Disclaimer: Everyone here is 18+. I have permission to upload every nude photo. Happy to immediately remove pics/stories – contact me.
- Chapter 1 – Introduction
- 1.1 – The Aim of This Series
- 1.2 – What are Your Goals?
- 1.3 – Who Am I?
- 1.4 – I wasn’t Always a Guy Who Got Laid…
- 1.5 – Proof I Actually get Laid
- 1.6 – You Can Do it Too (I am Nothing Special)
- 1.7 – Other Dating Apps
- 1.8 – Getting “Lucky” isn’t about Luck; You’ve Got to Actually Try to Get Laid
- Chapter 2 – Improving Your Looks
- 2.1 – Looking Good Matters the Most
- 2.2 – Get Honest Feedback on your Current Looks
- 2.3 – You Don’t have to be Perfect; Just Always be Improving
- 2.4 – Lose Fat: Low Bodyfat Makes the Most Difference
- 2.5 – Hit the Gym; Gain Muscle
- 2.6 – Fashion/Style
- 2.7 – Instagram Inspiration
- 2.8 – Accessories: Watches, Rings, Necklaces, Bracelets
- 2.9 – Hair and Facial Hair
- 2.10 – Teeth Whitening
- 2.11 – Tattoos, Piercings
- 2.12 – Additional Things: Skin-care, Height-increasing Shoes, Posture, Shaving your Body, Tanning, Cologne, etc
- 2.13 – If You Have Mental Issues/Depression…
- 2.14 – But What About “Game”, Conversation Skills, Routines, Pick-up Lines?
- 2.15 – Self-Improvement Quick Reference Guide
- Chapter 3 – Photos
- 3.1 – What Your Photos Should Get Across
- 3.2 – Your First Photo is the Most Important
- 3.3 – Curate Photos Already on your PC/Phone
- 3.4 – Which Photos to Shoot
- 3.5 – Examples of Bad Photos
- 3.6 – DSLR vs Smartphone
- 3.7 – DSLR Camera Buying Guide
- 3.8 – Option 1: You Take Your Own Photos
- 3.9 – Option 2: Your Mate Uses Your Camera
- 3.10 – Option 3: Your Friend has his Own DSLR Camera
- 3.11 – Option 4: You Pay a Professional Photographer
- 3.12 – How to Pose
- 3.13 – Checklist when Taking Photos
- 3.14 – Editing/Photoshopping & Filters
- 3.15 – Getting Feedback on your Photos
- Chapter 4 – The Photos that have gotten me Laid Most
- Chapter 5 – Continuing to Upgrade Your Photos Over Time
- Chapter 6 – Key Takeaways
Chapter 1 – Introduction
1.1 – The Aim of This Series
To get you laid a lot – or get you to meet a lot of women so you can find an awesome girlfriend.
I’ve written this guide for absolutely everyone from the absolute newbies who’ve never even kissed a girl, to good-looking guys who want to elevate their Tinder to the next level. It’s my mission to get that sausage of yours in as many tuna tacos as possible.
More specifically, I’m aiming to get you laid with minimum effort or drama. Whether that be so you can get a lot more sexual experience with a variety of different people, or to meet girls with the goal of making one your girlfriend – I’ve got you covered, son. I know better than anyone that Tinder & online dating can be really frustrating when you’re a newbie, so it’s my mission to save you the pain and frustration and hell I went through when I was figuring all this out for myself.
I advocate getting laid in an ethical manner where we add to the lives of as many of the girls we meet – we’re not aiming to just use them for a one night stand then immediately discard them. If that’s your goal, you won’t enjoy my content, so probably best to go read something else like browsing goatse images (note: don’t.)
This is, hands-down, the most comprehensive guide on getting laid on Tinder on the internet. I’ve poured my heart and soul into this; it’s the culmination of years of trial and error between me and all of my clients, figuring out the most efficient way to get laid as much as possible. If you follow this guide to the letter & are willing to work on yourself, you’ll get laid like I have. The only caveat is you must be willing to work for it, and make the personal changes necessary. You will never be successful if you think improving yourself is “beneath you”.
Much as I’d love to just give you a magic pill to make women throw their flesh tuxedos at you, getting laid doesn’t work like that. You can’t just read this guide and suddenly have girls grinding their wet flaps against your leg; theory alone doesn’t get you laid. If you’re not happy with your dating life, you need to actually take action and improve your circumstances, by becoming a man girls would want to spend time with.
Getting laid on Tinder is simple:
- Look good in your pics.
- Message as many girls as humanly possible, sticking to a short template/script each time. Ask them all for a phone number.
- Invite them on a date, try to put your meat rod inside them.
Getting laid isn’t complicated. It does, however, require effort.
1.2 – What are Your Goals?
If you want to get laid a lot (or find an awesome girlfriend), you need to define your goals before you start. They need to be tangible and achievable. Don’t install Tinder “just to see what happens” or to “see what’s out there”. Get your shit together and have a specific goal in mind. If you don’t know where you’re heading, you’ll never bloody get there.
Take some time right now to write down your goal(s) when it comes to women.
- If your goal is to get laid a lot, write down how many girls you’d like to bang. e.g. “I want to have sex with 10 girls in total” (or 100,000 girls if you’re a highly-motivated individual).
- If you want a quality girlfriend, what would she look like? What would her personality be like, roughly? Write it all down.
- If you’re a virgin and want to lose your virginity, write down, “I want to lose my virginity with a real, live woman.”
- If your goal is to socialise with girls and get some more dating experience, define that. How many dates in total would satisfy you? How cute do the girls need to be – will any girl count, or do you have a threshold they need to pass? Once you’re more comfortable being on dates with girls, do you want to go on to start getting laid a lot? Write all that shit down.
Once you’ve written down your goal on a big piece of paper, keep it somewhere handy and look at it daily. Look at it hourly. Fuck, tattoo it onto your eyeballs. As long as you’ve kept your goal achievable and realistic, you’ll absolutely get there – as long as you work on it a little each day, and never quit.
No matter who you are, as long as you’re willing to put in the work required to make yourself a better man, you can get laid a lot. Follow this guide to the T – this is the exact process I’ve used to get laid over 100 times so far (proof here). Everything I’ve written is in here for a reason; don’t skip or half-ass any of the steps.
1.3 – Who Am I?
I’m Andy – a 32yo guy (as of the time of writing) who went from being invisible to girls to getting laid pretty much as often as I want, whenever I want.
I’ve banged over 140 girls (at the time of writing – early 2020). I live in Melbourne, Australia – the city with the most inconsistent weather on Earth.
I’m currently in a non-monogamous relationship (we both see other girls; but no guys) with my 20yo bi girlfriend pictured here (what a little cutiepie). We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of years now; we met when she was 18. I bang other girls (but keep it strictly casual with them), and my girl bangs other girls from her own Tinder, usually sharing them with me. We adore the shit out of each other, she’s incredibly helpful & supportive with my writing and this site – she’s great. She come a hell of a long way herself – she’s had as radical a transformation as me.
I’m a huge fan of BDSM and kinky sex, as I’ve talked about here. These days I rarely have vanilla sex; preferring to explore my wide assortment of ropes, whips, chains and toys. Think 50 Shades of Grey, without all the angsty bullshit. I also have a lot of fun doing nude/sexual artsy photoshoots with girls.
1.4 – I wasn’t Always a Guy Who Got Laid…
Alright, time to get serious for a minute. I started out about as low as you could possibly start. I was suicidal, obese, depressed, with absolutely no hope for redemption – I really felt like a lost cause. I had absolutely zero friends and was in abusive, violent relationships for 10 years. I was an alcoholic with a severe porn addiction – I was drunk all the time and would stay up until 3 in the morning watching porn every single day, desperately trying to escape the hell I was living in. My body sucked – I was obese with no muscle & couldn’t even do a single pushup, even with my knees resting on the ground. I had agoraphobia and couldn’t leave the house to go to the supermarket, and my self-esteem was so low as to be completely non-existent.
Doesn’t sound like fun, does it.
I contemplated suicide multiple times a day, praying for the courage to finally do it. Truth was I didn’t want to kill myself because I hated myself so much I didn’t think I deserved to end my suffering. Go read through my full transformation story so you can see that no matter where you’re starting from, it’s possible to improve yourself & start getting laid.
Through hard work and the support of my family, I was able to turn it all around over a few years and get my shit together. I saw a counselor, took LSD 30-40 times and used each trip as a self-focused counseling session to work through my issues, faced my agoraphobia head on, lost fat, started making friends through Meetup.com, read as many self-help books as I possibly could (You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought is a life-saver.) I quit drinking, quit porn and video games and eventually started to actually like myself.
Even though I was happier, I still had a huge fear of talking to girls – my anxiety around women was crippling. I felt like such a little bitch, like I wasn’t a man if I couldn’t get laid. Most dudes feel that way when they’re not not getting pussy. I enrolled in a free “Approach Anxiety Program” – here’s a log I kept detailing everything I did (you’ll need to be logged in to view it). It was absolutely terrifying at first, I had a tonne of breakdowns, & I really wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it through. Hardest part was having to confront the fact I still didn’t think I “deserved” to get laid.
I more than anyone get all the struggles of trying to get laid. Of not wanting to feel fucking invisible to women, to society at large. I get not wanting to feel like a god damn loser. I understand the pain and frustration of just wanting girls to like you and be nice to you, and give you any attention at all. Hell, the idea of a girl just looking in my general direction would have felt like the greatest gift known to mankind.
I pushed through all the mental hurdles & all my mental bullshit, and eventually got some phone numbers, then some dates, and eventually met some awesome girls and put my flesh pike in their meat muffin. These days, life is pretty awesome, and I’m very fucking happy. I’m now at a point where I know I can have sex whenever I want it – more than I could possibly need – just by jumping on Tinder or going outside and talking to some girls.
I’m clearly nothing special; if I can get my life together and improve myself, you sure as hell can too. That’s the whole point of my content – to get you to emulate my successes. Whilst I’d never say it was easy, all it required was that I just never quit.
If you want to read an extremely detailed 100+ page detailed log of my struggles with getting laid, dating, overcoming my limiting beliefs, etc – it’s here. It details more of my struggles, fears, doubts, insecurities & successes more than any one article or guide ever could. I still post in that log today.
A lot of people helped me get to where I am – most notably GoodLookingLoser.com. Without all those people giving me their time and knowledge completely for free, I wouldn’t have achieved all that I’ve achieved. It’s my turn to pay it back, and do everything I can to get you to where I am – and then have you propel yourself even further than I’ve managed to. This guide – and my site in general – is an homage to everyone who helped me get to where I am.
1.5 – Proof I Actually get Laid
Alright, now for the part you horny little devils actually came for; the nude pics.
The vast majority of Tinder advice on the net is written by guys who show you absolutely zero proof they actually get laid a lot. They don’t tell you a rough number of girls they’ve slept with, or how long they’ve been working on self-improvement, or any actual, tangible details about themselves or their sex life. They almost never show you any photos of themselves, or the pictures they use on Tinder. They keep themselves totally anonymous, and then expect you to just follow their advice blindly, with no clue as to whether they’re actually experienced – or just spurting advice they read somewhere on the internet. Which sucks for you as the reader, because you can’t be certain following their advice will actually lead to success instead of just spinning your wheels. If you don’t know they actually get laid, how do you know following their advice will get you laid?
To top it all off, they never even show you some nude pics they’ve taken with girls they’ve slept with. How’s a man supposed to get into your supposed sexcapades, if you don’t even show him what you’ve been up to? If I wanted to read boring sex stories with no nude pictures in them, I’d have been born a woman.
I’ve gotten laid about 130-150 times so far as of early 2020). Roughly 80 of them from Tinder – (I’ve kept a journal). I’ve had a bunch of 3somes, done plenty of wild, depraved things, gone deep into BDSM and had plenty of kinky sex. I’ve had sex while tripping on LSD (boy is that a life-changing experience), fooled around with a few strippers, met all sorts of cool girls. I have most of the best stories/pics/videos in an article called Proof, including plenty of pictures and videos girls & I have taken together. Go read through it for all the proof you’ll ever need that everything in this guide works.
I’ve also done you the courtesy of throwing plenty of nude pics I’ve taken with girls into this guide. Fuck I’m such a nice guy. A lot of them were from fun photoshoots we did together after sex (the girls often came up with ideas for photoshoots themselves). I only include photos of girls I’ve stuck my penis in – I don’t see any point posting nude selfies from girls I haven’t actually had sex with. I’ve also included plenty of pictures of myself, and the photos I use on Tinder – I don’t want my advice to be faceless and authentic.
Here’s a few fun videos I’ve taken recently:
Lemme get serious for just a second: I always ask every girl for permission before sharing nude pics of her & I remove all identifying information (blur faces, remove names/personal info from screenshots, etc); you should always do the same. Every photo on this site was uploaded with permission first (I literally asked if I could share on my site). I’m also happy to immediately remove any pics/stories if anyone would like me to – contact me.
When you’re taking nudes with someone, never push anyone to do something they don’t want to do; we’re aiming to encourage girls to show off for us, not force them to. Only takes half a second to say, “You’re so fucking sexy, let me take a pic real quick to show my mates your sexy body? I’ll block out your face.” More info here.
The goal of this guide – and my site in general – is to help you get laid whilst respecting the people you sleep with, and not treating them as merely throwaway notches/trophies. Mattress-dancing is meant to be fun, for you and for her.
1.6 – You Can Do it Too (I am Nothing Special)
This guide is almost 5 years in the making; a culmination of everything I’ve learned from improving myself from a suicidal, depressed, fat mess with zero friends, to a pretty decent dude with a pretty decent life. I talk more about my transformation here. Bottom line is: if I can do it, you sure as hell can too.
I’ve talked to tens of thousands of girls and been rejected god knows how many times. I’ve made a tonne of mistakes and done some truly cringe-worthy things in my pursuit of precious pussy. I’m publishing this guide to help you avoid my pitfalls, so you can hopefully have a smoother experience sliding into girls’ smooth interiors. (That pun was smooooth).
Do you think I ever thought me – a complete fucking loser who was suicidal every day & couldn’t leave the house – could get his shit together enough to start getting laid, then have sex in public, have sex with hot strippers, have plenty of 3somes, learn BDSM? I did all that, just by slowly improving myself one day at a time.
When you first think about trying to build an awesome sex life, it’s easy to talk yourself out of even starting, because the finish line seems so damn far away. It seems an impossible task to ever get yourself to a point where girls would actually want to sleep with you, because you’re acutely aware of the 10,000 things you need to improve/fix first. “I’m such a fuckup; a girl would have to be mentally ill to spread her legs and show me her bearded clam.” You’re aware of all your flaws, and fixing them all seems like an insurmountable task.
But you don’t have to tackle your shortcomings all at once – you just have to take it one day at a time. You work on losing a little fat, you go to the gym and start familiarising yourself with the different weights and exercises. Then you learn about what to eat to nourish your body and help build muscle. Then you start working on your fashion a little, trying a few new outfits, looking like a dick at first, but eventually learning as you go. Then you try taking a few photos for your Tinder, and they’re not great at first, but fuck it – at least you’re trying. You’ll improve over time. You start messaging a few girls – clumsily at first, as if you’re an autistic child trying to communicate with some alien species – but some of them are actually nice to you and that makes you feel pretty damn good.
As the weeks go on, with you taking these little baby steps each day, you start gaining a little more confidence. You start to realise, “You know what? Maybe I’m not as big a loser as I thought I was. I know I’m not elite, maybe I never will be – but I’m at least ok. Maybe one day I can get myself to a level where I’m kinda decent.”
