Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 220: 18/05/2022

Let down pt. 2 - Ghosted by a Single Mom

Well, shit.

Sent a confirmation text to the girl I was supposed to meet today and... I got ghosted

Kind of seen this one coming as she wouldn't give me her number and wanted to keep to talking on Tinder Unmatched and I'm moving on

Ain't got time for timewasters Found out earlier she also has a kid which she neglected to mention early on (how convenient!) I'm actively trying to avoid single mothers as they don't seem to be as sexually into it They want the nice guy to settle with and are 'tired of playing games...'. They also seem to act very entitled which seems strange to me for someone with kids

This is why I hate feminism

I'm now trying to actively avoid single moms as I just don't tend to vibe with them ⏭

P.T Trainer ain't gotten back in touch either Neither has the Driving School despite a couple attempts to contact today I'll try again with the P.T tomorrow and the Driving School, but I think I'll try find someone else for the driving as I've text, called and e-mailed now Not exactly very good service

Do they not want my money?!

Just stayed in today and took care of a bunch of household chores e.g. washing and cleaning my holiday clothes and tidying up the place This was my backup plan in case I got ghosted, so the day isn't totally wasted

I'll keep grinding in the meantime and eventually something will happen and work out I'm sure. For the moment though, it is what it is 🕊

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Striker]

P.T Trainer ain't gotten back in touch either Neither has the Driving School despite a couple attempts to contact today I'll try again with the P.T tomorrow and the Driving School, but I think I'll try find someone else for the driving as I've text, called and e-mailed now Not exactly very good service

There's an abundance of both of these assuming you live near a city. I personally wouldn't bother with either if they're not responsive. I had a driving instructor who ghosted me after I failed my first test (imagine getting ghosted by a driving instructor) and I remember he was a nightmare to get in contact with initially and was overall pretty shit.

If they're not responsive to the prospect of new business you may end up with them being equally unprofessional once you've handed them money and need their time.

[Spider Jerusalem]

P.T Trainer ain't gotten back in touch either Neither has the Driving School despite a couple attempts to contact today I'll try again with the P.T tomorrow and the Driving School, but I think I'll try find someone else for the driving as I've text, called and e-mailed now Not exactly very good service

@Striker

There's an abundance of both of these assuming you live near a city. I personally wouldn't bother with either if they're not responsive. I had a driving instructor who ghosted me after I failed my first test (imagine getting ghosted by a driving instructor) and I remember he was a nightmare to get in contact with initially and was overall pretty shit.

Unfortunately I live in a small town, which means the demand is high particularly with the driving instructors. I had 5 turn me down today as they were 'too busy for new students'. It's not good because there's no competition for new customers so they can provide a shit service comfortable in the knowledge that they know there's a 3 month waiting list for just lessons alone everywhere else.

Trainer dude is someone I've trained with before and he's good, so he's in demand and I'd prefer to go with him which is why I'm sticking with it and chasing a little. I haven't actually popped down to the gym, so I'm relying on a receptionist to pass my message on to him.

As regards getting ghosted by your instructor, that's Fucking shit. I had a similar experience with Pass Plus years ago where I got ghosted because the instructor really didn't want to do it I got the impression. Learning to drive is nerve racking and for him to ghost you must have really made you feel shit as it made me feel pretty Fucking down for a while. Part of the reason I'm not confident on the road too I would imagine.

[/quote]

If they're not responsive to the prospect of new business you may end up with them being equally unprofessional once you've handed them money and need their time.

[/quote]

Totally agree. I'll be keeping an eye on this next instructor and if I feel like I'm being taken for a ride, I shall mention the word 'complaint' and see if he behaves. I'm a lot more wiser than when I was a dumbass teenager trying to get a driving license and I kinda felt like my instructor back then was dragging out the lessons. Instead of an hour I was paying for, I was only driving for 45 minutes and it took 3 years to actually pass my practical test. I could be a shit driver, but I feel the instructor was taking the piss a bit - -

Thanks for the input. Good to know someone else has experienced similar level bullshit and I'm not alone in that respect.

Young guy problems!

