Erectile Dysfunction

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Drail
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Age: 25

Wed Jul 28, 2021 12:04 pm

Keen to hear if anyone has any similar experiences / advice for this one. I'll try and keep it short but I need to cover the background info.

I had pretty much normal function up until I lost my virginity (meaning making out with girls would always get me instantly hard no matter what). I think the experience broke something mentally in me and I've had ED ever since. This was 5 years ago with a girl I wasn't really interested in but she kept pursuing me and eventually I gave in and tried having sex with her. I really didn't like the whole situation because she was cheating on her existing boyfriend among other things. I had ED so it didn't work. I tried almost daily with her for 3 whole months until finally I was able to have something resembling sex. My sex drive was fully broken at that time, I couldn't get it up at all even for porn which really frustrated me. I practically went from normal function to a dead dick overnight (however I'd still get rock hard morning wood so I knew it had to be something mental). My self esteem regarding women was rock bottom so when she finally broke up with the guy she was cheating on I ended up staying in a relationship with her for 4 years until we broke up earlier this year. Over that time I was able to have regular sex but it was never enjoyable because the ED never really went away. I was always doing things to try and prevent going flaccid and so I could never actually enjoy sex. We had an open relationship at times and I was able to get two other girls into bed with me. First girl I did manage to have sex but it required a lot of forceful effort from both of us and as soon as I put a condom on it would last for a few pumps before it was gone and we'd rinse and repeat. I went through pretty much an entire box with her. Rushing it in for a few pumps was not fun for either of us. The next girl I saw a couple times but I just couldn't get it to work at all so I just gave her oral. She got me off flaccid which was weird and not really enjoyable. Since leaving the relationship I've been able to have sex with 5 more girls off the apps, so I'm not 100% broken, but it requires a lot of patience and pills, and even then it's not really enjoyable for me.

I think losing my virginity like that just destroyed my mental image of sex. It's always spoken about as this wonderful experience that every guy is always dying to have more of even if they're already getting heaps, but for me I just associate it with feelings of frustration and inferiority. I have a lot of jealousy of people who enjoy sex. I have a lot of resentment for my ex (even though I know its not fully her fault). I feel the only reason I do anything sexual in the first place is because a) I want to beat ED because I'd really loathe to present it to my future wife and b) because if I stopped trying to have sex now I'd look back and regret it in the future, the way I regret not trying when I was younger now. That's compounded by the fact that I know your dick stops working as well with age anyway so I have a fear of missing out. But even at my age I worry I may have missed the boat when it comes to mind blowing sex. Those are the main things that bring me to this community.

Since I've had the issue so long that I've basically tried everything. I've been through everything on Andy's guide here. First thing I did was cut the porn cold turkey for 6+ months. This wasn't hard because my libido was so dead I didn't have any desire to watch aside from just to check if I could get hard. I tried a bunch of stuff outside of my dick with the girls. I'm honest with every girl about my issues and how I'm feeling. The stuff around kinks/fantasies doesn't work for me because my libido is so low I don't have any. I fixed up my diet, hit the gym, cut out the alcohol, none of it really helps.

Since the start of this year I started down the medical route. I got pills from my doctor. They were definitely worth it, I wouldn't have had the first two lays since the breakup without them, but it's still hit and miss and I hate the side effects. I went to a men's health clinic, got a penile doppler ultrasound which came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong. The doctor suggested a cavernosogram (they inject your dick with something radioactive to try and image the veins) but I decided against it because it's invasive, there's risks involved, and there's a chance of false positives and negatives. I still sometimes wake up with morning wood if I sleep well, and I have a handful of experiences I can remember here and there where my dick just worked, so I'm thinking its a psychological issue and now I've started to speak to a counselor about it, but I've just had one session. I'm hoping the counselor combined with option #15 from Andy's list will start to make a lasting impact.

