I really need help

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Waffle_King
Posts: 2 | Thanks: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2023 6:58 pm
Goal: Get Laid Online
Age: 30
Motto: Life is pointless

Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm

Advice would be extremely helpful, I'm not in a good place in life.

I'm 30 and I've never been laid. I've never had close friends. I foolishly moved across the country to a smallish city and now I hate every waking moment of my life.
(I'm seeing a psychiatrist but it doesn't help much).

I've been told I'm attractive most of my life but just cannot get laid to save my life.
I've lowered my standards so much that I've began swiping right on ugly/fat girls....still no matches.

The only hope I've ever had in life was about 3 months ago when I somehow matched with a pretty girl and managed to go on some dates with her.
I progressed things as quickly as I could and took it further each time, eventually getting her naked in the back seat of her car. (I don't drive for multiple reasons...I'm shocked she kept seeing me despite relying on her car for our dates).
I fingered her on multiple dates and even had my pecker in her mouth for 5 seconds (Couldn't stay hard due to medical/thyroid problems at the time).

Anytime I pushed for sex she would just tell me she was waiting to get an IUD/birth control implant put in first.

The day before we planned on having sex she broke up with me over text for no apparent reason. She literally told me she didn't know why but she wanted to stop seeing me. It killed me. I still think about spraying my brains all over the hood of her car at her place of work.

After a month of depression I decided to get back on the dating apps and try again. I'm getting nowhere, it's as if women decided unanimously that I'm not good enough to match with.

I just don't get it. How can I be told by virtually everyone that I'm attractive and yet bomb on dating apps? I've switch out my photos so many times, it truly doesn't matter what I do at this point.

The most success I've had when it comes to matching with hot chicks is when I was wearing a hat in all of my pics....am I doomed to start hatfishing girls now? I have a pretty bad receding hairline but keep it styled and cut all of the time.

I don't have what it takes to cold approach girls, I can't even make male friends. People treat me differently after about 3 minutes of talking to them, like they can sense that I'm lonely or weird or something.
Doesn't seem to matter how happy I come off as, if I tell jokes or try to be sociable. People don't like me after they talk to me. I'm kinda reserved and have very poor focus so I have to take unsafe amounts of stimulants just to have conversations (Overdose on caffiene daily in addition to max dose ADHD meds).

I have lost much of my desire to keep living at this point, my psyche is hanging by a thread.

*** Please don't be discouraged from giving me advice, what you say can't possibly make me hate life anymore than I do.

I've neglected everything in my life in the endless pursuit of getting laid, I have no goals or future because of this major problem.

I will not resort to prostitution.
I will not.
Don't try to convince me otherwise.
Just no.

Aside from that, is there anything I can do right now to help me get matches online?
There are no social events in this city, the only realistic way of getting laid is through dating apps.
City population of about 10k people, nearby is a much larger city but it's a chore to get there without a car.

My current avatar is the most accurate depiction of what I look like (where I'm holding a banana)
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HomelessBob
Posts: 85 | Thanks: 15
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2021 6:19 pm
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Age: 32
Motto: Set goals, study up, perfect systems

Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:17 pm

My two cents:

Everything is learnable. Everything is a skill. A good plan of action + putting in the numbers = basically guaranteed success. Most people skimp on one or the other.

My opinion? Forget about girls and date a fleshlight till you learn some social skills and make some friends of any sort. Even if you take the perfect Tinder pictures, it's insanely hard to get a second date without at least decent social skills. And simply getting laid doesn't make you happy, see the flaming dumpster fires that are some PUAs lives.

You're in decent shape, I think by following Andy's guide on the site you could pretty easily make a great Tinder profile and get some matches but I really don't think that'll fix your problems.

Optimise your health, your sleep, your diet.

Keep going to therapy.

Buy the books "How to make friends and Influence people" + "How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People".

Make it a priority to go out and make some friends you can regularly hang out with. Seriously consider moving near or to a bigger city if you can, much easier to meet friends and get dates that way.

Once you're happier with a life that includes healthy social relationships, go work on getting some great pictures with the help of the guys on the forums and follow the Tinder guide.
Goals:

1. Start 1-2 online businesses and go part time with my main gig

2. Get to being decent again at OLD

3. Get to being *chefs kiss* at tinder (with a 'lil coaching)
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HomelessBob
Posts: 85 | Thanks: 15
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Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:23 pm

Waffle_King wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm


I will not resort to prostitution.
I will not.
Don't try to convince me otherwise.
Just no.
Also, why? I don't think it's a bad idea for someone to just get it out of the way so it isn't such a big deal in someone's brain. The collective finger of society and dude-kind isn't going to come down from the sky and judge you for paying to get laid.

