Zar’s Log - The 3 month Death charge

[zar04]

Hey all , this is my log. Btw; you’re about to witness what amphetamine and mental illness look like.

TL:DR - i’ve completely gone all in - i’m going to use all available moral and immoral means to get money; roids to max out my phyisque and to change my mentality and i’m going to copy the 9 girls in 6 weeks plan with superboost; if i can’t get laid doing this than its to jump into the abyss. I am doing this because if i succeed i reach escape velocity and my life can snowball into what i’ve always wanted to be and my misery can be over. If not; i can say i gave it my all and die with the knowledge that I wasn’t a fucking pussy. However im doing so much that theres no way this realistically won’t work. This is so fucking overkill but i need that right now.

Anyways;

I’ve lived a life of fucking constant escapism, dissociation and coping.

You don’t even know how many lies you tell yourself until you stop for a moment…and really begin to question… “wow i actually fucking believe this is normal”

Other guys my age are enjoying their lives; dating girls being fucking normal.

Here i am - some giga sperg who needs a fucking a 3 phase differential equation to put figure out how to fuck a bitch.

I’ve seen my self time over time do the same fucking sabotaging behaviours - everytime i had an opportunity to ask a girl i’d pussy out.

The few dates i’d get; i wouldn’t go on. Because i was a fucking pussy. If you ever doubt your intelligence; watch how cunningly your own mind manipulates you into doing the fucking wrong thing. I once went and did a 3 FUCKING HOUR GYM WORKOUT instead of being ready to catch the correct bus to my date location.

Clearly; theres something wrong with my brain. Theres a fucking defect in there. Pussy doesn’t seem to be the natural result of whatever thoughts my brain seems to make. Which is why im going for the nuclear plan.

I have nothing to live. My life is devoid of meaning all my friends don’t really care about me ; nothings fun. I don’t have any great causes; any purposes. I don’t engage in any art anymore. And this fucking plague of “why am i still a virgin” hangs over me. Im done. Either i’m going to get fucking laid 10 times within these 12 months - or I die.

Comfort is no longer a fucking option. I decieved myself into thinking i’d made progress when I actually hadn’t. Imagine for a second that a guy who’s main purpose is getting laid hadn’t made as much as a fucking approach in a girl in two years?

Who hasn’t even had a date that isn’t terrible?

These fucking results making me so fucking disgust at my weak fucking beta inferior fucking self that it just makes me wanna throw away all my old ways of thinkings; my old values my old humour my old morality and i wanna just go in for one fucking cavalry charge that either leads me to victory or death.

Thus is the price of being a male. Masculinity is defined by sacrifice. Amongst all the highest sacrifices; reigns supreme the sacrifice of one’s security for the chance of one freedom. And for me it’s not even really about the fucking pussy. It’s about the freedom of knowing i have choice. To be free from feeling like a fucking cuck - to be constantly daydreaming snd just fucking wishing my life wasn’t so fucking pathetic.

In concrete terms - here are my plans. Also pls don’t ban me for the utter fucked upness im about to write. To any feds reading this; this forumn isnt responsible for any fucking thing - especially this totally hypothetical plan.

Weeks 1-4 : money making phase; transfer to monero and transfer monero to cash. Atleast a couple Gs for my purposes.

Side goals: rent dslr camera w lens; tripod and remote shutter begin taking photos nd gaining expertise in portraits.

Reading goals; study the photos of ppl on this forum; test out ideas for photo shoot and experiment.
Weeks 5-12 looks overdrive + destroying the OLD competition

After money has been acquiried; the fun begins.
1) buy hella nice clothes: leather jackets; bigger chain, stan smiths collogne some tommy hilfigher a better puffer and some skincare products too.
2) take nice asf photos w these better clothes: note to self - dont smoke, jerk off or take hot showers during this period.
Edit the photos in lightroom so you don’t look mentally ill.
Take 25mg of dbol a day (weeks 1-6) and 100mg of test prop EOD (weeks1-8);
Eat 5500 calories a day to reach 80kg 10%bf
3) create a new tinder & hinge acc using my burner phone; upload the new photos ; buy tinder plat and hinge X and begin boosting:
20 times a week on tinder + 30 superlikes a week (4 times a day; 2 3 hour super boosts on friday/sat)
Like 15 times a day on hinge (fuck hinge)
4) reply to every fucking ganga that come my way and set up dates as soon as possible with them - fuck all the get to know you convo; screen for the girls who actually want to fuck; use the saved time to message more girls.
5) go on every fucking date that you get; rent an airbnb for like a couple of days snd just stack fucking dates on those days; ask every girl you go out with if they want to come back to apartment. When they come back - drink 5 more standard drinks and just fucking escalate.
6) rinse and repeat; get better photos optimize funnel; get more ballsy with the escalation
7) finally go to therapy without feeling like a cuck (im not kidding about this; there hasn’t been a case of bitchless types who go to therapy getting better; they’re taught how to fucking cope with needing to fuck their right hand every night ad how to “appreciate feminism” and make “female friends” - i need to be able to find a therapist that won’t fucking gaslight me and if i’m not desperate for sex; i wont be controlled and manipulated by some fucking therapist. My lack of neediness will allow me to find the truth about what is wrong with me. And it will all get better.