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 221: 19/05/2022

Getting Serious: $300 Investment in Driving Refreshers and Hiring a P.T

$300 Investment in Driving Refreshers

So I finally managed to book some driving refresher lessons with a driving school

I gave up on the guy I originally contacted as I'm still waiting around for him to get back in touch I also had a bit of a nightmare and ended up ringing around quite a few individual instructors as well as driving schools Turns out that due to the COVID backlog, instructors these days are busy as Fuck

Couldn't get anyone to take my money the first 5 places I tried! Nevertheless, I persisted and went with a Driving School that had instructors available and where I could book online

I've bit the bullet and paid the 300 Bucks up front for a block of refresher lessons

This will cover me for 5 Weeks with a 2 hour lesson every week I think this will be ideal as regards to getting me back into driving and getting confident on the road 🛣 It's a lot of money to pay up front, but I'm serious about getting my ass back behind the wheel and being able to drive to places This is something that I've been putting off for far too long now and will help me when I go back to work

Key is to drive alongside the refreshers Mistake I made last time was do a course and then still not get behind the wheel after, so my confidence and what I learnt just depreciated over time This is something I'll look at once I start the the refreshers First one is booked in for Monday the 23rd. I'll stick a post on here regarding how I get on

Hiring a P.T

Rang the Gym again today to drop my number with the P.T. I'd go down myself in person, but 1. I shouldn't have to do that and 2. He's gonna be training someone which I don't want to interrupt Lady who answered the phone said he has been trying to contact me - she has retaken my number and passed it on to him Must've gotten a digit wrong somewhere along the line - no dramas, these things happen

I'll give it a bit more time and see if he gets in touch Have to be plan B if not (which I'm not sure what that is yet!). From what the receptionist said, he has been trying to contact so we'll see what happens

Any other business:

- Applied for a couple more jobs. Just waiting to hear back from someone now so I can get the ball rolling

- Had therapy. My last session as I've requested a discharge. Feeling much better, so I think I'll tick off the mental health managing goal

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 222: 20/05/2022

P.T Session Scheduling Mental Health Goal Complete

P.T Session Scheduling

My P.T Trainer got in touch and gave me his new number Turns out the receptionist gave him the wrong number. Lol. Shit happens, but it's sorted now I've told him by availability and he's getting in touch soon with a day and time we can get the first session arranged

Been meaning to do this for a while and I'm now willing to make the financial commitment to getting my body to a place where I want it to be Cost last time was $20 per hour session or you could buy 5 sessions for $80 Think I'll just pay the guy for the 5 sessions - so that'll be 80 bucks a month and I get the first week of the next month free

Mental Health Goal Complete

Had my last therapy session yesterday. I feel like I'm now in a much better place than I have been

I've ticked off in my signature one of my goals of 'Managing mental health' It's never gonna be perfect which is why I was very careful and selected the term 'Manage' rather than 'Cure' Something I have to live with. Reasoning behind ticking this goal of is I've looked at how I've been the past month and looked at physical evidence of what I've achieved

- Applied for 5 jobs this week
- Still taking my antidepressants
- Booked driving refreshers
- Went on vacation for 2 weeks 🏝
- Stopped Googling symptoms etc.
- Stopped checking myself for signs of disease etc.
- Booked a Personal Trainer
- Started going to the Chiropractor
- Started dating again

Considering a few months ago I could not get out of bed and thought I was dying due to my anxiety, I'm taking this as a big win which is why I have decided to tick the goal off for now I'm going to continue to keep an eye on myself and taking care of my mental health best I can in the meantime and going forward

I'm actually looking forward to what I have planned for the future - getting back in the Gym getting a job getting back behind the wheel and just generally getting my shit together

Any other business:

- Driving instructor wanted my License details before the first lesson, so took care of this and sent them off to him

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷



🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 223: 21/05/2022

Xbox Day

Took today as a bit of a chill day, so I haven't really got much of an update

Dying Light 2 came out whilst I was in a depressed place and I had no motivation to do anything, so I've been playing that yesterday and today 🕹 Nice to enjoy something for a change. Haven't played Xbox in months, so I'm taking this as a reward Won't be a complete time suck and I use it mostly as a reward for when I’ve worked hard

I agree with Andy when he says video games in general are 'achievement simulators'. I'd rather achieve in my own life than an avatar's

It'll be next week that things start to get going as I've got the following on:

- 5 Job posts I'm waiting to hear back from
- First P.T Session - date and time to be confirmed
- Driving refresher on Monday

That's it for today. Bit of a boring update, but needs must sometimes!

