NSFW: This article contains nude pics. Everyone here is 18+. I have permission to upload these photos. Happy to remove pics/stories – contact me.
I’ve come a hell of a long way in the last decade, and it’s time I told my story, so you can use it as fuel to improve yourself and build your own life of abundance. I get sex whenever I want it with hot girls, I have financial freedom and more income than I ever could have dreamed of, I’ve built a strong tribe of friends who’d take a bullet for me (I’d do the same for them), I’m in a loving relationship with my girlfriend Immy (we date girls together), and I’m a life coach/dating coach who gets to mentor other guys and help them live an epic life as well – which is so incredibly rewarding. My life is full of joy, my mind is calm and peaceful, and I’m just so damn grateful to be alive and to have everything I have.
Life is a gift.
And sex – oh the sex. I’m doing things I never could have dreamed of. 3somes, 4somes, banging models, doing photoshoots (the ones you see on this page), exploring the kinkiest sex imaginable, going deep into BDSM and shibari and tantric sex and ticking every single thing I can thing of off my bucketlist. Not to mention getting to see other guys lift themselves up and build their own underdog story as they travel this same journey alongside me.
Life is fucking beautiful, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
And given how low I started – how much of a suicidal train wreck I was – if I can do all this, then you sure as hell can too. My mission is to get you to follow in my footsteps and do everything I’ve done.
Like everyone in the world, I was born with a handful of natural advantages, and a handful of disadvantages.
Advantages: I had a lot to be grateful for. I’m 6ft2 tall, very witty and funny, extremely intelligent, and had a great upbringing with two very loving and supportive parents. I don’t have any disabilities or deformities. I was born into a 1st world country where I can be whomever I want to be. In short, I was dealt a good hand in many respects, and I’m super grateful for that.
But we’re not here to talk about what went right in my life. Let’s look at the things that were fucked up:
I was extremely suicidal from age 14 to 23. As in, every single day I’d have fantasies of killing myself. From being bullied in high school, to becoming addicted to porn at a really early age and becoming the social outcast, I developed a very deep depression that lasted about 9 or so years. I’ll talk more about why I was so suicidal and depressed, but in short… It was pretty bad. I lost count of the number of times I found myself in the kitchen holding a knife to my wrist, willing myself to have the courage to finally fucking do it…
I felt like existence brought me nothing but pain, and I longed to die. I told myself, “When I have my 30th birthday, that’s when I’m allowed to kill myself.”
I hated myself more than you can possibly imagine, and I used that self-hatred to flagellate myself and make myself even more depressed and suicidal. I made myself miserable, tormented myself and berated myself – I used to say the most fucked-up, evil things to myself every single minute of every day. I’d tell myself how worthless I was, berate myself for being useless, scream at myself both in my head and out loud, and I’d constantly remind myself I was a pathetic piece of shit who would never be worth anything.
It got so bad that I was at a point where every time I’d cross the road, I’d see traffic coming towards me & think, “If I just closed my eyes and stood in front of this car, it’d all be over.” I had that thought literally thousands of times, imagining how good it’d feel to finally be taken away to somewhere where every moment wasn’t suffering.
The only reason I didn’t go through with killing myself was because my self esteem was so low I didn’t even think I deserved to end my suffering. I literally thought I deserved to sit there and wallow in my existential misery. I thought I deserved more pain than anyone else in the universe, more suffering than anyone else alive. (Yeah, my self-talk was pretty negative…) I thought I was the lowest of the low, and never deserved even a single second of happiness. In fact, I used to feel guilty if I ever had a moment where I enjoyed life, and I’d torture myself for it – “You don’t deserve to smile, you fucking piece of shit. Fuck you for thinking you’re allowed to be happy, you pathetic scum.”
I’ve talked more about my battle with depression and suicidal thoughts in this video:
But honestly, the depression and suicidal thoughts were only the start of things. I stayed in an abusive, violent relationship for 6 years… then I left that one and walked right into a second violent, abusive relationship for another 4 years. I’m talking very violent, to the point I sustained injuries. I wasn’t really attracted to them either – I just didn’t think I deserved any better.
At no point did I think to leave – my self-esteem was so low I truly believed nobody else in the world would ever want to be with me, so I had to desperately cling on to this shitty, abusive relationship where we both hated each other. I was so convinced I was utterly unlovable and unworthy of a girl who treated me with respect that I never even considered I was allowed to leave. The thought of being alone – truly alone – felt more terrifying than any abuse anyone could throw at me.