At this point, you start trying a lot harder – because you’ve already seen some results, and you’re spurred on to see even more results. Your motivation snowballs, you start really hitting the gym properly – you decide to pay a strength coach and actually take it seriously. You buy your own proper DSLR camera (or you borrow your mate’s camera) to take some cool photos for Tinder, and you spend hours shooting photos, desperate to do a better job than your previous shoot. You spam a tonne of girls on Tinder/Bumble/every other dating app, and you actually start getting a couple of phone numbers now. You even go on a date, and she’s really nice to you and turns out to be a lot cuter in person – you fantasise about doing wild things to her naughty bits.
And one day you wake up and realise, “Jesus Christ. I’m not bad at this self-improvement thing. I’m actually doing a good job. I’m a good boy doing a good job. I never in a billion years thought I could get my shit together, but I’m really starting to. I’m gonna make it.“
And you are going to make it, if you put in the effort. I’ve gone into extreme detail with this guide – literally every single step you have to take – so there’s no ambiguity. So, no excuses; I’m showing you exactly what to do, all you have to do is give it a go.
I’ll keep repeating this throughout the guide: improving yourself and getting laid a lot is very doable, even if you think “it’s impossible for a guy like me”. I used to think exactly those thoughts myself. I’m not anything special, and I’ve done all this. I started out a total depressed & suicidal loser, so if I can do it, you sure as hell can too.
I don’t want you to read this guide just to feel nice for a bit, then go back to your comfortable/mediocre life, leaving all the pussy to the “more deserving guys”. I want you to read this guide and become a guy who deserves to get laid. As my non-existent uncle used to say, “Claim that pussy, son.”
The only thing that matters is you just never quit.
1.7 – Other Dating Apps
I’ve called this a Tinder guide – but I’m a god damn fucking liar – you’re allowed to use this guide for Tinder and every other dating app. I give you permission. Actually, I insist on it – if you’re aiming to get laid or find a kickass girlfriend, you absolutely need to install every dating app and do everything you can to get laid. You should be using all possible dating apps to message as many girls as humanly possible. Getting laid requires you to talk to a tonne of women – a hell of a lot more than you think.
Install and use all of these apps:
- Plenty of Fish (POF)
- Facebook Dating
- SeekingArrangements (if you have money & are happy to buy girls a drink)
- Fetlife (if you’re looking for sexual fantasies/fetishes)
- Any others you know of – give them a go too.
Tinder is by far the most popular app (and has more openminded & sexually-available girls who’ll be down for sexy sex with you), but all the others can get you laid in addition to Tinder. Some of these apps might be unpopular in your country and have very few girls – but you won’t know until you actually install them and try to get laid. Hence me saying, shut your mouth and install all of them.
Make sure you give each app a proper go – give it your all. Make sure you look good, your pics look good & you message tonnes of girls before you declare “this app is dead!” Don’t blame an app for your poor results if you look terrible, or your pics suck, or you don’t message a tonne of girls. I’ve gotten laid with all these apps; you can too.
I’m serious about talking to as many girls as humanly possibly; that’ll be a running theme throughout this guide.If you want to get laid a lot, you have to be a machine, talking to thousands of women. And if your goal is just to find a cool girlfriend, you’ll get there much quicker and find a much more awesome girl the more girls you talk to.
1.8 – Getting “Lucky” isn’t about Luck; You’ve Got to Actually Try to Get Laid
Getting laid will absolutely make you a better man, because improving your sex life requires you to become a better person. You can’t be a loser and get a lot of vag. You have to hit the gym, lose fat, improve your fashion, build up your confidence and practice being social & less of an autist, in order to get girls. All of which has a positive knock-on effect on the rest of your life.
Sorting out your sex life is something you should handle first, as your absolute number 1 priority. Think about it: can you really dedicate yourself fully to your career, knowing you’re a loser when it comes to women? Can you really focus on having fun with all your friends & enjoying your life, when you feel insecure with how few girls want to let you see their pink canoe?
Handle your sex life first, and then you can focus on your other goals – like career, travelling, becoming huge at the gym, building a business, becoming a male porn star, etc. Sex has to come first, because it’s the one need (and it is a need) you can’t really ignore without feeling like you’re a massive raging loser.
I had to put most of my other goals aside for a few years and just dedicate myself solely to getting my sex life sorted out. Without a doubt, the reason I’ve been successful with all my big goals is because I’ve become obsessed with them. I think about my goals 16 hours a day, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, and every spare second in between.
If your goal is to get laid a tonne or find a great girlfriend, you have to make it your number 1 mission until you’re successful. You have to give this your all. You have to somewhat lose yourself (Eminem, if you’re reading this, let’s collaborate) in this mission – big dreams require big sacrifices.
Going all-in also means you have to take your Tinder profile seriously. If you’re just here to “have a laugh” or “try it out for a bit” or “see what’s out there”, stop reading this guide. I can’t help you if you’re not willing to be vulnerable and give this everything you’ve got.
A tonne of guys put no effort into their Tinder photos (because putting in effort requires you to be vulnerable and might look “try-hard”, not to mention it actually takes effort), and it shows. They look like they don’t take themselves seriously; like they can’t really be bothered. If you don’t take yourself seriously, why should any girl take you seriously?
I myself half-assed it for the first year or two, and I deeply regret it. I had mediocre results for the first year and a half of trying to get laid, because I didn’t really want it. I just wanted to pretend I was trying, when the truth was I was way too much of a pussy to throw myself into the deep-end and actually try. I was afraid to fail. I also didn’t think I “deserved” success; I didn’t think I was the type of guy who could get laid.
I eventually became frustrated that the one thing I wanted most – just for women to like me – I couldn’t have. God dammit, it drove me crazy. I channeled that frustrating into going all-in and making getting laid my number 1 mission; I went nuts. I did everything I could to get laid, and as soon as I made that mental shift, I immediately started getting laid – as in, literally the very next week (you’ll need to be logged in to read that).
Desperate people – people who really want to achieve their goal – will do whatever it takes to succeed. They’ll experiment & try a million different things, even things with a low probability of working out, just on the off chance it does. They’ll do everything they can to improve themselves and get better each day. They’ll live and breathe their goal, thinking of nothing else all throughout the day and long into the night.
I dreamt about getting laid. I’d wake up in the morning and obsess about getting laid. I’d be constantly brainstorming new ways to get laid. I failed so many thousands of times because I was still learning, but I succeeded too. It was a beautiful time to be alive.
I’m telling you to become desperate and obsessed with getting laid – make it your number 1 goal and don’t half-ass it. Don’t make the same mistake I did, spinning my wheels for almost 2 years because I was afraid to admit I really wanted to get laid. You need to go all-in from the very start and decide you’re going to do whatever it takes to get laid.
Drop your ego, ignore that voice in your head that says, “Getting laid is a shallow goal” (it’s not, you dipstick) and shut your mouth and just put in the hard work. It’ll take a tonne of work to get your photos to a level where you get matches consistently – especially if your body and your style/fashion needs work. It’ll take a tonne of work to learn to be ok with copy-pasting the Tinder template I give you – especially if you think copy-pasting is “bad” or “robotic” or “means you’re treating women like objects rather than individuals”. It’ll take a tonne of work to build up the courage to go on dates, to make a move on girls, to invite them back to your apartment, to ask to see their yeast cake. That shit is hard at first – terrifying – especially if you don’t have a whole lot of experience with casual sex or sex in general.
Stick with it though, and you’ll be rewarded with bountiful booty, just like I have. Again, you’ll be successful if you just never quit.
As for the notion of “getting lucky” – there is some degree of luck when it comes to getting laid or finding a kickass girlfriend. You’ll have to talk to a tonne of women, get rejected a tonne, often for seemingly-random, arbitrary reasons – this is a numbers game. But you make your own luck: “The harder I work, the more luck I have.”
You don’t have to be good at self-improvement/getting laid though. In fact, you’re going to suck at this at the start; everybody does. Going all-in doesn’t mean you never fail; it just means you give it your all and do whatever it takes to reach your goal. You have to actually try everything I’ve written in this guide – commit to giving it a proper go. You can’t skip any of the steps (especially the self-improvement steps) and then complain you’re not getting results.
If you’re nervous to start, that’s totally okay. If you just want to dip your toe in the water and see what happens, that’s cool. Do that. Just know later on down the track you’ll need to go all-in, when you’re ready.
As a mate of mine said to me when I needed to hear it most, “Accept the fact that this is hard. Respect it. And then play it with all you’ve got.”
Chapter 2 – Improving Your Looks
2.1 – Looking Good Matters the Most
Some dating “gurus” will bullshit you and tell you in order to get laid all you have to do is say the right pickup lines, or Just Be a Confident Alpha™, etc – without working on your appearance. I’m not going to lie to you – getting laid or finding a girlfriend requires you to get yourself looking at least above-average. And above-average is only the minimum – the more attractive you become, the easier getting laid gets. If you keep improving yourself, you can eventually get yourself to a point where getting laid happens almost on autopilot with basically zero effort.
You already inherently know this. You already know the hottest guys get female attention without even trying. Oftentimes they absolutely suck with conversation and have no wit or charm, but it doesn’t matter – they’re good looking so girls want to be around them.
This is bloody good news for you – you just have to get yourself to a point where you look pretty good too, and you’ll earn your share of female attention. You don’t have to look like a god right away; just aim for above-average at first, and you’ll start seeing results.
I know, “You have to improve your appearance” isn’t what a lot of guys want to hear. To guys who’ve never looked good (I sure as shit had never looked good before), the thought of having to take their appearance seriously and put in effort seems daunting – sometimes even impossible. I’d never been a guy who dressed himself well, so I didn’t even know where to start.
Don’t stress if you feel similarly-overwhelmed at first. Remember this is a process of gradual improvement, working on yourself a little each day – Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Need some motivation? Take it from me – someone who went from looking way below average to well-above-average. Off the top of my head, here’s some of the ways looking good made my entire life more awesome:
- Looking good gets you matches on Tinder, massively boosting your self-esteem.
- The girls that match with you will be hotter.
- The girls that match with you will be more into you; more keen to give you their number, more keen to go on a date and more keen suck on your meat stick.
- They won’t play as many games with you, or make you jump through hoops to impress them. You’ll already be impressive to them because you look good, without you having to do anything special. (Yep, you can throw out those shitty pickup lines you’ve been memorising, you big nerd).
- Your friends and family will be nicer to you, you’ll be more likely to get a promotion, random strangers will be nicer to you – see Halo effect.
- Keeping girls around is infinitely easier; girls will see you again 95% of the time, even if the sex is only ok at best.
- Your self-esteem and self-worth will be massively improved. Every time you look in the mirror, you’ll be proud of the man staring back at you.
- Sex is more fun; the girls will be way more into you, more horny over you, more into your body, more excited to touch you and much more eager to please you.
- Girls will give you way more compliments (unprompted), which is a massive boost to your ego. It feels really really nice to have people say nice shit about you – validation from other people counts for a lot. In my case I went from never getting any compliments from women, to getting them from most girls I date/bang. There are still times it feels surreal to have people say nice shit about you.
Those are only the ones off the top of my head. Start improving the way you look, and you’ll start reaping the benefits too. My entire life changed when I started improving my appearance. It was like the world opened up to me; I was no longer invisible or unimportant.
I know improving your looks often runs counter to mainstream advice and advice from normal, everyday people. Plenty of people will try to dissuade you from your self-improvement efforts, with nonsense like, “Just keep being yourself and someone great will come along!” You need to actively block out that sort of crap and don’t let it enter your head, because it’s actually harmful to your self-improvement – you need motivation, not discouragement. If just being yourself hasn’t worked up until this point, it’s time to start making yourself a kickass, fuckable man.
Because the thing is, if you’re trying to play hide the sausage, you’ve got to look like a guy that girls would want to fool around with. Here’s a quick question for you: Which of these two girls do you want to bang more?
Girls are the same. They’d rather bang an attractive, slim guy than an overweight, badly-dressed guy.
Browse the net and you’ll find tonnes of guys with similar reservations about improving themselves. They’ll complain on Reddit and forums that they’re not having any luck with women. In most (all?) of these posts, the guys will readily admit they look “okay” at best (which is a dishonest way of saying you look like a plate of old sandwiches). Girls don’t want to sleep with guys who only look “okay”, especially when there’s so many options on Tinder.
I want to make this abundantly clear: if you haven’t had much dating success, and you’re overweight or don’t look after your personal appearance. The reason you haven’t had much luck with dating/getting laid is because you haven’t made yourself look good – not because you’re “unlovable” or “unworthy” or “undeserving”. It’s not because you’re worthless – it’s just because you haven’t tried properly.
A lot of guys say “I would say that I look fine”, and don’t want to aim for anything more than below-average or average. I’ve lost count of the number of Reddit/forum threads I’ve seen from guys complaining they’re not getting laid or even going on dates, whilst they readily admit they look “fine” or “okay” or “about average” (all of which are roundabout ways of saying they look like a plate of old sandwiches). Too many unhappy men have settled with, “I look fine”, doing nothing to elevate themselves above the swarms of average guys out there. Then they have the gall to complain, “I look fine, but for some reason girls aren’t paying me any attention.”
Fine is a fucking joke. Fine is fine if you don’t want to have sex or find a girlfriend or use your hand for good instead of just jerking off. Fine is fine if you want an average, middle-of-the-road life like the average guy has. But fine is not fine if you actually want a decent sex life or an awesome love life.
Fine can go fuck itself.
For the longest time when I first started, I looked fine at best – aka, average. Actually, I was below-average, but I told myself I was “fine”. After all, I had no obvious deformities or missing teeth/limbs, so I must be fine, right? Truth was, I looked bad – I had no muscle, carried too much fat, dressed like shit, and looked like an average plebe. It was incredibly hard for me to get laid – I’d get rejected hundreds of times without getting a number, and the only girls I’d have sex with were morbidly obese chicks I was not even remotely attracted to. I’d always hate myself afterwards, because I knew the only reason I had sex with them was because I was lonely and had zero other options.
When I improved myself and started looking above-average, cute girls started going on dates and having sex with me. I started building a good sex life I was pretty pleased with – all it took was me looking above-average. As I improved further and became extra-above-average, hot/sexy girls started giving me the time of day and showing me their sticky buns, and sex became easy. As easy as your mother.
So let’s aim for better than fine. Let’s aim for at least above average, and then go from there. (If you’re already above average, let’s get you looking extra-above-average, and maybe even elite.)
Another complaint guys (and girls) have is “The dating landscape is shallow! Why can’t people just like me for me.” I understand the frustration – I used to think the same way, praying I could find girls who’d overlook my horrible body and appreciate my other qualities. But first appearances matter most, because the dating landscape has always been – and will always be – “shallow”. Yes, personality/hobbies/etc are still important, but looks are king. You might have the most awesome sense of humour known to mankind, but if your appearance is revolting, no girls are even going to give you the chance to show them your “killer banter”.
Being attractive gets you a foot in the door. No, scratch that – being attractive lets you stroll right through the door, grab her by the hand, and take her right into the bedroom. Super hot dudes barely even have to try; girls want to reward them with pussy just for existing.
A lot of guys detest the fact getting laid – and dating in general – is based 90% on looks.” But can’t I just work on my personality and my jokes, and make her love my amazing pickup lines and conversation skills?” You can either join those guys in complaining about reality, or you can join the rest of us in improving yourself and start getting laid too. As an old mentor used to say to me: Don’t wish it were easier. Wish you were better.
Let’s get you looking good.
