6 Years with Immy. I’m Grateful.

Today is my 6 year anniversary with Immy (6 years from the day we met).

I know it might come across as if everything is sunshine and rainbows in our relationship; and it might appear as if it’s always been that way. After all, people tend to put the best version of themselves online, and as much as I try to be as vulnerable and honest as I can be with all of you lovely people, you are still seeing mostly the highlights of my life.

Truth is, I haven’t been perfect. Neither has Immy. We really didn’t know what we were doing for the first ~4 years; she came from a divorced home with lots of fighting and anger and sadness. I’d been in 2 long-term relationships with cheating, violence, misery, loneliness, sadness.

We really had no idea what we were doing at the start.

We fought a lot in the first few years. A lot. We broke up twice (once for 48hrs, once for 1 night). We’ve both cried a billion times. Yelled at each other. Said things we regret an hour later. I threatened to hit her once. We’ve been unkind, we’ve believed we “needed” the other person and we’ve put that burden on them, we’ve tried to change the other person and wish they would do everything we want them to do, just because we want them to. We dealt with jealousy and insecurity and the pain from figuring out how open relationships work. We hurt each other, hurt ourselves, we struggled, we were lost and confused.

We weren’t perfect.

But we both had a shared vision of the future; a future where we wouldn’t argue, a future where we’d be nothing but unconditionally loving and patient and compassionate with each other. A future where we wouldn’t fight; we’d just talk peacefully. A future where we weren’t so afraid of the other person leaving. A future where we had full honesty, deep understanding of each other, and a love that grows stronger with each passing week. A future where the relationship was effortless.

We both wanted it so badly; more than words could ever get across.

We didn’t know if it was possible; in fact, we didn’t think it was. We didn’t promise each other we’d get there; we weren’t sure we could. The only thing we committed to was slowly improving the relationship 1% at a time, week by week, month by month. We committed to weekly accountability check-ins to help each other with our individual goals, as well as our relationship goals. We committed to improving ourselves through our own self-improvement. We committed to making progress; in fact, self-improvement became our religion.

Brick by brick we built this relationship; we slowly “watered our garden” each week and watched it grow and flourish into something beautiful. And as the weeks turned into months, and the months turned into years, progress was made. We slowly learned Stoicism, we learned compassion, we read books, we got coaches and therapists and we poured our hearts and souls into improving ourselves, as well as improving the relationship. We achieved goals, we watched & helped each other grow, we overcame our limiting beliefs, and when we had doubts, when we were overwhelmed, when we felt like giving up we chose to just. keep. going. Progress, not perfection.

We stopped fighting; we now haven’t had a fight or an argument in over a year (touch wood). We decided to build a community together, and a coaching program, and this YT channel, and everything else that’s come about with all of that. We moved several times, we went on wild adventures together, we met a bunch of amazing women who’ve added so much to our lives; one of whom is very special to us and we’ve seen her for over a year. We have so much love for her. We made amazing friends, we watched people change their lives through this community. We practiced gratitude more and more, and learned to appreciate everything we’d built.

We’ve learned, we’ve grown, we’ve made “mistakes” (really, they’re learning lessons), we’ve “failed”, we’ve “fucked up”. Most of this relationship has really been Immy and I just winging it; two scared little kids who just wanted to be loved. Two scared little kids who just wanted to unlock their own hearts and let out the love they’d been bottling up and hiding out of shame, out of fear. We never would have guessed we’d get here; we never predicted we’d make it this far. We never would have guessed we’d learn to love ourselves in the process, and from that, learn to love the entire world and everyone in it.

When I look back, the journey seems so incredibly impossible, and yet… so inevitable. Two people who wanted to improve; two people who were patient enough (though not always) to stick it out and focus on taking baby steps towards our shared vision of the future. Two people who were so utterly convinced they were broken and unlovable; two people who committed to fixing themselves, only to discover they were never really broken in the first place.

And over enough years, all those little steps added up into something quite magical. I look into her eyes every single day, and most of those days, one of us ends up shedding a tear of joy and gratitude. The way we talk to each other when the cameras are off is more loving and kind than I ever knew it was possible to be when talking to another human being. To say we’re on the same team would be putting it mildly; to say we add to each other’s lives would be the understatement of the century.

I love this woman truly, deeply, unconditionally. I don’t need anything from her; I don’t want her to do anything other than what she wants to do. Through letting go, through spiritual teachers like Byron Katie, David Hawkins and the rest, I’ve let go of needing her to change, needing her to “give” me anything, needing her to be a certain way. Unconditionally love really is freeing; as my friend Taylor said, “When you stop trying to force the other person to be a certain way, it’s just one less thing to have to control”.

And she shows me the same compassion, the same kindness, the same unconditional love. I didn’t even know love was like this; I thought love was something you “get”, something you have to “earn”, and something that can be “taken away at a moment’s notice”. Through this relationship I’ve come to discover my own self-love; I’ve realised love was inside me the whole time just waiting to burst out. Immy was instrumental in that realisation.

The last 6 years have been magical. I could spend the next 50 days writing all the ways this beautiful woman and this wonderful connection have changed my life, and I still wouldn’t cover even 1% of it. I’ll distil it all down into 2 words:

I’m grateful.

Here’s to today; our anniversary. And whatever may come after that.

No expectations. Only curiousity.

I love you Immy.

Thankyou.

---