GN44's Progress Log

[GN44]

12/21:

Daily Actions:

->No Porn/PMO: Yes
->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2430 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 40g
->Today's Protein Intake: 141g

[GN44]

12/22:

Daily Actions:

->No Porn/PMO: No
->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1800 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 45g
->Today's Protein Intake: 118g

[GN44]

12/24:

Daily Actions:

->No Porn/PMO: No
->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1600 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 70g
->Today's Protein Intake: 46g

Notes:

First of all Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays y'all!

Forgot to update the log yesterday. It was my brothers bday so me and my mom were spending a lot of time preparing food and cake for his party. More tiring than I expected so I slept without updating my log.

Today I went out with my family to my brother's college town. It wasn't super packed and the weather was really nice. It was a fun time. Only bad thing that happened though is this one place I ordered a spicy chicken sandwich at the sandwich was really spicy which gave me stomach issues so I couldn't meet my protein goal today smh. Most places their "spicy" isn't all that spicy, completely unexpected.

I brought my DSLR along and snapped some pictures of the surrounding areas (attached some I like below, previews are garbo btw), I think they came out quite nice so I am slowly getting acquainted with my DSLR. Though with the way things are going I may end up paying the photographer who shot my first round of OLD photos again to shoot me new pics. Only exceptions I will try to get while I am home will be a dog photo (obv) and a cooking photo since i have a nice kitchen.

Im halfway through EasyPeasy Method. The book said to still watch porn while reading and I think I get why now. I think trying not to keeps reinforcing me to use the willpower method, which the book says is shit. I opted for the audiobook because it would be easier to take in the information for me. It is way to easy to skim through the book. I definitely feel less of a pull (but still a little pull since I am only halfway through) towards porn because this book is tearing apart so many beliefs I had about porn which I think were keeping me trapped. I honestly feel excited to break free of this. I was expecting id be trudging through since I would have a hard time giving up porn. But really I want to be free. I don't hate porn as much as I hate the endless cycle which is not conducive to my goals. As of late I think I realize how much it holds back my sex life and I don't want to bring this issue onto a potential partner. At least now I feel I can end it somewhat. I also got provided a set of notes to read after I finish reading the book.

[Adrizzle]

Keep going man.

You shootin in raw?
Also what he doing

IMG_4360.png

[GN44]

Yeah I shoot in RAW+JPEG since a lot of ppl suggested that.

Also what he doing
IMG_4360.png

Pondering an imaginary orb I suppose

[GN44]

12/25:

Daily Actions:

->No Porn/PMO: No
->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 2500 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 75g
->Today's Protein Intake: 141g

Notes:

Pretty uneventful day. I just worked on internship stuff. I managed to finish my assignment now I just need to proofread and put finishing touches. After that I need to email my supervisor to schedule a meeting.

I been buggin like hell about my hair again since yesterday. I posted progress pics on r/tressless and got a lot of people being like "holy shit thats awesome". I talk a fuck ton of shit about reddit but that subreddit genuinely saved me. My family kept telling me my hair loss was just due to stress, diet, and or lack of vitamins. I was told collagen and vitamins would give me more hair. This wasn't true, it was just my genetics. I found my old pictures from before I got on the meds and what my hair looked like was just straight horrifying. If I didn't discover that subreddit I would have been bald in like a year or so.

Like yesterday night after I made an entry in my log I took like a fuck ton of top view photos of my scalp. Turns out yeah I have some small spots needing improvement, but compared to before its like barely any scalp showing. Truth is my thinning is nearly undetectable to most people, yet I still bug people are noticing the thin spots. If even I have to do a whole buncha weird shit to see my thin spots then most ppl probably don't care enough to notice. I used neutral lightings for both as well as top views of my hair. I still check my hair time to time and in some lightings I can still see parts of my scalp that need improvement. This has been causing me a lot of anxiety as I worry I am lying about my progress even though I have had progress.

I feel I should try to focus more on the positives. Like the fact my hair quality/texture has improved and therefore I look much more like my age. In turn having my original texture back makes me significantly more attractive than I was with thinning hair.

Onto my DSLR learning curve I reviewed some photos I took of my brother to practice candid portraits and they came out pretty damn noisy/grainy. Not sure if its just due to lack of focus, camera shake, or just my camera being old. I just hope I can rectify it, which I think I can as I took this photo of my dog and it came out relatively good and the lighting was basically the same, if not worse than the photos I took of my brother.

