colgate - first instadate of the year!!!

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MakingAComeback
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Sat Feb 19, 2022 10:43 am

Agreed big time. This was a major move for you.

Colgate, this happens time and time again.

Some girls have issues man, big time.

I was on a date with this, well, she was a pretty weird chick and also physically quite sub-par (putting it mildly). She described herself openly as cold-hearted and against any form of intimacy, and when I tried, she was very stand-offish and also eluded to some weirdo shit about getting into physical fights with guys.

Some chicks have deep trauma and their head is a mess. I asked her why she bothered coming back to my place, and she stormed out after saying some weirdo stuff.

It's not you. This is very normal.

Ultimately, the girl has to like you. She has to be receptive and in the right state. If not, it's largely to be brushed off as an exercise in time-wasting.

Pushing is good for sure, I need to get better at it, but cutting your losses is also important IMO.

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Sat Feb 19, 2022 12:19 pm

you're going full Eliot on this girls hahahahah Joking aside i feel your pain and frustration, when they're not interested and receptive and waste your time, you are there hoping because you crave sex and intimacy and validation while they can afford to waste your time because they have so many option

The airport girl is an example "you take so much space", they don't talk like that to a guy they're attracted to. Maybe it's better to leave immediately after they start beign unreceptive, until you're in a better place mentally and don't care anymore
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Sun Feb 20, 2022 4:00 pm

colgate wrote: ↑
Sun Feb 13, 2022 10:32 am
Since Feb 6, I've done a little under 300 approaches and probably picked up around 20-25 contacts, and been on 10+ instadates and a regular date. I'd say at least 150 of the approaches didn't last longer than 20 seconds, and many of them I did not even get past "hey". So probably 100-130 approaches where I actually had a real interaction.

Including today, going literally 0 contacts for around 70 approaches (although I had an instadate).

I think I've inverted the entire paradigm with respect to how I feel regarding cold approach. Back in August when I was extremely new, I felt like I was living in fear, like I didn't have the right to exist in this world. Now I can literally see the absolute fear that most girls live in, and probably most people in general.

And I think this power is getting to my head...

For example, here's a list of my craziest approaches/experiences over the past few weeks. I've never had any experiences like the below ones up until over the past 5 or 6 sessions. In chronological order:
- I look at some chick maybe 10 feet away and she looks at me. Starts darting off, I didn't even approach. I just kept staring at her and tailing her from a distance, and she darts into a shoe store. I stand in place, at least 20 feet away from her but I look at her. She pretends to look at merchandise but she keeps looking up to see if I'm still there. Just darts between a bunch of merchandise until she runs into an employee and they start chatting. I'm like uhhh, uhhh, and gtfo.
- I'm about to walk down an escalator and I say "excuse me" to some people so I can pass them. I walk through them and some 13yo boy is like "ugh can u watch where ur going?" I just decide to look back and stare at them, totally deadpan. They get all flustered. It's a kid with his mom and dad. I deadpan look at each member of the family as they whine at me. I reach the bottom of the escalator and I periodically walk, turn around completely and look deadpan, walk, turn around and look. They keep looking at me, making weird faces and discussing something while looking at me. Then I just walk off. This fired me up because I was feeling kinda psyched out from some random chick calling me nervous earlier in the day and I made a bunch of low effort approaches and took a nap up until this point.
- I'm loop-spam pushing a girl to cancel her Uber and some random other chick sitting down observing is like "It's time for you to go goodbye!" I look at her like a laser and say "Who are you." She's like "uhh...uhh....I...work here..." and buries her head in her phone.
- Several girls decline my handshake or don't even want to talk because of "covid" and that I'm not wearing a mask. I just started being like, okay sure I'll put my mask on. Then I'll just exaggerate the fuck out of this. How about you stay six feet away from me. Then I'll have a loud conversation and when the girl tries to come closer to me, I'll be like, no, stay six feet away. Eventually I'll just be like, okay go 30 feet that way, get out of here. I did actually end up instadating+exchanging with a girl who thought this was funny and played along and we literally talked for 2 hours but I'll talk about that in a future post.
- I walk into a store and approach a girl. Talk for 30 seconds. Then I just stand in place and she immediately leaves the store. I see another girl in the store. Do the exact same thing. 30 second chat, stand in place. She leaves the store too.
- Duo is kind of walking to escalator and I'm about to be on their side to approach. I see them look at me for a second, but we're near the escalator. I can kind of tell they're already hyper scared and want to change trajectory/avoid me so I just go slightly ahead of them straight to the top of the down escalator. They both go into the top of the up escalator. I forced this entire trajectory and bust out laughing and make fun of them for trying to go down the up escalator for like a whole minute and then leave.
- A girl screams "nooooooooo!" when I say she's pretty. I reciprocate while looking back at her and run in the other direction like "nooooooooooo!"
- I see a Japanese girl walking towards me, and I see LINE on her phone. I'm like "ur Japanese right" in Japanese, and she's nodding her head "no!" as if she didn't understand me. We play a match of football where she tries to dodge me and I try to block her. Then I say "walk the fuck that way" in Japanese and she goes off. Later I run into her again and she sees me and hides behind a digital sign. I just stand in place for about a minute. Then she gives up and comes out and I stare at her, still standing still. She keeps looking at me and then literally runs away like a little bunny.
- Some girl is on the phone and I open her while she's talking on the phone. Maybe 30 second chat and then I can already sense she wants to dart and change trajectory. So we're right next to a store that's already closed and has a barrier set up. I'm like "yeah, go in that store". She's like huh??? "Yeah, come on, go in that store". She removes the barrier and goes in the store and redoes the barrier and I walk away laughing my ass off.

