Girls saying they're not looking for hook ups.

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Sin Silver
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Sun Aug 02, 2020 8:18 pm

So I've been following Andy's guide to Tindr, and have been getting some good respounces. When it comes to the messaging, I've been following his template(Except I'm saying 'you're cute' rather than 'Sexy'). I even use the final 'I'm not looking for anything super serious right now, but if you fancy a flirt...', but I've just been met with 'I'm not looking for hook ups'.

What should I say when a girl hits me with this? Should I be honest and move on? Should I use another line that dosen't imply I'm looking for hook ups? I don't think I have that sexy/bdsm factor that Andy does to be so upfront about my sexual intentions.
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Sun Aug 02, 2020 8:48 pm

"I'm not looking for hookups" usually means "I don't want a one night stand" or "I don't want you to just bang me and then discard me".

I reply "Yeah im not looking for a one-time thing; that's incredibly unsatisfying. I'm definitely looking for something casual but ongoing - like friends-with-benefits. Lemme know if you'd be up for something like that (assuming we click first of course)."
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Mav
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Sun Aug 02, 2020 8:58 pm

Just like when they say they're not DTF on their profiles. They're full of shit lol.
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l0vebone
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Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:09 am

You will get tons of girls like this. Vast majority of girls you encounter will not have sex with random people. I would say 99/100 are like this. Screen and move on.

Ive never done this myself, but please dont be like tons of guys and lie, say they will be in a relationship, etc, just to hit. If you’re evil like that then go ahead but its an extemely fucked up thing to do.
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KillYourInnerLoser
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Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:18 am

l0vebone wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:09 am
please dont be like tons of guys and lie, say they will be in a relationship, etc, just to hit. If you’re evil like that then go ahead but its an extemely fucked up thing to do.
If anyone's even on these forums in the first place, they're pretty much already on board with ideas of honesty and treating girls decently. I'm certainly not going to allow anyone to stay if they treat girls like utter shit - but I don't think that'll ever happen here. Those kind of guys are going to be put off by us immediately and won't even bother signing up here.

(I'll make it clear I'm not going to "language-police", so don't feel like any of you have to walk on eggshells or anything - this isn't that kind of place. I just mean if someone is obviously-sociopathic/completely cold and uncaring, this won't be the forum for them.)
Andy / Australia
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l0vebone
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Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:55 am

KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:18 am
l0vebone wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:09 am
please dont be like tons of guys and lie, say they will be in a relationship, etc, just to hit. If you’re evil like that then go ahead but its an extemely fucked up thing to do.
If anyone's even on these forums in the first place, they're pretty much already on board with ideas of honesty and treating girls decently. I'm certainly not going to allow anyone to stay if they treat girls like utter shit - but I don't think that'll ever happen here. Those kind of guys are going to be put off by us immediately and won't even bother signing up here.

(I'll make it clear I'm not going to "language-police", so don't feel like any of you have to walk on eggshells or anything - this isn't that kind of place. I just mean if someone is obviously-sociopathic/completely cold and uncaring, this won't be the forum for them.)
Yeah, I'm glad that's the case, I wouldn't want to be part of a group of lying socio paths anyways. And the thing is, these people only end up shooting themselves in the foot. They get so jaded after constant lies on both sides, they end up NEVER having a fulfilling relationship. I've seen this cycle continue with people until it gets to the point that they can't find anyone because physically speaking they aren't attractive anymore, and mentally everybody knows what kind of person they are so they don't want to deal with them.

Only mentioned it to OP because a lot of the times men think with their dicks. There is nothing wrong with telling a girl that you actually would consider having a relationship with that you would consider it, but making your sexual expectations clear, and maybe even mentioning an open relationship if you're into that.
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Mav
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Mon Aug 03, 2020 4:05 am

l0vebone wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:55 am
KillYourInnerLoser wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 3:18 am


If anyone's even on these forums in the first place, they're pretty much already on board with ideas of honesty and treating girls decently. I'm certainly not going to allow anyone to stay if they treat girls like utter shit - but I don't think that'll ever happen here. Those kind of guys are going to be put off by us immediately and won't even bother signing up here.

(I'll make it clear I'm not going to "language-police", so don't feel like any of you have to walk on eggshells or anything - this isn't that kind of place. I just mean if someone is obviously-sociopathic/completely cold and uncaring, this won't be the forum for them.)
Yeah, I'm glad that's the case, I wouldn't want to be part of a group of lying socio paths anyways. And the thing is, these people only end up shooting themselves in the foot. They get so jaded after constant lies on both sides, they end up NEVER having a fulfilling relationship. I've seen this cycle continue with people until it gets to the point that they can't find anyone because physically speaking they aren't attractive anymore, and mentally everybody knows what kind of person they are so they don't want to deal with them.

Only mentioned it to OP because a lot of the times men think with their dicks. There is nothing wrong with telling a girl that you actually would consider having a relationship with that you would consider it, but making your sexual expectations clear, and maybe even mentioning an open relationship if you're into that.
I try to be upfront as much as possible with women... but that doesn't stop them from lying/being secretive all the time. That has definitely made me jaded. Each time it happens I feel it'll be that much harder to trust someone if an opportunity was to come along. As of now I pretty much take everything they say with a grain of salt. I know quite a few guys who feel this way
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Aloofus
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Mon Aug 03, 2020 2:27 pm

I usually answer with "Neither am I. If I like someone I want to keep seeing them".

That's also the truth, I'm not looking for a hookup, but an ongoing thing. They respond positively to that more often than not.
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DNPTHC
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Tue Aug 04, 2020 1:37 pm

Aloofus wrote:
Mon Aug 03, 2020 2:27 pm
I usually answer with "Neither am I. If I like someone I want to keep seeing them".

That's also the truth, I'm not looking for a hookup, but an ongoing thing. They respond positively to that more often than not.
That’s gold. @Aloofus
Thankyou for posting on this forum.
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