I thought being emotionally, verbally and physically abused was totally ok and something I should put up with… So I stayed.
As the years progressed, things got worse and I developed extreme agoraphobia, to the point where I could not leave the house unless someone came with me. I couldn’t go to the supermarket without her coming with me – and even then, I’d suffer extreme anxiety and almost have a panic attack being around other people. I became paranoid, convinced everyone in public knew I was fucked up and was watching me, which only made me less likely to go outside, making the agoraphobia and paranoia even worse.
The only reason I survived was my girlfriend at the time did everything for me, which really just enabled my disfunction and made me need her more, until I was eventually unrecognizable as a man.
Over the years, it got worse and worse, until it got to the point I couldn’t even go check the mailbox out the front of my apartment without my girlfriend coming with me. I lost my job, I had zero friends, and I was completely dependent on her for survival, which only made her hate me more and made our fights that much worse.
I also had no self-awareness. I had absolutely no idea why I did the things I did; I was reacting to everything emotionally like an animal would, with no pause for thought or any sort of rational logic behind any of my day-to-day decisions. I was never rational, never used logic, never paused before doing anything. I was impulsive, with zero self-control. I wasn’t even aware of the fact my thoughts were so negative and unhealthy; I literally thought it was normal to say the most evil, vile shit to yourself all day long.
I felt like I was a passenger in my own life, like I wasn’t in charge of where I was headed. I knew I hated my life, hated myself – but I had no way of changing anything. I suffered deeply from learned helplessness – the notion that nothing you do really matters, and therefore there’s nothing you can do to improve your life. It all felt completely and utterly hopeless, like I was just… stuck. Stuck forever, or until I finally worked up the courage to end my life.
I became an alcoholic in order to deal with the pain. I was drunk every single day, even when I went out in public. Alcohol became my crutch; I used it to get through the tough moments, and eventually just to get through every moment. I built up such a tolerance I’d have to drink most of a bottle of wine just to feel that slight buzz. I looked forward to that feeling; it was like a warm embrace at a time when I felt like the universe had otherwise turned its back on me.
I had a liquor cabinet full of 50 or so different spirits, liqueurs, vodkas, whiskeys, etc. I bought a cocktail making book and convinced myself I was “learning to make cocktails”. Truth is, I just wanted to be drunk all the time because it numbed the pain and made me forget how much I hated my existence… even if just for an hour.
I already had a bad porn addiction from about age 14/15, but it only got more and more extreme. I’m talking 8 hours a day, 7 days a week. I’d jerk off for hours and hours, until I lost my erection, but then just keep watching more porn. I felt fucking pathetic, but at least it was a slight distraction.
I threw myself into it, being completely absorbed in my addiction – it was a form of escapism. In those hours while I was drunk and staring at the computer screen, I could forget that life sucked, that I sucked, that everything sucked. The girls in porn didn’t reject me; they welcomed me with open arms, much like alcohol did.
It became a huge problem; I got to a point where I felt like porn was the real world, and real life was “fake” somehow. Every moment I wasn’t watching porn, I’d start getting anxious and antsy, like a junkie desperate for his next fix. I’d get angry at my girlfriend just for being at home, because when she was home I couldn’t look at porn. We’d have fights where I’d try and get her to leave the house, just so I could jerk off. I’d sneak off into the toilet and sit in there for half an hour watching porn on my phone, I’d wake up in the middle of the night and sit up until 3am watching even more porn. I barely did anything else.
It affected my ability to perform – I couldn’t even get it up for my girlfriend any more. Not that I really wanted to; between the fights and both of us hating each other, neither of us was missing much. I felt like I wasn’t a man any more.
I developed a video game & TV addiction too. I bought a Nintendo Wii, modded it so I could play games on it for free, and must have played through hundreds of Wii and Gamecube games. I’d sit there for 30 hours straight, not even sleeping – just playing video games and wasting my life.
The worst part was I could delude myself into thinking I was making progress and working towards something; building something. Video games give you a sense of progression, because you always start out as a weak character and you yourself are new to the game; by the end you and your character are both more experienced, more worldly, more awesome. I poured tens of thousands of hours into video games, convinced I was being productive – when really I was just trying to avoid facing any of my problems and having to fix them.
