know some of the guys enjoy outdoor stuff and I got nothing against it, it just isn't for me

- Read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

Yesterday's chapter was on Love. For me this chapter was a bit 'Hippy Dippy' and some of the arguments me personally I found were a bit silly: 'Love Hitler and forgive him and see that he was a victim of the pressures at the time and misguided...'. I'm gonna have to pass on that. My Grandfather saw the horrors of the concentration camps in WW2 and never spoke about what he saw. Bit of a step too far I think. Some things re unforgivable

I did see some of the merits of this chapter however - being loving towards others and radiating positive energy makes sense. I'm a bit sceptical however, as I don't believe in love. It has been compared by scientists to heroin addiction as it's series of chemical reactions in the brain and if there's a lost love like a breakup, the brain patterns and chemical reactions are similar to coming off heroin

- Worked 9-5

Not so bad today. Had to go in the office which was a pain, but I'm pretty much fully trained now so I can just work from home. Cases etc. are rising with this new variant and so they've said 'don't come to work'. Lol. Fine by me - I get to just sit there and listen to podcasts or music. Just gotta turn it off when the phone goes so I don't get in trouble

That's it for today. Gotta go do a food shop, so I'll post this now then go out and get my head down when I come back

Photos have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for Reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

I do want to stress this, these accusations are rare, they do not happen to everyone and for the most part if you're not being creepy or pushing way to hard, you will probably never face one, especially when you get better at screening (this is why I go for second date lays rather than first date, I'm a bit more cautious and want to know the girl isn't completely crazy.

I've only ever once come close to a false accusation and that was at party. A long story short a girl started hitting on me, we made out and she put my hand on her. When I realized she was more drunk than I thought I backed off made an excuse and walked away from the situation, I'm not putting myself into dumb situations when I have as many other hell yes girls open to me (the advantage to having a rotation). Later she kicked off at another guest later saying they were trying to feel her up and take advantage and she was eventually kicked from the party for causing problems. Right there could have been a really bad night for me, but I had 3 things which made sure that didn't happen: -

1. Abundance - Other options so I'm not desperate
2. Experience - Able to spot the signs and walk away
3. Situational Awareness - Not being drunk and knowing that playing stupid games only wins stupid prizes

You have these things too, as long as you keep these things in mind you may never run into this situation again.

I realize what I said about women came off more negative than I meant. You have to love them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Accountability is a big problem, but you just have to accept that its going to come up in any relationship. You don't have to put up with bad behavior but you do have to know that it can and will come up from time to time.

From no more Mr Nice Guy, she was the wrong women, you can find really great women she just wasn't it and that's OK, keep looking.

Something similar did happen to me last year with a girl I was dating. Some guy who was jealous of us text her telling her he was my 'secret girlfriend' and he made up that I was a abuser/violent and lots of false accusations etc. He got found out in the end, but Fuck me, that was another stressful week. People know the damage and power a statement like that can cause.

I guess it's knowing the warning signs, seeing it for what it is and walking away like you say. I'm past my desperate SIMP stage now thankfully and I quit drinking 5 years ago so I just need the Experience to know when it looks like it's not working out which I've got a fair bit of after what happened. I've already binned off a Tinder match because she started talking about BDSM and how she likes being choked etc. then she'd completely change and say she's a 'proper lady' and that I need to date her properly. Red flag central.

I think society is to blame for this 'Disney Princess' false reality that gets put in men (and women's) heads so when shit goes wrong and we got a heavy dose of the red pill, our reality gets turned upside down. After watching the Black Dragon interview, I'm definitely not tolerating any drama or bullshit anymore.

I'll keep looking and see if I can find her, although the search will be a little under-resourced for the time being during my short break.

Thanks for the continued support - much appreciated.

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 66: 16/12/2021

Accepting my limitations Podcast blast through Tinder Timewaster gets binned off 🗑

Just watched the '1000 Forum Members is Radical!' video on YouTube and it was really interesting to hear about the origins of this site and how it evolved into what it is today. It's got to be one of the best online Communities I've seen and I'm really happy for @Radical and @KillYourInnerLoser as well as everyone else who made it what it is today. Looking forward to seeing the next milestone get hit. Thanks for the shoutout and Congratulations!

