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A guy on the Good Looking Loser forums posted a thread asking why he wasn’t having success with Tinder. His pics are solid (probably better than my own pics), and he’s a little better looking than I am, with more muscle. Yet he’s only had sex with 2 girls from Tinder.
Good pics and a decent bio are a requirement to getting laid on Tinder, but there’s a whole host of steps that need to happen after that – and a lot of things you can completely screw up. Here’s a quick list of questions to ask yourself if you have good pics but you’re not getting laid. I’ll flesh some of these out into longer individual articles in the future if there’s interest.
- Are you asking for numbers from girls as soon as possible? (You should aim to do it within about 4 messages you send.) You don’t want to have long conversations that go on for ages, only to find out the girl doesn’t want to give you her number. Save time and ask for the number ASAP.
- Does your bio make it clear what you’re looking for, or do you have something unhelpful like, “Nice guy looking for a nice girl”? If you can’t think of a decent bio (it doesn’t need to be amazing – just not terrible), just steal mine: “When I was little, girls hated when I pulled their hair. Funny how some things change.”
- Are you screening girls (quickly getting rid of the ones who aren’t DTF and are clearly just wasting time/looking for attention), or are you wasting days/weeks having long conversations that never lead to sex?
- Are you messaging a tonne of girls (30-50+ a week) and copy-pasting the same message to them so you’re efficient? (Don’t waste time customising messages for each girl – that’s a total waste of your time & isn’t necessary at all).
- Are you paying for Tinder Plus and using Boosts to get more matches? Buy 2 boosts a week – use them between 11pm-2am on Friday and Saturday nights. That’s when you’ll get the most matches from the girls that are most sexually-available.
- Are you making it obvious (through your pics, bio and messages) that your goal is to get laid (and not be friends)? If you’re not sure how to make it obvious you want sex, just think to yourself, “What would a guy who gets laid a tonne do?” and then just mimic what you think that guy would do. Pretend you’re a player. Fake it til you make it.
- Once you get a number, are you trying to meet up with the girl as soon as possible – no later than 3 days from when you get her number? People tend to lose interest very fast, so as soon as you get her number, launch straight into “You free Thursday night?” (That should literally be your 2nd message after you say “Hey it’s me, sup”.) Don’t have long text conversations, don’t ask how her day was, don’t “build rapport”, don’t try and make her like you, don’t ask what’s she’s up to. She gave you her number so she already likes you – just get her out on the date ASAP.
- If she won’t meet you for a date, or says “I’m not free that day” more than 2 times, are you deleting her number and moving on? Don’t waste time on a girl who’s “too busy” or “has a crazy schedule”. Those girls aren’t that serious about meeting up with you, so don’t waste your time.
- On the date itself, are you doing everything you can to steer things towards sex? Things like holding her hand as soon as you can, touching her, kissing her, inviting her back to your apartment. Or are you playing it too safe and not even trying to kiss her, let alone have sex with her? Are you doing time-wasting, unhelpful things like going to movies/dinner, having long 5 hour dates where you talk too much and waste too much time instead of trying to have sex, etc? Your dates should be: meet for 1 drink in a bar, talk and touch/kiss each other a bit, then say “Come back to my apartment and we’ll hang out for a bit.”
- On the date, are you looking your best, with good fashion that’s in style? Are you wearing accessories (necklace, rings, watch, piercings, tattoos, etc)? Is your body-fat low (10-13%), are you well-groomed, wearing good cologne, with a sexy haircut?
Let me know in the comments below if you’d like me to go into more details about any of these points. I’ll write them into full articles if there’s interest.
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Hi Andy,
So you suggest I don’t ask for their numbers within the first 4 messages ?
You SHOULD ask for their number as soon as you can. I do it within 4 messages.
Maybe that part of the article was a little confusing. I’ve rewritten it now.
Do you have any pages you recommend to look at for accessories?
I’m not an accessories expert, so I won’t pretend to be.
Just do and I did – ask other guys who know what they’re talking about. Post a thread on the Good Looking Loser forums here:
https://www.goodlookingloser.com/forums
Post and ask for fashion advice. Guys like “Woodisgood”, “Bad Idea Bear”, “Gravytrain” and others will give awesome advice.
A lot of figuring out your own style involves trial and error. It’s taken me 2 years to look “not totally shit”. I’ve bought a tonne of shirts/accessories/etc that I’ve later thrown out, thinking “Why the hell did I buy that?” But I’ve also bought a tonne of things I love wearing that also get me plenty of compliments..
Just start trying a few different accessories and a few different looks, and you’ll figure it out. It’s ok to look a bit silly/”tryhard” while you figure this stuff out.
Should I use tinder if I’m 5’7? Should I mention that fact in my bio?
Feel like I would be severely limited using this app due to my height.
Of course you should use Tinder – don’t you want to get laid? If you do want to get laid, use everything at your disposal – Tinder, OkCupid/POF, talk to girls in person, try to get laid with your female friends, try to get laid through social circles/parties, etc.
If you actually want success, you have to go all-in. You can’t half-ass it.
Get height-increasing shoes or inserts (Google it) – they can add 3 or 4 inches to your height. That would put you at 5ft11 which is so close to 6ft you can literally just say “I’m 6ft” if you want to.
“Feel like I would be severely limited using this app due to my height.”
This is the real issue. Don’t reject yourself before you’ve even tried. Let the girls be the ones to reject you; don’t do it for them.
Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate you answering questions like this even though you have no reason to.
Here’s the thing though, I really, really do not think I could ever use height raising insoles. I’m sorry, it’s just pathetic.
If I were to state explicitly that I was 5’7 in my tinder bio, do you think I could still have some success with the app?
Plenty of reason to answer questions – a tonne of guys helped me get to where I am, so I want to do the same with other people.
“I really, really do not think I could ever use height raising insoles. I’m sorry, it’s just pathetic.”
You’re saying you’re “too good” to use insoles. Are you “too good” to get laid, or are you willing to swallow your pride and do whatever it takes to get laid? Because you won’t have success if you dismiss things as “pathetic” and “beneath you”.
“If I were to state explicitly that I was 5’7 in my tinder bio, do you think I could still have some success with the app?”
I don’t have a crystal ball, I can’t predict the future. Only way is to try it and find out.