2.2 – Get Honest Feedback on your Current Looks
Step 1 is to figure out where you’re currently at in terms of looks. Post photos of yourself on a reputable forum like Good Looking Loser, and ask for genuine feedback on your looks. Everybody there will give you honest feedback, tell you what you need to improve, and how to best get started with your self-improvement. (I’ve I get asked sometimes about using sites like photofeeler.com – use them if you absolutely must, but those sites only give you a rough rating of your looks (as a number from 1 to 10). A number doesn’t tell you what you need to improve, and doesn’t give you any advice or guidance on how to improve.)
And look, I get that the whole concept of self-improvement can be daunting when you first start, because you don’t have evidence you can actually change. You likely have a concept of “people just are who they are”. You’ve likely pigeon-holed yourself as a “certain type of guy” – a guy who doesn’t get laid. I did exactly the same thing at first – I wasn’t a guy who got laid, so I was convinced I could never be a guy who gets laid.
But fuck it, you have to just try anyway, even if the concept of you getting laid seems ridiculous. I sure as hell didn’t think I could get laid, but I knew I’d hate myself if I didn’t at least just try.
The entire time, I thought “There’s no way in hell a loser like me could ever have a decent sex life”. Even after I got a laid a couple of times, I still thought, “That was just a fluke. I’m not really a guy who gets laid all the time. Sooner or later my luck is going to run out and I’ll be back to a sexless loser.” Trust me when I say the only thing that matters is you push through, keep trying, and never bloody give up.
Even today I still have doubts – all the time. We all do. It’s normal. You just have to acknowledge the doubt, be ok with it, and give things a go anyway. There’s a chance it’ll work out and you’ll find success “accidentally”, so what have you got to lose.
2.3 – You Don’t have to be Perfect; Just Always be Improving
If I haven’t drilled it into your sexy little brain by now, lemme say it once again: You never need to be perfect in terms of looks or self-improvement. You just have to be above-average – aka better than the average guy on Tinder. And since the average guy is aiming for fine (remember how much we hate fine), it doesn’t take much to look better than him. Anyone can look above average if they’re willing to put in the work – so don’t make shitty excuses like “I’m short” or “I’m not white“. If you do, I’ll come kick your lame, excuse-making ass.
It’s also fine if you’re not even remotely above-average right now; I was far below average when I started. You should just aim to improve a little each day, and look better than you did yesterday. (If you already look elite, then fuck yeah my man! You’re already well on your way to building an awesome sex life or finding a great girlfriend.)
If you’ve still got a long way to go in terms of improving your looks (eg you’re a fat fatty fatboy like I was), or if you’ve only just started, you should still follow this guide and try to get laid. You’ll need to temper your expectations, obviously – if you’re obese you can’t expect to be getting many Tinder matches. Getting laid does require you to look at least semi-decent; obese is below fine (and remember how much we hate fine). But you should still start following this guide and give it a go; even if all you can do is message a couple girls and maybe scrape together a date every now and then, it’ll be good practice for you. Familiarise yourself with Tinder, familiarise yourself with dating in general, and you’ll be much more ready for the cutie girls when you become a cutie boy yourself.
It’s totally fine if the only girls you can get at the start are really overweight and unattractive – everyone has to start somewhere. At least go on a date to get some experience, even if you don’t end up having sex. You’re likely going to find that a lot of overweight girls are some of the nicest human beings on the planet, and if you keep an open mind, you’ll likely end up really bloody grateful for having met them.
I don’t want you sitting on the sidelines watching everybody else have fun, when you could be getting in there and getting some dating practice yourself. Over time as you improve yourself and become less of an obese-boy, you’ll start getting cuter and cuter girls.
When I first started really getting laid, I didn’t look fabulous. If you were feeling generous, you’d say I looked slightly-above-average. This is me after having lost a lot of my fat, but still not looking elite:
Now, admittedly that’s about the most unflattering photo I could have taken – bad lighting, bad pose, not flexing, in my underwear with a retarded expression on my face. But you can see where I was at after losing a lot of my fat, but before getting super-serious about improving my looks.
I was skinny-fat with no muscle, I was pale, I needed a haircut, my facial hair was scruffy; , my face still held some fat so you couldn’t see my jawline; not exactly Mr Sexy. I dressed pretty decently though (obviously not shown in this pic…)
But the important thing to note is a large number of the lays I’ve had were while I looked exactly as I did in the photo above. I had solid Tinder pictures that hid my flaws and showed off my best features. I was nowhere near good-looking, but my pictures were more that good enough to get me somewhere around 50 lays in 1.5 years. I also had to be willing to spend a lot more money on Tinder Boosts than other guys (Boosts are something you pay for to get you more matches – we’ll go into detail in Part 2). This is what I mean when I say even if you have miles to go with your self-improvement, you should still try to get laid.
Tinder is all about marketing yourself – so even if you don’t look like a super-sexy-boy, you can put up a portfolio of decent pics, drop some money on Boosts (in my case, a lot of money) & find plenty of girls that are into you. When I looked like I did in the photo above (slightly above-average), I was using these pics:
Looking back, these old pics weren’t anything mind-blowing but they still got my trouser snake inside quite a lot of flesh wallets. They’re varied enough & interesting enough to get some girls. Bear in mind I had to talk to a metric-fucktonne of girls in order to make it happen; infinitely more than I do these days. And like I said, I also spent a lot on Boosts. But fuck it, I still got laid, instead of sitting around being a lonely-boy, waiting for the 2 to 3 years it’d taken to become elite-looking (and I’m still nowhere near elite-looking).
During that time, I worked my ass off doing everything I’ll list in this guide – I improved my fashion, worked my butt off taking the best Tinder photos I could (I must have done like 50 photoshoots), hit the gym, lost even more fat, got a tattoo and ear piercings, messaged thousands of girls and got rejected god knows how many times. I built a pretty decent sex life, having plenty of 3somes and wild sexcapades, gradually working on my appearance over time.
So bottom line: The end goal is to get yourself as good looking as possible. But if you’re not good-looking yet, still try to get laid by marketing yourself really well with the best pics you can, whilst also putting tonnes of effort into improving yourself. No matter where you’re at in terms of looks, I give you permission to start getting after it, right fucking now.
As for where I’m at right now (as of early 2020):
Much better than the first pic above. I’m clearly a hell of a lot more confident, which shows. Lower body-fat – I’ve lost about 10kg of fat vs the photo above, so I have a jawline now (though I could stand to lose a couple of kilos more to really make my abs pop). Decent amount of muscle now, but working on adding more. Fashion is in-style. I have a tan now. I have a tattoo, and two earrings, a nice watch, and rings. I’ve got neatly trimmed facial hair, and I’m covering my bald motherfucking head with a hat that suits me. You can’t see it in this photo, but I also have professionally-whitened teeth.
I’ve come a long way, but I’m clearly nothing special; and that’s the whole point. You yourself can be getting laid just as much (or hopefully more) as I am. You just have to get yourself to “above-average/decent”, then do whatever it takes to start getting laid whilst continuing to improve your looks. Being elite-looking is my ultimate end goal, but I’ve clearly gotten laid a hell of a lot already because I worked my butt off hitting on as many girls as humanly possible & threw money at the problem in terms of Boosts. Sure, I had to hit on 50 times more girls than a super hot guy would have to; but if you want lots of sex, you’ll sack up & do whatever it takes.
Don’t wait til you’re elite-looking before you start getting laid; start getting laid right now by just freaking trying.
You don’t have to be an “alpha”, or be a super confident, perfect sex machine – I’m certainly not and I still get laid. If you’re nervous as shit on your first few dates – or even just messaging girls on Tinder – that’s totally cool. You don’t have to be an elite god – you just have to be willing to improve yourself a little each day, one baby step at a time. You won’t go from zero to hero in a day, a week, or even a month – but if you make improving yourself your number 1 goal, in one month you will be a freaking god compared to who you were the previous month. Keep going another month after that and you’ll be even further along the path to awesomeness. 6 to 12 months in and you won’t even recognise the old you – you’ll feel like you’ve killed your inner loser.
It’s not going to be smooth sailing, and it’s not meant to be. It certainly wasn’t for me. Even when you’ve been improving for a few months, you’ll still feel like a loser for quite a while. Even when you’re getting results, you’ll feel like a fraud. Like it was just a fluke. This is imposter syndrome; you’ve gotta just keep pushing through it.
Even when I was already getting laid a bit, I posted this on a forum:
“I still dont feel like a player. Ive been a loser all my life, wont get into all the details but shit was pretty bad. This is all very new to me and several times per week I wake up thinking, ‘Is this real or am I just pretending?'”
“I still feel like it was a fluke, like it was just luck. I still don’t believe I “deserve” hot chicks yet, I really don’t. Last night was scary because I honestly felt like she was too hot and I was scared to kiss her. I have this feeling like I won’t see her again, she’ll regret the sex or something and not talk to me again. I honestly think it would hurt my confidence if I didn’t see her again, I’d really take the rejection personally. As dumb as that is.”
I’m on this self-improvement journey just the same as you are. We’re doing this together. If a skinny nerdy little bitch like me can turn himself into someone with almost 150 lays at this point (remember, most of those early ones were overweight though), you sure as hell can too. It might be daunting, it might be overwhelming; but feel the fear and do it anyway.
2.4 – Lose Fat: Low Bodyfat Makes the Most Difference
Alright, you’re ready to become Mr Sexy Boy. So where do you start first? Lose fat.
“But Andy, I’m not that fat!”
Do you have abs? Then you need to lose some fat.
Hell, even if you already have a hint of abs, losing a couple kilos of your fatty fat will bring out your jawline and make those abs pop even harder. Your stomach will be like a washboard, you sexy man, you.
The best part about losing fat is it’s relatively quick (compared to gaining muscle), so you’ll start seeing noticeable improvements & getting compliments within 2-4 weeks. Your face will also start to look radically more handsome, and if the fat loss is drastic enough, you’ll look like an entirely different person:
There’s other benefits to losing fat – clothes will also look much better on you and fit you better, not to mention you’ll look better in almost everything you put on. People will pay you more compliments. Girls will be far more into you. Erections come easier & harder, exercise becomes easier, you have more energy and motivation to do shit and your testosterone will be higher. You’ll find yourself with a zeal for life that was sorely lacking before. Want to know the best thing of all?
The leaner you are, the higher quality of girls you can sleep with.
Speaking from personal experience here; every 5kg of fat you lose roughly doubles the number of girls who show interest in you, and the average attractiveness of those girls also increases.
Not to mention it’ll be easier to get them into bed with less effort, because you’ll be a more attractive man. If that’s not motivation enough to lose fat, I don’t know what is.
You’ll also have a lot more confidence & more self-esteem, and you’ll feel more like you deserve to bang hot girls. And the more you feel you deserve it, the harder you’ll try – increasing your results even further.
How much fat should I lose?
As much as it takes until your abs show, and your face looks lean and sexy, with a decent jawline. If you’re not there yet, keep losing fat. Hit the gym and lift heavy weights at the same time, so you’re not losing muscle (we’re aiming for fat loss, not just general weight loss; we’d rather lose fat and preserve as much muscle as possible).
You can also post photos of yourself (topless) on a forum (eg GoodLookingLoser) and get honest feedback on roughly how much fat you have to lose.
Most guys drastically underestimate how much fat they need to lose, assuming a couple of kilos will get them rocking that sexy 6-pack in time for summer. In general, unless you have experience getting lean and having abs & a lean face: Whatever number of kilos/pounds you think you need to lose; triple it.
I know that sounds insane. I know you’re think you’re don’t have that much fat to lose. But time and time and time again, I see fat-boys say they only have a few kilos to lose… Then they lose 5kg and realise they still have another 10kg to go. Hence, triple your estimate.
I myself fell victim to this myself recently – I’d put on a bit of fat and thought I only had a few kilos to lose before I’d see my abs. It ended up taking roughly 15kg of weight loss before I started seeing my abs, which blew my mind. How the hell was I carrying THAT much fat?
We as human beings are not great at estimating how much fat we’re carrying, so don’t be disheartened if you lose a few kilos only to realise you’ve still got a fair way to go. This is all a process of gradual improvement, remember; so just keep chipping away at your fat loss, a little each day.
Here’s me at my absolute heaviest, vs right now (about a 30kg/55lbs difference):
See how much better my face looks now? I don’t look like such a fat mess and I actually have a jaw-line and cheekbones. I’m nowhere near as lean as I want to be, but I’m a damn sight better than where I started.
How to Lose Fat
There’s many ways to lose fat; an overwhelming number of different diets and exercise plans. But every single diet achieves the same outcome:
Burn more calories than you consume.
That’s literally it – it’s not rocket science. Here’s how I lost 35kg (77lbs) myself, just counting my calories.
You can exercise if you want to (because it’ll burn some extra calories), but don’t if you don’t want to. I personally don’t like cardio, so I didn’t do any. Set a target amount of calories to eat each day, count your calories with a calorie-counting app, and you’ll be a slim-boy in no time.
Everything you need to know about fat loss has been written on two great sites that helped me a tonne – ACalorieCounter.com and AWorkoutRoutine.com. They’re both by the same author and he absolutely knows his shit – I’ve used his articles to lose fat. Start here:
That second link in particular is incredibly comprehensive – it’s a list of 30 or so in-depth articles he’s written that answer every single question you could ever have about fat loss. It’s absolutely everything you’ll ever need to get lean & sexy & lick-able (girls love licking lean guys all over), so don’t make excuses.
If you want the short and sweet version – the method I used: Download MyFitnessPal to count your calories (just use the free version), start with 2000 calories a day (reduce it by 200 calories if you haven’t lost any weight after 2 weeks) and get going right now. If I did it, you sure as hell can too.
Realistic fat loss is up to 2lbs/1kg a week – though you can lose it faster if you have a lot of fat to lose. I averaged about 1kg (2lbs) a week. You can go harder if you want (Some weeks I lost 1.5kg (3.3lbs)), but you’ll have a lot less energy. I just made up for it by sleeping more & sitting down more.
Even if you’re average and not super fat: If you don’t have abs & a lean face, lose fat. It’s especially important on Tinder, where girls are only looking at your face for 1 or 2 seconds before swiping left or right. You want hotter girls (and more of them), right? Then start losing fat right now.
2.5 – Hit the Gym; Gain Muscle
The second thing to work on is gaining muscle and looking like a buff-boy, so it’s time to hit the gym and lift heavy. Lifting weights will make your life far more awesome:
- You’ll look better, get noticed more, and have girls touch and caress and lick your muscles.
- You’ll have more energy & life will be infinitely less effort, because everyday tasks like carrying things, picking things up, will be a hell of a lot easier. You’ll get tired less, you’ll have more zest for life and generally feel like a badass.
- Clothes will fit you better, and you’ll “fill out” shirts better – everything will look good on you.
- Your posture will be better and you’ll stand a little taller, a little more confidently.
- Your testosterone will increase.
- Your sleep will improve.
- People will respect you a lot more; not just friends, colleagues, etc but also random strangers.
If you’re in the middle of losing fat, you absolutely still need to lift weights at the same time. You can still gain muscle at the same time – it’ll just be at a slower rate. It’ll give you a good chance to set up a habit of lifting weights, learn all the movements, find a strength coach (highly advised).
If you’ve never been to the gym and never lifted weights before, you may feel intimidated – that’s totally natural. I was scared shitless when I first stepped into a gym, convinced I didn’t belong there (I was the skinniest, weakest guy there by far). I couldn’t even do a single pushup when I walked in, and I was terrified people would yell at me and tell me to leave or something. Just do what I did – ask a mate to go with you (offer to buy him a beer) so you don’t feel so nervous.
