How to Fix Dating Worth Mentality

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ShortApe
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 2:49 am

As of now I really struggle to justify to myself that I am "worthy" to get girls, especially attractive ones. I pretty much just automatically disqualify myself. So far in the past 2 months I've had one actual hookup from Tinder, but it was a girl that was overweight and I didn't really consider very attractive. I still get caught up in my own head about my height (5'6.5) and use it as an excuse / reason why I shouldn't try or how girls will not find me desireable at all. I know that it is not how the real world works, and I was really inspired by the interview that was done with Ed. I just don't know how I should go about altering my world view and how to stop caring about something I can't even control. I consider myself decently successful in other areas of life, but I always come back to viewing myself as lacking because of my height and failure so far in dating. Have you guys gone through any similar spot in life that you were able to work your way out of?
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play_time_is_over
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Name: Simon
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 3:30 am

What you feel is really normal, most guys feel unworthy of hot women, most guys don't try.

Can be height, hair, face, race. Doesn't really matter everyone has an insecurity.

Your beliefs aren't preventing you from taking action. Nobody here waited until they felt they deserved women before they started trying.

Truth is, you aren't worthy of every women. Most will reject you, as they would every other guy.

But it's not that hard to hit on 100 women. If you're okay with 99 of them rejecting you then you will be successful.

If you get rejected by 400+ women with no results then you can complain and might need to change something. Until then you don't know.
Goal: 12 / 30 lifetime lays.

Stats: 6'5" - 88kg - 32 years old.
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SIGMA_1234
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 4:04 am

ShortApe wrote:
Sun Jun 27, 2021 2:49 am
I consider myself decently successful in other areas of life
Which are...?
Aspiring Digital Nomad

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MakingAComeback
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 7:47 am

Just self limiting nonsense.

If you invert your height, you'd be as tall as I am (6 ft 5), and you have had massively more success in dating than I have in 30 years ;-)

Do what you need to do regardless of how you feel. The truth is, it doesn't matter how you feel.

Life will teach you the hard way if you don't take action. Many people don't. Don't be them.

MAC
YouTube: IronWill: https://www.youtube.com/@IronWillTribe/

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Lostcause
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 9:32 am

You are dating for yourself. Not for other people. Why would you care about your own worth in other people's eyes, when the goal is your own happines?
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MakingAComeback
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 11:10 am

Watched that one a few times, one of your best IMO.

MAC
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GOALS 2023:
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Gabi
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 11:39 am

Just this :
https://killyourinnerloser.com/go-talk-to-more-girls/

It's fucking hard to remove the belief that you are worthless just from your bedroom, even with a lot of meditation you will still have a part of you that doubt that you are worthless. You NEED to talk to girls to prove yourself that you are not worthless.

---

This is what i did to prove myself that i'm not a piece of trash for women :
1. meditation, sit on a confortable chair, or on your bed - you can also lay - and start focusing on what you feel when you think about your problems. And what ever you feel, never try to "feel better" by trying to change the feelings. Just feel, and the unconfortable feeling will eventually go away on its own.
Do that few time a week and you will start to feel better about yourself

2. improve yourself and acknowledge everything good you do, like you are the shit and you are awesome.
You did a good workout ? pat yourself. You look good today ? give yourself a compliment. A hot girl checked you out ? ma man. etc ...
The ego work like a vicious circle, if you only focus on the negative, you will always see the negative, but by constantly acknowledging the positive, you will focus on all the shit you are good at and see why you are actually worthy.

3. Set up a tinder account, and put some damn effort into it. With an above average profil you can set up 2 to 4 date a week with minimum effort. With all these women lining up to date you, you will start to change the way you view the world and yourself

I did and do 1,2 and 3 in parallel so i can't put any excuses like "i'm not done with 2 so i can't start dating"

Note that i didn't talk about AA or any form of approaching, because i haven't deal with this properly yet, so i can't give any advice around that

Also, the feeling of "i'm not worthy" never completely went away. Because every time i put my tinder on hold and start focusing on other goals, or after a traumatic date (like first time i experience the last minute "NOPE"), the anxiety start slowly rising again .

Here is some usefull material you can find on the site :
https://killyourinnerloser.com/i-cant-get-laid/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/anxiety-doesnt-go-away/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/im-going ... g-beliefs/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/give-you ... n-to-suck/
And litteraly everything else
First finish my studies. [Done]
Then my own place. [Done]
Finally my best sexlife ! [Ongoing !!!]
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Radical
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Sun Jun 27, 2021 1:51 pm

Its basically been answered here already. There are no quick mental fixes, you break through this after months/years of trying until you have the experiences and results to sit on

The closest thing to an epiphany i had on this came from this GLL article:

https://www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/f ... -that-ugly

'She's probably fucked someone uglier than you'

Thanks for this Chris you legend
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ShortApe
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Motto: Learn. Grow. Improve.