Can anyone weigh in on this?
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drz
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Wed Jul 28, 2021 4:16 pm

Hi Drail,

I see you've taken some steps (like diet) to help. For me, the following improved my libido and erections:
- Removing sugar from my diet, and going full keto on certain days. Simple sugars are known to drop testosterone levels (along with other inflammatory agents to my knowledge)
- Fasting, which helped me lose weight
- Getting more sleep

Z
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


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Drail
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Age: 25

Thu Jul 29, 2021 2:48 am

Thanks for the advice. Around the start of this year I got into keto and fasting. It helped me lose 5 kgs and improve my looks but it didn't help much with the ED. I should also mention I tried / am taking supplements including zinc, magnesium, vit d, maca, etc. Again didn't help the ED.

In all honesty I've have tried to improve my sleep but I never been happy with it. I think there's potential there so I'll try harder to fix it. What annoys me is that before the onset of ED, none of this mattered. I could be out of my mind fatigued, drunk, anxious, you name it and interest from a girl would still get me hard.

By the way what's the origin of your name? Anything to do with bikes?
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play_time_is_over
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Thu Jul 29, 2021 3:36 am

I had similar issues where I tried many remedies but it basically came down to performance anxiety. I would try 10mg of Cialis and if you still can't get hard then it doesn't have anything to do with your physiology and would be psychological. My psychological ED is improving by just getting more experience, each time it gets a little easier, I also have given myself permission to not care if the encounter goes well. Considering you where able to quit porn for 6 months though... is something else. Sounds like a very low sex drive, perhaps hormonal imbalance?
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drz
Posts: 57 | Thanks: 39
Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:10 pm
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Thu Jul 29, 2021 10:05 am

@Drail As you mentioned that previously you were fine, do you notice a different in your mood now vs then? Is it worse, better, more relaxed, apathetic to life?

I'm not massively turned on by anything these days. Even with my current gf I need her to give me fellatio half of the time to get it up.

As for my username - dr = doctor, and Z, is the last letter of the alphabet :P
My goals (next 4 years):
- fix the poor approach-to-date ratio
- get into a relationship (done, in one from March 2021)
- move to a detached house
- Find a way of perma-reducing anxiety when I'm out.


My log
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Drail
Posts: 9 | Thanks: 3
Joined: Mon May 24, 2021 1:08 pm
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Age: 25

Thu Jul 29, 2021 11:02 am

play_time_is_over wrote:
Thu Jul 29, 2021 3:36 am
I had similar issues where I tried many remedies but it basically came down to performance anxiety. I would try 10mg of Cialis and if you still can't get hard then it doesn't have anything to do with your physiology and would be psychological. My psychological ED is improving by just getting more experience, each time it gets a little easier, I also have given myself permission to not care if the encounter goes well. Considering you where able to quit porn for 6 months though... is something else. Sounds like a very low sex drive, perhaps hormonal imbalance?
I've been experimenting with different doses of C and V. It's hit and miss. First couple times I took V I took the full 100mg dose and I had a situation where my got maybe 75% hard and it constantly felt like it was going down, but it just wouldn't go down. It was great for the girls because I could just keep going and it just wouldn't go down but the odd feeling meant it wasn't too enjoyable for me. It also didn't get me hard enough to use a condom, when I tried I just soft. Other times on V I tried lower doses like 50 and 25 mg and I can't say there was a noticeable effect. I then hopped on the daily 5 mg C tablets, and I had an experience where I was fully hard just from making out. It was great honestly I felt as if I were cured. There was no odd feeling. I later lost the erection because of bad vibes after condoms kept breaking (keeps happening to me because I've got a funny dick) but I didn't let that get me down, getting hard just from making out was a huge win to me. But it was sort of short lived because I taking the same dose of pills daily and tried with two other girls and I was back to square one as if I wasn't taking anything. It's this sort of mixed reaction from the pills that leads me to believe I've got something more mental rather than physical. When I got the prescription the doctor made me get my T tested. It came back low mid, but still within range. I don't want to get into bro science and ascribe my ED just to this one low mid hormone though, the body is more complex than that, for example I know my brother has an even lower level yet has no issues androgenically (he's jacked and has a normal sex drive). I do think its more of a mental sex drive issue as you suggest.