You’ll find when you step into the gym, everyone is incredibly nice, the staff are always cool as hell, and random strangers will be eager to give you advice if you ask for it or look like you’re lost. People will bend over backwards to help you; gyms are one of the most welcoming places on Earth.
To get started, follow this beginner guide on AWorkoutRoutine – it’s basically exactly the same as what I did when I first started (I now use the Intermediate Routine from the same website):
- Intro to Beginner Workouts
- The Beginner Weight Training Workout Routine (this is the actual routine/plan)
- FAQ Guide for Weight Training
Those 3 articles answer absolutely every question you could ever have about working out, gaining muscle, getting stronger, progressive overload, how much protein to eat, how to lift with good form so you don’t hurt yourself, etc.
As for food: If you’re currently losing fat, stick to the amount of calories you decided upon in the section above. If you’re already very lean with abs/a lean face and want to just focus solely on gaining muscle, first figure out your maintenance calories (talk about how to do this). Start by adding 200 calories on top of your maintenance every day, and see if you’re gaining strength in the gym.
The only thing that matters when lifting weights is progressive overload – can you lift more (more weight or more reps) than you did the previous week? If so, good – you’re on task. If not, you might need another 100-200 calories per day, or you might need to improve your recovery (sleep), etc. Progressive overload is a more important measure of progress than just, “Is my weight going up on the scales?”
Weight on the scales includes fat gain – many guys (me included) eat a tonne of food when they first start lifting weights, stuffing their faces and thinking it’s helping them add muscle… when in reality all they’re doing is making themselves fat for no real reason. There’s a limit to how much muscle you can gain each week, generally between 0.25 & 0.5lbs of muscle a week.
So you can use your scales to track your progress, but have reasonable expectations. If you’re gaining weight too quickly (eg something silly like 0.6lbs a week), that’ll be mostly fat – drop your calories by 200 a day and then reassess after another 2 weeks. This whole thing is a process of figuring out how many calories work for you and your body – it’ll be different from person to person. And the best measure of progress will always be, am I getting stronger in the gym? Make that your priority, and over months/years you’ll gradually build up a solid frame of muscle & become a sexy-boy.
As for lifting itself: The best advice I can give you is to get a strength coach like I have done. You’ll massively benefit from someone coaching your lifts, keeping you away from injuries, pushing you further than you can push yourself and giving you the confidence to become a strong motherfucker. I was absolutely terrified of hurting myself at first; I’d tried weightlifting myself for about a year and a half, and couldn’t lift more than 70kg (150lbs) off the ground. I had knee pain from lifting with bad form, and I knew if I added any more weight onto the bar, I’d seriously injure myself.
1 year with my coach and I got up to a 200kg rack pull (shown below) – not to mention all pain was gone. I’m now at a point where I can work manual-labour jobs lifting 45-50kg bags of cement, hundreds of times a day, without breaking a sweat. That would have been literally impossible when I started out.
If you aren’t sure where to start with weightlifting or losing fat, I’m happy to give you some guidance over Skype/email, and come up with an eating plan. But it’ll always be better if you can find a proper strength coach in person, as they’ll be able to do the best job for you.
Make sure you find a strength coach, or powerlifting coach, or weightlifting coach – don’t just go to a random personal trainer making minimum wage at the gym. They’ve got to understand the big 3 lifts (squat, bench, deadlift), have experience coaching clients and have a track record of making those clients stronger with minimal/no injuries.
So no excuses – hit the gym. You’ll be nervous at first, that’s fine – juts make your first goal to just go to the gym once & have a look around. Get used to the weights, to the environment, to your coach if you see one (again, recommended). Then build up a habit of going 3 times a week. Once it’s a habit, focus on progressive overload and lifting a little heavier each week than you did the previous work.
None of this is complicated, so start right now. Do this routine and stick to exactly what it tells you to do. You got this.
2.6 – Fashion/Style
Fashion is another one of those things you’re going to fucking suck at when you first get started – that’s totally fine. I dressed like a weird little K-Pop band member when I first started working on my appearance – didn’t help that I was ultra skinny too.
Do what I did: Accept that your fashion & style is a process of gradual improvement over time.
- Go to a bunch of different stores – if you have them, Zara, H&M & TJMaxx are decent places to start.
- Try on a bunch of outfits (20 or so outfits) and take photos of each outfit. Make sure they’re not too loose or baggy because that almost always looks terrible. Jeans/pants shouldn’t be loose or baggy either. It’s not enough to just take photos of the outfits hanging on the rack – you need to actually wear them to see if they suit you.
- Try on some shoes too – white sneakers usually look good. Brown boots can be another good choice, if they suit what you’re wearing (they go well with ripped jeans).
- Take photos of yourself wearing each outfit. Don’t buy anything.
- Show the pics to mates you trust, or female friends whose opinions you trust and who aren’t just going to tell you what they think you want to hear (so, probably not your mother…). Best option of all is to post on a reputable forum where people will give you honest, constructive feedback – I posted most of my pics on GoodLookingLoser. There’s a bunch of guys on there who know their fashion infinitely better than I do; they’ll give you amazing advice.
- Get feedback, and then buy 1 or two outfits people were most enthusiastic about. If the general consensus was all your outfits sucked, go to a different store and repeat from step 1.
You really only need 2 or 3 decent outfits to get started – focus on getting a couple of complete outfits including shoes, accessories, etc, and then you’ll have 3 separate outfits to wear in your Tinder photos so you’re not doubling up. No point going overboard and buying 10 different outfits – you’re likely to outgrow them if you’re going to the gym or losing fat.
Again, this is a gradual process of improvement – you are not going to go from badly-dressed-slob to sex-symbol-and-fashion-icon-extraordinaire in one shopping trip. This is all just a big experiment to find out what works for you. It took me about 2 years of continually upgrading my look until I got to a point where I’m relatively happy with it. Especially if you’re fat, or really skinny – as you improve your body, your fashion will naturally improve along with it.
I went from wearing old, out-of-style, very baggy tshirts that didn’t fit me – to wearing in-style, tight-fitting and “edgier” clothes that made me look cool:
Again, I don’t look special. I do, however, look like a guy who puts in effort and actually gives a shit about his appearance. That’s what counts the most; that you look like you take your appearance seriously. I look like a guy who gets laid. (You don’t have to actually be a guy who gets laid at first – just aim to look like a guy who gets laid).
2.7 – Instagram Inspiration
Leading on from above (look at that killer segue), the best thing you can do is find guys who look like they get laid & then just copy their style. You don’t have to know whether or not they actually get laid – just find guys that you personally would look at and say, “I think that guy could probably get laid.”
Guys to follow (click any of the images to go to their Instagrams):
I also have an entire article with hundreds of examples of good-looking guys here.
Just pick out a few pics you really like, then go into a few stores and try to find outfits that look similar.
I’ll make it clear: You absolutely do not need to look as good as these guys do in order to start getting laid. I certainly don’t look as good as them, and I get laid. These are the elite of the elite; a great goal to aim towards, but if you’re an obese guy who’s never been to the gym, it’ll take you years to get to their level. For now, just focus on improving yourself a little at a time; aim to be a little better than you were yesterday.
2.8 – Accessories: Watches, Rings, Necklaces, Bracelets
Accessories elevate you from an average normie guy to a sexy guy who actually gives a shit what he looks like. They’re like a cheat code to get you from average to top 20%, instantly. Normie guys don’t wear necklaces. Normie guys don’t wear bracelets, or rings (wedding rings don’t count). Normie guys look boring as hell; accessories are your chance to stand out.
I’m an absolute nerd when it comes to necklaces in particular – I’ve collected a tonne of weird ones I love to wear:
I go through periods where I get obsessed with one in particular and wear it every single day, then I’ll pick another one to obsess over for the next few weeks or months. Just my own little obsession.
You don’t have to be a weirdo like me when it comes to accessories – just grab a necklace or two, a nice watch, a ring (or two if you want to be a wild child). Either grab accessories you like in H&M/TJMaxx/other stores you visit, or grab something cheap and easy of Amazon/Etsy/etc.
I’ve got like a billion hats/caps I wear too (because I’m a bald boy):
Watch and rings:
Just like your clothes, experiment with a few and find ones you like. You won’t know what looks good on you until you try a bunch of different things. Start by buying a watch, necklace, & a ring you think looks cool. Throw in a bracelet too if you like. Over time you can replace them with accessories you like better, but for now just get started; don’t overthink it.
2.9 – Hair and Facial Hair
99% of guys look better with facial hair, so if you can grow it, grow it. Plus you can use it to tickle girls, which is a superpower, honestly.
Experiment with different styles and see what works best for you. I personally prefer stubble/3-day growth around my beard area, and a completely clean-shaven moustache area. To shape/trim it and keep it clean, use an electric trimmer – I’ve got a guide on using them here:
Ask for feedback from friends and family or post on a forum like GoodLookingLoser (I keep recommending that site, huh – everyone’s fucking awesome there). If people like your facial hair, keep it. If not, change it up – there’s a million different styles you can play around with, from full beard to short stubble, and everything in-between.
If your facial hair has patches where there’s no hair, one of my mates has had good results with using Minoxidil on it to grow more hair. Full disclosure: I haven’t personally done this myself (I don’t need it), so do your own research if you want to try it. I’m not advocating it one way or the other. If you do try it, drop a comment below – I’m genuinely interested. Start your research here:
One of my readers, Gerhard, linked me to that (cheers mate!). I’ve read through it; it’s very in-depth. Again, I haven’t personally used Minoxidil (but my mate has), so do your own research.
If you still can’t grow a good covering of facial hair, don’t stress – just keep it clean shaven.
The hair on the top of your head will be much the same – a process of trial and error to find out what looks best. Full disclosure, I’m no expert on hairstyles – I have bad male-pattern baldness and I’ve always just worn a cap/beanie to cover it up. (If your hairline sucks, just do the same.) Sometimes I just shave it all off completely. I get my coaching clients to do one of these options:
- Google barbers/hair stylists in your area who have good reviews (check Google reviews and Yelp). Pay for a consultation, tell them you have no idea what the hell you’re doing with your hair but you want to look in-style and attractive; “I want to stand out. Don’t give me a safe haircut.” Most barbers do an awesome job if you tell them specifically you want to stand out and look hot. You can also phrase it as, “Make me look like someone who takes his hair seriously.” Or:
- Find a fashion forum or just jump on the GoodLookingLoser forums and ask for advice on what you should do with your hair. Take that advice to your barber and tell him exactly what you want (with example pics if the people on the forums give them to you).
Finally, if you have long nose-hairs and ear-hairs like I do, keep those trimmed with an electric shaver.
2.10 – Teeth Whitening
White teeth make a massive difference to your appearance, and have the best side effect ever – you’ll want to smile more.
I personally messed around with the whitening strips for a long time (about 6 months in total) before getting professional “Zoom Whitening” done. The strips made a massive difference – my teeth went from yellow to white – but I could have saved myself a tonne of time if I’d just gone straight to the dentist and had the professional cleaning done.
If you want to use the strips at home yourself, grab the ones from Crest. I’ll throw up a guide on which strips to buy and how I used them very soon.
If you go the dentist route, when you book in your appointment tell them you want a clean + whitening. The clean has to come first – they’ll scrub your teeth and remove any plaque build-up – particularly the yellow stains between your teeth. Professional whitening does cost a bit, but you’re saving yourself months of time.
And look, I totally get you might be terrified to go to the dentist. I put off getting my teeth done professionally for almost a year, instead trying about 30 different brands of teeth whitening strips and trays and lights and things you wore to bed and all sorts of other stuff. The white strips eventually worked for me, but I wish I hadn’t procrastinated the dentist solely out of fear.
You’ll find dentists are the nicest, most understanding people ever – they fully understand a tonne of people are scared to visit the dentist, and they’ll do everything they can to make you feel at ease. If you get your teeth cleaned + whitened, here’s what you can expect:
You’ll be in a super clean white room, cleaner and nicer than a hospital. The dentist (probably Asian – that’s not me being racist) will be super nice to you and make sure you feel very comfortable. They’ll take before photos of your teeth. You’ll lay back in this cool chair thing that tips you upside down, the dentist will explain they’re going to clean your teeth, and they’ll use this weird scraper thing to clean the fuck out of those badboys. They’ll also use a little electric polisher to remove any yellow stains (plaque). Then they’ll open your mouth up with a special plastic thing that holds your lips open so your teeth are showing. They’ll put this stuff on your teeth for the whitening process, put a blue light in front of your teeth that supposedly does magic whitening stuff, and you’ll just chill for an hour watching tv or listening to music or whatever you want (I took my headphones with me). It might tingle a little, possibly feel “sensitive” (but not painful), and an hour later you’ll be done. They’ll take the after photos of your teeth, show you both for comparison, and you’ll go, “Jesus fucking Christ my teeth are white.” The dentist will tell you not to use Jesus’ name as a swear, you’ll say sorry, and you’ll be on your way. Out on the street, as soon as they see your new white teeth strangers will high-five you, women will start making out with you unprompted, and men will joyfully slap you on the back and say, “Well done, man. Well done.”
Not that scary, right? I was fucking terrified of the dentist and I forced myself to do it (eventually…) so you can too.
Whether you go the slow route with the strips or the fast route with the professional whitening, it’s going to blow your sexy little mind how much of a difference having white teeth makes. It’ll have a positive effect on every aspect of your life – it’ll have just as much of an impact as losing 77lbs did for me. Particularly if you’ve always had yellow teeth, people are going to comment on how amazing your smile looks now. Even strangers and girls you bang will start commenting on it. “You have nice teeth” sounds like a weird compliment a serial killer would give but you’ll be hearing it quite a lot.
The biggest impact I noticed after getting my teeth whitened was that I smiled a hell of a lot more. I used to be very conscious of my yellow teeth and would smile “with my lips” – as in, smiling with my mouth closed so my teeth didn’t show. Like a half-smile. When the teeth whitening strips started to work their magic, I found myself becoming more and more comfortable smiling properly and showing my teeth. Friends and family actually commented on it – “You smile a lot more, Andy.” I felt like I didn’t have to hide my smile any longer.
Start working on your teeth right now – grab the strips and use one every 2 days, or book an appointment with your doctor.
2.11 – Tattoos, Piercings
Oh, so you want to be a bad-boy and get some tatts and piercings, do you? What would your mother say.
Actually, tattoos and piercings are pretty bloody mainstream these days, particularly if you live in an artsy/progressive city. I live in a very art-focused city, and my tattooist actually said to me, “You’re actually being more mainstream by getting a tattoo.”
No denying chicks dig ’em though – get one and they’ll be touching, licking and kissing it all day and all night.
I know a lot of people say, “A tattoo is a life-long decision; you should think about it for 6 months to a year first.” I used to think the same way. But as anyone who’s gotten a tatt will tell you (including my girlfriend), as soon as the tattooist finishes and you walk outside, you’ll be struck with a sense of, “Why did I make such a big deal of this?” You’ll wonder why you didn’t get one sooner.
Hell, if even my main girl can get one, you can get one:
The one thing that will change though is you’ll now become a guy with a tattoo – it’s like a checkbox girls love to tick off. It doesn’t even seem to matter what your tattoo is – girls just see you have a tattoo, and are instantly just a little more attracted to you. Girls view guys with tattoos and piercings as edgier, sexier; the type of guys to get laid.
