Spider’s Progress Log 🕷 DAY 366: Continuation Log Link ⛓️

The main purpose of this forum; tell us what goals you're working on.
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Brother_Tucker
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Tue Nov 02, 2021 7:17 pm

Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Tue Nov 02, 2021 6:51 pm
Unfortunately you're right there about materialistic girls - I think a generational issue of bad relationships with fathers and the degeneracy that comes with social media has lead to this mindset of needing to receive things to feel something such as love or validation. Constant need to chase it but they'll never be satisfied because they don't know what a healthy and fulfilling relationship looks like.
So you can handle these girls if you understand how they feel attraction. The key is that when dealing with this girl is that you cannot buy their love but they can love you. The way to date a materialista is to use those things as rewards. She only gets things for doing things for you of equal value. This way she still feels the validation, but she has to invest in you in equal measure which in turn brings her closer to you. As long as you are not buying her a bag for a blowjob because that's not equal, as you both enjoy sex that's an equal exchange on its own without the bag. There's a fantastic book called Practical Female Psychology which has a section about dating this type of girl. It's doable, just a different mindset and you can opt out of these girls for the time being.
Body Transformation Guide viewtopic.php?f=40&t=1376
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Spider Jerusalem
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Tue Nov 02, 2021 7:26 pm

Brother_Tucker wrote:
Tue Nov 02, 2021 7:17 pm
Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Tue Nov 02, 2021 6:51 pm
Unfortunately you're right there about materialistic girls - I think a generational issue of bad relationships with fathers and the degeneracy that comes with social media has lead to this mindset of needing to receive things to feel something such as love or validation. Constant need to chase it but they'll never be satisfied because they don't know what a healthy and fulfilling relationship looks like.
So you can handle these girls if you understand how they feel attraction. The key is that when dealing with this girl is that you cannot buy their love but they can love you. The way to date a materialista is to use those things as rewards. She only gets things for doing things for you of equal value. This way she still feels the validation, but she has to invest in you in equal measure which in turn brings her closer to you. As long as you are not buying her a bag for a blowjob because that's not equal, as you both enjoy sex that's an equal exchange on its own without the bag. There's a fantastic book called Practical Female Psychology which has a section about dating this type of girl. It's doable, just a different mindset and you can opt out of these girls for the time being.
@Brother_Tucker

Thanks for the heads up on this. For the moment I think I'll stick with the easy girls who want to make the effort and the materialista's I'll experiment with but stay on my guard as time goes on. I'll definitely look into that book in the meantime to help get my head round them. They sound like more trouble than they are worth being honest!

Regards,

Spider
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Spider Jerusalem
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Wed Nov 03, 2021 5:12 pm

Day 24: 03/11/2021 ✅

Didn't do a proper post yesterday as I wasn't in the mood - I was at a funeral for an old friend of mine who sadly passed away suddenly in his early 30's.

I found myself thinking a lot after. Seeing his life get celebrated yesterday made me realise how valuable life is.

It's a gift really and I should use the time I have now to improve my life and make sure I have a fulfilling time whilst on Earth.

It's also spurred me to remain healthy - I won't ever smoke or vape and I'll try not to drink ever again (I have been sober 5 years now apart from the odd drink here and there).

If anything good were to come of yesterday, It's that I now feel more committed to self-improvement. ⬆️

Onto some good news:

⭐️ I have achieved one of my sub-goals of getting a job ⭐️

So I arrived at the office building and waited as instructed and was kept waiting for about half an hour ⏰

I soon realised that the mind is Fucking hilarious with the thoughts that can run through it when you've catastrophised a situation: 💭

💭'They've changed their minds and don't want to tell you, so they're upstairs hiding hoping that you'll just give up and go home...'💭

💭'They're still coming up with horrendous questions to ask so that you'll purposefully fail the interview...'💭

Were just some of the the thoughts running through my mind as to why I was waiting.

Fucking Lol. :P

I received a phone call about an hour later and was informed that I was the most suitable candidate for the position and that it was an 'easy choice' as they were very happy with how I performed and think that my transferrable skills will be very useful in the position ⬆️

I was offered the job on the spot and took it and I start work on the 15th of November.

