Day 53:
03/12/2021
Today has been a bit tough as I didn't really sleep too well and had a few nightmares, but towards the end I think I managed to turn it round. Got a bit of a traumatic past due to my old career I used to work in. I may discuss on here at some point. I used to suffer terribly with my mental health etc. but thankfully I've got it under control to a point now where it just means I get nightmares every now and again and have the odd down day
Last night was unfortunately one of those 'now and again's'.
I still got up at 04:30 - I'd been lying in bed awake for 2 hours at this point anyway
Was on a bit of a downer about everything and my no-fap went out the window too - was on a binge. Work was just long and complicated but I got the weekend off so I'm trying to remain positive about that
After work I just lay down for half hour and then I dragged myself into the shower
About halfway through my long and hot shower, I had a thought come into my head which I can't get out since:
'You are 26 years old. You've probably got another 50 to go at least. Why the Fuck are you being a miserable bastard and are you planning on continuing to be a miserable bastard for the remaining 50+?'
This just really hit me and it stuck with me. I felt like I was confronting and calling myself out
Next thing I did was wash my hair, have a shave and clean myself up a bit. I now look and feel almost like a new man after doing this as it's rare I have a clean shave and I don't wash my hair too often
I'm kind of seeing the washing of my hair and shaving of my beard as a symbolic removal/washing away of negativity and guilt
I also reset my No-Fap counter after my shower. I'm determined not to repeat today's depressive binge and commit to it
Today's Self-Improvement:
- Woke up at 04:30
8CD251B4-7F65-424A-97DB-CBB593406C8C.jpeg
- Listened to Episode #52 of Andy's Podcast: 'Art, Girls, Cancel Culture & Fitness with Sid'. Really enjoyed this one as Sid seems like a cool guy and I loved hearing his crazy-ass stories! Was good to get some beginner gym advice too and hear his views on things - particularly how he learned to walk away if he wasn't happy about a girl and her demands. Definitely take these experiences forward
0A445432-8581-4DD9-9164-1E185ACFB10B.jpeg
- Worked 9-5. I was at home today and expected to work independently, but I'm still on training - this is why I got a bit pissed off today. Was already in a bit of a bad mood, but this certainly didn't help. Felt better at 5 O'Clock though and after my shower
- Put some tunes on my Sony WalkMan. Saved £17.00 (22 USD) this month after cancelling YouTube and Apple Music subscriptions and using this instead. £204 (270 USD) saved every year helping me hit those financial goals
CAD82A30-C6C0-45C0-ABA2-E9EA0818A6DB.jpeg
- The book I purchased which came recommended by mentioned by
@KillYourInnerLoser came today (Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by Dr. David Hawkins). I started reading it briefly on my lunch break and I'm going to get back into after I finish this post and before bed
3F7180CD-1BA0-40DC-9F4D-2976E2C2D470.jpeg
- Messaged Andy to put the feelers out for a podcast episode - currently working through scheduling a time when we're both free to record the episode. Really looking forward to this and it's giving me something to work towards
- I mentioned recently how now that I'm working, I'm starting to value my time a lot more. I made some notes today on how I'd like to spend that time on self improvement
With my current wake-up schedule, I currently have
4.5 Hours between waking up and starting work and
4 Hours every evening after I finish work free that I could be using for self-improvement purposes.
So I wrote down some productive ways of spending this time before and after work and I'm going to attempt to dedicate my free time to a couple of these items each day both after and before work
4710FC21-443A-41BE-A7DC-DA09733E4322.jpeg
That's it for today's update
Photos have been posted for accountability purposes
Thanks for reading
Spider 🕷
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.