That said, you don’t have to be a hard-ass to get a tattoo. Like I said, they’re pretty socially-acceptable in most non-conservative countries. I certainly wasn’t a hardass when I got mine done – I was actually a little bitch about it. I wrote all about it here. It’s hilarious in hindsight, but I was having a full-blown mid-life crisis & panic attack in the waiting room.
If you get one, better to make it something meaningful, something you’ll look at for years to come and say, “I’m glad I got this.” Brainstorm and come up with some ideas, ask your friends what tattoo design they think would represent you best, think about it for a few weeks/months. Do research on tattoo parlours in your area, check out tattooists on Instagram for inspiration. (Fun-fact: auto-correct on my phone thinks “Instagram” should be “Pentagram.” Google, what the fuck are you smoking.)
I knew from the get-go I was either going to get a duck or a bowling-pin, as both were extremely meaningful to me (If you want to know the story behind either, drop a comment at the bottom of the page and I’ll give the story). I ended up with the bowling pin in the photo above, and it’s probably the most meaningful thing I ever could have gotten – it represents the most intensely-disciplined thing I’ve ever done over a period of an entire year.
So get a tattoo if you want one, or don’t if you don’t want to. It’s your decision.
Piercings definitely make you look like a sexy-boy girls will want to expose their fur burgers to, and you’ll gain quite a bit of confidence from looking like a more edgy/fashionable guy. Again, this is something I was nervous to get, because I didn’t think I “deserved” to look more fashionable. I didn’t think I was “the type of guy who wears earrings” – like I wasn’t good enough to wear them. Like they “weren’t me”. I also had this fear they were “gay” – and yep, that is exactly the word my Dad used as soon as he saw ’em.
All that is bullshit, obviously – but I get why you might feel the same. Not just about earrings, but about all of this self-improvement stuff. It’s easy to read self-improvement content then immediately dismiss it, saying, “I’m not the kind of guy to improve. That’s not me. I’m not a guy who is cool or gets laid.” I certainly wasn’t at the start, but you can’t let that be an excuse. What you’re really saying is, “Cool guys are allowed to get laid. But I’m not a cool guy, so I’m not allowed to get laid.”
I tell you what. I, Andy from Kill Your Inner Loser, do officially give you, the person reading this, permission to try and get laid.
There you go. Now you’re allowed to at least try everything I’ve put in this guide, and see what happens.
Back on topic: both ears pierced looks better than just 1, but start with 1 if you’re nervous (I just started with 1 and got the other done a year later). Diamond studs look good – they’re pretty timeless. Black studs can look good too. If you want piercings, don’t overthink it; just get it done.
If you don’t want piercings, that’s your choice – but I’d definitely recommend them. They make a noticeable difference to your appearance, people will compliment them, & girls will say you look better with them.
2.12 – Additional Things: Skin-care, Height-increasing Shoes, Posture, Shaving your Body, Tanning, Cologne, etc
All the stuff above are the big things you’ve got to tackle as a priority; everything that follows is still important, but handle the stuff above as a priority. Losing fat will have the most impact. Hitting the gym will do a tonne for your appearance. Improving your style and taking great photos for your Tinder will make a huge difference. Everything below will absolutely help too, but it should be your second priority. As someone wise once said to me, don’t get caught up in the minutia.
If you’ve got acne or acne scars, visible pores, blackheads or generally spotty skin, book an appointment with a dermatologist (skin care specialist) to get it sorted. They’ll be able to give you the best advice for your particular skin issues. A few of my clients have had acne/skin issues, and for all of them I’ve said, “Go to a dermatologist.”
You can also check out this subreddit, it’s pretty decent: SkincareAddiction.
When I was younger, I had terrible skin, with heaps of visible pores and acne scars. I fixed it in about 6 months with some salicylic acid. But again, go see a dermatologist.
If your skin is particularly horrible (massive acne scars, or lots of fresh acne), then it’s more than just “minutia” – fix it as a main priority.
If you’re a shorter dude, grab a pair of height-increasing boots or in-soles (inserts). They add a few inches to your height, which will massively increase your confidence when you go on dates – for the same reason women wear high-heels. You can also say you’re taller in your bio (say whatever height you are with the insoles).
You can buy custom-made boots, but buy the in-soles first to try them out (they’re only a few bucks on eBay/Amazon). I’ve played around with some, they’re cool as hell – though the whole world will feel weird. You’re used to seeing the world from a particular height, and when you add 3 inches to your height you’ll fall like you’re walking around amongst ants.
It also takes a few days to learn to walk in them; it’s like wearing high heels (not that I would know about wearing high heels, I swear…)
Don’t worry about the fact you’ll be shorter when you take your shoes off. Girls won’t really give a shit, since you’ll already be in your apartment – if she’s come into your apartment, she already likes you. Besides, a lot of girls will be cheating too, with high-heels/platform shoes.
Fix Your Posture (Stand Up Straight & Tall)
This one will pretty much sort itself out if you hit the gym and lift heavy, as all the big lifts (squat, bench, deadlift) require you to protract your shoulders and puff your chest out. You’ll naturally carry that over to the rest of your life, which will make you look a hell of a lot more masculine in your photos.
You should still make a concerted effort to stand tall and straight, with your shoulders back – especially when taking Tinder photos.
Nothing screws up your getting laid success quite like bad breath. The worst part is most people are going to be too polite to ever tell you that your breath smells like a troll’s ballsack, so you’ll walk around stinking and be none the wiser. Especially if you drink a lot of coffee or smoke; both of which are horrible for your breath.
If you’re not sure what your breath is like, here’s a trick: lick the back of your hand, and wait 10 seconds for it to dry. Small it – that’s roughly what everybody else is smelling.
It’s easily fixed – floss daily, brush twice a day, use mouthwash. Something I’ve been doing the last couple of years: carry a pack of gum with you at all times (I chew on it after eating/drinking, and especially if I’m on my way to meet a girl for a date). When you’re on a date with a girl, if you two drink alcohol or coffee, chew one after you finish your drinks (give her one too, because you’re a motherfucking gentleman).
Smell Good (Wear Cologne)
I have an awesome cologne girls regularly compliment me on – total strangers even compliment me on it. I always wanted to smell like coffee – don’t ask me why, I just always thought that’d be a cool thing to smell like. I did some Googling and found a few different coffee colognes, tried a few of them (on eBay you can buy $5 sample bottles of tonnes of different colognes), and Bob’s your uncle.
If you don’t already have a favourite cologne, do what I did – pick something you think would be cool to smell like, and then find a cologne that smells like that. If you want ideas, go to Fragrantica and look through all the different scent types. Buy a bunch of different samples from eBay (they should only be a few bucks for the tiniest sample sizes). When you find one you like, stick with it – make it your scent. Girls will remember you by it, and you won’t smell like a carbon-copy of everybody else who just wears the same cheap stuff bought at a grocery store.
Shaving your Chest, Arms & Stomach:
Ok, stay with me for a second – I was shocked when a bunch of my mates told me I had to try shaving my body. I thought they’d lost their minds and gone full metrosexual. But I tried it, and holy shit, I’ve never looked back.
If you’re lean enough to see your muscle, it’s likely obscured behind all that hair on your body. Shave it, and all of a sudden you’ll look like a beast – there’s a reason every single bodybuilder waxes. You’ll be able to see muscles you didn’t even know existed, and you’ll be much more vascular (the cool veins that show when you workout, especially in your arms).
If you’re lean, try it once and see – just trust me. (If you’re not lean, hurry up! Everything looks better when you’re lean).
Tanning improves your appearance a little – but I’d say less than everything else in this guide. Just make sure you don’t go out in the sun too long, and bear in mind sun tanning is skin-damage. This is the only thing I’d say you can happily skip if you want.
To get this tan, I used an experimental peptide called MT-II – it allows you to tan all over your body without really having to go in the sun. Disclaimer: I’m absolutely not advocating you use MT-II. It hasn’t been been approved for medical use (as of the time of writing) and some countries have warnings against it. Do your own research.
2.13 – If You Have Mental Issues/Depression…
If you have any deep mental issues, such as severe depression, mental illness, or extreme hatred towards women: focusing on those issues should be your main priority. I was able to overcome a hell of a lot, so you can too. You can still work on your fat loss + muscle gain + improving your fashion at the same time, but you’ve gotta dedicate yourself to sorting out what’s making you unhappy.
I really hated women when I first started trying to get laid, and it hindered my results because I was so combative – I rejected a tonne of girls who would have happily slept with me, just so I could say, “Hah, I rejected you, so I win!” It led to me hurting/neglecting a whole bunch of girls just because I was bitter; something I’m not particularly proud of. My goal with this site is promoting getting laid in an honest and ethical manner.
These days I love women – and my results are a billion times better because girls can tell I’m a happy, emotionally-stable dude – so they’re more open & don’t have their guard up because they know I’m not out to manipulate them. Not to mention by being less of an asshole and more of a nice person, I’ve attracted more truly awesome girls in return.
If you’re in a similar boat to where I was, start working on this stuff now; don’t just sit around hoping your mental issues will magically fix themselves.
- Start reading some self-help books – You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought was a life changing book for me & everyone I’ve recommended it to.
- Find a counsellor in your area, or hit me up for a coaching call.
- Talk to your mates about what’s been bothering you.
- Reach out to your family.
- If you don’t have any mates or family you can talk to, join a forum like GoodLookingLoser or the SANE Forums and just tell people what you’re going through. A problem shared is a problem halved.
Just do something – anything – to start getting the ball rolling – you’ll never be your best self if you don’t address your mental/emotional hurdles.
2.14 – But What About “Game”, Conversation Skills, Routines, Pick-up Lines?
I know the internet is awash with Pickup Artists and Dating Gurus who all tell you you can bang any girl if your “game” (pickup-artist tactics) is good enough. A lot of these guys (most of these guys) tell you looks aren’t really that important. They say if you just work on your
manipulation tactics pickup routines, women will be hypnotised by you & will fall for you – even if you look like you don’t take any personal pride in your appearance. (To be fair, some pickup artists do push looking good as an important tenet; those are the guys you should be listening to.)
As for the guys who tell you looks don’t really matter all that much (or can be circumvented by learning pickup artist tricks): do they have proof they actually get laid? Have they told you their rough lay count? Do they show pics/videos of girls naked in their bed like I have? (Kissing paid actresses on the street in YouTube videos doesn’t count; we’re aiming to get laid, not just kiss girls for the camera).
The vast majority don’t have any proof; because most pickup artists are more interested in “game” and “conversations skills” than actually getting laid.
If your goal is to get laid, then listen to the guys who show you tangible proof they get laid a lot. Hell, do what I advocate and run your own experiment if you want to; try following pickup artist advice for 6 months (focus on learning pickup routines, don’t improve your looks) and see how much you get laid. Then follow my advice for 6 months (do everything in this guide) and compare. Then you’ll have your answer as to whether you should focus on pickup artist material or focus on self-improvement & upgrading your appearance.
Every single one of my mates who get laid as much as me says, “The words you say don’t really matter that much at all. You just gotta look as good as you can, and talk to a lot of girls.”
Good-looking guys can get laid easily without worrying about what to say. So make yourself a good looking guy & then go talk to as many girls as you can; it’s the cheat code to tonnes of easy sex.
Time you spend learning pickup lines and weird techniques (techniques that are actually extremely manipulative & sociopathic) is time you could have spent hitting the gym, shopping for better style, messaging as many girls as possible across all the dating apps, etc. I’ve lost count of the number of guys who come to me and say, “I lost about 3 years of my life being indoctrinated by pickup artist stuff, memorising all the lines and treating women like they were some alien species I had to treat differently… instead of just talking to them like human fucking beings.” Save yourself from joining the cult of “game”, “pickup artistry”, etc; and just improve your looks and talk to tonnes of girls.
Girls aren’t that different from you; they don’t require you to learn “tactics” in order to talk to them. You don’t have to do anything special other than say hi and be normal. Girls are just human beings with a pussy.
Getting laid isn’t complicated. Truth is game/pickup lines/elite conversation skills/manipulation tactics aren’t all that important – they help about 20%. But you know what helps 10,000%? Losing 20kg of fat. You’ll improve another 10,000% if you pack on as much muscle as you can in a year or two of working out. You’ll improve yet another 10,000% if you improve your style, throw in some accessories and dress yourself like you’re actually somebody worth getting to know.
Besides, you get better at talking to women by just talking to women – not by memorising lines like you’re a fucking actor (and that’s what pickup artistry is – acting. Faking.) You won’t be good at talking to women at first, especially if you’re inexperienced – but it really doesn’t matter. I was so nervous – no, terrified – during my first 20 dates. I could barely talk, I was sweating and shaking, I’d mix up my words and one time I even forgot my own name (what the fuck…) None of it mattered though; I still managed to get laid, and over time I naturally grew more comfortable talking to women and people in general, and the conversation skills just took care of themselves.
I do coaching where I take guys out on the street and get them to talk to girls. They always initially ask me, “Ok, what the hell do I say?” I tell them, “It doesn’t matter, just spot a girl you like and go tell her you think she’s cute.” They always ask me, “No seriously, what am I supposed to say? Don’t you have some conversation starters for me or something in case I forget what to say?”
Again, I (gently) tell them, “No. Just go tell her you think she’s cute, and see what happens. You’re going to be really shit at this at first, and that’s ok. Just go actually start.”
Guess what invariably happens? They go talk to a cute girl for a minute or two, come back to me with a huge smile on their face and tell me, “Holy shit dude, I did it! I was so awful at it, I couldn’t think of anything to say, and my throat went all dry, but I did it!”
Many of these guys go on to get laid a tonne, because they’re no longer afraid of making a fool of themselves or being really terrible at talking to women (because they just made a fool of themselves, and nothing bad happened). You are going to suck, no matter how hard you try not to. You have to just embrace it, and be willing to give it a go anyway, trusting that you’ll improve with experience. Just like everything else in life; almost nobody is good at things when they first take them on.
Later in this guide, I’ll give you an easy-to-follow template you can stick to when messaging girls on Tinder/via text – you’ll literally just copy-paste it, with only a little variation between each girl. Nice and efficient. But what you say really doesn’t matter; your looks matter infinitely more than anything you say. As long as you’re not saying something completely socially-inept, you’ll do awesome.
2.15 – Self-Improvement Quick Reference Guide
I know we just covered a hell of a lot, so here’s a quick checklist for you to keep & refer back to:
Save that image somewhere on your computer/phone where you can refer back to it from time to time, to keep yourself on track.
Right-click and save the above image somewhere you can refer back to from time to time, to keep yourself on track.
Chapter 3 – Photos
3.1 – What Your Photos Should Get Across
Your ultimate goal with your photos is to look like a guy who gets laid. Even if your goal is to find a girlfriend, you still need to look like a guy who has options when it comes to girls.
It also helps if you look like a guy who has friends, some sort of interesting hobby, maybe you’ve been to interesting places, etc. You know, someone with an interesting life going on. You do not need to look like the most amazing dude on the planet, but you do need to put some effort into your portfolio. Tinder is awash with guys who’ve taken 5 boring selfies of them in their bathroom/bedroom, and it’s painfully obvious they don’t take themselves seriously. If you don’t take yourself seriously, why should any girl take you seriously?
Your portfolio likely won’t be amazing at first (remember, process of gradual improvement, one step at a time). But at the very least, you need to make them as interesting as you possibly can – so no boring selfies in your bedroom or bathroom. You don’t have to look like a male model, but you do have to dress really well (no boring polo shirts) and have good accessories. If you’re fat, lose fat. If you’re skinny, add some muscle. Everything we went through above.
Remember what I said: Tinder is all about marketing yourself.
