Manga 🇰🇷: October Update

[Holden]

My larger point is that, being emotionally invested in a girl isn't a "bad thing". Not sure if you were agreeing with me or not.

Yeah, but never too soon, and never too much.

[Bman]

This might be a can of worms. But why not?

I believe that if you want kids, marriage is the best institution to do so.

I don't want kids.

So what's the value prop for me to give 50% of my empire and get married again?

All the benefits of having a long term relationship can happen with out getting married and taking a legal kick to the balls.

I don't regret my marriage at all. It was beautiful. It had is downfalls, but that's ok. We ended things kindly and we're still friends. And she still took 50% of everything. Just how it works.

The only way I would even consider it is if she was as ambitious as I was and had equally or more resources than I do, doubling our resources when we married. You know, classical marriage to expand empires, not really about love. Even then it would have to be an open marriage.

I'm guy who has options and can get more options. I don't see a value prop worth limiting that freedom.

I'll probably be one of the weird edge cases like Andy who has a very specific dynamic with a LTR.

I realize I'm only 29 and may be singing a different tune when I'm 40 or 50. I'm open to that.

And without constant work on my part, the frequency of sex would die down too.

This. You have to always be "on" in a marriage. It's constant work. Without a doubt, I was a better man in every dimension at the end of the marriage than when I started including looks, status, resources, ect. And of course my kinky ass was always trying to keep things spicy. Despite my best efforts, we still moved toward atrophy. Cards are stacked against biology and fundamental laws, all of which Holden wrote about.

Again, I am eternally grateful for the marriage. Yet, I never want to do it again.

[Manganiello]

Update
Sept 23




relationship



Relationship is really solid.


+ whenever i ask her yo change skmething she does it the next day. No drama
+ She really cares about how she looks
+ If theres skmething she values in a relationship she'll go first and set an example. (Open communication and talking about insecurities.)
+ So far shes the girl that i wanted



reflection


I think from the outside everyone read this girl wrong. Including me too. I think theres a fine line between being open minded (and making sure your not in the wrong) and discerning about opinions is valuable.
Ultimately at this point in time i felt like i made the right move with her.

She wanted me but didn't feel safe about liking a guy who seemed playerlike.

As I invested more she got more and more into me.

And eventually she just wanted me enough to be serious.




Overall reflections



When casual sex loses its appeal.


I think there is a point where you get casual sex out of your system and look for something else.


Eventually:

- More girls seems like chasing a high that gets less potent with each new girl.

- Another lay doesnt do it for you anymore you need better and different.

- The same level of hotness doesnt satisfy you.

- You start adding things to your want list that was never there to begin with.

- You're purposefully breaking your own first date rules and routkne because you're bored.

- You bang a new chick and writing the lay report feels like a chore,

- You think to yourself after the lay, you would rather of done something else that night.

- Hearing about your friends smashing a new girl doesnt really inspire envy anymore, besides a mild curiosity.


...Ive talked at length about this with other guys. And the consensus seems to be you get bored of dates and girls and just push for more and more novelty.


I went on a podcast with Jack. I don't know anyone who has a higher laycount than him. Or had as much sexcess being a fat guy (albeit in asia). We covered this specific subject while drinking beer for 40 minutes.

If our drunken conversation ever makes it to being posted on YouTube ill share it.


But to be clear, there still might be a future where I go and daygame more. It's just at this juncture I don't care enough to do it for the sake of doing it.



Feminism
Asian girls vs. western girls


- Western girls are fine.
- You can find a great girl in Canada or USA. Which a lot of longstay white guys in asia seem to vehemently deny (while lacking any meaningful success in the west *cough*)

The girls in asia as an average are better.

- Theyre hotter,
- They care aboht being skinny, healthy
- They have elaborate skincare and makeup routines,
- They genuinely care about making their man happy
- They want to be the girl in the relatinship not some feminist genderless mix.


The chicks here are definitely hotter. And like @Holden mused when he traveled recently. If you do well in your home country (where girls are more likely to be obese or ugly) you will do very well in a country where girls are more likely to be skinny and hot.


Honestly for me, the girls here are reason enough to stay in asia.


Speaking of that tho...

I work mostly with women right now, half of them korean the other half westerners. And the western women say some weird uncalled for shit about men sometimes.

Theres a really negative view of men in the west. Women here dont like it, but they dont hate men, they dont like SOME types of guys.

(Im pro-equality by the way)
Im not a far right guy and i understand the gender inequalities better than most people *thanks to my HR degree*. Feminism would be fine if it stopped the male bashing. Same as veganism would be fine if it stopped the meat-eating bashing.

Anyway.



How your relationships go says more about you than the girl.


This isn't a new thought but something I've been thinking about over the last year.


- some girls are fucked up.
- But someone who has their shit together will screen them out. Guys who are just as erratic as the girl wont.
- Relationships explode or become chaptic because the guy is chaotic.

Im thinking of my brother who has no trouble finding girls but usually ends up with psycho chicks or has trouble being with a normal girl for a long time.