Anyway, I'm mentioning the above experiences because me 6 months ago would not imagine myself literally "controlling the simulation".

But it's not helpful for me getting laid.

Yeah, it's fun to have these weird frame battles and fuck with aggressively unreceptive girls, but it's easily arguable that I'm wasting too much time trying to have all these crazy rejection stories. In other words, just because I can do it, doesn't mean I should.

I think this may help me in trying to be forward in the bedroom perhaps in the future. But it's still the wrong thing to emphasize on. I mean I literally just wrote 9 long bullet points about "changing girls' trajectories".

In addition, if I weren't in the daygame chat, I wouldn't be like "wow fucking awesome, I went 0 for 70!" More likely that I would have been pissed maybe 30-40 rejections in and calibrate a bit. It's because you can get lots of validation in this chat, simply for doing a bunch of approaches, and especially if the percentages are low or even zero. Also if you do those funny frame battles which I mentioned above.

Which made me realize being in a place like this daygame chat is kind of similar to vaping. It's another form of breaking my brain's dopamine circuit by rewarding me for things that aren't supposed to be good, or they're low-effort.

On the other hand I have seen myself changing/evolving over these past few sessions even with the daygame chat. But I think the changes I make will be far different if I'm not exposed/incentivized by the validation from there.

The validation you receive should be aligned with your goals. If you're getting too much validation for irrelevant things, then it's time to take a second look at the places you're receiving the validation from.

So I'll continue staying in the daygame chat. But on March 1st, I'm going to be radio silent (unless I get a lay, then I'll post it there along with the rejection count). I think the strategies I take and things I implement will significantly change and I'll focus on more meaningful things about cold approach. And I won't be wasting my time with in-chat memes all day.

I've learned some lessons recently. I'll update this to let you know how it goes. I've got plenty of stories to tell but I'll save it for another post.
Bro... This reads like the beginning of American Psycho.

You're freaking girls out. That's why they're hiding and running away.

I'm scared to punch someone in the face, does that mean I need to confront my fear?

Social freedom isn't about confronting all fears because you have to be fearless... It's about being able to do what you want to do in public.

I think it's funny to photobomb people. And I do it. And they think it's funny too, and now they have a laugh and a fun story.

That's a good example of social freedom.

Not telling a timid Japanese girl to "go the fuck that way."

Then when she hides from you because you're acting like a serial killer, then runs away you say she "looks like a little bunny."

Jesus dude.

Get your fucking act together. I'm legit scared you're going in a very very dark direction.
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Sun Feb 20, 2022 4:03 pm

colgate wrote: ↑
Fri Feb 18, 2022 5:51 pm
Ed_ wrote: ↑
Fri Feb 18, 2022 5:40 pm






Agree with @Heisenberg , this sort of "alpha male social control" is just weird and not the kind of behavior I'd expect from a guy who's genuinely trying to get laid.

And I don't buy the excuse that "these are failed approaches, so I'm just having fun with myself." The fact that you're acting like this towards so many women means something else is going in your psyche and motivation.

Why not just move on when chicks clearly aren't interested? If you want to fuck around and have fun with chicks, it should be a two-way street where they enjoy the interaction too -- not chasing girls out of stores, girls being "hyper scared", girls hiding from you in shops, and girls "literally running away" from you.

Seriously @colgate , reread your field report from the view of an objective 3rd part. Are those the interactions of a well adjusted, young man who's trying to get meet women and have sex, or something else?
Yeah these are bad. I was letting "this power" get to my head "because I could do it". I need to log more of my approach sessions again. I've been working on non-reacting and ejecting when I know the girl(s) are unreceptive and keeping it under control.

Honestly I think a lot of these behaviors manifested from literally being salty from taking lots of harsh deflections in a row, and it's quite immature. The real test is to take all the rejections and remain stoic about them.

Thanks for calling me out guys.

Just read this. Respect for the self awareness.

Girls are people. With emotions.

https://killyourinnerloser.com/you-and-me/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/you-and-me/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/you-and-me/

I'd read this ^

And then read it again.

Good luck man.
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colgate
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Mon Feb 21, 2022 3:26 am

Thanks everyone for the comments calling me out on some of my recent behaviors. I specifically wrote that post because I knew I was doing something wrong, and I wanted to pivot away from those behaviors (should have been obvious in the second half after the long list of crazy incidents). And yeah, my goal isn't "be a sociopath".
colgate wrote: ↑
Fri Feb 18, 2022 5:51 pm
Yeah these are bad. I was letting "this power" get to my head "because I could do it". I need to log more of my approach sessions again. I've been working on non-reacting and ejecting when I know the girl(s) are unreceptive and keeping it under control.