I did the same with TV shows – I’d binge-watch entire seasons of shows without taking a break, sometimes 48 hrs straight, until I eventually passed out. I watched 1000 episodes of the anime show Bleach, thousands more of Cowboy Bebop, Ghost in the Shell, Full Metal Alchemist and about 20 others. I binged on every TV show you could think of, even ones I wasn’t into. I watched hundreds of movies, melting into my couch as one day flowed into the next and they all blended together, an endless flow of misery, self-medication and avoidance.
I wasn’t living; I was merely existing.
And not just existing; but existing completely alone. I had absolutely zero friends. Quite literally none. Nobody I could talk to, nobody who’d hang out with me, nobody to turn to with my problems to or ask for help. I had my girlfriend, but that was clearly an unhealthy, unhappy relationship. And the second girlfriend I had was just as unhealthy and abusive and fucked up. I truly felt alone in the world. It was just me, and my suffering.
To deal with it, I ate, and ate, and ate, until I was on the cusp of obesity. I weighed 104kg (229lbs) with NO muscle mass. Walking was starting to take effort, and I felt fat and gross and unattractive all the time… Because I was.
I hated looking at myself in the mirror – I avoided mirrors entirely. I didn’t have the courage to face myself or even acknowledge I didn’t like myself. I ran from it, hid from it, buried my self-loathing and covered it by self-medicating with porn, alcohol, TV and everything else.
My mindset with women was warped and unhealthy too. I was convinced all women were perfect, beautiful delicate little flowers who could do no wrong; I put them on a pedestal. My mindset towards men suffered; I had all sorts of fucked-up notions about how men should be gentle & kind and not masculine and not be too muscular and not want to have sex with women and other shit.
I went one step further though and bought in heavily to all the feminist dogma about men being disgusting, evil creatures. I hated the fact I was born a male, feeling vastly inferior to every woman around me, and hating myself for having a penis. I felt gross, vile and unworthy of respect or love. I literally hated myself for being a male. I called myself a feminist, and wished I could “give up” my manhood and become a woman. It would later take me years to overcome all of that brainwashing and unhealthy mindset.
Speaking of giving up my manhood, I had NO muscle and was a complete and utter weakling. I felt pathetic, literally being unable to do a single pushup (even with my knees on the ground), or a single chin-up, or a bodyweight squat. I couldn’t pick up anything over 20kg, and even that took all of my willpower and all of my might.
Being so weak and hating myself, I absolutely DID NOT believe I had the right to talk to girls. I didn’t think I had the right to a happy relationship, or a sex life that satisfied me, or even just having a girl be “nice” to me. I felt like a loser who wasn’t on their level; like all women were better than me and I was just a piece of dirt. I felt like even the 2 toxic relationships I did have were “too good for me”, despite all the abuse hurled at me during them (and I wasn’t much nicer to them either).
(Years later as I improved myself and fixed my depression, my insecurities around women was the hardest to overcome. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I had so many mental hurdles to overcome in order to even start trying to get laid – the vast majority of my self-improvement work has been just giving myself permission to even talk to a woman).
And with that came a complete and utter lack of confidence. Not just with women, but with life in general. I was meek, scared, cowardly, pathetic. I didn’t believe I had the right to make friends, or to be cool, or interesting, or fun… So I held myself back. I thought that being cool and being liked by people was “wrong” or “arrogant”… Really, I was just covering up the fact I was scared to come out of my shell.
And I definitely made sure I never came out of my shell, or put myself out there in any way. I dressed as boringly as I possibly could, wearing old, faded, ripped clothes. I didn’t groom myself, often wouldn’t shower, I had absolutely zero f fashion sense or care about how I looked. I looked like complete garbage, clearly not caring about my appearance. I felt like a nobody.
I was also incredibly self-conscious about my balding head; my receding hairline was absolutely terrible, even in my early 20’s. It was such a huge point of insecurity for me I would think about it at least 30 times a day; it’d always be on my mind. I was paranoid about it, and it ate away at me, becoming something I obsessed about constantly like I had OCD. It drove me insane.
And none of this is mentioning my issues with money; my massive debt, working shit jobs I hated, thinking I’d stay poor my entire life, moving closer and closer to bankruptcy due to debts from all the self-medicating I was doing, never believing I deserved to be financially comfortable. Money was a black cloud over me… I could write a book on how fucked my mindset was with money and bills and debt.