The job itself is something which sounds very fulfilling and from what I can gather, I would actually be making a real difference in people's lives 🌅

Overall I'm very pleased with this news as I've been made redundant twice in my life and have been out of work a good few months 🗓

With the money I will be making from this job, I can use it to fund my self-improvement endeavours. I had previously been worried about putting money into things when I have not been earning and will now be able to pay for several things e.g. Jiu-Jitsu fees, my Gym membership, bulking food, supplements, driving refresher lessons etc. as well as being able to start saving again 🔝

Most of today has been spent on preparing for the interview and taking the interview. After stressing all day about this, I'm going to relax now. Might listen to a podcast later on, but think I'll chill for now and get things going again tomorrow 🔜

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
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Spider Jerusalem
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Thu Nov 04, 2021 9:49 pm

Day 25: 04/11/2021 ✅

Very productive day today ✅ Really happy with what I've managed to get achieved ⬆️

I'm also in quite a good mood due to the good news yesterday regarding getting a job. I was in need of some good news as it's been a rough couple of days here with various family things going on, so I'm trying to keep going and remain motivated 🏞 It's helping keep my mind off things:

- Had coffee and contemplation this morning in my garden. The fresh cold winter air was a sobering experience which helped to clear my head and left me feeling refreshed. I should do this more often 🌅 ☕️ 💭

- Changed my daily schedule plan to reflect my new working week. It was good to have some clarity on this as I wasn't sure what my schedule would be like when I got into a job, so it was a bit of a nightmare to plan. I'm going to be working 9-5, so I have planned when I will go to the Gym and work on my other goals around this 📝

- I have text messaged the Jiu-Jitsu club as I didn't get an e-mail reply after a couple of days and this is something I said I'd do if I didn't hear anything. This log is really helping me keep myself accountable. My old trainer text back pretty much straight away and informed me that I was more than welcome to come back and start training as there are spaces for new students. I have arranged my first session back for next week on Wednesday Night. Really happy to get the ball rolling on this as I don't have many hobbies/external activities involving other people since COVID hit. I had trained previously before the Lockdowns, but had to leave it for a while due to shielding and bullshit COVID Lockdowns 👎

- I have set up a date for Sunday. Originally I had planned to set up 1 date a week if possible but with a baseline goal of 1 date every 2 weeks. Unfortunately I've been dealing with a lot of ghosts and flakes lately which is just the way things go with Tinder etc. so I'm trying not to be too pissed off about it and just seeing it for what it is 👻

This chick I'm meeting Sunday seems really cool and when she couldn't meet due to work, she suggested another day. She texts me first some nights after work as well. We have the back and forth briefly over text and the other night we had quite a deep conversation about things. Gonna call her Guitar Chick as she plays guitar (duh!). She's got short blonde hair and rocks the alternate look very well which is something I've found myself strangely getting attracted to recently. I'll buy her a coffee, chill with her for an hour and see how it plays out.
🎸 ☕️

- I'm still chatting to Vegan Vixen intermittently although she says she can't meet until the 12th and only texts me when she's horny, so I'm not biting and telling her she needs to wait until the 12th. It's working well and keeping her interested for the time being - I'm a cruel bastard sometimes, but I know if I sext and help get her off, the shitty excuse for flaking will come on or just before the 12th. Think I'm really starting to learn from my past mistakes and I'm actively applying the lessons 📝

There are a few other prospects I'm chatting to, but nothing solid yet. Will update on here if there is anything of any significance. The main thing is I'm actively trying and haven't just given up on the dating completely like I'd originally planned to do 👎

- Watched Andy's Podcast Episode #28: A Coaching Call (Posted with Permission) on YouTube. Started listening to this on my phone whilst doing chores, but because there was some really good content I stopped and wanted to wait until now when I had a free 2 hours so I could make notes. Really good content here 🎤

From the podcast, I am going to ask myself first thing tomorrow morning in the mirror:

What can I do today to make myself feel satisfied? ☀️🪞

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #29: Is Being Short a Dealbreaker for Girls? I'm 5'10 and I listened to this episode last year and as a result, bought some height-increasing shoes. I did try the cheaper insoles first, but these just hurt my feet so I invested in a comfy pair. These give me 2.5 inches and put me at about 6 and a half feet, so I just put 6'1 on Tinder and my other online dating profiles. I have worn these on a few dates now and never been called out on my height. If a girl is bothered about a half-inch discrepancy, then she's probably not the type of girl I want anything to do with. These have been a game-changer and I think it's just a mental thing that girl's have - they see 6 foot + on Tinder and it's an attention-grabber. Not how it should be, but it is what it is ⬆️

- I have designed and put together a budgeting spreadsheet. I am soon to start making money with my new job and I saving up is one of my sub-goals so I can get my own place eventually. I shall start recording my earnings in January 2022, but I have started working on the design of the spreadsheet and Excel formulas now 📈

That's it for today. I'm gonna try and have a productive day tomorrow again. Will try listen to some more podcasts etc. Whilst I'm doing jobs around the house and see what else I can work on.