I'm perfectly happy with my sex life and honestly if the company and price was right, sure why not? I've spent my money on dumber stuff. Also the idea of doing it with a pro sounds awesome.
Goals:

1. Start 1-2 online businesses and go part time with my main gig

2. Get to being decent again at OLD

3. Get to being *chefs kiss* at tinder (with a 'lil coaching)
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Squilliam
Posts: 2067 | Thanks: 362
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Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:35 pm

HomelessBob wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:23 pm
Also, why? I don't think it's a bad idea for someone to just get it out of the way so it isn't such a big deal in someone's brain. The collective finger of society and dude-kind isn't going to come down from the sky and judge you for paying to get laid.
Honestly I can see where he's coming from. For most virgins, it's not the lack of sex per se that is so bothersome. It's that they want to feel sexually desired and capable of finding a girl. Prostitution would defeat the point.

That was my experience at least and I'm sure many others can relate.

OP, you're not ugly at all. The problem is clear. You're not gonna have many options in a city of 10k people. I live in a city with 8+ million people and even I still run out of matches sometimes.

The answer is clear. Move to a bigger city. How can you expect to get laid when there's like 7 hot girls in your entire city?
check out my blog: https://squilzpursuit.wordpress.com/

- Do 1000 approaches by end of 2024 (~350/1000)
- Get laid from daygame
- Learn game and stop being a social autist
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hush
Posts: 193 | Thanks: 81
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2022 4:18 pm
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Age: 29

Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:36 pm

You mentioned you have no friends, who's taking the pictures?

To me your priority should be getting to a better mental state, general wellbeing. Stop caffeine, learn to function without it.
Focus on the basics: sleep and nutrition, exercise and light/spending time outdoor. Also, gratitude journaling. Write each day about what you like about yourself, life, your day... Meditation daily for brain clarity also.

What do you do in your life, do you have a job?
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HomelessBob
Posts: 85 | Thanks: 15
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2021 6:19 pm
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Age: 32
Motto: Set goals, study up, perfect systems

Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:40 pm

Squilliam wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:35 pm
HomelessBob wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:23 pm
Also, why? I don't think it's a bad idea for someone to just get it out of the way so it isn't such a big deal in someone's brain. The collective finger of society and dude-kind isn't going to come down from the sky and judge you for paying to get laid.
Honestly I can see where he's coming from. For most virgins, it's not the lack of sex per se that is so bothersome. It's that they want to feel sexually desired and capable of finding a girl. Prostitution would defeat the point.

That was my experience at least and I'm sure many others can relate.
Fair point. Maybe the prostitution advice fits better for anyone with sex anxiety rather than low "worthyness" feelings.
Goals:

1. Start 1-2 online businesses and go part time with my main gig

2. Get to being decent again at OLD

3. Get to being *chefs kiss* at tinder (with a 'lil coaching)
kratjeuh
Posts: 740 | Thanks: 341
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2022 8:18 pm
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Age: 94

Mon Jan 16, 2023 9:53 pm

Let's start with the good things. You are an attractive guy with a good body but this information doesn't matter right now because you need female validation to prove this point.

I wouldn't only focus on online dating but a healthy combination of IRL meetups aswell. Doing this in a small city is tough (I live in one aswell) because rumours fly around if things go south.

If you have the budget and freedom, I HIGHLY advise you to solo travel for 3-6 months. Stay in socials hostels all the time. The cool thing about hostels is that nobody knows your background and even if you fuck up, you'll be off to the next hostels just a fews days later with a new chance. This is the perfect way to learn to be social whilst also creating memories and stories. Both of these will also help to build fun connections as you have cool stuff to talk about.

With a tripod and some balls to ask people to take pics, you can create an exciting dating profile. If you are serious and take pics of yourself dailly in travel locations for these months, you will be guarenteed to have some solid pics (Edit or let someone edit them a bit). You'll also be using Tinder etc in bigger cities meaning more options of getting laid.

Another crucial advise is to find a hobby in your city. This is another great way to meet some people and possibly create a friendship.

May I ask you why you can't drive a car btw? You don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable telling us.
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colgate
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Tue Jan 17, 2023 12:51 am

HomelessBob wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 8:23 pm
Waffle_King wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm


I will not resort to prostitution.
I will not.
Don't try to convince me otherwise.
Just no.
Also, why? I don't think it's a bad idea for someone to just get it out of the way so it isn't such a big deal in someone's brain. The collective finger of society and dude-kind isn't going to come down from the sky and judge you for paying to get laid.

