This problem is driving me crazy, the last 4 or so dates I went to seemed promising online, there was flirting on their side and so on, they wanted to meet and then I ruin everything by being too friendly and boring for an hour, I maybe get a kiss on the cheek at most, friendly goodbye and then a "we are too different, sorry" a day later...and this has happened multiple times in a row.
After being a shy introvert gamer my entire life, I finally got some confidence in my life when I got these dates, only for it to back fire and almost make me not want to go to any date again. I did have some sexual hookups, but that was with very easy girls who already came for that reason and in turn I was comfortable being flirty from the start, so I can't count that as regular dates.
Anyway, usually we just talk about basic stuff like work, hobbies, interests and so on (since my social life is lackluster, I avoid the topic completely), I let them do most of the talking (mistake or not?) and I guess I overdo it, because after 30, 60 minutes, if I do try to make some advances, they aren't receptive and it's already too late.
I'm afraid that if I do start advancing in the very beginning, that it will come of weird, but I instead do the opposite thing and freeze them from boredom.
So what the f.. do I do?
I get dates, but then I turn them into friendzoning walks
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Slurp
- Posts: 66 | Thanks: 13
- Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2022 7:43 pm
- Goal: Move forwards in life.
- Age: 24
- Motto: One more step.
Have you considered the following three points:
- How active are you in the conversation? Letting them talk is good but not if it gets to 10% you 90% her.
- Have you tried mentioning or bringing up topics such as "worst date fail", "previous relationship" or something on those lines? They do set a different vibe than just work and hobbies.
- Lastly do you walk and that's it? What about after 15/30 min sit down on a bench and after that slowly engage in some sort of physical contact to see how receptive they are to it
- How active are you in the conversation? Letting them talk is good but not if it gets to 10% you 90% her.
- Have you tried mentioning or bringing up topics such as "worst date fail", "previous relationship" or something on those lines? They do set a different vibe than just work and hobbies.
- Lastly do you walk and that's it? What about after 15/30 min sit down on a bench and after that slowly engage in some sort of physical contact to see how receptive they are to it
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Squilliam
- Posts: 2141 | Thanks: 378
- Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2021 12:57 am
- Goal: Be happy
- Age: 24
- Motto: Pain is temporary. Greatness lasts forever
its vibe, you have to show her that you're a sexual man, this is not easy if you're a guy who is very platonic and not used to being sexual. I have the same problem so I don't have much advice, but a lot of it does come down to non-verbals and not so much what you say.
Also 4 dates isn't that many, eventually you'll probably get what I call a "super yes" girl and get laid in spite of this.
Also 4 dates isn't that many, eventually you'll probably get what I call a "super yes" girl and get laid in spite of this.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
check out my blog: https://squilzpursuit.wordpress.com/
- Do 1000 approaches by end of 2024 (~444/1000)
- Get laid from daygame
- Learn game and stop being a social autist
check out my blog: https://squilzpursuit.wordpress.com/
- Do 1000 approaches by end of 2024 (~444/1000)
- Get laid from daygame
- Learn game and stop being a social autist
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pancakemouse
- Posts: 1833 | Thanks: 1094
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2021 4:14 pm
- Goal: Master cold approach
- Age: 33
You have a log, better to close this thread and repost here: viewtopic.php?p=60094. One-off threads about personalized issues aren't really encouraged.
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Crisis_Overcomer
- Posts: 1026 | Thanks: 736
- Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2020 7:25 pm
- Goal: Earn $5,000/month
- Age: 33
- Motto: Motion beats meditation
When you meet her, hold eye contact and greet her however people in your country greet each other (I kiss them on the cheeks)
Grab her hand, spin her around, and comment something about her height (wow I thought you'd be shorter/taller) or style while smirking
Keep holding hands while staying close to them and looking them in one eye and smirking. Chat about whatever you want for as long you want or until she breaks it off
Sit next to her
In the bar /coffee shop establish a physical dialogue asap. Find reasons to touch shoulders, arms, whatevs. Yes you might seem autistic at first because you're not naturally good at it. And no it doesn't matter
Ask if she works out. No matter what she says, say "lemme see, flex your leg." When she flexes her leg, poke it once or twice and keep your hand on her leg. If she doesn't flex her leg, still poke & keep hand on her leg
If she's comfortable with your touch, you can grab her from underneath her legs and her back and pull her closer to you, while saying "come closer"
Put your hand over her shoulders
Find reasons to whisper something in her ear. This can be whatever; I often make a joke, but I use a deep voice for it
Find a reason to massage her shoulder
Basic principle: Don't worry about being smooth, and don't wait for perfect moments all the time. My timing is almost always bad when I put my hand over a girl's shoulders. But they don't mind because I've established by the rest of my actions that this guy is comfortable with touch.
The above works fine in my country (Greece). People in other countries might see those things and cringe. Whatevs. It feels natural to me, and I have been doing them for a long time. Yes, some girls will prefer a different approach but I prefer starting strong and dominant.
Also, I just saw that you have a log. Post there your questions man, it keeps things in one place. Locking this.
Grab her hand, spin her around, and comment something about her height (wow I thought you'd be shorter/taller) or style while smirking
Keep holding hands while staying close to them and looking them in one eye and smirking. Chat about whatever you want for as long you want or until she breaks it off
Sit next to her
In the bar /coffee shop establish a physical dialogue asap. Find reasons to touch shoulders, arms, whatevs. Yes you might seem autistic at first because you're not naturally good at it. And no it doesn't matter
Ask if she works out. No matter what she says, say "lemme see, flex your leg." When she flexes her leg, poke it once or twice and keep your hand on her leg. If she doesn't flex her leg, still poke & keep hand on her leg
If she's comfortable with your touch, you can grab her from underneath her legs and her back and pull her closer to you, while saying "come closer"
Put your hand over her shoulders
Find reasons to whisper something in her ear. This can be whatever; I often make a joke, but I use a deep voice for it
Find a reason to massage her shoulder
Basic principle: Don't worry about being smooth, and don't wait for perfect moments all the time. My timing is almost always bad when I put my hand over a girl's shoulders. But they don't mind because I've established by the rest of my actions that this guy is comfortable with touch.
The above works fine in my country (Greece). People in other countries might see those things and cringe. Whatevs. It feels natural to me, and I have been doing them for a long time. Yes, some girls will prefer a different approach but I prefer starting strong and dominant.
Also, I just saw that you have a log. Post there your questions man, it keeps things in one place. Locking this.