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes 📷

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
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Jacobpalmer123
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Fri Nov 05, 2021 5:58 pm

I love BJJ as well. Good luck doing it 3 hours a day. You're gonna need an insane work capacity. I like the dedication though 5:30 in the morning Jesus. Look forward to seeing your progress
Get a tech job
Get 2 lays
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Spider Jerusalem
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Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:19 pm

Jacobpalmer123 wrote:
Fri Nov 05, 2021 5:58 pm
I love BJJ as well. Good luck doing it 3 hours a day. You're gonna need an insane work capacity. I like the dedication though 5:30 in the morning Jesus. Look forward to seeing your progress
@Jacobpalmer123 Hey thanks man. I started listening to the Jocko Podcast and that got me interested in it and I started getting into it a while back but then lockdowns hit.

I've bought a Sunrise alarm today to help me wake up and get going which I'll post about soon in my daily update - it'll help with those early morning starts I think.

I used to go to the Gym at 5:30 most mornings before Lockdown, so it's not completely foreign territory but it has been a while. May be something I'll have to work up to, but I'll keep going and see how I get on!

Thanks for the support

Spider
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Spider Jerusalem
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Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:40 pm

Day 26: 05/11/2021 ✅

It's Bonfire Night here in the U.K, so Happy bonfire Night! 🔥🎇 🎆 🚀🧨

Made some big decisions today regarding my self-improvement journey which I thought I'd detail here 📝

The first big decision I have made is to Get Politics Out of My Life. 🚫🗳

I have come to the realisation that following politics is impeding me on my self-improvement journey as well as putting me on a bit of a downer. It has totally infected every layer of society and modern culture from what I can see. I'm now starting to adopt this mindset of:

'Why should I give a Fuck?' 🤷‍♂️

Instead of being bothered about stuff that doesn't really affect me, I have realised that I should just live my life, focus on improving it and let other people get on with it 🖖

To take action on this, I have:

- Decided to stop watching T.V. All the news channels are political, the T.V shows aren't even hiding their agendas anymore as well as the fact I find it all depressing as Hell. I'm only going to watch the occasional anime show now as you don't get the politics and constant agenda-pushing - you just get a good story. If I come downstairs and the T.V is on, I'll move to another room and read a book. Can't be bothered with the COVID scaremongering and bullshit that is constantly being churned out and fed 🚫📺

- Muted the WhatsApp Group I am in from University where Politics is the main focus. I'll end up leaving this at some point and will only check it occasionally 📴

- I have blocked Twitter on my phone as I used to follow a lot of political accounts on there 🚫 🦅

- Unsubscribed from the political YouTube channels I was subscribed to ⛔️

- Probably not going to Vote. If I do vote, it will be a protest vote where I'll write 'None of the above' on the form 🗳👎

So that's it for me. I am now apolitical. I'm just going to live my life and let others get on with it. I quite like Andy's Libertarian views, so this is something I may look into as time goes on 🔜

Second big decision I made today was to invest some money into my self-improvement 💰

Today I withdrew 500 Bucks out of my savings account which I am going to invest in my self-improvement. I have already used some of this money and bought a few things today. As I am going to be starting work on the 15th, I feel a bit more confident about spending a bit as I will soon be getting my first paycheck.

The 500 Bucks from my savings will be used on the following:

- A Phillips Sunrise alarm - I have bought this and it will be coming tomorrow. I keep waking up late, hating myself and I feel groggy and awful all day. My sleep pattern is terrible and has been for a very long time due to past trauma. Instead of complaining and feeling miserable, I have committed to fixing my sleep and spent 150 Bucks on a Phillips Sunrise Alarm after reading Andy's article on fixing sleep. I do have alarms currently, but I just get up and switch them off. Lol :P

- New Hoodie - I have bought this. As winter is now here, I'm gradually improving my fashion/style for when I go on dates. I bought a Lumberjack jacket the other day which is quite stylish and I posted a photo of it on here. This is something I shall slowly build upon over the next few weeks 👕

- Pair of decent dress shoes - I have bought these. I needed some for work and the cheap pair I have had for a while I got in a supermarket and they are uncomfortable as hell to put it mildly 👟

- First month's Jiu-Jitsu Fees. I'm going back next week and will use part of the money to pay my first month's fees 🥋

- Bulking food - need a bit of money to fund my first couple of shopping trips to buy the weight-gaining food 🥘

If there's anything left over from after this, I'll get myself another Manga book or put it towards Christmas presents for my family and friends 📖 🎁

Today I have also:

- Had coffee and contemplation in my garden ☕️ 💭

- Washed and organised my outfit ready for my date with Guitar Girl on Sunday 🗓

- Bought a custom-made iron on patch for a backpack project I have been working on and I am going to carry on with. Something I've been working on which is a positive activity. Might post a photo of it on here when it's done 📸

- Listened to Episode #30 of Andy's podcast: Success Story: Radical. Some really good content here and good to see a fellow Brit on the forums! @Radical Your self-improvement story was really inspiring. Big takeaway for me is to not sit on the forums all day and procrastinate - action is key. I have now hit a Podcast Milestone of 30 Podcasts 👏 🎤

That's it for today. Some big key decisions made and I was quite productive too.