If you have trouble communicating. OR have trouble keeping your emotions in check (not getting offended easily, or not erupting with explosive anger). You will NEED a calm girl to make the relatiomship work or the relationship will have DRAMA.




What Im doing now



Besides spending time with my girlfriend and work...

Im spending almost all of my time defining my goals for the next 3 years.


Ive oretty well hit my last 3 tear goal (sex life is solved). Idk if ill be with my current girl forever. But being a sexless virgin in my parents house isnt me anymore, and ive completed all of my MUST DOs, and the pnly thing are a few latent wants (like a few more CA lays, if things dont work out).

So that part of my life has been really built up in a positive way. So the question is whats next? Whats worthy of my time now?


Girlfriend went to Vietnam on a work trip and go visit family for two weeks. I'm mildly jealous because of her job she networks with some pretty successful people.

Time will tell what i get up to next. I just have to take this deliberation phase the very seriously.

[Manganiello]

October Update

20231022_144631.jpg

Basically. Life is great. Relationship is going well, imperfectly. And I'm contemplating the next big 3 year goal








[1/2] Relationship


Going well. Probably the area of life I'm the happiest about rn.

1698557279588.jpg

Its not stress-free, and I do get testosterone kicks to bang other chicks.

But overall, my favorite time is with her. She is satisfying what I wanted when I got into the 'dating phase'.



Things Ive liked so far


Her commitment to looking good

She gained 9 kg over the last 3 months. Going from 44 to 53 kg. She's still skinnier than most girls.

Nonetheless, she proceeds to change her phone background to a skinny model she wants to emulate and then a picture of herself when she was 50+ kg. Saying I never want to be that girl again.

Compare that to my last gf who would complain when I told her, that we will be eating out less because I need to lose weight.


Her apologies


"Do you love me?" She asks randomly on a phone call.


She had been to 2 weddings that week and was helping her best friend shop for her wedding... I had the busiest week of the year at work. So I couldn't give her much time.

"Do you love me she asks" as I'm trying to find time to decompress.

I'm kind of caught off guard and give her a lazy answer. She gets offended.

Anyway. Thanks to the bros for helping getting my head straight within 2 hours.


I smooth it over & later that night she apologizes.


Next day she phones me randomly and apologizes for causing stress. "Life is stressful your love life, should be for love, not stress". Was her confession.

So, it's annoying, but that adjustment made me pretty happy.






It's not all perfect.



Monogamy Scale?

Honestly Im still sorting out where I fall on the monogamy scale.


I'm on the subway...

I get these raw impulses that goes manic mode when I see smoking hot girls on the subway.

And then I think 'man should I really be single?'.


Then the girl comes over wearing some outfit that turns me on to the max. We bang, cuddle. And all is well. I could be with this girl forever.

Next day...

I'm on the subway...

Cycle repeats...



I'm keeping an open ended.


But I think my behaviour shows I'd rather be in an LTR.

And whenever my mind wanders to the task of mass messaging/approaching/rote dates. I lose interest, and I remember dates being a mundane thing where you end up with a different face looking up at you. Which sounds cool, I guess. But to borrow from @colgate: It's like eating fried chicken at this point..good but there's more to life.



Staying Sexually Sharp

All and all, the intermittent drama and the testosterone fueled sex-drive makes me realize I should maintain my sexual prowess.

Even if I stick with her. I never want to lose my ability to bang and retain hot ltr-quality chicks until I'm 40~45.



Monogamy for business building?


I think having a girlfriend at the business building phase is an extra commitment that will make it harder. But lots of people have done it.

The biggest concern I have in dating overall is timing of kids (I don't want them when I'm in a startup mode) and the fact I have no intention of staying in Korea forever.

Both of those she seems onboard with.



Which will bring me to the next topic...

[Manganiello]

[2/2] October Update



Whats my next 3 year goal?





What the next phase will be about.


I've thought a lot about this.
- probably creating income
- probably trying to secure a lifestyle
- doing it in a way that can scale.


What I know for sure I want next


Doing a creative

And keeping 30% to 50% of my time goes into creating new revenue streams (not operation, admin or servicing existing funnels).


Relationship is an adjacent priority

Make the current relationship thrive WHILE maintaining my ability to source beautiful, sweet marriage material girls from Asia (til I'm 40) just in case.

Really thankful for my parents for being an excellent role model on relationships.


Being less Dumb

Have an inner circle of advisors that can mitigate my dumb decisions as much as possible. (Lesson from last business was creating a profitable, but unexciting business model nobody else was using, and finding out, after wasted time and money, why).

So find smart credible people who disagree with me. Find them. Listen to them.



Courage first


Do it from the posture of relentless, courageous, action and execution. Some of the things I didn't know could work, worked because of that. AA program, cold approach, moving out of the parents house, moving to Korea.


Saying no more

Saying "no" to sexy ideas that don't fit the focussed goal or big picture.
Like Warren buffet says. Your top 20% goals should never get in the way of your top 1% goal.




Demand Quick Wins

Demanding quick wins is stressful, but it is motivating, and it does work. Stoicism has its value, but honestly I've always gotten more done when I was impatient, and tried to control uncontrollable.


