Returning to online dating after years, match quality down the shitter

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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:16 pm

Sup,

I've been out of the game for a few years and returning back, I don't get a lot of quality matches on OD. I used to get some model-tier material and I'd get like 5 matches a day. Now it's like, two or three matches a day (even with Tinder Platinum) and they're almost all fat. I got some really cute chicks matched but they all ghosted.

It's probably a combination of my style and my shit quality of photos. Or maybe even the age, I'm now 33 whereas before I "got out" I was 28. Not that number is a problem, but I show up to fewer chicks and I look older.

I grew longer hair, which I know can be a filter to some chicks, but at the same time, I've never had so many girls IRL checking me out and flirting with me as now, so it must be the shit quality of photos rather than the hair. I know "conventionally speaking", I looked "better" with the usual boring undercut/stubble combo, but I probably give off more confidence or look more interesting to chicks IRL like this. I'm at a point where I'm convinced I'd have more success just cold approaching lol (I've done a few but haven't really started seriously). So, I don't wanna cut my hair just yet. I wanna try and make it work as it is. Just mentioning this first because I know it will probably be the first feedback.

I made my Tinder profile a month ago with some selfies and random older photos I found, just to see if it would work, or if I'll have to scrap it and start all over, get quality photos, delete my profile and remake it etc. I tried to do it my way and it doesn't work, so now I'm open to some brutal critique.

So here is my shitty profile:
https://tinder.com/@czechmatebro

I'll post it in pictures below if you can't access it + I'll try to find my old profile (I had a screenshot saved somewhere) for comparison, where I had better matches
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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:20 pm

My profile is in Czech, but basically it says stuff about me like if I was looking for a serious relationship, honestly I'm not that into hookups anymore, I'd love to get laid a lot but I'd be fine with finding a girl for long term as well. That's why I don't do the old edgy GLL "looking for a cool girl to chill with" thing. But I might if you think it's better.
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ytlord
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 51
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:47 pm
Goal: Live without regrets
Age: 25
Location: Somewhere in Asia

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:22 pm

Get new pictures, trim down to 4-6 pictures instead of this clusterfuck. Read the Tinder guide, you’re at a basic enough level that that’s the “correct” advice.

Tinder standards have gone up massively in the last 3 years, probably more so the last 5 but I wasn’t active 5 years ago. You need well curated DLSR pics
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Big in Europe
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Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
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Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:26 pm

Photos that I'm using, in this order (from top left to bottom right)
It's just some random shit that I put together, I know it's all over the place, the ones with short hair are older (up to 5 years).
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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:31 pm

Here's some recent DSLR pics that I took, maybe one of them could be a better profile pic. I thought the guitar shot was cool though, maybe not.
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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
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Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:35 pm

two more selfies I thought of using, but they're probably shit quality as well (yeah I know... gotta do more DSLR). just so you get a better idea how I look

and, two more pics how I look if I tie my hair in a bun, so if you think the longer hair is a problem, maybe this looks better and I could take a good pic like this (as tied up it looks pretty much like short hair)
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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:48 pm

And here's my old profile from like 2018 (two versions I had). In comparison, I was younger, slimmer, had short hair. Not sure I can replicate it haha. But, most of those were just shitty selfies too. The pic quality standards really seem to have gone way up. I used to get matched with models, even a porn actress once lol. So it can't be that I'm ugly, at least not naturally, gotta be something about my recent pics
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Last edited by Big in Europe on Sat Sep 10, 2022 3:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
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Age: 33

Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:57 pm

ytlord wrote:
Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:22 pm
Get new pictures, trim down to 4-6 pictures instead of this clusterfuck. Read the Tinder guide, you’re at a basic enough level that that’s the “correct” advice.

Tinder standards have gone up massively in the last 3 years, probably more so the last 5 but I wasn’t active 5 years ago. You need well curated DLSR pics
Yeah I've seen the pics you guys around here have, it's insane, almost makes me feel like giving up cause I'm not very photogenic. I will read the guide "again" (I have read all these guides plenty of times) but I wanted to know if there's something I could do with my profile in the meantime, to make it work. Some good photos to select, some photos to delete, what to set as my profile pic etc. Because it will take me a few months to take some good pics.
Or whether my profile isn't salvageable at all and I should just get rid of every photo I have and start over.
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kratjeuh
Posts: 749 | Thanks: 341
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2022 8:18 pm
Goal: Money for hardmaxing
Age: 26

Sat Sep 10, 2022 3:15 pm

Big in Europe wrote:
Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:31 pm
Here's some recent DSLR pics that I took, maybe one of them could be a better profile pic. I thought the guitar shot was cool though, maybe not.
The guitar pic has really poor lighting and is just inside showing no emotions. For this type of pic you either want it to be an action shot of you performing for a crowd or one where you're sitting outside and relaxed playing it.