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes 📷

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
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Last edited by Spider Jerusalem on Fri Nov 05, 2021 8:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Radical
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Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:50 pm

Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:40 pm
Get Politics Out of My Life
Mate you have no idea how big of an affect this has

Thanks for the kind words about the pod. I didnt make content back then so was kind of weird being interviewed for the first time
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Spider Jerusalem
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Fri Nov 05, 2021 7:41 pm

Radical wrote:
Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:50 pm
Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:40 pm
Get Politics Out of My Life
Mate you have no idea how big of an affect this has

Thanks for the kind words about the pod. I didnt make content back then so was kind of weird being interviewed for the first time
Hey @Radical

It just hit me today and I realised how much time I spend being bothered by politics and all the bullshit that comes with it and how there's a hundred better ways to spend that time.

I'm glad I've started to detox from it and focus on myself instead of sitting there depressed watching about it on some screen - it's exhausting and mentally draining.

I think you did really well and I've just subscribed to your YouTube channel - will definitely be checking out more of you content in the near future :arrow_up:

Thanks again

Spider
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Spider Jerusalem
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Location: Thailand (I Wish!)

Sat Nov 06, 2021 7:39 pm

Day 27: 06/11/2021 ✅

Day 27 - Almost up to a full month of Progress Log updates! ✅

Today I have focused on fixing my sleep hygiene. This is something that has gone on for too long and I have been very lazy with 👎

After reading Andy's KYIL Extra article on how to get a better night's sleep as well as Jocko Willink's book which has a full section dedicated to sleep and why it is so important, I have decided to finally do something to fix my bad sleeping pattern and habits 🛌

- The Sunrise Alarm I splashed out on came today - I have set this up now to help me wake up earlier and easier. It has been set for 04:45 - getting up early and being more productive was on my list and will help me achieve my goals when I get in the Gym before it gets busy 🌅 ⏰

- I have set up a 'backup' alarm so that if for some reason the Sunrise Alarm does not go off or get me up, I have a backup in place. This one is set up further away from my bed so I have to physically get up to switch it off ⏰⏰👍

- I find that I am up late due to Fucking around on my phone in bed and suffering from the 'blue screen' effect. I have now set up a wireless charging mat away from my bed. The phone will go on there a couple hours before I sleep and not get touched again until when I wake up next. Anything after 8 P.M and I'm not interested. It can wait until the next day. Most the text messages I receive after 7 P.M is pointless bullshit I don't care about anyway. If it's work-related, they shouldn't be contacting me that late anyway 📵

- I haven't had any caffeine since before midday - Andy's article mentioned about this disrupting sleep 🚫☕️

- No screens after 9 P.M. Hence why I'm writing this now at just gone 7 P.M - I'll read my Manga instead 📖

Hopefully this'll help me sleep and stop me getting up at 9 A.M where most the morning is gone and I find I'm less productive 😀

Today I have also:

- Had coffee and contemplation this morning again in my garden ☕️

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #31: "I Can't Do Anything During COVID Lockdowns'. Although no longer in Lockdown, this was good to listen to because of the excuses I sometimes tell myself. I got a lot out of this one considering it may no longer be relevant if there are no further Lockdowns 🎤

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #32: Talk About what You HAVE Done and Not What You WILL Do. Totally agree with this one. There is a dopamine hit when you talk about what you're going to do. It is why I mostly post at the end of the day now and include on my Progress Logs what I have done for that day. I may occasionally discuss future plans, but not as often as discussing what I have done 🎤

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #33: Why Insecurity & Impatience are Actually Superpowers! This was another useful episode as I myself am insecure about quite a few things. I liked the bit about being more self-aware and how I should just use this to push through and propel myself to reach my goals 🎤

- Went for a walk to the shop 🚶‍♂️

- Got some shoe polish for my new shoes - I want to look presentable when I start my new job ✨👟✨

- Got my clothes ironed and ready for my date with Guitar Girl tomorrow 🎸

- Read some more of my Berserk Manga 📖

That's it for today. Mostly focused on my Sleep Hygiene plan, but this was necessary as I've been putting this off for far too long

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
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Dewm
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Sun Nov 07, 2021 3:47 pm

Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Mon Nov 01, 2021 4:55 pm
Day 22: 01/11/2021 ✅

Some good news today - the job interview I wasn't expecting to pass? I passed it and have now progressed through to the next stage which is a face-to face interview. I was quite surprised at this as I didn't think I would pass it, but I have managed to get this far which I'm quite pleased about. Interview is Wednesday, so will update more once I have attended it ⬆️