Tinder allows you to upload up to 9 photos, but don’t aim to just fill it up with crap. If you’ve only got 3 good photos at the start, that’s fine – work with those, and aim to add more over time. 3 carefully-curated photos in your portfolio are better than 9 crappy selfies.
As I’ll go into below, most guys on Tinder are boring as hell. For girls – who have to swipe through hundreds of guys to find any interesting ones – it all starts to blur together after a while. If you have interesting photos where you stand out as a cool, confident, sexy guy, you’ll be top 1% by virtue of not being another “fine” guy (remember how much we despise fine).
I ran an experiment where I made a female Tinder profile and checked out 1000+ male profiles. The thing that stood out to me the most is just how boring and same-ish most guys’ Tinder profiles are. With a bit of effort and time, you can easily rise about the chaff.
You need to think of the vibe you’re trying to give off, and then build your portfolio around that. You’re trying to look like a guy who gets laid (even if you’re not yet) – a guy who’s sexy and knows it (even if you don’t know it yet), who’s got a cool, interesting life going on (even if you don’t really). If you don’t have these things, don’t stress – you just have to go out and take photos that make it appear as if you do.
Notice how I keep calling it a portfolio? You need to think of Tinder as your portfolio; your resume. You’re putting out your best combined collection of photos that all give off a certain vibe; “I’m a guy who gets girls.” First impressions matter. No, scrap that – on Tinder, the first impression is almost the only thing that matters.
I’ll go more into photo ideas below, as well as show you my Tinder portfolio. For now, play up your strengths and take photos of any hobbies you have. If you’re a skateboarder, take some cool shots of you skateboarding. If you’re an artist, take some cool shots of you working away in your studio. If you’re a photographer, include some of your portfolio work. Just don’t make your entire profile about that one thing or you’ll look dull and one-dimensional. Include 1 or 2 photos of your hobby, with your main focus on just looking like a cool, sexy guy.
As we’ll go into in the upcoming pages of this guide, girls appreciate a masculine man who’s forward and doesn’t beat around the bush. Your pics should show you what you want – to have some fun with a cool, open-minded girl. Don’t hide your intentions or try to come across as “safe” and “boyfriend-ish”. You’re a man, which means you want to meet girls and get laid (even if that’s just with one loyal girlfriend) – so don’t beat around the bush & don’t pretend you don’t want what everybody knows you want.
Just be completely honest and real with girls and communicate exactly what you want, both in your pictures and in your messages (more on that later). By being upfront, you’ll end up with girls who appreciate your honesty, and you’ll filter out all the ones who just want to play games & string you along or waste your time.
3.2 – Your First Photo is the Most Important
If you watch a girl on a train or a bus (or a girl you’re casually dating) using Tinder, you’ll notice most girls just mindlessly flick through Tinder, swiping left or right on each guy based only on his first photo. Most girls will only click into a profile and view his other pics & bio if the first pic is already solid.
This means your first pic needs to be your absolute best. It needs to communicate – clearly – exactly what you’re looking for on Tinder. In our case, we’re looking to get laid as easily & efficiently as possible (if you’re after a girlfriend, you still need to look like you get laid). So your first pic should make you look masculine, sexy, confident – the kind of guy a girl would want to fuck. If you’re not super confident yet, that’s cool – then aim to look like the kind of guy a girl would want to grab a drink with and get to know better. Basically, don’t be average and plain and boring.
If you have a great body, show it off. If not, work on building a great body you can eventually take pics of and show off.
In my case, my first pic absolutely screams sex, & kinky BDSM sex at that:
By no means do you need to put a kinky BDSM photo as your main pic – especially if you’re just starting out on Tinder/getting laid (if you have the confidence for it, absolutely do it; it will sky-rocket your results.) It took me a couple of years to get to a point where I was confident enough to broadcast to the world, “I want sex. Who wants to join me?” If you’re totally new to all this, I don’t expect you to be that direct at first. Here’s a more tame photo I was using before:
Your main pic should make you look really fucking good, and stand out from the usual bullshit girls have to wade through when they’re trying to find a guy to have some fun with.
Some other examples of great first Tinder pics:
All of these guys look sexy – the kind of guys women want to mingle limbs with.
I wrote a massive article with hundreds of examples of photos you should aspire to, so go read it now: Tinder Photos & Inspiration. Seriously, read it right now or I’ll yell at you; it’s the ultimate form of inspiration for your own Tinder pics. It also explains how you can start taking your own awesome pics to rival the best of the best. Don’t read any further until you’ve read that guide.
But again, let’s be clear: If you’re an absolute newbie, there’s a very good chance you’re going to suck at this at first. Your pics will likely not look as good as the ones in that article. Just aim to be a little better than you were the day before; you’ll gradually improve over time.
3.3 – Curate Photos Already on your PC/Phone
Your first step should be to pull out your phone and go through every single photo you’ve ever taken of yourself. Then do the same with your computer, and even check Google Drive/iCloud. Go through every photo you have and ask yourself with each one, “Do I look good in this photo? Do I look like a guy who gets laid – or at least like a guy girls would want to meet up with?” You likely have good photos sitting right there on your phone/computer you didn’t even realise. You silly goose.
The first thing I do with every one of the guys who see me for coaching is I tell them to upload every single photo they have on their computer/phone to a Dropbox/Google Drive dump so I can go through and curate a selection of their best photos, edit them a bit in Photoshop, and arrange them in the order that fits best. It’d blow your mind how many guys have no luck on Tinder because they’re using shit pictures, but they have mind-blowingly good ones just sitting on their hard drive collecting metaphorical dust. I’ve had a couple guys now I’ve helped from like 5 matches a week to 100 matches a week with photos they already had.
Even if you’re convinced you have “absolutely no decent photos of me on my computer!”, I’ve heard that a million times and it’s been wrong a million times (a million is an exaggeration. Maybe only ten-thousand). Go through all your photos and keep an open mind, asking yourself which ones look like a guy girls might want to get to know better and show their muffins to. Try to look at each photo objectively; pretend that you’re not looking at yourself, you’re looking at some other guy. Does this other guy – not you – look good in that particular photo?
You can also get a mate you trust to curate your photos for you. Or post a bunch of them on the GoodLookingLoser Forums & get feedback.
Reminder: Whilst Tinder lets you have up to 9 photos, don’t just fill those slots just for the sake of it if you’re filling it up with crappy old photos from your hard drive. 5 high-quality photos is better than 9 average ones.
As for the order of the photos, I know I said the first photo is the absolute most important. But in a lot of cases, you’ll have a couple of photos that could easily be your first photo. In that case, just play around and try one photo for a week, then try another and compare. The order of photos is something you figure out over time, based on how many matches/lays you get. Sometimes the photo you’re convinced makes you look the best doesn’t get as many matches as one you think is only “meh”.
3.4 – Which Photos to Shoot
By now you should have read through my Tinder Inspiration article to see what you should ultimately be aiming for (once you really know what you’re doing.) If you haven’t read that, you’re an incredibly naughty boy – you’ve been told 3 times now. See me after class.
You’ll notice all the photos were taken with a DSLR camera – hence that “professional” look to them. They have nice, blurry backgrounds, great lighting, and high quality overall. We’ll go over why you should use a DSLR (vs a smartphone) below.
Start by picking one photo from that article you like best, and literally copy it as exactly as you possibly can. Do exactly what the guy in the photo does, dress as well as he dresses, do the same pose he does, make sure the lighting is the same as he does, apply the same filters as he does. (You won’t do a perfect job, but do your best). Edit it in Photoshop & throw some filters on it (or send it my way and I’ll help).
Once you’ve emulated a photo as best you can, get some feedback on it (more on that below). Throw it up on Tinder if it’s good enough, and see if it increases your matches. Then repeat the process with another photo you like from my Inspiration article. Keep doing that over and over, gradually improving your portfolio over time. Your Tinder portfolio is an ongoing project; it’ll never be complete, as you should always be upgrading it over time.
You can also throw in one or two selfies with mates at a bar/when doing hobbies/etc. These would look better taken with a DSLR, but I understand very few people take their DSLR cameras to bars (I do, but that’s because I’m fucking cool like that). Just don’t have too many low-quality camera-phone photos in your portfolio; high-quality DSLR photos will always get you more girls.
Photos of you with a girl/multiple girls work too. I have a photo of me with my girlfriend in one of my photos.
3.5 – Examples of Bad Photos
It’s inevitable when you first start taking photos of yourself for Tinder, most of them are going to suck. Doubly so if you’ve never modelled before, or haven’t tried to get laid on Tinder before. You can’t expect yourself to know what you’re doing when you first start out – even with my guide. You only get good at things by actually doing them, and figuring it out as you go along.
You need to just get started, and you’ll be able to upgrade your photos over time. You’re going to make a tonne of mistakes in your photos, so read through this massive in-depth guide I put together and aim to reduce how many of these mistakes you make over time.
- Bad Lighting
- Poor Quality (Blurry/Out of Focus/Excess Noise/Pixelated)
- Extreme Closeup Selfies of Your Face
- Bathroom/Bedroom Selfies
- Lack of Variety/Depth
- Several Photos of You in the Same Location
- Awkard or Uncomfortable Smile/Pose (or too Staged/Stiff)
- Bad Angle/Too Far Away
- You’re the Only Person in All your Photos
- Too Much Silliness (Including Silly Facial Expressions)
- Several Pics of You Wearing the Exact Same Clothes
- Only One Picture
- Animals (Without You in the Shot)
Read my article Your Tinder Pictures Suck (but Here’s How to Fix Them); it’s mandatory reading. Seriously, do not read any further through this guide until you’ve read that article. I go into depth on every mistake you’re likely to make during your photoshoots, as well as easy changes you can make to avoid them.
3.6 – DSLR vs Smartphone
A DSLR camera kicks the shit out of any smartphone any day of the week – it’s not even a comparison. Smartphones can sometimes take almost-as-good photos as a DSLR, but to get laid on Tinder, you absolutely need to get your hands on a DSLR. Don’t half-ass this (go all-in, remember?) – grab (or borrow) a DSLR.
Even just at a glance, the photo on the right is clearly a more professional-looking photo. The background is better, the model is more in focus and sharp. The lighting is more even – pay particular attention to the area under her eyes, which has dramatically-less-harsh shadows under her eyes in the DSLR photo on the right. Everything about it just looks better. And the one on the left was taken with a phone that’s very new (only came out last year), so older phones will be even lower quality.
No matter how awesome your new smartphone is, it can never match the quality of a DSLR camera. DSLRs give you:
- Higher quality, with less noise (that grainy look phones are more susceptible to). DSLR photos just look a million times better. This is because a DSLR has a massive sensor compared to the tiny sensor in your smart phone.
- Faster shutter speed; you can take 30 photos in one second (a smartphone can’t), so you can just hold down the button and photos will just fire off in rapid succession. This is brilliant for photos where you’re moving (eg photos of you walking towards the camera, sports shots, etc)
- Ability to spam photos & “accidentally” take an awesome one – another benefit of being able to just hold down the button & rapid-fire photos is you can take hundreds or thousands of photos in a photoshoot, and some of them will “accidentally” be perfect. I do this with all of my clients who are nervous – I tell them not to worry about posing ,and I just fire off thousands of photos while we’re talking and hanging out. Some of those will, by complete chance, just happen to be absolutely amazing – they’ll be smiling or laughing, their hands will be in exactly the right spot, their body-language will be perfect. The fact you can spam thousands of photos with a DSLR means you’ll get “natural”-looking photos, vs the very “posed” & stiff photos you get with a smartphone.
- Better low depth of field (the “blurry background effect”). DSLRs give a much nicer effect, making you pop out of the background instead of it being all cluttered. Yes, new smartphones have a special “portrait” photo mode that can emulate this, but since it’s done in software (vs a DSLR which does it with the hardware itself) you end up with artefacts and areas that look wrong/weird.
- Better low-light performance. Especially in clubs/bars, or anywhere dark at night.
- Crisper photos that aren’t as blurry, because of the faster shutter speed. Smartphones often get blurry if the subject moves (click here for an example), or your hand isn’t steady when taking the photo – especially in low-light conditions.
- If you crop your image a little, it’ll still retain more derail and look much better vs a smartphone photo
- DSLRs can shoot in RAW (higher quality) mode. These files are much better for editing in Photoshop – you’ll get less image degradation (noise, grain, etc). It’s also easier to fix an overly dark RAW file in Photoshop & make it brighter. If you attempt that with a photo from your phone, you’ll end up with a tonne of noise & artefacts, making the photo look crappy and low quality.
- Exposure: You can manually set the exposure on a DSLR, so images won’t be blown out or too dark like they often are when a smartphone does a bad job with the light setting.
- About 20 other reasons – DSLRs are just all-round better.
Now, to be fair, the absolute newest smartphones are starting to approach DSLR camera quality (they’re not there yet though). But if you don’t already have the latest (and most expensive) phone, a second-hand DSLR is significantly cheaper and will last you a hell of a lot longer (hopefully a lifetime – I’ve had mine for 9 years and it’s still going strong).
If you tell me you absolutely can’t buy or borrow a DSLR (or pay a photographer): I’ve gotta call you out and say you can’t be all that serious about getting laid. You can use a smartphone as a temporary solution if you don’t have access to a DSLR & want to start trying to get laid right this second. But aim to upgrade to a DSLR (or make friends with someone who has a DSLR) as soon as possible. And just know I’ll be secretly judging your bad smartphone photos, you naughty disobedient boy.
3.7 – DSLR Camera Buying Guide
The DSLR camera body you buy doesn’t matter all that much, but the lens does. Make sure your lens is a 50mm lens with a low “f-number” (eg f2.0, f1.8, etc). Don’t stress if you don’t know what the f-number is; you’ll learn later.
You don’t need to spend a tonne of money here (you can if you want to) – I’m recommending you buy a second-hand camera body, with a new lens. Just buy a decent camera body (second-hand if you want), and a good, fixed/prime lens like a 50mm lens (buy the lens new, so it doesn’t have any dirt/scratches on it).
If you want the short and sweet version, here’s the exact camera + lens I have. The reason I recommend them is I’ve been using this camera + lens since 2012, and I can give you help if you get stuck using it. Sure, splash out and buy a more expensive setup if you want (do your own research). But if you just want to be told which camera to buy without having to think about it, buy this camera + lens:
Buy this camera body second-hand (don’t buy new – a second-hand DSLR works just as well). This doesn’t come with a lens, so make sure you buy the lens below as well or you won’t be able to take any photos.
Buy this lens new (don’t buy second-hand; you won’t save much money & second-hand lenses sometimes have scratches on them).
Again, let me make it clear: You need to buy both. The camera doesn’t come with a lens.
Why this camera & lens? Because I have personal experience with them – this is the exact camera + lens combo I’ve used myself since 2012. I’ve used this combo for my professional photography – this camera+lens will get the job done. Pretty much every single photo you’ll see on this website was taken with this camera + lens. I know this camera like the back of my hand, so if there’s any settings you’re not sure about, or if you need help using the camera, I can easily help out in the comments section below.
Other people have suggested other camera options, but without having tried them myself, I can’t endorse them. One of my principles with this website is to only ever recommend something if I have personal, hands-on experience with it – I can’t in good conscience tell you to spend money on something I haven’t spent money on myself.
If you plan on taking photos by yourself (without anyone to help you), you’ll also need a tripod and a remote control (skip these if you plan on having someone else take the photos of you).
Tripod and remote trigger:
3.8 – Option 1: You Take Your Own Photos
Alright, let’s dive in. You’ve got 4 main options for taking your Tinder photos:
- You take your own photos (with your camera or a camera you’ve borrowed).