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 224: 22/05/2022

Chore Day

Today was literally a day of chores My first weekend back since vacation, so I've used it to take care of the bullshit jobs that need taking care of

- Did some gardening
- Cleaned my house
- Cleaned my room
- Organised my clothes

Had some Xbox time in between all these to reward myself as they are shit jobs I hate doing! 🕹

Also confirmed with my new driving instructor that we're good for tomorrow He's text to confirm 11:20 Been a while since I've been behind the wheel and driven as extensively as I will tomorrow

Last car I drive properly was a squad car! So I'm a little apprehensive to say the least, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed and my mind focused on the task at hand

Driving is just something that I've made into a monster that I need to conquer

My P.T will be in touch the next couple of days. Once I start getting back into the gym I can start looking at my diet and the other aspects around it Already got my diet plan I designed whilst I was a depressive mess, so I'm taking that as a bit of a positive from that time. I got something productive done at least

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 225: 23/05/2022

Driving Refresher and An Upsetting Experience 🕊

Driving Refresher

Went on my driving refresher today - first of 5 sessions Instructor is sound and I pretty much explained the situation to him: Got hit by a truck when I was learning originally, some drug dealing scumbag almost killed me a couple weeks back whilst he was fleeing the cops (Asshole ) and I've seen lots of shit on the road when I was a cop myself, so my driving anxiety and nerves are pretty bad

We basically drove around my town and the surrounding areas for 2 full hours and things got more complex as the lessons went on and I handled everything well He's given me advice etc. on how to relax behind the wheel and identified the behaviours I need to improve on e.g. checking mirrors, knowing when to pull out etc.

Want to say a quick thank you to @Striker for the back and forth we had the other day on my log regarding getting value for money with driving instructors I timed it and I definitely got my money's worth, so I'll be sticking with this guy He seems a decent bloke - was telling me he got into teaching driving as some dude he knew who drove like a lunatic crashed his car and winded up killing himself. He was only young, so this inspired him to want to teach kids about how to be safer on the roads

Might seem like a little thing, but this was a big step for me. Chalking this up as a big win

An Upsetting Experience 🕊

Something else happened yesterday which made me feel a bit low I've got this bird box in my garden with 6 birds in Hadn't seen the parents for a couple of hours which is unusual. So I took the box down, took a look inside and the young birds are in there still chirping I went and bought some mealworms from the pet store and tried to feed them, but they wouldn't have it.

I took a look this morning and they've all passed on.

Upset my dad a little bit as he likes animals. Bird box needed clearing out and my dad was too upset to do it, so I had to empty it out. I dug a hole down the garden and put them in, buried them and said a few words over the grave.

Didn't feel right to just put them in the bin.

So yeah, bit of an upsetting experience, but I guess it's a part of nature. I did what I could for them anyway.

Any other business:

- I'm back on No-Fap. Noticed that my sex drive is incredibly low lately and I'm chalking it up to this. Got a tracker for my phone, so I'll keep on this and keep myself distracted in the meantime

- Still not heard from my P.T guy at the time of writing this post. I'll give it until tomorrow afternoon then I'll hit him up on text and see where he's at

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 226: 24/05/2022

Taking Myself Seriously: P.T Sessions and Sleep Pattern Reset

Decided to start taking myself seriously and make a financial commitment to getting back in the gym

Also decided to reset my sleep pattern (again) as it's completely Fucked at the minute as a result of too many late nights on the cruise vacation

P.T Sessions

Got a text message this morning asking if I could do 08:30 on Thursday morning I've confirmed and we're now locked in for this day and time