So I'd planned to get up early and do lots of active stuff this morning, but I've somehow Fucked my back up

I have persistent back issues and sometimes it flares up. Usually I wake up and there's a sharp stabbing pain whenever I twist and bend. I think it's because I've started a new job and I'm just sat down all day with bad posture. I'm going to have to actively keep an eye on this and try fix it

Instead of beating myself up and calling myself a 'useless cripple' (I'm a bit self-conscious about my back) I'm just gonna see it for what it is and accept it:

'I've got a curved spine, it's not my fault, I was born with it and it just plays up sometimes and I gotta take it easy.'


On a side note, in this country, we have a socialised healthcare system and their attitude as of late? 'If it ain't COVID, we ain't interested'. Routine procedures e.g. cancer screenings are actually being POSTPONED so that healthy people who don't need it can get their booster jabs. I'm getting private healthcare soon. This is getting beyond a Fucking joke now

I still got up early, just couldn't do what I'd planned to do, so I've been productive in other ways - got through a few Podcasts, read more of my book etc. I'll have to see how my back is tomorrow

- Woke up at 04:30 Hrs - went back to bed for half an hour but didn't sleep, just propped myself up to rest my back

- Had Coffee and Contemplation at my Battle Station

- Listened to Episode #71 of Andy's Podcast - Day 71: The Only Thing that Matters: Just Don't Ever Fucking Quit.
Listened to this yesterday, but forgot to post. One of my favourite episodes. Short and to the point. Enough said.

- Listened to Episode #72 of Andy's Podcast - Day 72: How to Develop a Sense of Humour.
Good advice on this. I think I've got a decent sense of humour it's something I'm constantly trying to develop. Making a girl laugh goes a long way to getting them into bed. I've accepted now though that my sense of humour isn't for everybody

- Listened to Episode #73 of Andy's Podcast - Day 73: How to Get Started with BDSM [Part 1].
Good to listen to this one. I am on a dating break still, but BDSM is something I have dabbled in and want to further explore. Have a few toys myself. I'm going to get back into this at some point when I start dating and I've screened the right girl. This is next level and I don't need a repeat of what happened last time

- Listened to Episode #74 of Andy's Podcast - Day 74: How to Get Started with BDSM [Part 2].
Wanted to carry on from Part 1. Really solid advice on being dominant and having that dynamic

- Chatted to a girl on Tinder I matched with. Binned off after 3/4 messages. Realised she was a Timewaster and a Single Mother. As a rule, I don't date single mothers, but occasionally I'll sleep with them if the circumstances are right. Stated she'd made an account to waste time at night and 'wasn't looking at meeting right now'. Also, she complained about having a child and being tired all the time etc. and I pointed out it was her choice - she was 19 when she had the child which meant she got pregnant at 18. Similar to the conversation I was having on my log yesterday, saw a bit of a lack of responsibility from this girl. I'm taking any sign of a lack of a responsibility as a major red flag now Unmatched straight away. Ain't got time for games, drama and bullshit

59770AAB-4BA9-4297-B30B-43FEDF5EF517.jpeg

- Read some more of Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender
Yesterday's chapter was on Peace. I don't think I've been at peace for many, many years now if ever. I do long for a state of peace. It's hard when I struggle with anxiety etc. but I'm hopeful that if I carry on with my self-improvement journey, one day something will just click and I'll feel at peace.

- Cleaned my room. Work's been a bit busy lately, so things have piled up. I've had a quick clear and I'll give it a proper clean and tidy over the weekend or tonight if I can - don't really like cleaning on my days off

- Worked 9-5
Been offered some overtime for next week which I've decided to take. Helping me meet my financial goals. More hours I do, quicker I can move out and get what I want in life. I'm willing to seriously graft and save over the next couple of years to get where I want. I get my first full month pay check on Christmas Eve. 100% of this will be going into my savings account plus a little extra to make it up to a nice even number.

That's it for today's update

Photo's have been attached for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