- Your friend has his own DSLR camera.
- Your friend uses your DSLR camera.
- You pay a professional photographer.
Taking your own photos is what I recommend at first, because it gives you the most room to experiment. If you don’t have a camera, buy the one above – it’s affordable and it’s my exact camera, so I can help you if you get stuck. Another option is to borrow a mate’s camera. Having your own camera (or a mate’s camera you’re borrowing) means you’ll be able to take as many photos as you like and try as many different poses/camera settings/locations as you like, without feeling like you’re bothering anybody else by using up too much of their time.
If you’ve just bought the camera gear I recommend, or have your own camera and aren’t sure how to use it, I’ve got you covered. Here’s the most comprehensive guides I’ve found on the internet. Yep, I checked the entire internet, all by myself. These guides will teach you absolutely everything you could ever need to know about learning your camera & taking photos of yourself:
- Nikon D7000 Tutorial – A Fast Start Guide to Your DSLR
- Nikon D7000 Tutorial: All Settings, Menus, Functions by Carlos Erban
- The dPS Ultimate Guide to Photography for Beginners
- The Ultimate Guide to Learning how to use Your first DSLR
- 21 Creative Self Portrait Ideas for Photographers
- How To Take a Self-Portrait
- 10 Most Common Self Portrait Photography Mistakes
Note: whilst theory is important, nothing beats actually using the camera – don’t get so caught up in reading manuals/watching YouTube tutorials that you forget to actually take pictures.
Remember to take photos in portrait (vertical) mode – if you take them in landscape (horizontal) mode, Tinder will crop them, sometimes cutting half of you out of the photo.
Always shoot in RAW too – it’ll be a setting in your camera’s menu. RAW photos are higher quality, as discussed earlier. Plus RAW just sounds so dirty. I fucking love it.
Girls love it RAW too.
Once you’ve got your gear (camera body + lens + tripod + remote), mount the camera onto the tripod using the “mounting plate” that comes with it. Plug in one remote trigger using the included cable, and hold onto the other trigger (you’ll use that to actually take the photos). Half-press the button so the camera focuses, take a shot of yourself and bam, you’re now a photographer. Congratulations!
Don’t bother taking photos of yourself without a tripod + remote – it’s way too much effort trying to balance your camera on something, plus you won’t be able to prop the camera up vertically to take portrait shots without a tripod. You also need a remote trigger, because it’s a nightmare having to use the countdown-timer to take shots; you have to start the timer, sprint into position, hope it focuses on you, wait for the timer, then repeat it 100 more times til you get a good shot. No thankyou.
Here’s the fun part – as many photos of yourself as you can. Then take hundreds more. As I mentioned in How to Take Better Tinder Photos, the way to take awesome photos is to take a lot of photos. All the theory in the world won’t teach you how to use the camera quicker than actually getting in there and giving it a go.
When I first started teaching myself how to take photos, it took me a couple weeks of taking thousands of photos before I figured out all the camera settings, how to make sure things were in focus, how to change the exposure settings so the photos weren’t too dark/too bright, etc.
Your first 1000 photos will suck no matter how much study you do beforehand. Nobody picks up a camera and is awesome with it. Here’s the first few photos I ever took:
Click to zoom in on them, and you’ll see most of them weren’t in focus, some of them were way too dark – I had no idea what in God’s name I was doing. And these are only the ones I actually kept – the thousands I deleted were way worse. At times, I’d take hundreds of photos, come home and check them out on my computer, and delete every single one of them because they all sucked. But I kept on taking photos, practising and getting better every time I clicked the shutter button.
Here’s what I can do now, after tonnes of practice:
If I can get decent with practice, you can too. Just keep shooting as many photos as you can, as often as you can – take your camera with you everywhere you go. Take photos of people on the street, take photos of your friends, take photos of your food, take photos of plants and animals and the sky and the ground. After a week or two, you’ll be pretty damn proficient at using it, and will start to come away with some cool shots of yourself.
As with most things in life – especially trying to get laid – you will suck at the start and only get better with experience. You really do just have to give yourself permission to suck. Tell yourself, “Ok, I’m going to be awful at this for a bit; my photos will come out dark, out of focus, boring, shitty. But I just need to push through and keep taking photos, and trust I’ll get better with practice.”
I promise you will.
3.9 – Option 2: Your Mate Uses Your Camera
Once you’ve practices posing with your own camera and have a feel for it, you can grab a mate and ask him to take some photos of you for your Tinder. Offer to buy him a beer or a blowjob (you buy him a blowjob, you don’t personally give him a blowjob). If your mate also has Tinder or is thinking about setting one up – great – you can take pictures for him in exchange for taking your pics. Win-win, just like going 69.
If you don’t have any mates who can help you out, then make some – I’ve got a comprehensive guide on how to make friends who are also into self-improvement/getting laid. Tell them you need a hand shooting Tinder photos and get cracking.
If the person you get to help you knows how to use a DSLR & take photos, awesome. If not, get them to read some of the links I gave you above – or just walk them through how to use the camera. Remind them they’ll suck at first, and that’s perfectly ok – they’ll get better as they gets into the swing of things.
Just make sure whoever you get to help you out is absolutely happy to do so, and isn’t doing it begrudgingly. If you feel like you’re having to drag them along against their will, neither of you are going to give it your all. They won’t be patient when you ask him to re-shoot the photo for the 50th time as you adjust your pose ever-so-slightly. And you’ll feel pressure to rush through it and not take the time required to really experiment and play around trying out different shots.
Remember, you & whoever you get to shoot photos will need to take a TONNE of photos. In my photoshoots, I take 400+ photos of my clients in order to get 6-8 good ones. They have to be happy to be there with you.
Do what I do on my shoots – get your photographer to rapid-fire tonnes of shots, non-stop, basically the entire time you’re hanging out (even when you’re not “officially” shooting – often in the downtimes, you’ll accidentally take the best photos because they’re the most candid/relaxed). Tell them to keep shooting photos as they’re talking to you. Literally just keep hitting the shutter button thousands of times as you two talk.
Photos cost nothing, so don’t stop clicking. and just have a normal conversation. You’ll get lost in the conversation, naturally loosening up a bit as you forget the camera is there. You’ll likely walk away with some of your best shots. (But if you don’t, no stress – you have unlimited retries).
You can also get some more casual, candid shots – take your camera with you everywhere you go, and any time you’re with a mate, hand it to one of them and ask them to snap a couple of quick photos, casually. Don’t do a full photoshoot – just snap a couple of photos. Make a habit of this every time you go out, and eventually you’ll end up with a cool shot or two.
3.10 – Option 3: Your Friend has his Own DSLR Camera
If you know someone with their own camera, you can skip buying your own and either borrow the camera & shoot your own photos (follow what I wrote in Option 1 above). Or get your mate to shoot photos of you (follow what I wrote in Option 2).
Explain to them what your goals are – to improve your pics, meet some women, have a good time. Get them on board and make them enthusiastic so they’ll want to help you out and will be happy to spend the hours that it takes to start getting good shots. Hell, buy them 2 beers every time they do a photoshoot of you (or give them 2 blowjobs… I mean buy them 2 blowjobs).
3.11 – Option 4: You Pay a Professional Photographer
This is last on my list because it’s the option that has the potential to just waste your time & money if you’re not proactive. Most photographers don’t know how to take good Tinder photos – because they’re not usually on Tinder getting laid themselves. I’ve seen a tonne of Tinder photoshoots done by photographers, and whilst they’re competent shooters & the quality of the photos is awesome, the photos inevitably come out very “staged” and contrived – think “corporate headshots”. Again, most Tinder photographers aren’t on Tinder successfully getting laid themselves, so they don’t have a whole lot of experience knowing what makes a good set of Tinder photos.
It can also become expensive – especially when you consider you’re paying for one shoot only. Since self-improvement is something you’re always working on, you’ll improve your looks/style/body-fat/hair/confidence/etc, and you’ll then want to go take a new set of photos – meaning you’ll need to pay the photographer even more money for another shoot. If you have your own camera, or can borrow a buddy’s camera or get him to take photos of you, you’ll save a tonne of money.
Paying a photographer also means you’ll shoot less photos overall, and will be less likely to experiment with new photos/try out a new look. Since each shoot costs money & takes effort to book in, you’ll be less inclined to just fool around a bit taking experimental photos. A lot of my best photos came when I didn’t have a plan and just mucked around shooting a tonne of photos of myself – something I would not do if I knew I was paying by the hour.
Despite saying all that, I still get quite a few guys hitting me up to shoot their Tinder photos. If you live in Melbourne, Australia or can visit, I’ll happily shoot your photos for you – just remember you’re paying for 1 shoot only, & I’d still recommend you get your own camera eventually. I know what I’m doing so I can mitigate most of the negatives of hiring a photographer – I know how to shoot photos that’ll get you laid (assuming you look better than fine.)
I’d still recommend you learn to use your own camera or find a mate who can take your photos; it’ll pay off more in the long-term.
All that said, if you don’t want to have to do it yourself and don’t have any mates who can shoot your photos, a photographer is still workable – if you’re happy to spend the money. Just make sure you use the time efficiently, and get the most out of your photographer. Go through the checklist below – even send it to your photographer before the shoot so you’re both on the same page:
Paid Photoshoot Checklist:
- Tell them what your photos are for – Tinder. You’re trying to look masculine, attractive, hot, cool. Not cute, or cuddly, or nice, and certainly not fine.
- Does this photographer have experience shooting photos for Tinder? Do they have any proof people have gotten more matches/more dates/more sex as a direct result of their photoshoots?
- Do they have testimonials (reviews) from their previous clients? (for example, here’s some of mine).
- Can they show you examples of their work? Take a good look through all their photos – do those look like real guys who actually get laid/get girlfriends? Or do they look more like “stock images” or “stiff corporate photos”?
- Bring a bag full of multiple different outfits with you. Tell the photographer you’ll need somewhere you can get changed between photos (eg a public toilet). It looks terrible if you wear the same outfit in multiple photos.
- How much time are they willing to spend on the photoshoot? Are you paying per hour, or paying a fixed price?
- Is he/she willing to take hundreds of photos in order to come away with some great ones? (You will not end up with decent photos if they only take 10 photos – especially if you’re inexperienced with having your photo taken.) Is he/she patient enough to keep taking more photos until you’re both happy, or is he/she limited with their time?
- What tricks do they have if you feel nervous/awkward/stiff in your posing? (So for me personally, when I’m doing a shoot I talk to the person non-stop to distract them from the photoshoot, so they can relax. I take hundreds (sometimes even a thousand) photos, increasing the chances that one of those photos will “accidentally” look really awesome and relaxed. I also have relaxation techniques I walk them through if needed).
- Does the photographer know how to use Photoshop to edit your photos, fix any mistakes, remove distracting objects/people from the backgrounds, add filters, adjust colours/contracts, etc?
- Is that Photoshopping work included in the price, or does it cost extra?
If they’re not happy to answer all those questions, then that’s your answer right there – find another photographer.
So yes, you can definitely pay a photographer if you’re happy to spend the money – just make damn sure you’re getting the most out of them. And be prepared for the fact you’ll need to pay for a few photoshoots over time, as you upgrade your looks & style & confidence.
3.12 – How to Pose
Posing is one of those things guys overthink, getting in their head and becoming almost neurotic with how much they’re worrying about putting their hands in the right spot, tilting their head at exactly the right angle, etc. As with everything else when it comes to getting laid, you’re probably going to suck at posing for a while until you’ve had some practice. Give yourself permission to suck at it, and just take a bunch of photos until you improve.
Here’s some posing guides that’ll give you plenty of ideas for poses & creative photo ideas you can try:
- 7 of the Best Poses
- A Photographer’s Guide to Posing Men In Portraits
- How to Improve Your Self-Portrait Photography
- 18+ More Poses
- 100 Seriously Cool Self-Portraits (scroll down the page a bit for the actual examples).
- 14 Tips for Taking Creative Self-Portraits
- My own personal photography portfolio (feel free to copy ideas I’ve done).
When I take my clients out for a shoot, half the time I literally just scroll through those lists and come up with 10 or so different poses we’ll try. Do the same – Just work your way through the lists in each of those articles. Try every single pose they have, and see which ones you can pull off. I can’t tell you what will look good until you actually try it; a pose that looks amazing for one guy might not work for the next guy.
Practice the poses in front of your mirror if you like first, before you go out and shoot them for real. The easiest poses are usually ones where you’re leaning against a wall, or holding a prop in your hand (even just your phone), so start with those.
Don’t worry that you might look a bit silly and not quite get it as right as the guys do in these example photos. You will absolutely look a little silly when you’re first practising posing – 99% of my clients are awkward at first. There’s no way to avoid it, if you’ve never done a photoshoot before. Just try a bunch of times and eventually some of your photos will come out awesome. (Just like if you want to get laid, you have to hit on a bunch of women – as many as you possibly can – and some of them will say yes).
You’ll likely be in your head too much, over-thinking every little pose. “Where should I put my hand?” etc. That’s completely fine; we’re all like that when we first start taking photos of ourselves. Just keep at it, and with time and practice you’ll eventually relax into it.
If you go out shooting a couple of times & still can’t relax, use my trick. You simply act like you just don’t care any more.
The reason you’re so stiff is because you’re carrying tension – because you care about getting this shoot right. The only way to truly relax is to actually just not give a shit. Because seriously, does it really matter if you’re stiff? Who really cares if you can’t relax? Will anything bad happen if all your photos suck? The world will keep on turning, the birds will keep on tweeting or Twittering or whatever they do. The fact you can’t relax does not matter.
So stop caring, tell yourself, “Fuck this, I don’t care if this works out or not” and just stop caring. Literally get depressed – let your shoulders slump, let out a big sigh, say “I don’t care any more.”
The very act of not no longer caring relaxes you – it’s impossible to be tense when you don’t care. If your photos all suck, you can just go try again another time, and another time after that. It literally doesn’t matter, so chill out and relax a bit, homie.
You can also have fun doing some of the more arsty/creative photos in those lists – don’t be afraid to do some proper artsy modelling. Plenty of the photos I do for clients are artsy/weird ones like these (these are my photos):
Feel free to steal any of these ideas and recreate them yourself.
You can (and should) also look through guys on Instagram for inspiration, and to copy their posing/style/photographs. Check out the links I gave earlier in the Instagram Inspiration section.
And don’t forget to have fun. Through all this, you might find you actually enjoy taking photos and modelling – most of my clients end up having an awesome time. There’s a reason girls take 10 billion selfies per day – it’s actually kinda fun posing for the camera, having all the focus on you, feeling like a famous-boy.
3.13 – Checklist when Taking Photos
When you’re first starting out & don’t really know what you’re doing, don’t stress too much about getting things perfect; the following checklist is more of a guide than a regimented, “you must do everything on this list.” I don’t want you getting in your head too much when you first start taking photos; you’re most likely going to suck at the start, so just embrace it and try to have fun. You’ll improve each subsequent time you take some photos.
That said, if you’re a total newbie with the camera, this checklist is a nice reminder of things you might forget to do. There’s a hell of a lot to remember when you first learn how to use a DSLR; I get that. Don’t stress if you make some really retarded mistakes; I certainly did at the start.
Save that somewhere on your phone so you can look at it when you’re out taking photos. If you’re going to get a friend to take photos of you, give them this checklist.
All of these apply if you’re paying a photographer. If they’re making too many of these mistakes, you’re being ripped off – find another photographer.