This seems fucking insane. But see it all makes sense.

Get laid through hookups => non needy => more attractive to hotter girls; who are swarmed with guys trying to fucking impress her => date hotter girls => even less needy => have such an abundance that i can get pussy whenever i want through fwb’s => don’t feel like a fucking salesman when i talk to a girl; legitimately ok with her rejecting me; honestly going for interpersonal connection => find an honest connection with a high quality wonen who i actually fucking like => healhy relationship; kids fatherhood and no more cynicism about women - and no more fucking loneliness - i can actually enjoy my life. I can just sit there; in a room without fucking contemplating why I can’t get laid.

And you guys get to see my progress, failure and realizations with me!

This also forces me to be very fucking accountable. No more pussying around. If i said something there more fucking consequences attachted to not doing. Namely; if I don’t and that’s why this fails - I die. Thus i must do.

i’m not in the mood for waiting. I wanr these results now. Fuck waiting to bulk. Fuck working for 18$ an hour too. I’ve got little to lose. Im ready to break the fucking rules and finally enjoy life. I don’t care what happens. If i die or get arrested in the process - so be it. I’m more afraid of not doing enough. Many want this; who want this enough to confront ethics themselves in getting it?

If the rules aren’t serving you - do not serve the rules ; serve yourself. And this is exactly what i plan to do.

I honestly can’t wait to get fucking started. I get my drivers license in about 2 weeks time. And then - with the ability to go distances for pussy (and the ability to bring girls back to fuck in the car) - this plan begins.

It’s all so stupidly risky and exciting at the same time; no matter what happens i dodge mediocrity. And looking at my chances i just might actually win.

I’ll post updates here but for the next 2 weeks i’ll likely be silent.

[MakingAComeback]

Hey man, glad to see you making a commitment.

Definitely understand that you're super young, 19 is an age where we're learning, and you're not as screwed as you think.

Very very hard case people, still found ways to make it work. I am one example and through hard work and learning, I was able to produce a more favourable romantic experience, which will just continue to improve with more learning and application.

Don't beat yourself up, or feel pressured.

Life is short pretty much, it should be enjoyed.

We'll definitely help you progress - you'll be OK.

I would also not give yourself many weeks before taking any action. Very useful way to spin your wheels and accomplish nothing.

What are some small steps you can commit to each day that will help you achieve your goal?

What is a small step you could commit to in the next 24hrs?

-MAC

[MakingAComeback]

You know I had to edit that one part about methods to make money, right?

We can't mention anything like that.

Nothing illegal on here, ever - hope you can respect it.

Thanks.

[september]

first of all congratulations on writing the hardest opening sentence in all of redpill history

second I was reading and nodding along and going yes... yes... man backed against a corner is fighting for his life... you mustve run out of time and tried everything else and now its really time to go all in...

then my eyes glanced over at the age field and I read "19"

you're 19 and deciding your life is over if you don't fuck 6 girls within 9 weeks? lol

does that mean my life ended 4 years before I started game at 23?

I really really strongly support speedrunning and disinhibiting and being serious about your goals. Really. I'm inspired and encourage you to succeed here.

But as much as I hate to say it... there's a LITTLE bit of a parallel between game and something like weightlifting... where some thing really only unfold with time and recovery.

For 99.99% of people trying to get laid, the above is just a cope for them to be too lazy. For you I think it might actually apply. Just something to think about.

[Squilliam]

But as much as I hate to say it... there's a LITTLE bit of a parallel between game and something like weightlifting... where some thing really only unfold with time and recovery.

Yep. If there's something I've learned about this process, it's that it's a gradual one.

You can't change the core essence of who you are in a few days or weeks. It took me months of working on game to get even the smallest sliver of improvements, this is something that takes a lot of time.

[MakingAComeback]

Bruh.....that is the thing....especially if you're a hard case, this shit can take a hell of a long time

That is why I try to create true community and brotherhood here

Because like it or not, we are in it for the long haul, and for better or for worse, we have to back each other....as annoying as some of us can be at times...lol

MAC DADDY

[Adrizzle]

If the rules aren’t serving you - do not serve the rules ; serve yourself. And this is exactly what i plan to do.