Now I am roughly 3/4 of the way through EasyPeasy. Almost to the end, and my final time I will ever view porn.

[MILFandCookies]

Yeah I shoot in RAW+JPEG since a lot of ppl suggested that.

No need for JPEG. Just shoot in RAW.

[GN44]

12/26:

Daily Actions:

->No Porn/PMO: No
->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1600 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 29g
->Today's Protein Intake: 79g

Notes:

I finished reading EasyPeasy last night and I took my final sesh. I went to the most pathetic porn subreddits I knew and just looked on in disgust. Its sick just watching people willingly ingest poison and pretending like its awesome when its just plain disgusting.

I am fully committed to quitting now that I see porn for what it really is, at best its an illusion and at worst its killing yourself slowly. Id rather divert my sexual energy towards real women, not "fake" women. Porn really has been holding me back, but now I can enjoy my freedom. This will also be good for my log as I will most likely rant less about how much porn is fucking up my being and actually work more on stuff I care about.

[3some2024]

Congrats on no porn mate. That was the first thing I fixed in my log here and it’s helped massively.

[GN44]

Congrats on no porn mate. That was the first thing I fixed in my log here and it’s helped massively.

Appreciate it man. It’s long overdue

Might be a hot take but I don’t think it’s possible to sexually be/function normally with porn being in my life.

[GN44]

1/8:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 0/3
->Today's Calories: 1784 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 62g
->Today's Protein Intake: 134g

Notes:

Removed the “No Porn/PMO” entry because I don’t want to keep streaks. I want to remove any sort of value porn has to me even if it’s the feeling of writing in my log I didn’t PMO/watch porn that day. So far though things have been great on that front

Came back from Mexico and I am now currently in my last semester of college. I can’t lie I am dreading the end a bit but I want to enjoy this semester as much as possible instead of wallowing in negativity.

I tried to use the winter break to reassess my goals and what is most important to me. As of right now my main three goals are:

1. Losing more fat, gaining muscle

2. Earning more from my side hustle

3. Improving my pictures/looks to improve online dating results

What actions I will be taking:

1. I really really badly want to get more muscle since I think my look would 100% benefit from it. I’ll have to bulk for this, but I still carry a decent bit of fat that I want to lose. I don’t want to deal with another long cutting phase after a bulk so I’d rather not pack on too much excess fat.

My current plan is for the next 6 weeks eat only 1800 calories a day but at least 130g of protein to preserve the muscle I have. I should be able to drop enough fat to where I can comfortably start a bulk then.

2. I want to have more money to put into dating and clothes as I hate having to wait for payday after I spend money on something I need. I also want to be able to throw some money into my savings account.

I may have retained my client from last semester. I’ll contact him after this week ends and see if he truly wants to continue this since usually he becomes more acquainted with the class. In the meantime I’ll work to gain 2 new clients through social media and word of mouth.

3. I’ve been absolutely fiending to upgrade my photos because I feel a lot more confident in myself now. I kinda just took myself out of the game last few months to work on myself and my life so shit could stay stable. Seeing @ProgressEvolutions result improvement from his pics has me really motivated. I notice more cute girls take glances at me now while before around when I took my first round of photos I was basically invisible. Some stylemaxxing went a long way.

I hope to have another photoshoot by the end of the month so I sent my photographer a message. I’ll see if he hits me back. I also got back in touch with a guy I met at a Salsa event. He seems to be like minded to me in that he wants to improve his dating life as well. He even offered to be my wingman and I be his. I can probably hang with him and then pitch the idea of taking photos for each other. He seems like a chill dude.

I’ve fixed a lot of my erred ways with fashion (still a work in progress though obv) so now I’m moving into fixing facial expressions. A lot of my crappy facial expressions just came from me not knowing stuff and also just being really camera shy. I’m also afraid of having bad angles where I look really ugly taken of me. I just need to not give a fuck.

I was also looking into practicing posing but really if I pose too hard it’ll be noticeable. I’m keeping a mental note to pretend like the camera is not there. Just go about my normal chill self and I’ll tell my camera man to go nuts with snapping pics.