Honestly I think a lot of these behaviors manifested from literally being salty from taking lots of harsh deflections in a row, and it's quite immature. The real test is to take all the rejections and remain stoic about them.

Thanks for calling me out guys.
I didn't really want to end the discussion/callouts just with this post since I just wrote it really quickly to acknowledge that I agree with being called out for this. So don't think I was just brushing you guys off. But I've had to let some of my thoughts sit for a while over the week and while I've been approaching to write up a proper response.

I've periodically looked at the recent posts in my log with a sense of shame and irritation. But I think it was an important learning stage to go through, especially since I've said several times in this log that I was quite socially disconnected and had trouble with empathy. In other words, I think this has actually created a path towards emotional intelligence, whereas before I didn't know how to do that exactly.

A lot of those "frame battles" I mentioned in that post could basically be boiled down to:
my lack of awareness for how I'm coming off to the girl + my perception that her fear is completely unwarranted and overblown -> i decide to take advantage of her "unwarranted" fear state for my own amusement

Maybe it's approach inverse anxiety. In other words, I've been unnecessarily inducing anxiety in girls from my approaches. This is worse than regular approach anxiety because at least with approach/interaction anxiety, you could still by all means go on to exchange/date the girl you're approaching. But with this approach inverse anxiety, there's no possible way, you've scared her out of your market.

The awareness I've gained is that most people, especially girls live in fear. The maturity step here is being empathetic to the fear, and either attempting to alleviate the fear if possible, or simply moving on if not without further exacerbating the fear for "my own amusement". I'm not saying this "maturity step" as an attempt to justify my actions or gain validation for "wow I'm going to be such a good person!", but rather realizing that taking actions that just drill people's fears further into the ground is only going to make their fear worse, rather than improve it for the future.

Granted, you can't always alleviate the fear of every girl, and it's not your responsibility to. In those cases, you must non-react, and move on. Don't try to scare her even more than she already is.

One thing I had started doing was asking certain girls who looked a little intimidated/shy/quiet if they were nervous. Initially I went into this by straight up breaking the ice bluntly with "are you a little nervous?" and depending on the girl I'd get her to open up and start acting bubbly, or she'd continue being shy/nervous but maybe follow along, or I could sense she wanted to run off so I'd eject. @pancakemouse had told me you can take this a step further and use statements of empathy instead of just plainly pointing it out, such as "oh my bad, didn't mean to scare you". I would like some more advice on this point by the way, essentially how can I better express that I understand the girl's discomfort/fear?

I have some more reflections I'm probably going to type up over the next few days because I got stuck in a new AirBNB with a freaking gap in the wall to the neighboring room. So look out for that.
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colgate
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Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:14 am

I've done probably 400-500+ approaches at the mall here since I moved to California about a month ago. I mainly stopped logging my approach sessions here because I enjoy approaching and it's just part of my life, so I don't know what the value is in reporting every single session and instadate like I used to. But let me know if you guys want to see that again.

I had probably 10+ instadates within those approaches. I initially started with the Lord Voldemort style where you have boring chat for 10-15 minutes and then repeatedly spam pull attempts over and over verbally until she supposedly acquiesces.

That doesn't freaking work. And frankly it's a waste of time and actually needy. Even if you do manage to pull, you haven't screened the girl for being comfortable with physical/sexual things, so you'll just get a chick who's unreceptive to do anything in the bedroom. It happened to me on one instadate+pull I had over the last weekend where she came back without me pushing at all, but didn't want to have any physical contact.

I've posted about this instadate: viewtopic.php?p=29248#p29248 where I started experimenting with escalating on girls, and generally having fun and doing what I want during the instadate. The reason I started doing this is 1) I want to get something out of the instadate instead of walking away feeling like it was a waste of time and 2) I want to be able to screen out chicks who aren't down to do what I want so I can eject from those earlier, rather than continuing the interaction and ending up with a girl who wants me to be her task monkey: viewtopic.php?p=29530#p29530

And in general, I've been trying to have more positive interactions and not treating the mall like it's some simulation where I can abuse the objects inside of it for my own amusement. This part of @MILFandCookies's comment particularly stuck with me.
MILFandCookies wrote: ↑
Sun Feb 20, 2022 4:00 pm
Get your fucking act together. I'm legit scared you're going in a very very dark direction.
I was actually kind of pissed about it because I wanted to prove "no I'm not, what are you talking about!!". And I was especially a little irritated that no one really responded to my question in the previous post in my log.
But regardless, I've cut out the mind game manipulative bulllshit. Also in general, I've been trying to avoid posting mid-session reports and offtopic shit into the daygame chat. I have a lot to say about it in the future maybe, but it'll probably be revealed in chunks over future posts, rather than this bombshell comment @pancakemouse made: viewtopic.php?p=29820#p29820

As he said in his log, I met up with @pancakemouse over the weekend and we had a mega-sesh together where he watched most of my approaches. I did around 60-70 approaches in probably 6-7 hours (which is slower than I usually go, but we were having fun and he was mentoring me a lot in between). I'll be mentioning specific things he's told me when I do them on future approaches, but the big points were "ditch interviewing chicks, make the conversation about you AND her as much as possible, don't jump to the instadate invite immediately upon opening her".