I also cancelled on a date due to sticking to my principles. Set up a date for Wednesday evening - got this chick's number and I suggested coffee, but she wanted me to buy her dinner. She was sending provocative photos and strongly suggesting I'd come back to hers after. I booked a table and told her I'd booked it, but I instantly realised I shouldn't have 🤦‍♂️

She changed after I told her that I'd booked it and the conversation turned less sexual/provocative from her and she was less engaging. All of a sudden it was 'I actually don't let guys come back to mine after a first date...' This was a quick 180 from what how she was previously 👎

Quickly realised from my past experiences this girl was probably after a Free Meal and was probably going to take me for a ride:

I'd have to travel there, pay for everything, travel back and probably spend about 80 bucks in the process. 🚩

I cancelled the table and told her I wouldn't be meeting her as we're both looking for different things and that I usually only do coffee as a first date ☕️

Why the Fuck would I pay for an expensive meal on the first date? 🤷‍♂️

Of course I was a 'Liar' and had 'Misled her' etc. etc. and she was pretty pissed off. I just replied:

'I'm not arguing with you. Good luck with everything :P '

To which she was blocked and unmatched on Bumble 🚪👈

Lesson here is: No meals on first dates. I'll stick to coffee now on and if that's not call, they can find someone else to buy them dinner 🔚

Also today I have:

- E-mailed regarding the interview and asked if I can be given a run-down of the structure/questions that may be asked to assist in my preparation 📧

- Started No-Nut November 🚫🥜

- Ironed my interview clothes ♨️

- Listened to Andy's Podcast episode #27: Fitness and YouTube with Guest Tristan Nigro. Really good tips about the Gym. I'd planned to go back 6 times a week, but will probably aim for 3 times a week now to build the habit. Also subscribed to Tristan's YouTube channel. Happy to help the channel grow and the content is quite interesting 🎙

- Tried to buy 20 Tinder Boosts on the Web app due to it being cheaper. Wanting to commit more to my online dating, but Tinder is pretty shit for me for some reason and won't let me buy them. Have e-mailed Tinder Support to see if this can be resolved. Have to bite the bullet if not and buy them for the higher price through the app. Pain in the ass, but it is what it is ⚡️

- Did some more work on my diet plan - took of a few things which I'd have to cook and replaced them with easier to prepare meals that require no cooking. Less effort I have to make with this the more likely I'll be to stick with it. Don't want to be stuck in the kitchen all day 👨‍🍳

- Will try and go for a drive later to keep hitting this and work on my road confidence. I will post a photo if I do this later for self-accountability 🛣 Edit: Went out and the car is frosted over, so leaving this one for tonight.

That's pretty much it for today. Got a few things done here and there, but have felt a bit down. I am at a funeral tomorrow, so this could offer something in the way of an explanation. I may only do a brief post tomorrow, even if just a sentence to keep up with the 365 Day Project as I'm probably not gonna be feeling too positive 🗓

The post will suck, but Giving Yourself Permission to Suck is a philosophy I am now trying to actively embrace 💭

Photos have been posted for accountability purposes 📷

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
Good call my man. It's all about recognizing those red flags and taking the baby steps to self correct your behavior. Hell man, I still fuck up. A few months ago before I returned to the forum I matched with a "girl" on reddit who said she would suck my dick for pizza. I send her $25 on uber eats then I say "ok Im off work, where's your hotel?" and she ghosts me. I'm always the same man making the same mistakes. It's a grand difference from being catfished out of $25 and having my life gone nuclear where my girlfriend; lied, cheated, and stole from me leading me to live in my car for a year and a half.
Baby steps.
Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Thu Nov 04, 2021 9:49 pm
I'm still chatting to Vegan Vixen intermittently although she says she can't meet until the 12th and only texts me when she's horny, so I'm not biting and telling her she needs to wait until the 12th. It's working well and keeping her interested for the time being - I'm a cruel bastard sometimes, but I know if I sext and help get her off, the shitty excuse for flaking will come on or just before the 12th. Think I'm really starting to learn from my past mistakes and I'm actively applying the lessons
Also yes 10,000% only sext after sex has happened and even then why sext just have sex lol. I sexted and had phone sex with a super hot model level girl who from her texts loved my mind, my body, and everything about me. Took some of the classiest dick pics ever with my DSLR and even had phone sex. Then after she came she was so hard to lock down for that date. I had to move on after the final ghosting. Funny thing is she texted me just a month or so ago asking for more phone sex but I just told her "no you ghosted me as far as I'm concerned were done."
Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:19 pm
I've bought a Sunrise alarm today to help me wake up and get going which I'll post about soon in my daily update - it'll help with those early morning starts I think.
I have that same clock I love it. I need it cause I'm surrounded by buildings so little to no light comes in my room. I make it a habit to turn the lights on in my room when it goes off.