I'm perfectly happy with my sex life and honestly if the company and price was right, sure why not? I've spent my money on dumber stuff. Also the idea of doing it with a pro sounds awesome.
seconded. i can speak from personal experience too

on prostitution/escorts
i started as a virgin too. i was told to consider hiring an escort back in november 2021 by my mentor. i didn't have huge ego problems behind doing it, but nonetheless i put it off.

i went on maybe ~15 dates between then and march 2022, all from cold approach. i had some near misses like it seems you had, but no cigar.

frustrated, i "vowed" to "celibacy" until i got more jacked and could get good dating app pictures.

however, i lived with my mentor and another dude from these forums and we would go out to the bars multiple times a week.

one night, i was absolutely frustrated and didn't want to talk to any girls. i just wanted to punch every person in the face while i was walking down the street.

ultimately, i decided the purpose of me being out at night was to have sex. but i don't even know what sex is like. and i didn't care about "talking to people".

remembering what my mentor said months ago, i bit the bullet and hired not one, but two escorts.

i literally came in less than a minute with the first escort. that had to be the most expensive minute of my whole life lmfao.

with the second one, it was more normal but at least now i wasn't freaking out over the mere idea of sex. so now i was less "hyped up" when i was around a girl.

thanks to the escorts, less than a month later i finally lost my v-card for real with cold approach pulling a girl from a bar and fucked her for 6 hours


my take on you
Waffle_King wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm
*** Please don't be discouraged from giving me advice, what you say can't possibly make me hate life anymore than I do.
having said the above, i don't think hiring escorts is a requirement. but it can de-hype the idea of sex which is probably what you need if you haven't been laid before.

i'm looking at your profile pic and yeah holy fuck you are attractive. you're jacked and white. blah blah i'm the 21924th person in your life to tell you that.

however, if the pictures you attached with your message are the ones you use with your dating app profiles, they suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but after being on the forums for a while now and observing many guys' trajectories, literally the only thing you specifically, Waffle_King, need is good photos. then you will be getting more matches then you know what to do with

literally just fly to austin and hire joe to take your photos

then take some 2-3 week vacation to any big city (hell, maybe even just stay in austin. for west coast there are also plenty of guys from the the forums in LA. also plenty of asians in the bigger west coast cities and asian girls love white guys, so that would be a great start)

read this post by a guy here who went from 1 to 10 lays in 6 weeks

and get laid.


Waffle_King wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm
I've neglected everything in my life in the endless pursuit of getting laid, I have no goals or future because of this major problem.
i deeply empathize with you on this point. as a former hyper virgin too, i honestly think the best thing you can do is get laid as fast as possible. just do whatever you can to get it over with.

it obviously won't solve all your problems, hell even most of them. i personally have a looooong way to go myself.

but at least not being a hyper virgin and having a couple lays + plate experience gave me drive to work on the more indirect aspects of being able to consistently get girls such as actual self-improvement.

maybe your vibe is fucked and maybe you need better social skills, but going off current looks alone i'm 100% sure you could get laid (legit!!! sans escort) in the next 30 days if you made that your sole focus (even if that means dropping the ego and hiring an escort now to get "sex" out of the way, and then getting the "legit" lay)

would highly recommend starting a progress log if you're serious
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Zug
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Tue Jan 17, 2023 2:13 am

I also avoided seeing a prostitute. For me, I really just didn't care that I was a virgin. That was not the problem (to me). The problem was that I was undesirable, unwanted, and low in self worth. Seeing a prostitute wouldn't have helped the first two, and would have damaged the third further.

THAT SAID.

There was also a lot of fantastical beliefs about what first time would be like, and even more false beliefs about what life would be like AFTER. Seeing a prostitute, and regularly, would have helped me with bedroom anxiety and possibly helped the process move faster. Can't say that for a fact one way or another, there's also real potential downsides there.