My man!
You got that young man energy love it but this a marathon not a sprint

[Zug]

TL:DR - i’ve completely gone all in - i’m going to use all available moral and immoral means to get money; roids to max out my phyisque and to change my mentality and i’m going to copy the 9 girls in 6 weeks plan with superboost; if i can’t get laid doing this than its to jump into the abyss. I am doing this because if i succeed i reach escape velocity and my life can snowball into what i’ve always wanted to be and my misery can be over. If not; i can say i gave it my all and die with the knowledge that I wasn’t a fucking pussy. However im doing so much that theres no way this realistically won’t work. This is so fucking overkill but i need that right now.

This is pure nonsense. You haven't given it your all in 6 weeks, you've given it your beginning. You're not going to make fundamental changes in 6 weeks. This is bullshit IG type all-in, not "I'm sick of who I am, this is not working, I need to commit to doing whatever it takes because my life is unacceptable" type of all-in.

No one ever reaches 100% all-in, but I've been at over 95% for long periods and there are still things to work on and places to improve. There is no overall escape velocity. There is an escape velocity in certain categories, but a better description than this would be to say that there is a specific threshold required to reach success in specific domains.

I'm not anti PED, but using PEDs at 19s with no bloodwork and no doctor supervision isn't a sign of commitment, its a sign of being impulsive, impatient, and unwise.

This just reads like a manifesto of someone looking to create justification for having tried later, so that when they decide to give up they can pat themselves on the back and feel justified in their laziness, bitterness, and resentment.

There is no escape velocity, there is no point where you're good enough or need to stop improving. Transcendence lies not in accepting that, but loving that it is this way. This stuff is only worth it because it is hard. Anything you can do in 6 weeks can't be all that hard.

[ProgressEvolution]

Good luck man. Rooting for you

[Holden]

I actually kinda like the idea here but you're just doing too much.

If I were to do this "all or nothing" 6 week type of thing and I'd have $5,000 to spend or smth like that, it'd look something like this:

1) either week 1 or week 0 (consider it a preamble): buy clothes, get haircut, do as much photoshoots as possible once clothes & hair are in order, edit photos, create dating app accounts, pay for them

2) rest of the time: find a big US/Australian city, rent an Airbnb in the best part of town as close to the nightlife as possible (bulk of your money will be spent here) stock it with cheap vodka, wine, mixers

3) run "I'm new in town, trying to meet people and find cool places" game on every single girl (during the day) and mixed group (during the night) you can find

4) Go out every single day and every single night. Even if girls reject you, if you had a conversation that lasted more than 3 minutes, try saying "so can I friendzone you instead? I'm just looking to meet new people, you can have friends right? what's your IG"

5) look for the inevitable interested girl(s) due to the law of large numbers

6) ask them for movie date (day) or afterparty (night) to your Airbnb, say you live close by

7) accept that this is just a "baptism by fire" exercise and don't literally bet your life on it but know that if you do this you'll be ahead of 99.9% of guys

PS Forget the gym, I'm fairly sure that even with steroids 6 weeks is not enough to make a noticeable difference, plus you'll use the gym time and diet autism to procrastinate on talking to girls, while talking to girls should be your focus

[kratjeuh]

I actually kinda like the idea here but you're just doing too much.

If I were to do this "all or nothing" 6 week type of thing and I'd have $5,000 to spend or smth like that, it'd look something like this:

If he makes it a 6 month plan, all of this is possible.

You’ll need more than 5k because Airbnbs near nightlife will cost closer to 2k a month and he’ll have to spent at least 1k on a fashion consult and like 1-1.5k on the clothes itself.
In the 6 month plan there is room for roids. Idk the prices but this will at least be 1k I think. Photoshoots + platinum + boosts will also add up to 1k easily if not more.

For the first 4 months I’d sacrifice my entire life. You’ll do nothing else but working 60+ hours a week, eating clean and hitting the gym.
You have to be as stingy as it gets. Shower at the gym, no preworkout, you only drink water from those refill bottles, sell stuff you no longer need, …

After 4 months of diehard sacrifice it’s time to hit up the roids and do exactly what Holden told you.

[MakingAComeback]

Zar's log has become the hot topic of KYIL

Watch him not even post ever again LMAO

I have had so many like this

MAC

[zar04]

UPDATE - Holy shit I almost forgot I had an account here, also finally rich (Sorta lol) 4/02/2024:

Jesus fucking christ it's been some time. Sorry for just posting this and then vanishing.