Also good on the political detox. I hate watching the news. Especially at work where they leave it on 24 hours in the corner so we know in case something big happens. It's ALL just fucking propoganda. I would say I'm middle of the road politically leaning liberal but my over arching political belief is "get your government off my dick." I just never wanna become my old fat italian roommate where all she did was listen to NPR all day. My friend says his mom watches only Fox news all day. They're the same person just on different sides and on the fringes you get people believing in the illuminati and other crazy conspiracies. News is mentally the most unhealthy thing for a person to consume. If something huge happens like covid you'll find out but other than that you're making a great decision to put good vibes in your life.

Good luck on the date!
Goals
Love Myself
  • Finish my screenplay and make that movie.
  • Produce a comedy show that makes me money
  • Lose weight and gain muscle
User avatar
Spider Jerusalem
Posts: 1159 | Thanks: 562
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2021 9:51 am
Name: Spider
Goal: Get Big. Get Dangerous.
Age: 28
Motto: YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.
Location: Thailand (I Wish!)

Sun Nov 07, 2021 5:20 pm

@Dewm

Good call my man. It's all about recognizing those red flags and taking the baby steps to self correct your behavior. Hell man, I still fuck up. A few months ago before I returned to the forum I matched with a "girl" on reddit who said she would suck my dick for pizza. I send her $25 on uber eats then I say "ok Im off work, where's your hotel?" and she ghosts me. I'm always the same man making the same mistakes. It's a grand difference from being catfished out of $25 and having my life gone nuclear where my girlfriend; lied, cheated, and stole from me leading me to live in my car for a year and a half.
Baby steps.


Hey thanks Dewm - I think it's a long road with this one mate and you're gonna hit the occasional bump as I myself certainly has. In Dr. Robert Glover's Book No More Mr. Nice Guy which I've been reading here and there, he considers himself a 'Recovering Nice Guy' and explains how nice guys can sometimes relapse into old behaviours. It is what it is and I think it's all about damage limitation - better 25 bucks than you spending 250 and getting her an expensive bag or something! I was in the same boat mate - had really bad experiences with women which you might have seen from my second ever post. I made the mistake of buying nudes once like a total Simp when I was 18 thinking I'd get laid. Never done this again and I learned from it. It's all a learning curve or as Andy says 'It's all an experiment' - ya just gotta find what works. Glad things got better for you, brother.

Also yes 10,000% only sext after sex has happened and even then why sext just have sex lol. I sexted and had phone sex with a super hot model level girl who from her texts loved my mind, my body, and everything about me. Took some of the classiest dick pics ever with my DSLR and even had phone sex. Then after she came she was so hard to lock down for that date. I had to move on after the final ghosting. Funny thing is she texted me just a month or so ago asking for more phone sex but I just told her "no you ghosted me as far as I'm concerned were done."

^ This 100%. I've been in that position where I've been used to get chicks off. It's happened twice with 2 different chicks since I started my log and now I've learned from it I'm using it to my advantage - they keep talking and meet to get off or they were just out to waste time getting off over phone and them dropping off by the wayside does me a favour: I'm here to have sex not be a phone chat up line. Only difference I see is when guys do it they're scumbag users but with girls they rarely get called out on it.

I have that same clock I love it. I need it cause I'm surrounded by buildings so little to no light comes in my room. I make it a habit to turn the lights on in my room when it goes off.

I was very hesitant to spend the money as it's a lot for what I thought was just an alarm clock with a fancy light, but it really worked this morning and when it comes to sleep, it affects absolutely everything in your life so this was a worthwhile investment I think.


Also good on the political detox. I hate watching the news. Especially at work where they leave it on 24 hours in the corner so we know in case something big happens. It's ALL just fucking propoganda. I would say I'm middle of the road politically leaning liberal but my over arching political belief is "get your government off my dick." I just never wanna become my old fat italian roommate where all she did was listen to NPR all day. My friend says his mom watches only Fox news all day. They're the same person just on different sides and on the fringes you get people believing in the illuminati and other crazy conspiracies. News is mentally the most unhealthy thing for a person to consume. If something huge happens like covid you'll find out but other than that you're making a great decision to put good vibes in your life.

Yeah man it's something I've been toying with for a while. I've just completely lost interest in it and I'm sick of the constant political brainwashing and agenda pushing especially with COVID. All as bad as each other like you say and I want no part in it - just live my life and let others live it too. Since I've stopped watching it and paying interest, my focus on what's important which is my self-improvement has increased. Instead of watching it on my laptop or on the T.V, I come to these forums and get more positive influences in my life.