One thing that can make cold approach pulls relatively low percentages compared to online dating pulls is that when you meet a chick from a dating app, she probably has some expectation that this might lead to something sexual, even if you don't really escalate. I was talking about this with @Manganiello. But on cold approach, you pretty much have to screen earlier and up front, on approaches as much as possible, and definitely on dates. I was pretty much not doing that at all, and as a result got a lot of "resistance" from pull attempts. Most guys from multiple places have told me they hardly get resistance on pulls because they escalate and e.g. "go for the makeout" during the date, rather than just spamming the girl and hoping she comes back, and maybe if she comes back, hoping she'll be down to get physical/sexual.

So I've realized I need to make my approaches a microcosm of how future interactions should go with the girl I'm approaching.
colgate what the fuck does that mean???
In other words, escalating even on the approach, and doing what you want in general, etc. I'd like my approaches to look closer to some of @KillYourInnerLoser's stories, such as this one: https://killyourinnerloser.com/the-poli ... -approach/ I've done so many approaches where it just ends up becoming hyper-platonic, and I've identified that's the reason back in November in Austin, despite having so many dates, I had so many girls that didn't seem to be down to come back to my place, and hated being touched, and just wanted "good conversation". My goal is to be able to screen these chicks out and take the rejection on the approach instead of during the pull attempts on the date. Combined with the above paragraph, I've actually been getting ghosted far less recently and have 2 potential dates lined up this weekend.

now here's a story

I did literally 3 approaches today at the mall.
Not 30.
Not 60.
3.

I do want to point out it's extreme luck, but regardless here's what happened.

first instantly rejected, second was awkwardly holding convo and then went off to go meet her friend and i parted ways.

i see this HOT AF barbie asian chick with a short skirt and long boots
I'm like holy shit
literally say "you look fucking hot"
"you're like an alien or some shit"
she's probably 5'6". I'm 5'5"
she looks like she's in her 30s but otherwise ultra hot

chat while walking around mall for 5-10 minutes. didn't pitch an instadate immediately as i used to. just did the approach in a fun, playful way and teased her a bunch. like jokingly giving her shit for going to a different school than i had. that's my approach style lately, i just enjoy making exaggerated reactions when girls have a preference for something i personally don't like.

at some point I'm like "you're my 21 year old gf now"
she's like "but...but... I'm..." "no between you and i, you're 21"
this was a cool line because there were several points in the interaction where she kept trying to make herself seem younger, and i think it was because of this.

after i've decided we're vibing and i've done some light physical touches here and there, i pitch the instadate for bubble tea across the street in the outdoor mall.
she agrees instantly
i have my arm around her while we wait for teas. paid separately
told her i know a better spot for us to sit and lead her over there with my arm over her shoulder.
she takes off her mask to drink the tea and has these luscious plump red lips. i'm like holy fuckkkkkk she's so hottttttttt wow.
we go sit down at the spot.
i put on some club music on my phone and tell her "let me show you some dance moves, stand up"
i spin her around with both hands and she giggles "omg...this is so embarrassing I'm shy..."
dance for maybe a minute and then sit down and listen to more music on my phone
i play some weeb ass anime music because i can

then I'm like "okay the audio quality sucks, let's go in my car and listen to music"
she agrees instantly
then we hold hands and walk to my car. listen to more music there
i have my arm around her and then i fondle her inner thigh.

then i decide to go for the makeout
we touch lips for 0.5 seconds and she pulls back like "omg no I don't even know your name"
-> i haven't been introducing myself up front lately because who cares, so yeah she didn't know my name
i was like "i know yours" (i saw it on her bubble tea order)
she's like how??
i tell her and she's like omg???? I'm like yeah I have a computer in my brain actually

anyway, more music listening
try the makeout again, deflects with "no omg we just met...." so i stopped trying that because I'm not desperate to make out with a girl
i suggest we watch a movie at my place
she agrees instantly. wow i didn't have to push 10x like an asshole? who knew??? (thanks @Ed_ for making me aware of this a month ago here: viewtopic.php?p=27016#p27016. at the time i had no idea how it was possible, but recent realizations with "the approach should be a microcosm of future interactions" have made me see how this could actually happen, and i think it's working)

we drive 5-10 mins to my place, she takes off her boots and omg she has great legs and white toenail polish. I'm like hell yeah
we cuddle on my bed as we watch movie on my computer. her head is on my chest
I'm like "do u like abs" she's like yeah. i pull up my shirt and tell her to feel my abs while i flex. she's like "ooooh" (@pancakemouse had some chicks feel my abs on a duo approach we did on Saturday so i stole this idea from him)

at this point I'm like okay, maybe she'd be down to makeout?
said, "hey, look at me"
deflects makeout again like "omg i thought we were just watching a movie"
so I don't try to makeout again for the rest of the interaction. I'm just testing to see what she's into and what she's not

still cuddling. i try to feel her up in various places. got maybe 2-3 in from her pussy with my hand and she pulls it away. tried feeling her breasts, pulls away, etc etc. she rejects in the cutest way possible like "omg we just met" and holds my hand every time
but she put my hand over her breast over her clothes a few times and I was playing with them like that. then i'd try to go in her shirt and she was like omg no. i call her out like "u keep putting my hand on your boob" she's like "omg no I'm not" it was pretty adorable tbh

anyway i give up on that plan. time to focus on myself
slowly take off my belt
watch movie
unbutton pants
watch movie
unzip pants
watch movie