3.14 – Editing/Photoshopping & Filters
If you know what you’re doing in Photoshop (or have a mate who does), then you can massively improve your photos in Photoshop. You can:
- Remove distracting background elements, so you stand out more.
- Brighten up your photo if it’s too dark.
- Blur the background even more than it already it (it should already be blurry from the DSLR you’re using).
- Slightly increase your muscle definition & reduce your fat with the Liquify tool.
- Make your muscles/vascularity stand out even more by using the dodging and burning tools to locally-increase contrast.
- Pay with colour/contrast filters.
Don’t go way too overboard with the editing – you still want your photos to look somewhat natural. (Artsy photos are the exception). We’re not aiming to totally catfish anyone.
If you aren’t able to edit your photos yourself, pay someone on Fiverr.com to do it (just make sure they have good feedback) – or hit me up and I’ll do it for a very affordable price.
You can use a filter app on your phone like Snapseed or Pollarr (they both have apps on Android + iOS). But I highly recommend you edit them properly in Photoshop, because it makes a massive difference to how many matches you’ll get.
3.15 – Getting Feedback on your Photos
So you’ve taken a bunch of photos (or curated some of the photos you already had on your computer/phone) and now you need to know if they’re any bloody good. I got you, fam.
Best way to get feedback is to post on a reputable forum – again, I recommend GoodLookingLoser. Post your pics on there and myself and others will give you feedback, tell you what you can improve & give you suggestions for other photos ideas. You can also ask for any tips on the actual photography – did you make any camera mistakes when taking the photos? Were you in focus? Is anything overblown or washed out? Is your face too dark or in shadow? Etc.
If you have a mate who gets laid on Tinder, you can show him your photos and ask for constructive criticism.
Or show them to me – I offer a full Tinder service where I’ll go over all the pics you have (including every single photo you have on your pc). I’ll curate the ones I think will work best, Photoshop ’em, and give you tips on how to improve your looks and your photos. I’ll also give you photography tips for when you next go out to shoot more photos. Get in contact with me if you want that.
Some guys use sites like Photofeeler.com, but I don’t necessarily recommend it. I did a photoshoot with a client in my city: we shot a bunch of pictures and completely overhauled his entire Tinder profile. The photos we did were much more masculine; he looked confident & sexy. He put the pics on Photofeeler and girls said he looked “arrogant”, a few said things like, “I wouldn’t ever talk to this guy”. The feedback was mostly negative.
Guess what happened when we put those photos up on his Tinder? He got more than triple the matches he usually got, & he got laid twice in the first 2 weeks of using his new profile. What girls tell you on Photofeeler doesn’t necessarily translate to how easily you’ll get laid. So if you do use Photofeeler/etc, just use it to get a rough idea of where you’re at. But any comments people give you, take them with a humongous grain of salt. I’m talking a grain of salt as big as your momma (huge).
Another way you’ll know if you’re on the right track is girls will tell you you’re cute/attractive/hot. When I first started, I had basically never had a girl compliment me for my looks, ever. As I improved myself & improved my pics, girls started calling me cute. Holy shit, I can’t tell you how much of a positive effect that had on my self-esteem; I finally felt like I was worth something. After more improvement, girls called me attractive. Eventually it was hot. Occasionally now I get sexy or “you turn me on“.
If you don’t get any compliments on Tinder – good. It means you have a lot of room for improvement. It means whatever results you’re getting now (or not getting), you have potential to be getting many more matches, if you keep improving yourself.
Chapter 4 – The Photos that have gotten me Laid Most
Here’s what I’m currently using. In contrast to the old photos I was using at the top of the page, my newer pics do infinitely better, and get me laid far easier. I’ve kept some of my silly photos so girls can tell I have a bit of a goofy side. I still pay for Boosts (2 per week, 11pm on a Friday & Saturday night), but I get far more matches (vs the old pictures at the top of the page) and now have sex with zero effort.
The biggest difference is I’ve got some very sexual photos in my profile now. I’ve made it very clear I’m a sexual guy looking for something sexual. I also immediately tell girls I match with that I’m looking for a girl who wants to try BDSM. I get their number, meet them for a coffee to make sure they’re not a catfish & immediately take them back to my apartment for coital-relations. I go into much more detail about my Tinder profile here, as well as the thoughts behind it.
If you have the confidence to do it, absolutely throw some more-sexual photos into your Tinder portfolio. (Don’t use anything nude though – it’ll get deleted). Either a tasteful BDSM photo (grab one from Google images if you want), or a shirtless photo of yourself looking like a sexy boy, or one of you with a girl (make sure she’s hot or at least cute). Bear in mind if you go too over-the-top, your photo might get reported & deleted; it happens to me once in a while.
Let me make it clear though: Whilst it will massively increase your results, you don’t have to include sexual/”aggressive” photos like I do if you’re nervous. You’ll still get laid with normal pics, as long as you’re attractive with cool pics. Being more edgy/sexual skyrockets your results (you’ll get laid about 3 times as much), but I get that you might not be comfortable doing it at first. I still got laid a lot when I was only using normal photos (it just took much more effort).
If you can push yourself to do it though, definitely do it. I was fucking terrified when I first put up a BDSM photo – I was convinced I’d get in trouble, my account would get banned and someone would call the police on me. I was paranoid as hell, I have no idea how I worked up the courage to actually do it. Guess what? Absolutely nothing bad happened, and my results sky-rocketed. Girls also appreciated my honesty and forwardness, since I was making it clear what I wanted so I didn’t waste their time.
Winner winner chicken dinner.
Chapter 5 – Continuing to Upgrade Your Photos Over Time
5.1 – Gradual Improvements
This is something I’m going to continue to emphasise over and over and over and over and over and over and *deep breath* over and over and over again in this series: you will probably suck at all of this when you first start. The only thing you need to worry about is making small, gradual improvements over time. That very much applies to your photos; if you haven’t used a camera before & have never taken photos of yourself, they’ll probably be awful the first few times you go out to take ’em. Your first iteration of pics will only be the first round of many.
Don’t stress though – just read my article on why your pics suck and try to eliminate as many of those mistakes as you can. Some of your shots might be out of focus, too dark, with awkward poses and an uncomfortable smile. Don’t get disheartened – just go out on another day and shoot another round of 200+ photos, and they’ll likely be a little better. This is a process of gradual improvement over time. Remember: you have unlimited retries.
I’ll make this absolutely clear, because it’s important you go into this with realistic expectations at the start: Unless you’re already very attractive AND naturally photogenic, it’ll likely take you a few weeks/months to get to a point where you start getting a decent number of matches. It is entirely possible you get zero matches with your first round of pictures, if they’re particularly bad. That’s totally normal; you just need to keep improving & the results will eventually start to come, I promise.
Getting laid/ finding a legendary girlfriend takes practice, and persistence. It isn’t easy at first; it’s fucking hard. If you’re expecting to go out once and take a couple photos of yourself and then start getting laid a tonne, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. It took me at least 6 months of self-improvement to get to a point where I have a really good Tinder profile that got me laid with very little effort. I had to lose a tonne of fat, work on my mental blockages, experiment and take hundreds of photos, try different outfits, hit the gym, add muscle.
Good news is you can do it much faster than me, because I’ve given you absolutely everything you could ever need in this guide (aren’t I such a nice boy?) You won’t have to stumble around in the dark figuring things out like I had to do, making 10 million mistakes, having no clue why things weren’t working & having to bang your head against the wall over and over again.
Getting laid a lot on Tinder might be hard when you first start. But it’s oh-so-worth the effort, because once you have a good profile set up, the sex comes easily, often, with no drama and no strings. Once you lay the foundations and get decent at it, it honestly feels like you get free sex handed to you on a silver platter every week; all the bearded clams you could eat.
That’s where I’ve been at for the last couple of years now; I meet girls off Tinder after barely 4 lines of talking, meet up with them in a public place, take them by the hand and walk them directly back to my apartment for wild BDSM sex & 3somes. I had to work my fucking ass off to get here, but the pay-off is amazing. My goal with this guide is to help you get yourself to the same point, by putting in the hard work now, so you can reap the rewards later on.
I also get NO girls friend-zoning me any more, or meeting up for a “date” – every girl who meets up with me knows we’re meeting to have sex (BDSM sex) because I’m honest & upfront and I make it so explicit.
Life is good. I want to get your sex life/dating life to where mine is too (ideally even higher).
Don’t worry. You got this.
5.2 – If You Don’t Get Results…
The hardest part of getting laid on Tinder is to keep going when you’re not getting results yet. 90% of guys end up giving up way too soon, cursing “Tinder sucks!” on their way out the door. Tinder is fucking awesome – the issue is these guys go out and only do 1 or 2 half-assed photoshoots without giving it their all, get a few matches but don’t start immediately drowning in pussy and they get frustrated and give up. The issue wasn’t Tinder, or women, or “society today” or some other nonsense. The issue was these guys quit before they’d really given it a proper go.
And it’s a damn shame, because the vast majority of guys who see me for coaching become wildly successful because I don’t let them quit. I force them to keep going even when the going is tough, I give them pep-talks when they’re de-motivated, I empathise and listen to them during their moments of struggle and they all come out the other side eventually getting laid. Getting laid isn’t always easy, but it is very achievable.
Every guy has the potential to get laid on Tinder. Yes, I really do mean every guy – even if you have major physical deformities, are you going to let that hold you back? Or are you going to grow a pair of fucking balls and say “Fuck you universe, you don’t get to beat me – I’m going to show you) and bust your ass working 3 jobs for 2-3 years to save up enough money for cosmetic surgery so you can be a handsome motherfucker & get all the girls? Don’t make excuses, don’t be a little bitch: literally any guy can overcome his obstacles if he really wants to. Look at all the crap I had to overcome. If you say you’re a “special case” who can never get laid, you are choosing to live a shitty life.
But most guys have unrealistic expectations and expect one or two amateur photoshoots is going to be enough to bring in tonnes of girls, and they give up far too early.
I’m speaking from experience here; I had very unrealistic expectations at the start. The first year of using Tinder, I’d install it, use my shitty bedroom-selfie pics, get literally zero matches after 2 weeks of having the app, and get frustrated and uninstall it. I’d bitch and moan, “online dating is a scam!”, convinced nobody could ever get laid on Tinder (or maybe just not me). Over the next few weeks/months the loneliness would build up, I’d reinstall the app with new pics that were slightly better, and this time get 1 or maybe 2 matches. But even though that was an improvement, I saw it as a failure and uninstalled the app again.
I wasted a year or two where I could have been getting tuna tacos from Tinder because I expected 1 set of new photos to magically propel me to some elite player level… and then got frustrated and quit when that wasn’t the case. Once I decided to lower my expectations and started appreciating when I got a few matches or a date, I stuck with it long enough to really improve myself and my pics – and eventually my results.
Unless you’re already good looking with great pics, getting laid on Tinder is a process of iteration; of upgrading yourself and your pictures a little bit at a time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
I can’t tell you how many times I’d get a new outfit, or a new haircut, or ear piercings, or take new pics… Only to see a minor increase in my Tinder matches. It was frustrating to put in all that effort for only a minor improvement. This shit isn’t easy.
But added up over time, each one of those tiny little improvements adds up to make a massive difference. Make enough improvements and eventually you’ll get to a point where you start getting a few lays here and there… Then a lot… Then more than you can handle. It took me about 2 years of self-improvement to be absolutely drowning in pussy, but I fucked around & wasted months/years because I had no idea what I was doing. You’ll do it in about half that time, if you’re serious. And remember, it’s not like you’ll be waiting ages before you get any results; it’s not “either zero results, or drowning in pussy, with nothing in-between.” The whole time you’re improving yourself, you’ll still be getting laid – you can usually start getting laid within a month if you don’t have a massive amount of self-improvement to do.
No matter how long it takes you, it’s worth it when you get there. Because having unlimited free minge, and having tonnes of girls really like you, absolutely changes your life in more ways than you can imagine.
Nothing else is anywhere near as important as this one tenet:
Never fucking quit.
That is the only thing that really matters – everything else is secondary. You will be successful eventually – your success is literally guaranteed if you just keep at it without ever quitting, for as long as it takes. Even if it somehow took you a decade (it won’t, that’s insane) – it’d still be worth it to be able to hold your head up high and say, “I’m a guy who gets laid. I matter.”
Chapter 6 – Key Takeaways
- I went from absolute zero to a guy who gets laid pretty consistently (if I put in the effort) and without drama. If I can do it, you sure as hell can too.
- Pick a goal, and go all-in. Don’t half-ass this. You won’t be successful if you’re not willing to do whatever it takes.
- Install every dating app possible (not just Tinder) & talk to as many girls as you can.
2. Improving Your Looks
- Look as good as possible. Lose fat, put on muscle, improve your style, fix your hair/teeth.
- Get feedback on your current appearance so you know what to focus on.
- You don’t have to be perfect; just focus on improving a little each day.
- If you have mental issues or are depressed, handle that as a priority.
- Pickup-lines aren’t important; you don’t need to trick women into sleeping with you. Just be normal, and talk to as many girls as you possibly can.
- You want to look like a guy who gets laid (even if you’re not getting laid yet). If you’re starting out from the absolute beginning, that’s fine; just focus on improving one baby step at a time.
- Your first photo matters most.
- Curate photos you already have on your pc/phone.
- Buy or borrow a DSLR; don’t half-ass this with a smartphone. If you want to get laid/find an awesome girlfriend, commit to following this guide properly.
- Take a tonne of photos – thousands – until you improve.
- Don’t stress if you’re awkward/nervous when posing; you’ll get better with practice.
- Photoshop your photos (or pay someone to do it for you).
4. Continually Upgrading over Time
- Get feedback on your photos so you know what’s working/not working.
- Improve your photos over time; always be taking new photos and working on your appearance.
- If your results suck, go back to Chapter 2 (Improving Your Looks) and keep improving your looks + pics. Good-looking guys with great pics get laid on Tinder, so keep working on yourself and you’ll get there too.
- No excuses. This is all possible if you actually want to get laid. Do whatever it takes.
Know someone who desperately needs to get some action on Tinder? Give the poor bugger this guide. Let’s get him all t he wet moose knuckle he could ever want.
My mission with this guide is to convince every guy who’s not having luck with his dating life that he’s entirely capable of meeting girls. Even the most overweight & obese, miserable & unhappy wretch can turn his life around and build himself into a guy who gets laid (or has an awesome girlfriend if that’s more his thing).
Read through my transformation again – I started from so far below zero I was utterly convinced there was no way I’d ever have any women like me, let alone want to engage in adult naptime with me. I am the posterchild for a life gone wrong – 10 years of abusive relationships, suicidal every day, overweight and with crippling alcoholism, agoraphobia and porn addiction. I managed to get my shit together, so anybody can.
Nothing hurts me more than watching guys be miserable because no girls like them, feeling like they’re worthless – like it was preordained they’d be losers. I know all too well how it feels to believe nobody gives a shit about you and women will never really like you. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the pain and misery I went through for years and years – it fucking hurts thinking other guys are going through the same shit I suffered through.
Holy shit, I can’t believe I’ve finally finished part 1 of this guide. It’s taken me the better part of 6 months to put it all together; this part alone is 27,000 words long. And this is only part 1 of 5 – the best is yet to come.
In Part 2 we’ll go over setting up your Tinder (and other dating apps) & getting matches – I’ll cover boosts, superlikes, Tinder Plus/Gold, the best times to use the app & much much more. It’s already half-written, so it will be out sooner rather than later.
Any questions? Ask them in the comments below, no matter how big or small the question. I’ll answer everything, and will edit this guide to add in any extra information that comes from your questions.