And by the time I even considered getting my shit together, I was already 28 years old. I felt like it was too late for me, like I’d missed out on my 20’s, like I was past my prime. I certainly thought I was too old to get a girlfriend or have any women be interested in me. I was terrified that if my life was this fucked up in my late 20’s, it’d only get worse in my 30’s. And I was also terrified that even if I could somehow fix things, it’d take me until my 40’s or 50’s before I’d be an even half-way decent person.
So many of the guys in their early 20’s who come to me for coaching nowadays say, “Andy, I’m in my late 20’s/early 30’s and worried it’s too late for me.” I completely understand the fear of it being too late… That was my reality for years. That horrible feeling of your life having passed you by, and you missing out on all the things everybody else is getting to enjoy. Trust me, I get it. I get it.
I felt completely and utterly broken; hopeless.
Life was fucked for me. I was a complete and utter train wreck, by most accounts. Suicidal, depressed, 10 years of abusive relationships, in massive debt, obese & unfit and generally a pretty fucking big loser.
How’d I fix it all? (And how can you do the same?)
Beating my Depression:
Eventually I hit rock bottom & had a breakdown, which forced me to tell my family and friends about my depression and suicidal thoughts (more on that here). I saw a counsellor/psychologist, read hundreds of self-help books (You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought changed my life), taught myself CBT, worked on breaking down my negative thoughts and negative habits, and trained myself to be optimistic instead of pessimistic. Years later I also took psychedelics (LSD) multiple times, and each time felt like I’d compressed 10 years worth of therapy into a 16-hour period; LSD was massively beneficial to my healing.
All of this shit was so unbelievably difficult… Yet I didn’t really have a choice. I’d hit rock bottom, and I couldn’t go back to being the loser I used to be. I’d seen the depths of hell; the most painful parts of existence. I had no intention of ever going back.
I wrote a massive, in-depth article telling more of my depression story, as well as free help and resources if you’re suffering from depression yourself:
Oh man, this was a tough one. First I did a gruelling “Approach anxiety program” to give myself the confidence to actually start hitting on girls. I kept logs and videos of the entire process:
Then I had a complete breakdown when it came time for me to actually start hitting on girls for real. I had to go through several months of hell where I did nothing but process my emotions, my insecurities, my doubts, my fears, etc for 8+ hours a day. I literally took time off work to work on it. I had to sit down and ask myself, “WHY don’t I feel like I deserve to talk to women? WHY do I feel like I’m not good enough? WHY do I feel like I’m a loser?” That was incredibly confronting and by far the hardest thing I’d ever had to face. Much harder than everything else on this list.
As I mentioned, I took LSD quite a few times – specifically to work on my notions of not “deserving” to have any girls like me. It was very confronting, and very hard to work through, but in the end I got there.
I’ve gone on to have a fucking awesome sex life – click here to check out pics and vids/stories from my lays. I’ve gotten laid well over 200 times, had a few MFFF 4somes, had girls come on my podcast, had 100+ 3somes, done all sorts of fun shit like sex in public, sex on LSD, BDSM, kinky sex and more. I’ve even got a massive wardrobe full of 100 or so sex toys, whips, chains and ropes – girls love it. I’ve become a very confident and dominant man – a far cry from the scared little boy who was too scared to embrace his masculinity.
I’ve gotten myself to a point where I have sex with new girls with almost no effort – my Tinder profile is set up to be very efficient and I make it very clear I’m looking for sex when I match with a girl. My girlfriend Immy and I sleep with girls together in 3somes – it’s as awesome as you imagine it to be. She also uses her own Tinder profile to bring in more girls for us to sleep with together; free sex for me without any effort.
Speaking of which, my girlfriend is an absolute sweetheart; truly one of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met. As of 2022 we’ve been together 4 years, and she’s been my ride-or-die. Here’s all the shit she’s done for me over the last 4 years; she’s pretty incredible.
Through sheer hard work, giving as much value to my audience as I possibly could, and pouring my heart and soul into helping every single client I worked with, I built my coaching up to a point where I’m comfortably earning 5-figures a month (and counting). I can’t believe there was ever a time I was in such massive debt, completely convinced I’d end up homeless and poor, or worse.
I feel so completely and utterly blessed to have an abundance of money from doing what I love – helping people avoid all the shit I had to go through, and watching them kick ass and build their own abundance.
Life is good.