I'm only like 20-30% hard tho because i was a little turned off from her deflections
so i play with my cock under boxers to get hard. dunno if this will help guys with ED (i dont have it), but I found it was easier to get hard when i flexed my glutes (kegels??). so try that
anyway, i try to move her hand towards it but she deflects.
I'm like ok. watch movie for a bit, then i pull it out
she's like "omg....do u do this to all the girls u bring back here????"
I'm like yeah, all the time (this is the first girl I've gotten this far with)
i put it away and watch movie

then a little later i pull it out again. she doesn't say anything. i jerk myself off a little bit. try to get her hand on it, no dice.
so i put it away.
then we get into a long convo about indian food and how this movie sux and how most movies suck because they exaggerate scenes where "omg this guy is gonna kill this other guy"
while still cuddling. some other weak attempts at feeling her up but continually declined.
i decide ok, clearly she isn't down for this so i just tell her we'll watch rest of movie and I'll drop you to station after

we arrive 20-30 min early at station.
first we walk to the station. she keeps coming closer to me so i put my arm over her. she says it's too cold let's go wait in your car.
we make plans for later to drink fireball and go bowling next time. but there's a possibility she'll ghost. so who knows
listen to music in car while cuddling. just brushed her hair and shit. i figured ok, we literally already made plans again so whether or not you actually show up again i don't see a point in trying to do some last minute escalation. but who knows.

walk back to station, she pulls down her mask and gives me the worst kiss of all time
I'm like damn that kiss sucked
i try again but she goes in turnstiles.

that's it

--

Anyway so this is a huge milestone for me. I'm not sure if my bedroom calibration was off, so let me know if there's anything else I could have tried.

But I know taking 30 instant deflections in a row at the mall is worth it now because I can pull to my place from there now. Mainly with the new change of making the approach a microcosm of future interactions by having more fun interactions instead of boring interviews and chats, and escalating as much as possible on the approach/instadate. I also did a lot of "you and her" type things such as projecting us going to National Parks together and cooking, etc in the future. I've been doing that a lot lately on approaches, and @pancakemouse has encouraged me a lot.

Big things coming here hopefully lol.
Last edited by colgate on Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:47 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:28 am

Really happy for you.

Edit: happy to see pancake's $100,000,000,000 bootcamp worked for ya
colgate wrote: ↑
Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:14 am
but she put my hand over her breast over her clothes a few times and I was playing with them like that.
How good did that feel bro?
colgate wrote: ↑
Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:14 am
So I've realized I needto make my approaches a microcosm of how future interactions should go with the girl I'm approaching.
colgate what the fuck does that mean???
That was funny because I literally had the same thoughts today. I'll probably meet a girl who had some "touch" issues during the approach. Not sure if she'll come to my area or not. But if she does and I go for the pull, I'm really curious to see how it goes. Chris from GLL was reaaally up to something with his screening mentality and we should incorporate it more.
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Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:31 am

Crisis_Overcomer wrote: ↑
Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:28 am
How good did that feel bro?
I've felt a girl's titties before through her shirt (the first time I pulled in Austin), but this chick had slightly bigger boobs so that was great. And I can't get tired of feeling boobies lolol
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Wed Feb 23, 2022 4:33 pm

colgate wrote: ↑
Wed Feb 23, 2022 10:14 am
I've done probably 400-500+ approaches at the mall here since I moved to California about a month ago. I mainly stopped logging my approach sessions here because I enjoy approaching and it's just part of my life, so I don't know what the value is in reporting every single session and instadate like I used to. But let me know if you guys want to see that again.

I had probably 10+ instadates within those approaches. I initially started with the Lord Voldemort style where you have boring chat for 10-15 minutes and then repeatedly spam pull attempts over and over verbally until she supposedly acquiesces.

That doesn't freaking work. And frankly it's a waste of time and actually needy. Even if you do manage to pull, you haven't screened the girl for being comfortable with physical/sexual things, so you'll just get a chick who's unreceptive to do anything in the bedroom. It happened to me on one instadate+pull I had over the last weekend where she came back without me pushing at all, but didn't want to have any physical contact.

I've posted about this instadate: viewtopic.php?p=29248#p29248 where I started experimenting with escalating on girls, and generally having fun and doing what I want during the instadate. The reason I started doing this is 1) I want to get something out of the instadate instead of walking away feeling like it was a waste of time and 2) I want to be able to screen out chicks who aren't down to do what I want so I can eject from those earlier, rather than continuing the interaction and ending up with a girl who wants me to be her task monkey: viewtopic.php?p=29530#p29530

And in general, I've been trying to have more positive interactions and not treating the mall like it's some simulation where I can abuse the objects inside of it for my own amusement. This part of @MILFandCookies's comment particularly stuck with me.
MILFandCookies wrote: ↑
Sun Feb 20, 2022 4:00 pm
Get your fucking act together. I'm legit scared you're going in a very very dark direction.
I was actually kind of pissed about it because I wanted to prove "no I'm not, what are you talking about!!". And I was especially a little irritated that no one really responded to my question in the previous post in my log.
But regardless, I've cut out the mind game manipulative bulllshit. Also in general, I've been trying to avoid posting mid-session reports and offtopic shit into the daygame chat. I have a lot to say about it in the future maybe, but it'll probably be revealed in chunks over future posts, rather than this bombshell comment @pancakemouse made: viewtopic.php?p=29820#p29820