Gonna feel good to get back in the gym. Problems in the past have included not having a clue what I'm doing and then not keeping the consistency up with the gym

Going with a P.T will ensure I know what I'm doing so this issue will be offset Being financially committed and finally having had enough of looking like a Fucking twig has motivated me to follow through and make good attempt to be consistent with the Gym

I'll have 1 session a week with my P.T guy to keep myself motivated and commit myself to going On top of that, I'll be coming in on my own the rest of the week

It's just gonna be a waste of money otherwise which is why this will give me the motivation to keep it up

I'll update on here with any developments as to how it goes

Sleep Pattern Reset

I have been trying and failing miserably at getting up early recently Too many late nights on vacation and being up late playing Xbox I think are the main culprits here Doesn't help that my alarm clock is right next to my bed and I keep shutting it off when I wake and end up falling back to sleep

I've moved my sunrise alarm to the desk on the other side of my room to counteract this I need to get up early for my first P.T Session on Thursday that I've scheduled, so this is something I need to work on ASAP Particularly as I want to hit the gym in the mornings before the rush

I unfortunately live in a small town and still bump into assholes who haven't grown up fully yet that I went to school with when I've gone later in the day to the gym, so I'm doing this to limit my interaction with them

I wish people would Fucking grow up sometimes I've thought about changing gyms but I won't for the following reasons:

1. Why should I have to do that?
2. It's the closest one to my house that's 24 hours

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 227: 25/05/2022

Good Sleep and Anxiety

I had the best sleep I've had in a long time last night last night and woke up feeling fresh at 05:00

I put my blue-light blocking glasses on at 8 P.M and ended up feeling drowsy when 9 o'clock rolled round. Ended up drifting off in my clothes, got woken up at half 9 and went back to bed straight away. I was out by 21:45

My sunrise alarm went off this morning and I got straight up and didn't feel groggy. Will definitely be doing this again tonight. Hopefully I get another good sleep and an early wake up

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did some prep for my first P.T session tomorrow morning

Got my gym clothes ready and set them out ready for the morning. I also Went to an ATM and got the month's fees out ready for tomorrow

I saw Andy did a video on his progress in the gym which I've watched. Big thank you to @KillYourInnerLoser as this dropped at just the right time. When it comes to the gym, I am full of doubt and could relate to a lot of things Andy was saying in the video

I discussed a while back I went on a date and got called 'Mr. Scrawny'. It's shit like this that gets me down and makes me feel like a twig and part of me believes that I will always be like a twig, but I realise that's bullshit now as long as I put the work in

Time to confront my negative mindset

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Confronting Health Anxiety 🛡

My health anxiety has been creeping back in a bit here and there, but I'm hopeful that once I start getting back in the gym and realise that I'm physically capable, this will help subside it

I've had many health professionals, doctors, nurses, family and friends all tell me after various thorough medical tests that there is nothing wrong and they can't find anything

What I found interesting was when I was on vacation recently, I met a lot of old people (as there tends to be on cruises). Many of whom were obese, heavy smokers and drinkers with various health conditions who were still going and living their lives normally and keeping on

I looked inward at myself - a 27 year-old non-smoker, non-drinker and who isn't obese and has had many medical tests which have all come back clear

I look at my own parents also who are both heavy smokers and have been for 40+ years who have had Cancer, COPD and a heart attack between them, yet they're still keeping on, are working and are well into their 60s now!

Rationalising it like this has made me realise I need to chill the Fuck out

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 228: 26/05/2022

Big Achievement - I Hit The Gym!

Big achievement today - managed to get in the gym with my trainer for the first time in a long time!

Almost killed me, but I coped well and did the exercise program.

Anxiety was high this morning, but I battled through and went after it!

Chalking this up as a big win considering everything that's been going on, so I'm happy.

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Adam]

Hell yeah dude. Good job getting to the gym

[Spider Jerusalem]

Day 229: 27/05/2022

Applying for Jobs and Coffee Date

Started applying for jobs this week and I've also arranged a coffee date tomorrow

Back to Work: Applying for Jobs

I feel like I need to get back into work and so I've been applying for jobs all this week I have now applied for a total of 11 jobs. All of these are part time and within my local area 🗺 nothing too heavy.