[GN44]

1/9:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 1/3
->Today's Calories: 1859 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 40g
->Today's Protein Intake: 137g

Notes:

I made the mistake of writing my workout as yesterday but I went the first time this week today. I decided to work out in the morning, but honestly I don't think its for me. For one its still pretty damn crowded in the morning. Second is my body feels significantly weaker and I can't go as hard as I like. Turns out its actually quite normal to feel this way. I literally couldn't go on after like 5 reps on dips each set when my aim is usually 8 and like 10 reps on pullovers when my aim is 12. Couple this with the fact I haven't been to the gym in nearly 2 weeks and yeah.

Ive tried working out in the morning enough times to say I think I will stick with working out in the evening. I usually have much better workouts then. However I don't think Ill discount morning workouts as a whole. Ill save them for stressful weeks so that I don't have to skip the gym and lose progress.

I also pulled up to my research professors office today unannounced because my dad kept asking about whether she is gonna take me back this semester. She told me today she still needs to talk with the lab to decide. This shit has me super conflicted cuz on one hand idgaf about research. I personally would be fine if they let me go. Id go right away and optimize for getting another letter of rec elsewhere, since this is the only value research provides me. At the same time I feel messed up for thinking this way because it was an opportunity I fought for. I feel like an asshole to not give a shit and that I am selfish for only wanting to deal with stuff that is condusive to larger goals and has a bigger payoff.

I need like 3. I have 2 mostly in the bag. I could get a third from a prof this semester just by participating and going to office hours. They also expect a much larger time commitment this semester which is annoying cuz my classes are much tougher this time around AND I want to make more money off of tutoring. I don't even get paid for this shit.

This 1800 calorie shit is kinda tough. I basically gotta skip breakfast and restrict my snacking heavily. I only went barely above my limit today solely cuz I decided to have some chips mid-day. However eating more satiating meals helps a lot with preventing unnecessary snacking.

I cold messaged like 11 people on reddit today offering Ochem tutoring. So far one person responded saying they will defo need help once the semester starts. This is very good, I just followed up saying we can talk on some other messaging platform to discuss more. Ill just tell them my rate and hopefully they chill with it.

My accessories I ordered over break arrived today. I ordered one pendant, a ring, and a bracelet. The ring is a bit too large for me so Ill send a message to TP and see if I can replace it. I attached some pics of the new accessories. Definitely feels odd picking up stuff I have never worn before. I do fw the pendant kinda, excited to see how it looks in actual outfits.

[GN44]

1/10:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1904 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 50g
->Today's Protein Intake: 135g

Notes:

For some reason my phone glitched and my alarm did not ring like usual. This caused me to oversleep by like two hours. I slept through my first class of the day now I have to rely on another person to give me the notes for today's lecture since my prof doesn't record them. Not fun

Its cold as shit outside too, fucking sucks. I have to wear this fat ass winter jacket so I don't freeze to death. Feels like I can't dress nice. I think Ill work towards buying a trench coat, overcoat, or pea coat now cuz I don't want to let bad weather stop me from dressing nice.

Still hate this cut. I was really hungry so I just grabbed a banana without thinking and I went over 100 calories above my "limit". Still a big deficit but sucks to fuck up a goal. The 1800 isn't like a hard number or anything but at least around the 1800-1950 range is what I believe I should be at daily.

TP hit me back saying they can exchange but if the fee to send it back is too high then they said I could get a 35% discount on buying it again but this time with the correct size.

I cold messaged four more people today offering tutoring. Two people hit me back saying they would like help. One asked for my contact info. I responded but so far no response from either. Feels annoying but oh well, hopefully I get something soon.

[GN44]

1/11:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 1782 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 39g
->Today's Protein Intake: 123g

Notes:

Stuck to my diet much better today, good on me, but I didn't hit my protein goal.

Still had the glitch in the morning but my body clock is slowly adjusting back. Only overslept by like 25 minutes today but no big since I have no classes on Thursday.

Washed my hair this morning since it got super itchy. I blew dry it again but not having a curl-defining product makes my hair lack definition. It doesn't look terrible but it doesn't feel right to me. I did a little research on my hair type and found a product to buy. Should arrive by Saturday.