As he said in his log, I met up with @pancakemouse over the weekend and we had a mega-sesh together where he watched most of my approaches. I did around 60-70 approaches in probably 6-7 hours (which is slower than I usually go, but we were having fun and he was mentoring me a lot in between). I'll be mentioning specific things he's told me when I do them on future approaches, but the big points were "ditch interviewing chicks, make the conversation about you AND her as much as possible, don't jump to the instadate invite immediately upon opening her".

One thing that can make cold approach pulls relatively low percentages compared to online dating pulls is that when you meet a chick from a dating app, she probably has some expectation that this might lead to something sexual, even if you don't really escalate. I was talking about this with @Manganiello. But on cold approach, you pretty much have to screen earlier and up front, on approaches as much as possible, and definitely on dates. I was pretty much not doing that at all, and as a result got a lot of "resistance" from pull attempts. Most guys from multiple places have told me they hardly get resistance on pulls because they escalate and e.g. "go for the makeout" during the date, rather than just spamming the girl and hoping she comes back, and maybe if she comes back, hoping she'll be down to get physical/sexual.

So I've realized I need to make my approaches a microcosm of how future interactions should go with the girl I'm approaching.
colgate what the fuck does that mean???
In other words, escalating even on the approach, and doing what you want in general, etc. I'd like my approaches to look closer to some of @KillYourInnerLoser's stories, such as this one: https://killyourinnerloser.com/the-poli ... -approach/ I've done so many approaches where it just ends up becoming hyper-platonic, and I've identified that's the reason back in November in Austin, despite having so many dates, I had so many girls that didn't seem to be down to come back to my place, and hated being touched, and just wanted "good conversation". My goal is to be able to screen these chicks out and take the rejection on the approach instead of during the pull attempts on the date. Combined with the above paragraph, I've actually been getting ghosted far less recently and have 2 potential dates lined up this weekend.

now here's a story

I did literally 3 approaches today at the mall.
Not 30.
Not 60.
3.

I do want to point out it's extreme luck, but regardless here's what happened.

first instantly rejected, second was awkwardly holding convo and then went off to go meet her friend and i parted ways.

i see this HOT AF barbie asian chick with a short skirt and long boots
I'm like holy shit
literally say "you look fucking hot"
"you're like an alien or some shit"
she's probably 5'6". I'm 5'5"
she looks like she's in her 30s but otherwise ultra hot

chat while walking around mall for 5-10 minutes. didn't pitch an instadate immediately as i used to. just did the approach in a fun, playful way and teased her a bunch. like jokingly giving her shit for going to a different school than i had. that's my approach style lately, i just enjoy making exaggerated reactions when girls have a preference for something i personally don't like.

at some point I'm like "you're my 21 year old gf now"
she's like "but...but... I'm..." "no between you and i, you're 21"
this was a cool line because there were several points in the interaction where she kept trying to make herself seem younger, and i think it was because of this.

after i've decided we're vibing and i've done some light physical touches here and there, i pitch the instadate for bubble tea across the street in the outdoor mall.
she agrees instantly
i have my arm around her while we wait for teas. paid separately
told her i know a better spot for us to sit and lead her over there with my arm over her shoulder.
she takes off her mask to drink the tea and has these luscious plump red lips. i'm like holy fuckkkkkk she's so hottttttttt wow.
we go sit down at the spot.
i put on some club music on my phone and tell her "let me show you some dance moves, stand up"
i spin her around with both hands and she giggles "omg...this is so embarrassing I'm shy..."
dance for maybe a minute and then sit down and listen to more music on my phone
i play some weeb ass anime music because i can

then I'm like "okay the audio quality sucks, let's go in my car and listen to music"
she agrees instantly
then we hold hands and walk to my car. listen to more music there
i have my arm around her and then i fondle her inner thigh.

then i decide to go for the makeout
we touch lips for 0.5 seconds and she pulls back like "omg no I don't even know your name"
-> i haven't been introducing myself up front lately because who cares, so yeah she didn't know my name
i was like "i know yours" (i saw it on her bubble tea order)
she's like how??
i tell her and she's like omg???? I'm like yeah I have a computer in my brain actually

anyway, more music listening
try the makeout again, deflects with "no omg we just met...." so i stopped trying that because I'm not desperate to make out with a girl
i suggest we watch a movie at my place
she agrees instantly. wow i didn't have to push 10x like an asshole? who knew??? (thanks @Ed_ for making me aware of this a month ago here: viewtopic.php?p=27016#p27016. at the time i had no idea how it was possible, but recent realizations with "the approach should be a microcosm of future interactions" have made me see how this could actually happen, and i think it's working)

