pancakemouse wrote: ↑Tue Aug 22, 2023 8:05 pm
Piano works great for @Squilliam. I find it a bit awkward but it works for him.
Squilliam wrote: ↑Tue Aug 22, 2023 10:51 pm
The excuse doesn't really matter that much in my experience, as long as it's not something stupid or cringe. I typically use either the piano one or teasing her about mario kart.
Alright so I’ve come up with something fairly simple. I travel quite a bit and I usually have some kind of interesting food from other countries, usually dessert. Limoncello chocolate, pistachio cream, mochi, weird flavoured M&Ms from America (am in London), blah blah. I have in some sense tested this but only with girls I already slept with, they always find it exciting. The only investment here is to make sure I always have something, and then I need to make sure to gauge her interest in it (probably talk about recent travels, and mention the thing I have at home from that trip). I also make a really good hot chocolate which can work in a pinch, may just need to stock cream.
@pancakemouse I can also throw up obstacles easily as there will be limited quantities of stuff I got from travels — I genuinely don’t want to just give it away to randoms lol.
I’m feeling optimistic about this one so I’m gonna go with this for now. But I can be flexible and use the piano or whatever, depends. I’ve even pulled girls who said they wanted food by saying that there’s a good fried chicken burger place near my house.
I have a date tonight with a girl off Feeld. Bio says "looking for casual but not cold". We discussed kinks on text. She’s very communicative, asked before meeting if I’m ok with just seeing if we vibe and not have sex (good sign imo if the girl initiates talking about sex). I said I need chemistry so I can’t guarantee sex anyway, but if the vibe is right I’m not going to promise I won’t try.
Following from my failure the previous date (which still makes me mad because I really fucked it up and I’m 90% sure I could have gotten laid then) I have told today’s girl to meet me at a bar 30min walk from my place, at 7:30. I know where she lives, it’s 1h from me, and I know she has to go to office tomorrow. I don’t know when her work starts but it doesn’t matter. 7:30-8:30 or 9 we’ll chat over a drink, 9-9:30 pull home, 9:30-11 escalate and sex and then she can leave. During the dateI will focus on a few things that I am weak at:
1. Seeding the pull, it depends on her interest in the piano or my travels and food.
2. Seeding second date ideas. Most likely restaurants that she might like.
3a. Verbal escalation part 1: physical compliment sometime in the middle of the date when we are vibing. I almost never ever do this, I'm very sparing with compliments, and part of it is that I feel uncomfortable with it. But I notice that girls like it when I compliment them, and it is also a way of ensuring it's a man-woman interaction. The goal here is to just be more comfortable expressing my sexuality verbally, but I'm also good-looking so it shouldn't come across as simpy. This might be controversial though.
3b. Verbal escalation part 2. Keeping it very simple here.
@Zug previously mentioned the below, which I will do. Again the goal here is to be comfortable verbalising my sexuality.
Sexual escalation via conversation really isn't that hard. How are the apps treating you > Worst message youve ever gotten > Worst date youve ever been on > When was your last relationship > What was good about it, what was bad about it > Ask if the sex was any good > Ask her what she is looking for > Ask her if she has any fun kinks. Between each of these, touch base on some platonic stuff she mentions and deep dive a bit, then pivot back. Try to force yourself into a mindset of having fun and actively trying to tease her in a way she also finds funny. Pull back to your place when you get the feeling she will say yes, when you hit a specific time limit, or when you run out of convo options in public; whichever comes first. If you can get the convo into sexual territory and she asks you something that's not appropriate to answer in public, tell her you'll answer, but you should continue this convo in private.
On kino
I don't have a significant issue with kino so this is not a focus for me -- it happens naturally if I'm interested in the girl. To me, it's gotten to the point where my act of kinoing tells me how comfortable *I* feel with a girl, and how much *I* want her. If I'm not kinoing her, I don't want her and should just end the date sooner. I'll also avoid making out with her -- I think building tension can work with some eye contact and looking at her lips.
However,
@Vice mentioned
I've found that legs touching is more than enough of a signal for me to take them to my place. At this point in my game I almost consider it to be PDA at the bar I take them on dates to.
Previously I framed this as "she's comfortable and attracted". But I will try to reframe this to mean that she's ready to be pulled.
By 9pm or if we have legs touching for 5-10min, I'll go for the pull by saying "let's bounce", walk and chat for 5 min, then say "hey, I'm enjoying your company, let's go to my place and you can try the chocolate I got from France". If she makes up excuses, I'll persist until I get a firm no. I have persisted before by making it clear to the girl that the logistics can work. In this case I'm planning the date to be logistically manageable. If I do get the no, I'll say, "alright, maybe we'll see each other another time" and leave it at that. The goal: be non-needy about getting the second date. Not sure what I should be texting after a date to get a second date, maybe we'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
" or something.