Man; I looked back at what I fucking wrote and kind of cringed lmao. I think I was having a mental breakdown from an adderal dosing. Thank fuck i quit that shit.

Alot has changed since then.

So heres what I've been upto:

1) I've gotten roughly 5K saved up and a stable source of income (round 2k a month; very good if your my age and dont pay rent/expenses)
2) I've gotten TWO different opportunities to hookup with some hot as fuck chicks (that I pussied out of).
3) I'm about to start a test c cycle (400mg for 12 weeks).
4) A very large part of my neuroticism has left.
5) A large part of insecurity is also gone - large part from actually finding girls who would be down to fuck; finally got rid of that feeling that i was impotent/disabled (I literally used to have dreams where I was stuck in a wheelchair which i think was my mind's expression for how I felt lesser/disabled - no disrespect to the differently abled)
6) I'm significantly less of a dickhead - I also now realise that i was a dickhead; something about victim mentality ruins how you come off.
7) I'm also alot more confident in my own skin
8) I have a driver's license so I can actually go out to meet girls (Logistics are alot more important than anything when it comes to actually getting laid)

Heres what hasn't changed:
1) I'm still a virign - though now volantarily - as I now know due to some defect but my own phobias
2) I have this invisible wall blocking me from being able to approach girls - i just feel like i'm doing something wrong; and i know it's this because if i'm trying to talk to a woman working as a customer service or a female colleague I have no issues what so ever because i feel like i have "permission"
3) The idea of getting intimate makes me very scared for some reason
4) I still self sabotage and I haven't figured out a way to outsmart my own brain on the topic of self sabotage
5) I am still not putting in the amount of effort required to get laid because my own lizard brain thinks that it's a waste of time because it still doesn't feel good enough. I know this isn't true but my lizard brain doesn't.

I think; more than anything - it's the psychological aspect of my problems that is what's limiting me.
I've had what is pretty obviously a dysfunction in my bodies interal sexuality - years of strict parenting and shunning of sex has somewhat ruined my brains inherent ability to just be able to get physical. I'm not gonna blame my parents because I could but I'd get nowhere. The fear and inadequacy has created this so far unbreakable cycle of self sabotage. Pornography and instant gratification have served to keep me there.

Fear on it's own I can overcome. I've done some terrifying things in my life. But inadequacy is not. Your brain won't let you do what it thinks you aren't good enough for - especially if that's scary. It will manipulate you because it thinks it's serving you good. This is the lizard brain acting in submission. Unfortunately; no submissive man ever ended up as a girls object of desire - the very nature of masculinity is to remain resiliant in the face of opposition.

This is a battle on a spiritual level. I can think of nothing geniunely more terrifying than this. It sounds stupid; but I've been at the edge of death and even that was less scary than this. It's amazing how much early childhood trauma and conditioning can permeate how your brain works. While I can logically understand that this is stupid - the fucking fight or flight response that overwhelms me; this anxiety just makes me act like a moron. And then when it's over all I have is fucking regret. And my brain is so good at fooling me. It tells me to leave slightly later; and then boom all of a sudden i'm too late and she stops replying. No fault of her really all I had to do was leave on time. Or all of a sudden before a date I'll go on a massive porn binge; be too fucking dead the next day and just ignore her messages. Shit like this. It's fucking hell. I can beat another man; but myself? Now that's fucking hard.

I need to - through some form of exposure therapy - gradually escalate how much intimacy i'm ok with. And also while i'm doing this lower the pressure of performing well; and then just keep on trying until I get laid successfully. It's going to take a long time of doing things that I am not "allowed" (in my brains internal value system) to do with girls until I can function like a normal hetrosexual male.

Apart from that I really need to move out. Not having a place to bring girls to is annoying; girls my age do not have their own places and i'm not gonna have my first time in a car or a public restroom. But this isn't something that makes this impossible.

I'll post an update in a tiny bit. I'm getting new clothes and skincare stuff. I'm also taking new pics. I'd love ratings from some people. If I can get a couple of decent pics I'm gonna get HingeX and Tinder Platinum memberships and start boosting a fuckton and trying to go out on as many linkups as I can.

[zar04]

Zar's log has become the hot topic of KYIL

Watch him not even post ever again LMAO

I have had so many like this

MAC

I'm back - just needed some time to uninsane myself

[MakingAComeback]

Zar's log has become the hot topic of KYIL

Watch him not even post ever again LMAO

I have had so many like this

MAC

I'm back - just needed some time to uninsane myself

Good.

Been there many times bro.

You'll be OK.

How are you now?

-Ravi