we drive 5-10 mins to my place, she takes off her boots and omg she has great legs and white toenail polish. I'm like hell yeah
we cuddle on my bed as we watch movie on my computer. her head is on my chest
I'm like "do u like abs" she's like yeah. i pull up my shirt and tell her to feel my abs while i flex. she's like "ooooh" (@pancakemouse had some chicks feel my abs on a duo approach we did on Saturday so i stole this idea from him)

at this point I'm like okay, maybe she'd be down to makeout?
said, "hey, look at me"
deflects makeout again like "omg i thought we were just watching a movie"
so I don't try to makeout again for the rest of the interaction. I'm just testing to see what she's into and what she's not

still cuddling. i try to feel her up in various places. got maybe 2-3 in from her pussy with my hand and she pulls it away. tried feeling her breasts, pulls away, etc etc. she rejects in the cutest way possible like "omg we just met" and holds my hand every time
but she put my hand over her breast over her clothes a few times and I was playing with them like that. then i'd try to go in her shirt and she was like omg no. i call her out like "u keep putting my hand on your boob" she's like "omg no I'm not" it was pretty adorable tbh

anyway i give up on that plan. time to focus on myself
slowly take off my belt
watch movie
unbutton pants
watch movie
unzip pants
watch movie

I'm only like 20-30% hard tho because i was a little turned off from her deflections
so i play with my cock under boxers to get hard. dunno if this will help guys with ED (i dont have it), but I found it was easier to get hard when i flexed my glutes (kegels??). so try that
anyway, i try to move her hand towards it but she deflects.
I'm like ok. watch movie for a bit, then i pull it out
she's like "omg....do u do this to all the girls u bring back here????"
I'm like yeah, all the time (this is the first girl I've gotten this far with)
i put it away and watch movie

then a little later i pull it out again. she doesn't say anything. i jerk myself off a little bit. try to get her hand on it, no dice.
so i put it away.
then we get into a long convo about indian food and how this movie sux and how most movies suck because they exaggerate scenes where "omg this guy is gonna kill this other guy"
while still cuddling. some other weak attempts at feeling her up but continually declined.
i decide ok, clearly she isn't down for this so i just tell her we'll watch rest of movie and I'll drop you to station after

we arrive 20-30 min early at station.
first we walk to the station. she keeps coming closer to me so i put my arm over her. she says it's too cold let's go wait in your car.
we make plans for later to drink fireball and go bowling next time. but there's a possibility she'll ghost. so who knows
listen to music in car while cuddling. just brushed her hair and shit. i figured ok, we literally already made plans again so whether or not you actually show up again i don't see a point in trying to do some last minute escalation. but who knows.

walk back to station, she pulls down her mask and gives me the worst kiss of all time
I'm like damn that kiss sucked
i try again but she goes in turnstiles.

that's it

--

Anyway so this is a huge milestone for me. I'm not sure if my bedroom calibration was off, so let me know if there's anything else I could have tried.

But I know taking 30 instant deflections in a row at the mall is worth it now because I can pull to my place from there now. Mainly with the new change of making the approach a microcosm of future interactions by having more fun interactions instead of boring interviews and chats, and escalating as much as possible on the approach/instadate. I also did a lot of "you and her" type things such as projecting us going to National Parks together and cooking, etc in the future. I've been doing that a lot lately on approaches, and @pancakemouse has encouraged me a lot.

Big things coming here hopefully lol.
Fuck yeah man. I'm glad my advice reached you.

As for this instadate it looks like there's nothing you could have done. She was def. into you but it was too quick in her mind to open up sexually. You did a solid job being persistent but not controlling, mad props.

Keep it up man. The more you even yourself out, the more girls will trust you and be willing to come back again and again. Plus you're not running the risk of being banned from the mall anymore, or even arrested for harrassment - which you might have been if you kept staring at girls, swearing at them in foreign languages and following them around the mall.
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Wed Feb 23, 2022 5:27 pm

Congratulations on your instadate! Keep rocking it, bro!
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Wed Feb 23, 2022 6:55 pm

Congrats bro. I hope some day I will be a cold approaching monster like you :P
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Sat Feb 26, 2022 6:50 am

I was out approaching with my friend on 2/16 at the mall. He told me "you like chocolate?" "Yeah." "there's one right there".

She was a 19 year old Ethiopian chick who was pretty receptive to me and touching my arm. At this point I was thinking, great this is some +BSU shit now she'll ghost, since I've usually never had a chick who acts really "positively" to my approach come through, or she acts weird on the date. It's usually more "neutral" chicks.

We scheduled a date for last Saturday, but she didn't respond to my confirmation text. I was out approaching with @pancakemouse and he told me to send this:
Screen Shot 2022-02-25 at 10.07.02 p.m..png
Rather than just pushing again, he said you should make the girl defend herself. So I'll be trying that more in the future.

I ran into her in the mall while I was approaching yesterday evening, without a mask this time. Holy shit, she looked like she was in high school. Had braces and all. I was like wow excellent.

Okay, date time. We met tonight at 6pm. I waited for her by another shop and she shows up and I immediately put my arm around her as we walk to Starbucks. Mostly boring chat in the Starbucks for a bit. She asks me if I'm a virgin. I almost said no, and it came out like "nYes". She was like "lol were you about to say no???" I was like...yeah lol. She told me she was "saving herself for marriage".