Mon Jun 28, 2021 5:04 am

Thanks for all the responses everybody. I'm gonna take in and apply the stuff you dropped here. I know it's going to be a slow process but I guess all I can really do it just force myself to work through this shit until I can prove it isn't true.
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ShortApe
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Mon Jun 28, 2021 5:07 am

SIGMA_1234 wrote:
Sun Jun 27, 2021 4:04 am
ShortApe wrote:
Sun Jun 27, 2021 2:49 am
I consider myself decently successful in other areas of life
Which are...?
I'm pretty fit (12% bf 157 lbs), I feel as though I have a decent job (though I am working towards moving into a new field pretty soon), I recently moved out and live in Atlanta now instead of with my family, and I have other hobbies I work on in the mean time (jiu jitsu + coding).
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ShortApe
Posts: 10 | Thanks: 5
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2021 12:21 am
Goal: Get Laid
Age: 23
Motto: Learn. Grow. Improve.

Mon Jun 28, 2021 5:11 am

Gabi wrote:
Sun Jun 27, 2021 11:39 am
Just this :
https://killyourinnerloser.com/go-talk-to-more-girls/

It's fucking hard to remove the belief that you are worthless just from your bedroom, even with a lot of meditation you will still have a part of you that doubt that you are worthless. You NEED to talk to girls to prove yourself that you are not worthless.

---

This is what i did to prove myself that i'm not a piece of trash for women :
1. meditation, sit on a confortable chair, or on your bed - you can also lay - and start focusing on what you feel when you think about your problems. And what ever you feel, never try to "feel better" by trying to change the feelings. Just feel, and the unconfortable feeling will eventually go away on its own.
Do that few time a week and you will start to feel better about yourself

2. improve yourself and acknowledge everything good you do, like you are the shit and you are awesome.
You did a good workout ? pat yourself. You look good today ? give yourself a compliment. A hot girl checked you out ? ma man. etc ...
The ego work like a vicious circle, if you only focus on the negative, you will always see the negative, but by constantly acknowledging the positive, you will focus on all the shit you are good at and see why you are actually worthy.

3. Set up a tinder account, and put some damn effort into it. With an above average profil you can set up 2 to 4 date a week with minimum effort. With all these women lining up to date you, you will start to change the way you view the world and yourself

I did and do 1,2 and 3 in parallel so i can't put any excuses like "i'm not done with 2 so i can't start dating"

Note that i didn't talk about AA or any form of approaching, because i haven't deal with this properly yet, so i can't give any advice around that

Also, the feeling of "i'm not worthy" never completely went away. Because every time i put my tinder on hold and start focusing on other goals, or after a traumatic date (like first time i experience the last minute "NOPE"), the anxiety start slowly rising again .

Here is some usefull material you can find on the site :
https://killyourinnerloser.com/i-cant-get-laid/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/anxiety-doesnt-go-away/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/im-going ... g-beliefs/
https://killyourinnerloser.com/give-you ... n-to-suck/
And litteraly everything else
Thanks for the detailed response. Think I gotta revamp my profile a bit more and make sure I'm actually putting in consistent effort with it. I'll try out that meditation shit and see what happens.
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SIGMA_1234
Posts: 963 | Thanks: 328
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Age: 26
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Mon Jun 28, 2021 9:33 am

ShortApe wrote:
Mon Jun 28, 2021 5:07 am
I'm pretty fit (12% bf 157 lbs), I feel as though I have a decent job (though I am working towards moving into a new field pretty soon), I recently moved out and live in Atlanta now instead of with my family, and I have other hobbies I work on in the mean time (jiu jitsu + coding).
Good. I assume you've got a ... 6 figure job? Because of coding? Because if you do, with having your own place & having low %bf, you're way ahead of the pack already. Like others said, this mindset is total BS.

What I have done if I get this mindset is just to hit on a pretty girl & get rejected. I feel like you're scared of rejection, hence the auto-disqualification of yourself. There is a chance she'll go out with you, and if that happens, that's a win. Lmao. But if you get rejected, you will learn than you won't die & live to see another day.

That's what I did. Get used to pretty girl rejection, then you will be ballsier when goong for pretty girls.
Aspiring Digital Nomad

Follow my lifestyle journey log

Fitness:
-) Cut to 56 kg, then bulk after

Sex Enhancement:
-) Bathmate & Kegels

Learning goals:
-) 10 books
-) more note-taking & reviewing of past materials

^^Lifestyle habit tracker can be monitored here.

Learning Chinese Mandarin:
-) Mandarin 365 Project, monitor here.

Follow my business journey log

$ Goals:
-) US$3k/ mo nomad income
-) US$10k/ mo nomad income
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YouBetYourCottonPanties
Posts: 94 | Thanks: 14
Joined: Sat Apr 17, 2021 8:30 pm
Goal: 2-3 beautiful MLTRs
Age: 40

Mon Jun 28, 2021 2:06 pm

The guys have provided a lot of good tips/support.
Insecurity is a part of life. It doesn't go away entirely, just shifts to different things as you progress through life. Treat it as a motivator and you should be fine.

Also, read The Four Agreements. You're making assumptions that women are going to reject you because of x.

"Always let a woman figure out why she wont ƒuck you, never do it for her" (thanks Rollo).
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