Does Anyone Have Experience Being a Sub?

[Lord Rey]

I'm a switch so I regularly play the sub. Of course, most girls are submissive so it's almost necessary to teach girls how to be dominant, but a lot of them don't really enjoy it tho.
So yeah, the first challenge to experience being a sub is to find a trustworthy girl who likes being dominant sometimes.

I'd say to be careful with new girls who present themselves as being dominant or "alpha female". They can just be abusive bitches who won't respect boundaries and will take the play outside of the bedroom and disrespect their sub in public...

That said, being a sub can be really enjoyable. Personally, I'm into chastity plays with tease and denial. That shit makes me go crazy. I like to be used by girls for their pleasure, being tied up and softly tortured (including my dick and balls - CBT). Otherwise, I'm not into humiliating/degrading stuff like cuckolding, pegging (I still want to keep my anal virginity haha), hard ballbusting, etc.

I have one girl who is really good at being a dom as she's a bisexual switch and we have a lot of fun plays. It's even hotter during a threesome to be tied up and dominated by two girls.

[AskTheDom]

I'd say to be careful with new girls who present themselves as being dominant or "alpha female". They can just be abusive bitches who won't respect boundaries and will take the play outside of the bedroom and disrespect their sub in public...

Firstly, I want to steer the conversation for a moment because we are using a specific terminology (D/S relationships) and I want to make sure we all understand each other.

It is different to be dominant outside and inside the bedroom - In my experience, women that claim to be dominant lack the leadership skills to make things happen, and still want to be seduced and led to the bedroom.

In the bedroom, yes, the chances of her being "Domme" are higher, but when it comes to having sex, how does she mean to be dominant? restraining you? edging you? there are a lot of particular things that need to be address, and I give the same advise to men that I give to women, TEST YOUR DOM/DOMME.

That's a point I wanted to bring up. Like there are idiots who sell themselves as Doms or are just toxic cunts, there is the same equivalent in women. There are low key misandrists that use bait and switch (sex is the bait, being toxic is the switch) to hide their toxicity.


There is nothing wrong with being a sub, and I think if that's what you want, go for it, but I know for men starting out and exploring their sub side, it's hard to understand what to look in a Domme because they never had to experience that part in their normal dating life before.

[Wnyhg]

She initially thought as a virgin that she was a sub, but now what she really likes is to peg guys.

[tdan187]

That's a point I wanted to bring up. Like there are idiots who sell themselves as Doms or are just toxic cunts, there is the same equivalent in women. There are low key misandrists that use bait and switch (sex is the bait, being toxic is the switch) to hide their toxicity.

It's hard to really define the line though. At what point does something cross from healthy BDSM to toxicity?

And who decides that?

[AskTheDom]

That's a point I wanted to bring up. Like there are idiots who sell themselves as Doms or are just toxic cunts, there is the same equivalent in women. There are low key misandrists that use bait and switch (sex is the bait, being toxic is the switch) to hide their toxicity.

It's hard to really define the line though. At what point does something cross from healthy BDSM to toxicity?

And who decides that?

Boundaries and respect

[Bman]

It's hard to really define the line though. At what point does something cross from healthy BDSM to toxicity?

And who decides that?

Boundaries and respect

I would also add self awareness and intention. Are you doing these acts from a place of love or a place of hate? And yes you can purposefully inflict pain from a place of love IF the other person asked you to do so and they really enjoy and find pleasure from it. You can be controlling IF the other person consented to you doing so and they gain pleasure and benefit from it. So examine your own intentions and why you desire to do any act in BDSM.

[tdan187]

I don't know. I am definitely engaging in "play" that is on the edge at this point. It's hard to explain but there is an aspect of evil to it. But that actually makes it that much more exciting. It's almost demonic honestly. I know that is frowned upon in the BDSM community.

Some of it I don't even go into on here for legal reasons.

The unhealthyness and toxicness is part of the excitement. I'm not sure if those things are in the spirit of this forum. That is simply the truth though.

[Bman]

I am definitely engaging in "play" that is on the edge at this point.

Well only you will know if it's healthy or not. If you have built the ability to explore those other parts of your psyche and return to a loving state quickly, and the other person has consented to you doing that with them, it can be quite healthy for you owning your full self. All parts. "Good" and "bad".

However, if you are not able to separate the two states and be in full control of them or very quickly regain control, then know that you are basically playing with psychological dynamite. When you're doing edge play, you are at the edge of yours and their psyche. You may not be prepared to handle what you find. So I recommend working up to and integrating in stages. If the play you're doing now is too dark, maybe back off a bit, and have really good communication with your partner about what these acts mean for the both of you.

[tdan187]

@Bman

I don't know. I'm not even sure what healthy is anymore.

What i will say is i enjoy stuff that most people would consider super unhealthy and toxic. Both as a dom and a sub.

That's why even when you mentioned doing stuff from a position of love. Sometimes there is no love.. it's just pain and misery.. but that's actually kind of the point.

It's like stuff that is simultaneously highly unpleasant but a rush at the same time. Things you feel bad and horrible for enjoying.. but you still do. I exploit this in women. And also am secretly turned on by the idea of them exploiting it in me.

Alot of people would certainly call that toxic though.

[tdan187]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/GuQR7fX5c1c