This kind of psyched me out for a little bit but I changed the subject and kept talking. I had a plan in mind anyway for how I wanted the date to go and didn't deviate from it. Essentially, I was going to follow the template I did with the Asian barbie chick from Tuesday. Bounce to outside and listen to music on my phone, do some more light physical escalation and cringey club dance moves in public, then pull to car with "let's listen to some more music in my car".

So we did all of that. When I went for the car pull, she wanted to walk around the outdoor mall for 10 minutes. So rather than being an asshole and pushing to go directly to my car 10x, I was like okay sure and we walked around. Then I said, "okay we'll do another lap and then head over to my car" and she agreed.

She was telling me that she just got out of some weird love triangle and then she told her friend that I approached her and that her friend said she should go for it. So I guess I somehow got friend approval.

Back at my car, we listened to music for maybe 3-4 minutes.

Then her friend called her to tell her that she arrived at the mall. Apparently they had plans after our date.

She asked me what were my plans, and I said I didn't have any. Immediately, like I was being trolled by the gods, my friend calls me and also asks me if I can meet him tomorrow for something.

Okay, so I was on a time crunch here. I told the girl "we'll wait for this song to finish and then you can go".

And then I took her cheek and went for the kiss. Like the Asian barbie doll, we touched lips for 0.5 seconds and then she pulled back. She was like "kiss???? on the first date????" I was like yeah.

She started coming closer to me and nuzzling her head on my chest while we talked and listened to more music. I think she was trying to process what just happened or something.

Then she sat up and said "what's the farthest you've gone?" I ended up fibbing and telling her I've gotten a handjob before and sucked titties. I know KYIL is really against lying and promotes 100% honesty but I have conflicting information from various sources on this and so I just winged it. I think it didn't matter what I said though, I could have just been 100% honest and nothing else would have changed. But she told me she's gotten her titties sucked before and that's the farthest she's gone.


"....u wanted to make out with me that badly?"
"yeah"
"i suck at making out idk...."
"i'll teach you"


So we started kissing, and she immediately got all up in my hair and hands over my body like the classroom makeout chick in Nashville did back in September. I was like oh shit.............shit.................................

I got in her shirt and then felt her breasts over her bra. Then I spent a whole minute trying to figure out how to freaking undo her bra. Got tired of that and straight up told her to take off her bra. She giggled and unfastened it for me (really need to learn how to take off bras).

We continued making out while I felt her bare titty. I was squeezing the nipple and shit and she was moaning. wtf a girl is actually into this????????

I pulled her shirt up and started sucking her titty, lightly biting it, sucking, going back to making out and shit. Started choking her while I was sucking her titty and while we were making out.


Then I completely disengaged and stared her right in the eyes like I was shooting an arrow.
You're not a good girl. I'm not giving you anymore.


She immediately and aggressively pulled me back into her face and we started making out again. Pretty much the same deal as before for a bit. Possibly gave her a hickey too, I kind of don't remember.


I was unbuttoning my pants when suddenly...


"hey my phone is vibrating hold on"


Okay so her friend called again and she said she has to go. So I was like alright and she had me fasten her bra again and put her clothes back on. Final kiss goodbye and she was off. And I'm blueballed again with another solid pull+no hookup.

--

Thoughts/feelings
So before this date happened, I was pretty unenthusiastic about it because she didn't get to my confirmation text until like 6 hours later. The only reason I was kind of down is because in the past (as you can see in my logs), all chicks who have acted "overly positively" to me (+BSU) have usually ghosted or made the date really difficult for me. So I was kind of expecting more of that.

Troy was encouraging me with "or maybe this girl is actually into you", but I didn't really believe him.

But then during the fooling around in the car and afterwards I'm like, wait holy shit a chick can actually be into me and I don't have to push like an asshole to get what I want??? As I've said in this log in previous posts, I had a lot of insecurities about my "gay vibes". And additionally, I actually started becoming insecure about my looks and masculinity from seeing how my own results stack up to other guys'. At the end of the day, it just means I have to work harder and hustle in different areas, but it was still a feeling I had. But I guess 1650+ approaches later, you find a chick who seems to actually like you and isn't just "fawning" as a nervous reaction.

And additionally, my approach interactions have been improving and I've been discovering new ways to have more effective approaches, so no doubt that's been helping quite a bit.

I'm getting close lol.

oh, by the way, the Asian barbie bimbo from Tuesday blocked me on WhatsApp. Great.
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Last edited by colgate on Sat Feb 26, 2022 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Sat Feb 26, 2022 7:02 am

colgate wrote: ↑
Sat Feb 26, 2022 6:50 am
g chat in the Starbucks for a bit. She asks me if I'm a virgin. I almost said no, and it came out like "nYes". She was like "lol were you about to say no???" I was like...yeah lol. She told me she was "saving herself for marriage".
HAHAHAH

MORE LIKE SAVING HERSELF FOR CHAD

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Sat Feb 26, 2022 7:47 am

Nice work dude. Titty sucking is awesome. Probably one of my favorite things to do in the bedroom.
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Sat Feb 26, 2022 10:27 am

Hahahahah so close so fucking close. I think we have all been there 90% of the way there. The phone vibrating gave her a way out. Lul
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