BTW man I found your vid pretty inspiring, it takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that, even more so to do a video podcast on it.
drz wrote:
Thu Jul 29, 2021 10:05 am
@Drail As you mentioned that previously you were fine, do you notice a different in your mood now vs then? Is it worse, better, more relaxed, apathetic to life?

I'm not massively turned on by anything these days. Even with my current gf I need her to give me fellatio half of the time to get it up.

As for my username - dr = doctor, and Z, is the last letter of the alphabet :P
If I think back I'm pretty sure I was worse off back then than now. I had worse sleep, worse health, wasn't working out, was eating worse, was watching more porn and jacking off more with all the bad habits, and was more anxious in general, yet my dick worked. The only real variable that changed was I tried to lose my virginity with my ex and made a fool of myself. I think it was just the shitty experience which just shattered my enthusiasm for sex. It really was instant, because beforehand even with the same girl where we'd be kissing but I still didn't want to do anything further with her, I was rock hard no problem. It was really like someone went into my brain and flipped a switch that just crushed my sex drive on that one night I tried to have sex with her. And then I kept trying and failing for 3 months straight which probably mentally reinforced all my negative attitudes. Now she's long gone but I still have the same issue with other girls and I still feel like I've never enjoyed sex. It just feels like a chore I have to struggle with if I am to feel content when I'm older. Thinking about the whole thing makes me a bit resentful honestly.
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Drail
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Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:06 am

Dustin wrote:
Thu Jul 29, 2021 5:10 pm
I never felt like I enjoyed sex much either. But I believe there is a cure. At least for me. Your posts are strange to me since you say 6+ months no porn and minimal benefit.

I think nofap is great but there is even a much higher level beyond it where sex is just crazy ass good at least for me. Nofap is a element but there are some missing pieces that you have to add.

You should not need cialis or viagra either. Ideally.
So you're saying you tried no fap for a bit and it cured your low sex drive? When I first got ED I was googling frantically trying to work out how to fix it and all sources on the net said try no fap. That's when I did my six months. It was easy because my drive was totally crunched anyway so I had barely any desire to jack off, but it didn't fix the issue for me. I've given no fap a couple shorter runs since and I think there's an element of "use it or lose it" where it's actually detrimental to my sex drive rather than beneficial. The counselor says the same thing and instead recommends something called "mindful masturbation". I've never given mindfulness/meditation a proper crack so that's on the list at the moment.
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Drail
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Mon Aug 02, 2021 9:58 am

Dustin wrote:
Sat Jul 31, 2021 2:02 pm
I'm surprised that 6+ months of nofap has no effect on you whatsoever. Was this strict nofap? And it's also strange to me that this could be entirely psychological. And that you had trouble even getting it up for porn. I have never heard of anything like that actually. You are a different person though so I don't know.

My issues with real life sex were horrible though, my ED was incredibly bad even in my early 20's, and it took me months with a fuck buddy / strict nofap at that time after losing my virginity to a different girl a few years earlier before I even had my first orgasm during sex. And many humiliating "lays" where I couldn't even get hard at all and just had to awkwardly leave.

Yes with strict nofap was how I fixed my ED issues in my early 20's and started being able to get hard even during first time hookups. And sex got a ton better too during that time. I thought that was like as good as it could get at the time and that nofap was some sort of holy messiah.
It wasn't strict nofap. It was 6 months no porn while I was trying to have sex / humiliating myself with my partner at the time. I have had a couple shorter runs of nofap after that but I found they actually lowered my already low drive. I think I might try a 'nofap' routine where I don't watch porn, but if I ever happen to be lucky enough to get hard while doing it I'll jack off with no porn. Counselor also recommends "mindful masturbation" so I don't think nofap is right for me. I also have a maladaptive way of jacking off (similar to prone masturbation but I don't need to be prone) which forums on the net and my counselor say can only be corrected by jacking off with a better technique.