Gritty

Above all else,
Persisting on the goal even if it takes 8 hard years to get it.

I might be able to have anything I want in life. But I can't have all of it.

It's my job to define what I want my life to be like and work at it until I'm there.



Think big.

Last business was a did because after 30 months of hard work I had a business that was working, but just at such a small scale it didn't even excite me anymore. I want the growth and landscape to be unlimited.

I was literally the biggest advertiser on Google in North America for my industry. Still wasn't enough. I want a big pond.


Aggressive growth

30-40% pretax of my income goes into building the future. Either in investment or education. And like I said 30-40% of my time goes into sourcing new revenue sources.




What exactly type of company will I build?

Dunno either.


But my 4 main trees of expertise are:


1. Building houses:

Fun, but unscalable, competitive, unlikeable people and I don't love it. Bad.


2. Home services: (window washing/painting)

More fun, true honest business, I know how to do it, I'm networked there, and theres a lot of reason to believe I could hit 100k in profit in 24 months. But it requires moving back to Canada (I'm not sold on that), and it's not something that excites me every day. Id hate it til I have a general manager.


3. Advertising.

Really fun, I love the topic.It's scalable. I have niche expertise in 2 industries. But I have no idea how to run it, there's a lot to learn. And there's no promise it's as sexy as I think it is.


4. Coaching.

Really fun. Done it before. I already know a profitable business model. Could generate revenue within a month. I have top 1% expertise in 4 areas. (1) Job searching, (2) Ending lifelong obesity, (3) Dating, (4) Cold Calling/Sales And top 0.1% expertise in maybe (1) Ending lifelong obesity (2) Vision creation.



All of those sell, but have drawbacks.


The thing I love doing the most is talking strategy. I could talk about company sales strategies all day. There's something about the problem solving of that. Same with job searching actually.


Weight loss, vision creation and dating. Kind of feel rote. Saying the same core skills. But there's no hands on problem solving.


I think the thing I like the most is playing the competitive game of growing companies or dialing a client in for a lucrative job.


There's something about the creative problem solving, the dopamine hits from a win. I would love home services til we had to be operationally excellent. Which I would be really good at, but it would feel like a chore.


All of my friends peg me as most likely to succeed in business. But it remains to be seen. And I know first hand how fast a sexy a dream can turn into a relentless nightmare where you're fighting demons late into the night, patching holes in your sinking ship and wondering why you bit off more than you can chew.



Because of my appetite for risk and adventure.
I have a long list of failures and wins




How do I best use all these lessons?

(1) I think it's just having a really good feedback loop of your results, with great advisors, even when your up to the neck in things to do.

And

(2) Maintaining a 2 hour window each day where you can be super flexible. and work on your own priorities.



And the biggest question;

How do I do that while enjoying the fuck out of life and having a relationship that's working?

That is a very important question. I think it might mean always finding time for your girl, being spontaneous and finding gratitude. Even when your in the thick of a hellish landscape of problems.



Tbh... I'm not even sure if 8 want to share this. I like keeping my plans close to the chest and keeping it at a need to know basis.

But, I'll just put it out there. And if I don't like it. I'll delete it.


The main thing is to keep chipping away and getting down to the core essence of what I want.




Upcoming Community Value

1. Currently working on a Date Routine Guide (no set release date)

2. Likely will be on a podcast later this week in a different dating community

3. Might do 2 podcasts with 2 guys who are incredibly skilled gamers here in Korea. I think they have super rare value they can share. I'll try and share them on KYIL.

[Antonio44]

Monogamy for business building?


I think having a girlfriend at the business building phase is an extra commitment that will make it harder. But lots of people have done it.

Why do you think having a girlfriend makes business building harder?

When I look back at my business progress, the times I made fastest progress was when I was with serious girlfriends. Just chasing random girls ate up way too much time/energy/focus, when I'm with a steady girl, especially if she's living with me, it makes it all way easier. Yeah, you have less time, but girls understand/are attracted to when you're busy building something. Like today, my girl makes me food, cleans the house, but understands not to talk to me till the evening, and I can get into deep work. (or distract myself on this forum)

[Bman]

@Manganiello, you've probably read them, but two books I recommend for deciding your business opprituntity are Millionaire Fastlane & The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Wealth and Happiness.

If you just want a solid business and pretty good life - take 1, 2, or 3, build out the teams and don't do it yourself. Sell it off to someone else.

If you want scale and the possibility of truck loads of cash - take 3 or 4, build out either content or code not people to deliver the advertising or coaching.

Love the goals for the community. Obviously I'm biased because I try to do this as well, but it's cool to see this as part of your goal list. Thank you for all the value you already provide here.

[Manly Cockfellow]

Just popping in to say I love how clearly and openly you share your experiences and your feelings and your thoughts.

Also love the discussions your posts often inspire, and feel like they are some of the deepest and most valuable around, especially when people respectfully disagree.

And for what it's worth, I feel like you're doing a great job, especially with leading your girl through these difficult conversations and asking her, but especially yourself, all the right questions.