I suspect some people are obsessed with the label and identity as a virgin, more so than they are about being unwanted or such. Seeing a prostitute could be an overnight fix to destroying that identity and moving along, but maybe not? From most anecdotal reports I've seen, it is rare for guys to feel any regrets about it, especially long term, but I haven't seen many compelling anecdotal report of it being much more than a small temporary boost.
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bonzo34
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Tue Jan 17, 2023 3:46 am

..
Last edited by bonzo34 on Sun Dec 10, 2023 6:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
dating

resolve job/income

Be an Army Officer

50 lays. 1/50

The first time you quit, it's hard. The second time, it gets easier. The third time, you don't even have to think about it.
be transparent as possible. Stop setting plays. Stop playing chess with life.
you make progress when you face a fear head on
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Kurvam
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Tue Jan 17, 2023 4:11 pm

As has already been pointed out living in a city of just 10k people is a major cock-block, even with a top online dating profile your pickings would be quite small. Have you thought of moving out or at least taking a trip to a big city for a week/weekend? I think if you want to take this getting laid thing seriously you can't be living in a small town of only 10k people.

You should post your full current profile and photos you are using aswell for more accurate feedback, for example your profile pic on the forum is better than the ones you attached but its not clear which photos you are currently using. If its the ones attached there is allot of room for improvement.
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drz
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Tue Jan 17, 2023 5:17 pm

Waffle_King wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm

I don't have what it takes to cold approach girls, I can't even make male friends. People treat me differently after about 3 minutes of talking to them, like they can sense that I'm lonely or weird or something.
Doesn't seem to matter how happy I come off as, if I tell jokes or try to be sociable. People don't like me after they talk to me. I'm kinda reserved and have very poor focus so I have to take unsafe amounts of stimulants just to have conversations (Overdose on caffiene daily in addition to max dose ADHD meds).
Some would say that 3 minutes with someone you don't know is actually pretty good going. Nevertheless if things fizzle out after 3 minutes then, what? You're going to be punished? No-one cares, they're not right for you. If you have no friends in where you live then what do you have to lose? Provided you're not doing anything blatantly illegal - nothing.

If you think that your psyche is going to get in the way of cold approach, have you considered taking up a martial art? I feel awkward mentioning this but it's a fundamental truth - the greater capacity you have for violence, the more you can generally handle yourself. Guys I've met who are more outspoken and likely to fight, tend to get laid more, even if they're not necessarily that attractive. Martial arts generally don't encourage you to fight anyone and neither would I, but knowing you can handle yourself when things go bad is a plus.

There is also the argument that you don't actually want to make friends (subconsciously), even if you're trying. I've sure experienced this via social & meetup groups, where I realised that I fundamentally just didn't like anyone there. The right friends can lift you up, but having no friends is better than hanging with folks who you just don't care about.

Online dating - ask for feedback here as well as using photofeeler.com to get feedback from women. Yes, it'll hurt your ego and you'll likely feel upset from initial responses, but there's no other way you can improve. You're a decent looking guy IMO so it's just a case of getting better photos. FaceApp can also help, provided you don't over-edit your pictures.

Though above all mirroring what others here have already said - move.
Last edited by drz on Tue Jan 17, 2023 7:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
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HankMoodyJr
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Age: 25
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Tue Jan 17, 2023 7:10 pm

Waffle_King wrote:
Mon Jan 16, 2023 7:53 pm
I've neglected everything in my life in the endless pursuit of getting laid, I have no goals or future because of this major problem.
Enough good, practical advice has been posted already, but nobody has really mentioned this.

I can't imagine what it's like being in your situation, so I'm not going to try to. I do know one thing about spending your entire focus on chasing one thing though, and it's that if it doesn't work out, it's going to leave you pretty fucked up. Seems like this is a pretty major source of your current state.

Imo it's kind of ironic, but with a lot of things, the less you try/care, the more likely you are to achieve them. You don't attach yourself to the outcome, and it gives you the freedom to truly experiment and pursue the goal fearlessly.

If success with women is the only metric by which you judge your life, you're going to have a pretty bad time. You can't control how they act towards you, and women can be flaky, emotional and impossible to understand for the male psyche.

Focus on yourself. Pursue hobbies that you enjoy which will allow you to build a social circle and develop your social skills. Work on your mental and physical health. Improve your logistics. The women will come.
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Reddas
Posts: 47 | Thanks: 13
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Age: 31

Wed Jan 18, 2023 4:04 pm

Some really good advice in this thread.

You should start a log on here which you update frequently, and you will have plenty of guys on here who will support you in your journey.

Things will take time, but with the right information applied you'll see MASSIVE improvement in the long run.

We believe in you.
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Thrice
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Name: Mohamed
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Location: Italy

Wed Jan 18, 2023 5:11 pm

do you want to do something for your hair? you have many options now, if you don't do anything you have less options in the future
Looking for a hardcore accountability partner👇🏽

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