As for it being psychological, there's no other possible explanation aside from injury for how I could be totally fine one night and the very next night have a totally dead dick, no more sexual desire, and I can't even get it up by myself. Unless I somehow happened to have injured myself in my sleep without knowing it the exact night before I first tried to have sex (seems exceedingly unlikely) then the only explanation is psychological. Compound that with the fact that today I don't have any sexual fantasies or positive experiences with sex, and the fact that I still get morning wood (albeit not 100% hard), it seems like the only explanation is psychological.
Dustin wrote:
Sat Jul 31, 2021 2:02 pm
I still think nofap is great and will practice it again, but there is other stuff I found out that makes it even way way better. I don't know if has the same effect on other people though.

The sex was like totally out of this world at that point, and not cause of the girl but just the stuff I figured out finally. I didn't realize just how much I had been missing out all this time. And can't wait to get back out there again using my newfound knowledge. And I haven't even nearly pushed it anywhere as far as it can go either. It was just like a tiny taste really. But I gotta slowly get myself back out of the hole again.

I haven't actually used it much, except on two girls, at this point, cause I haven't had the chance yet.
You should actually tell us what "it" is or just not mention it at all. It's not helpful for you to write like this. Is this something to do with your haldol experience?
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Score
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Thu Jan 27, 2022 10:12 pm

A lot of what you wrote could have been written by me.

However, I didn't have those symptoms when a girl TRULY turned me on.

For improved erections which don't go away when you put on a condom, I suggest doing Kegels. Practice them throughout the day. It will be difficult to remember and/or to put in the effort at first, but keep on trying. You will see the results in about two weeks. Don't stop practicing, or you'll lose it.
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Drail
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Sun May 15, 2022 8:03 pm

It's been a few months since my last post and a bit has happened. I'll give an update in case anyone here can give me some tips.

I've generally had more or less the same problem where I struggle to get hard without a lot of patience and stimulation. I decided to just jump on a consistent 5mg tadalafil daily dose and I started seeing one girl regularly, and things were actually starting to get good with her. It wasn't as if I was cured but I started to not worry about getting hard because there was a real improvement with her and I was always hard when I needed to be. But it wasn't back 100% because I still don't think I could've done whatever position I wanted no worries. There was also this one really hot psycho girl who gave me a bj for a bit and I was able to get hard with her after a bit less work than usual, and I was even on a break from the pills then so things were looking up.

Then I moved overseas to Germany and so far it's been back to square one, really struggling to get hard. I've decided once more to cut out porn and its been a week or so but so far no improvement.
Score wrote:
Thu Jan 27, 2022 10:12 pm
A lot of what you wrote could have been written by me.

However, I didn't have those symptoms when a girl TRULY turned me on.

For improved erections which don't go away when you put on a condom, I suggest doing Kegels. Practice them throughout the day. It will be difficult to remember and/or to put in the effort at first, but keep on trying. You will see the results in about two weeks. Don't stop practicing, or you'll lose it.
Can you tell me a bit about your story? Are you cured at the moment?
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Hard2Focus
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Wed May 25, 2022 7:41 am

Drail wrote:
Sun May 15, 2022 8:03 pm
its been a week or so but so far no improvement.
Resetting your brain and sexual urges from years of regular porn use takes more than one week. I suggest going for something like 90 days no porn, no masturbation - only sex. If you cut out sex altogether, and focus on getting basics improved like sleep, diet, exercise and mental health you'd be looking at a quicker recovery. Talking from my own experience with right over 100 days nofap "hardmode" (no sex) back in 2015.
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MakingAComeback
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Wed May 25, 2022 8:47 am

Low kcal shuts down bodily functions, increases stress hormones, and WILL produce ED

It shuts down morning wood as you are living under a cocktail of stress chemicals.

2:1 carbs to protein ratio and ensure youre getting enough kcal.

Your cock will return to optimal hardness.

Whats your diet like?

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