I met two of my friends in baking club again today. It was really fun talking with them again after the month of break. They complimented me on my updated look too like how I grew out my hair and started embracing my stubble. We made pretzels.

I couldn't find anyone on reddit to cold message today. But I got a DM from one guy and he basically told me he wanted someone to do his HW for him and he is in high school, or in between high school and college (idk how it works in Canada since I think that is where he is from). I said I was not going to risk my future over this. I told him firmly I could help him with the sciences parts depending on what they were. After a little back and forth I told him my rate and said we can work together. He said he also needs to learn this material and there isn't enough time. I don't get his logic. Like if you struggle with the material wouldn't you be best suited to using your homework to study that material? What good would paying someone else to do it for you do?

I got a message from another guy through my phone number. He said that he wanted to do a session before his first exam. Does kind of annoy me that he is making me wait, but we will see hopefully he becomes a regular.

I also sent a text to my client from last semester asking how his winter break was. I then segwayed into how his new ochem professor is. He says she is much better than his prof last semester. So I asked if he would need tutoring this semester. He said he wanted to wait till he gets the results of his first quiz or two to decide if he needs it. My retention odds are looking much lower since likely if he remembers stuff from last semester well he won't need me at least for a while.

I have an idea, but idk how to execute. I want to see if I can use him to spread the word of people needing ochem help. Chances are if he is social in his class he knows other people who struggle with the subject. If I can get him to just be like "hey I see you are struggling, but I know a guy who does a super good job of dumbing it down to where anyone can understand, heres his contact info". Should I just ask him sooner once the first quiz or so hits to spread my name? Maybe say some shit about how working with him made me inspired to grow a business out of it or something?

Another idea is give him an incentive saying I can discount a couple of sessions by like 15-25% (Ill pick a set number later) of my usual rate if he recommends me to other people.

I can't control another persons behavior, but a pre-existing connection could be valuable to growing a clientele.

Right now all I want is a couple regular customers to secure some steady side income for myself. Goal is at least 2-3 regulars.

Ill probably make a reddit post to my universities subreddit after a week from today at which point they should be into the harder material of the course/have had a quiz. Ill make another post after the first midterm (which if its anything like when I took the class I can guestimate when it is).

[GN44]

1/12:

Daily Actions:

->Weekly Gym: 2/3
->Today's Calories: 2000 cal
->Today's Sugar intake: 53g
->Today's Protein Intake: 135g

Notes:

Slightly off track diet today, still stayed good on macros at least. Protein intake is key because if I go under like 120g this I will start losing muscle and the reccomended is 0.8g per lbs of body weight.

Horrible wind and rain had my hair get even frizzier. Curl cream should be coming tomorrow so hopefully I can kind of remedy the issue by Sunday morning.

Worse on the weather. Me and this group a guy from dance club invited me to planned to go running today but we canceled.

Cold messaged two more people on reddit today. Had the thought of joining some discord servers to see if I could advertise there but all the Ochem servers I found said no advertising and any tutoring is free. I said fuck that and left, Ill just stick to my way.

Classes are ramping up stupid fast. My main two opps this semester are Molecular Genetics and Physical Biochem 2. MolGen moves incredibly fast while PBiochem 2 is just plain wacky. My PBiochem 2 prof spent the whole class deriving two equations. I had no fucking clue what was going on though when he finished he did say what the equations were used for.

I got an email from my research prof saying they will take me back this semester. Ngl I actually am kinda glad. I been feeling like its left a hole in my schedule not having that. They are also giving me an actual project this sem too. I think in a weird sense I enjoy having a lot of work. Managing a lot of things at once and coming out on the other side makes me feel like I have grown as a person to the point having a lot on my plate does not stress me out.

In short, I need to man the fuck up and handle whatever comes my way. Can't always be complaining about stress and shit.

Anyways one thing I been wondering lately though is if Bumble shadowbanned me. I haven't gotten any likes or matches on Bumble in a while. In my uni city at least Bumble usually gives me the most likes/matches. Its not even the end of the week and I got 1 like and 3 matches on Hinge. Usually Hinge is slightly worse performing than Bumble for me. At the same time idk why they would shadowban me. Is it just random, just the winter months suck, or has my ELO taken enough of a beating to the point I am barely shown now. I know my profile is not that good but getting absolutely nothing for this long has me scratching my head a bit.