Good luck on the date!

Hey thanks, It went really well and I'll put an update on here shortly and tell you all about it: Stay tuned!

Thanks again for the continued support - much appreciated

Spider
User avatar
Spider Jerusalem
Posts: 1159 | Thanks: 562
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2021 9:51 am
Name: Spider
Goal: Get Big. Get Dangerous.
Age: 28
Motto: YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.
Location: Thailand (I Wish!)

Sun Nov 07, 2021 5:37 pm

Day 28: 07/11/2021 ✅

Good day today - Got up early and went on the date I've mentioned previously ⬆️ Here's an update for today:

- Woke up at 04:45 this morning to the new sunrise alarm I bought. Despite not dropping off until the early hours, I woke up feeling refreshed and not hating the world like usual. This was the first time in months that I have woken up feeling good. Didn’t even need my backup alarms ⏰

I can see why this thing costs a fair bit and Andy swears by it 🌅

Thanks @KillYourInnerLoser for the recommendation - most painless wake up I've had in months. I'm starting to see it was money well spent from just the first use 👍

- Had coffee and contemplation in my garden again this morning ☕️ 💭

Had a very successful date with Guitar Girl - Details as follows:

Wore my height increasing shoes, jeans, a t-shirt, open check-shirt and my checked jacket with baseball cap. Few accessories (ear stud and leather bracelet too). This girl said she liked my 'Lumberjack Jacket' and wanted to try it on, so I got it washed and dried ready for today. She appreciated the fact I wore it and even tried it on along with my cap as you'll see below ⬇️

First thing I did when it hit 09:30 was Send a confirmation text. After reading some of Andy's stuff, I have seen that this is a very crucial thing to do to help avoid flakes etc. She was all good to meet at 11:30 like we arranged, so I walked up to town and got there for about 10:15. The trains by me are absolute wank to put it mildly, so I played it safe and got in about an hour earlier. Looked around a bit then went to meet her outside the coffee shop 📲

Soon as I saw her, put my arm around her and kissed her on the cheek which took her by surprise. She looked cute from her photos, but in person she's a little firecracker 🧨

Short, dyed silver/highlighted hair with dark underneath, 5'6 and slim with curves in the right places. I could tell she was a little nervous, so I just made polite conversation in the que - told her I'm gonna tell her about my hilarious job interview fail the week previous, asked her how work was going etc. etc. I think this really put her at ease.

I made sure to do a few key things during the date to try and build up the tension as regards Kino/escalation: 📝

* Put my arm around her and kissed her when I first saw her as mentioned above

* Kept eye contact with her - could tell she was shy and looked away

* When we were lining up for the counter and someone was trying to get past, I put my hand lightly on her arm and got her to move closer to me whilst saying 'He's trying to get past'.

* Sat NEXT to her instead of opposite. I got this from one of Andy's Podcasts and I said to her 'I'm sitting here as it's not a job interview - I've had enough of them already this past week'.

* Told her to do things rather than ask her e.g. 'You sit down and relax, I got these - I'll bring them over.'

* Tried on each other's glasses

* Let her try on my jacket and cap (she said she liked both)

* Told her she had tiny hands and put mine against hers to compare

* Walked her back to her car after and hugged her/kissed her cheek

* Lightly and playfully teased her about things

Other than that was just really good conversation about music, work, gigs, job interviews etc.

Date lasted an hour and a half which I think was a good sweet spot - The ‘Goldilocks' spot ⏳

She told me after I walked her to her car (and via text after) that she wanted to hang out again and I'm up for it as she's actually really sweet 🙃

Might take her for milkshakes next time as she said she liked them and I'll see where it goes. At this point I'm just taking it easy with the dating and getting back into it. No stress no pressure. If I get laid, I get laid. Obviously I’m gonna try, but If I don't, I don't 😎

@Dewm - Thanks for wishing me luck, buddy! :arrow_up:

@Brother_Tucker - This one went a lot better than my last few dates as I stuck to your advice. Many thanks for the push in the right direction and giving me that ego check that I desperately needed :arrow_up:

- Listened to Andy's Podcast Episode #34: My Most Cringeworthy Story 🎤 This was a really interesting story to hear - I've been in similar situations where short of actually saying it, girls have been giving me obvious 'Shut up and Fuck me' vibes and I did absolutely nothing 🤦‍♂️

I think partly this is societal conditioning and self-doubt on my part as when these situations have occurred, the thoughts in my head have been:

'She's just being nice and making conversation. You can't ask for her number - that's harassment, you pervert' 💭

'She can dance with you provocatively - that's just how girls are these days. It doesn't mean anything - it's because we don't live in the 1950's anymore and things aren't ultra-conservative. It doesn't mean anything so don't try and kiss her, she might be offended...' 💭