Almost all your pics are inside which screams boring to most girls. You'll want to be going to fancy looking places and have cool backgrounds on pretty much all your photos.

The norm on tinder has increased. You either put in the work or you'll have to fight with the other 80-90% of guys for the leftovers.
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ytlord
Posts: 223 | Thanks: 51
Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:47 pm
Goal: Live without regrets
Age: 25
Location: Somewhere in Asia

Sat Sep 10, 2022 4:31 pm

Big in Europe wrote:
Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:26 pm
I'm not very photogenic
No, you just need to take ~1000 pictures before you get one that looks natural and good. Being “photogenic” is just a question of improving that ratio.

I don’t wanna come across as a dick, but you have quite a bit of work ahead of you. I feel like I suck at hair advice, so I’m not gonna say whether or not long hair works for you, but I will say that your facial hair is not helping you. You look like you’re using it to cover up a bad jawline, which brings me to point 2: you likely need to lose fat.

All I’m going off of is facial appearance, but you definitely have too much facial fat. If you aren’t on any sort of exercise / diet regimen, that should be your top priority. You are firmly in the territory of fat loss giving massive returns.

Also yeah, dlsr pics need to be taken outside. My success came from leaning into being “that weirdo” posing in front of a tripod in public. The sheer awkwardness of it also gives carryover chad energy to the rest of your life.
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klondike
Posts: 300 | Thanks: 117
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2022 12:58 am
Goal: Drop to 205lbs
Age: 35

Sat Sep 10, 2022 10:34 pm

Big in Europe wrote:
Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:57 pm
ytlord wrote:
Sat Sep 10, 2022 2:22 pm
Get new pictures, trim down to 4-6 pictures instead of this clusterfuck. Read the Tinder guide, you’re at a basic enough level that that’s the “correct” advice.

Tinder standards have gone up massively in the last 3 years, probably more so the last 5 but I wasn’t active 5 years ago. You need well curated DLSR pics
Yeah I've seen the pics you guys around here have, it's insane, almost makes me feel like giving up cause I'm not very photogenic. I will read the guide "again" (I have read all these guides plenty of times) but I wanted to know if there's something I could do with my profile in the meantime, to make it work. Some good photos to select, some photos to delete, what to set as my profile pic etc. Because it will take me a few months to take some good pics.
Or whether my profile isn't salvageable at all and I should just get rid of every photo I have and start over.
There's no way to 'hack' the online dating market: it's brutal. You don't want the intermittent reinforcement of a few few matches here and there, which is just spinning your wheels and wasting your time. You want to get down to a solid foundation, and then to a system for getting a date whenever you want, wherever you want.

You greatly benefit from the 'sexual stereotype' of being a rocker. That's a major selling point to girls; hell, even guys who just look like musicians and rappers get laid from it. But when it comes to dating, it's more important to look like a musician than it is to actually be a musician. A longhaired butt rocker who is 30lbs overweight does not come off as a sexy rocker, he comes off as a record store guy. I'm also a DJ and producer, but I'm 20lbs overweight--so I too am a record store guy atm.

I'm also in that position of burning it all down and starting over, as are many of the guys here.
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Big in Europe
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2022 1:15 pm
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 33

Sun Sep 11, 2022 8:49 pm

Thanks for the feedback everybody. I read the guide too (holy fuck, so long - and when I got to the end, there is ... Part 2... but, good info all).

Some points to address:
- Yes I know I could lose some weight, I already workout, started a few months ago but I won't get ripped overnight. + I have some fitness goals for this year, ran 20 km for the first time and finished my first 10k race, my top goal is to get my abs to show. Not sure I can manage but still got a few months, let's see.
- However, even girls at work tell me I should get some muscle, whenever I lose weight I look really skinny. So that's why I was more focusing on that rather than losing weight. But I can do a few weeks to slim down again. Remember that my photos aren't 100% recent btw, they're between months and years old. Profile pic is recent.
- No, I'm not hiding anything by having facial hair. I actually like having facial hair.
- Good point on the lighting and photos being taken all indoors, yeah my life has been shit last 2 years so I haven't been living my best life. I tried to go outside with a tripod but it was awkward AF, I couldn't take good photos. I will try again (maybe after I slim down a bit).
- Also good point on the "intermittent reinforcement", I thought about it myself. I remember it fucked with my head a lot even when I was getting success those years ago, online dating can definitely rewire your brain in some messed up ways. I find myself craving that bit of dopamine from matching daily but yeah, the ultimate goal is getting hot pussy, not playing Pokemon.

I will probably leave my Tinder profile live for now, but I think I'll try to slim down within this 1 month, then delete my profile, take some cool pics (at least one, for the main photo) and try starting the profile from scratch. I was hoping there was something I could do now with my profile, so I don't have to be a thirsty mf for any longer, but I guess I can postpone it a bit more and work on myself if it's so bad.
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