I am conscious that if I jump into something full-time and I'm not ready that this will just set me back to square 1, so I want to get something part-time to start

I'm hoping to work no more than 20 hours a week if possible

I really struggled with the 9-5 office jobs even before my mental breakdown where I wasn't well and went off sick I just don't enjoy slaving away 5 days a week in a corporate environment and I think everyone can relate to that

Coffee Date

Got a coffee date tomorrow with a girl who's brother I went to school with - That's small towns for you I suppose!

I haven't been on a date in a while. On top of that, I had a bit of a shitty experience the other day with an abusive girl which I'll write about at some point

I pitched a date at a coffee shop about halfway between us. She wanted to change the venue last minute and meet at a coffee shop miles away from me and closer to her giving me the 'it'll be too busy there...' excuse

I didn't back down and basically told her I'll meet her at the one that's fair for both or I won't be meeting her at all! I did this playfully by saying 'Well, I think you're worth queing up for so it doesn't bother me if it's busy'

She agreed and we're good for 12 tomorrow

Be good to get back in the saddle. I know she's got her own place as well, so we'll see what I can swing for the second date if tomorrow goes well Not getting my hopes up though as she's been a little difficult telling me she's a 'busy girl'

We shall see.

Any Other Business:

- Went to the Chiropractor today. He said that there's no sign of any inflammation or abnormalities with my chest aside from the usual. Has said my ribcage is very tight and that is likely making me feel a bit short of breath combined with my shit posture

- No-Fap Day 2. Let's see how long I can keep it going for

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷

[Bman]

I am conscious that if I jump into something full-time and I'm not ready that this will just set me back to square 1, so I want to get something part-time to start

I think doing only a part time job while working on your own self improvement is incredibly helpful.

About 3 years ago I was working in an architecture firm. I became very depressed, felt like the work I was doing meant nothing, and hated working in an office. At the time I was doing different side hustles which I thought I may be able to make an income from. So I quit my job and was living on saving for about 4 or 5 months. Although I was making some money, it was not enough to pay the bills. So I decided to get part time work that would help me build skills I would need as an entrepreneur. So I decided I got a gig doing door to door sales for a window company. The pay was barely over minimum wage, but I got bonuses for sales, and the experience was worth it. From their I continued to work on my own projects while looking for better paying part time jobs. This allowed me to try out different things as an entrepreneur to find what I actually wanted to do while not having to worry about making money from it right away.

Now I have launched a startup in the higher education market, because during my own self development and journey I discovered how passionate I was about learning and education. But I still have a part time job that pays $30/hr and will be somewhere closer to $35-40/hr at the end of this year, which is actually more than I was making in my original architecture job. And all I did was kept applying for better jobs and building skillsets, while focusing on my own project. Of course when the startup is bringing in revenue, I will be able to go full time on it. But for now, the part time gig helps.

So keep at it, man. With work, it does get better.

[Spider Jerusalem]

About 3 years ago I was working in an architecture firm. I became very depressed, felt like the work I was doing meant nothing, and hated working in an office. At the time I was doing different side hustles which I thought I may be able to make an income from. So I quit my job and was living on saving for about 4 or 5 months. Although I was making some money, it was not enough to pay the bills. So I decided to get part time work that would help me build skills I would need as an entrepreneur. So I decided I got a gig doing door to door sales for a window company. The pay was barely over minimum wage, but I got bonuses for sales, and the experience was worth it. From their I continued to work on my own projects while looking for better paying part time jobs. This allowed me to try out different things as an entrepreneur to find what I actually wanted to do while not having to worry about making money from it right away.

@Bman

Dude, thank you so much for sharing some of your experiences with me and giving some input - it's much appreciated!

Part of me feels like a bit of a 'loser' for not working full-time, but I recognise now that's just a negative mindset and the wrong view, especially as I'll be working on myself when I'm not putting the work in at any part-time job that I get.

Thanks again man, much appreciated!

Spider 🕷