'Why would she want to be with a guy like you? There's way better prospects out there for her...'
💭

There has also been in the past a fear that I could get '#MeToo'd', although I've realised that I shouldn't let this hold me back in dating/sex as I'm a decent guy who's never pushed it if it's obvious the girl ain't interested 👎

Instead like a dumbass, in the past I've chased the girls who aren't interested in dating and they have made trying to date them an uphill struggle. Really reassuring to hear I'm not the only one guilty of this and I'm really pleased that I've learnt from my past ✅

I've also experienced the flip side of this where on more times that should have happened, girls have gotten into my bed etc. but haven't let me do anything - I've often misinterpreted this as a lack of interest, but really it's just because it's too soon for them. I now don't do this unless sex is taking place as I think this is dangerous behaviour which I cannot in good conscience encourage - the next guy they get into bed with in only their underwear and 'just want to cuddle' might not stop when they ask him to 👎

This is one of my solid dating rules and I promised myself I would stick to it, so I do not do this. ❌

I also think there is a bigger risk of leaving yourself open to rape and sexual abuse allegations in these situations. Appreciate there may be differing thoughts on this, but this is just how I feel and me personally, I don't want to take the risk 🚪👈

I will only 'just cuddle' with a girl I've dated and had sex with a few times - there has been times in the past where I've dated these girls and they've been upset/having a bad week/on their period and I've gone round and we've just cuddled so I can help them through a tough time 🤝

These previous situations have caused me to have self-doubt and reinforced the thoughts described above when I have been with other girls. When this has happened, I have got pissed off, moped around for half hour and then left the girl's place. What I should have done which I now do after learning from Andy and others is: I play it cool after trying to escalate a couple of times if it becomes clear that the girl doesn't want anything then I'll delta outta there 🚪🚶‍♂️👋

Constantly worrying you'll get '#MeToo'd' will get me nowhere and I understand that now ⬆️

That's pretty much it for today. Due to getting up early, I'm pretty Fucked so I'm gonna get an early night tonight and use my sunrise alarm to hopefully wake up fresh again tomorrow 🌅

Photos have been posted below for accountability purposes 📷

Thanks for reading

Spider 🕷
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User avatar
Spider Jerusalem
Posts: 1159 | Thanks: 562
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2021 9:51 am
Name: Spider
Goal: Get Big. Get Dangerous.
Age: 28
Motto: YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.
Location: Thailand (I Wish!)

Mon Nov 08, 2021 5:11 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Sun Nov 07, 2021 9:52 pm
Spider Jerusalem wrote:
Sun Nov 07, 2021 5:37 pm
and I'll see where it goes. At this point I'm just taking it easy with the dating and getting back into it. No stress no pressure. If I get laid, I get laid. Obviously I’m gonna try, but If I don't, I don't
If you play it safe too many times, you'll lose. Girls aren't going to sit around forever waiting for you to fuck them. Eventually she'll feel like "He can't be that into me because he hasn't tried to sleep with me. Maybe I'm ugly. I'm not gonna meet him again because it just hurts not being wanted."

You're playing it safe not because you "don't really care if I get laid", but because you're scared. And what do we do when we feel fear? We run TOWARDS it.

So man up, and play to win. Meet her in public, go for a walk and grab a bottle of wine, and take it back to your place (or hers).

We're not here to fuck around; we're here to win. So stop messing about, put some actual skin in the game, and play to win.

@KillYourInnerLoser

You’re right Andy - upon reflection, I’m lying to myself. I need to take a risk and make a move 🎲

I’ve arranged another date with her next weekend - I’ll try close the deal when I see her next and figure the logistics in the meantime. She does seem very receptive and interested - worse that could happen is she says ‘not tonight’ 🌘

I’ll note what happens what on here for accountability

Thanks for the push in the right direction

Spider 🕷
User avatar
Dewm
Posts: 350 | Thanks: 140
Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2020 6:53 am
Name: Brady
Goal: Love Myself
Age: 35
Motto: Fuck Bitches Get Money
Location: New York, NY

Mon Nov 08, 2021 6:09 am

Guitar chick sounds very bangable dude! My first girlfriend played guitar so I always have a romance boner for alt guitar chicks. What Andy said ^ she wants a second date you got this dude. If I can't close on date 1, date 2 i invite them over for dinner which I cook (or I go to hers for dinner) - almost always works especially if libations are had. If there's a date 3 as the deal hasn't closed I just rinse and repeat dates 1 or 2. By date 3 if there's no fucking you guys are adults and can talk it out and see if it's in the cards for you. Rock on!
Goals
Love Myself
  • Finish my screenplay and make that movie.
  • Produce a comedy show that makes me money
  • Lose weight and gain muscle
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