Losing Weight & Gaining Muscle:
I started counting my calories religiously, walked for 12+ hours a day every day (no exaggeration…) most days I’d stay up til midnight just walking nonstop. I walked all day at my job, then I’d finish work and walk for hours and hours more. I took the stairs all the time, I bought a “standing desk” so I’d never be sitting down, I did tonnes of cardio, I started playing sports again.
I was obsessed with reaching my goal weight, and ended up losing 35kg (77lbs) in about 9 months. I’ve written in-depth about how I lost the weight here.
I started hitting the gym, which was terrifying at first. I was so intimidated because I was BY FAR the weakest person there; I actually had to ask one of my mates to go with me the first few times because I was so nervous.
I read absolutely everything I could on bodybuilding, powerlifting, nutrition, sleep, exercise, etc. I hired a strength coach and got into powerlifting. I went from a guy who couldn’t even do a pushup to (at the time of writing) being able to deadlift 2x bodyweight (170kg/375lbs), squat 1.5x bodyweight (120kg/264lbs), bench 1x bodyweight (90kg/198lbs). I still have a long way to go, but I’m pretty damn proud of how much I’ve improved.
I’ve got an in-depth article on how I got stronger here.
I forced myself to go talk to people, especially through the social site Meetup.com. I tried social meetups, sports meetups, went to art groups, took a candle-making class, a soap-making class, an origami class and even a magic trick class. I made a tonne of friends and proved to myself I was capable of interacting with other human beings.
I also sought out more masculine-focused groups to make male friends; particularly one called “The Red Pill Bookclub”, where we read books on masculinity, taking responsibility for your issues, self-development, etc.
I’ve got an in-depth guide on making friends here – read through that if you’re in a similar boat. If a loser like me can make friends, you sure as hell can too.
Curing my Agoraphobia:
Since being around other people terrified me, I had to force myself to do the opposite. I remember the first day I set myself a goal of walking around a shopping centre by myself for an hour. That was a herculean task for me at the time; I even called up my mum afterwards & told her about it, I was so proud of myself.
I eventually started putting myself into social situations every day; at one point I went so all-in that I forced myself to go clubbing alone, 5 nights a week for about 6 months. Literally by myself – I didn’t go with anybody, and I didn’t know anybody there. I’d force myself to chat up bouncers, bartenders, girls, guys, anyone and everyone. It was the hardest thing ever, given how completely and utterly socially-terrified I was, but I ended up making a few friends and developed enough social skills to where I wasn’t a complete mess in public anymore.
Leaving Abusive Relationships:
Eventually I got to a point where I realised, “I deserve better than this. This isn’t me.” I walked away from a 4-year relationship and decided from that moment on I’d walk away as soon as I got even the slightest hint a girl had abusive tendencies. It’s been years since I put up with even the slightest hint of disrespect; I have a hair-trigger towards rudeness and disrespect these days. I don’t tolerate it, and I don’t have anyone in my life who’s even the tiniest bit rude towards me.
Looking back, it’s insane how much horrible shit I put up because I thought that was all I deserved…
Embracing My Masculinity:
This one took me a full year or so to “un-brainwash” myself. I specifically sought out masculine sites and books such as The Rational Male, Caleb Jones, Good Looking Loser, Danger & Play, The Red Pill Reddit, and others. I joined a local Meetup group dedicated to self-improvement and self-knowledge & made friends there. The more I got to know women, the more I stopped pedestalising them & started treating them like normal people.
It’s crazy how god damn sexist I used to be – there’s nothing more sexist than thinking an entire gender is “perfect” and can do no wrong. And then thinking the opposite gender (men) are completely evil and disgusting and are always wrong. Jesus christ.
Giving up My Addictions & Vices
One thing that helped a hell of a lot with my vices was improving myself, and working on my biggest issues. As my life improved, I noticed some of my addictions becoming less overpowering, to the point where I could start working on them and actually make progress.
Dr Phil explained my situation brilliantly on the Joe Rogan podcast:
I had a lot going wrong with my life, and as Dr Phil says – if your life is shit, you should be depressed about it. As soon as I started getting my life on track, my need to self-medicate with porn, TV, alcohol & video games went away. I had no need to hurt myself with my addictive behaviours, because I actually started to like myself.
It wasn’t all smooth sailing though; the alcohol took me a hell of a lot longer to give up. I did a 1-year sober video here; check it out if you’re struggling to give up alcohol yourself.
Porn was also a huge challenge for me, but I’m making huge strides there. Here’s an update video on my life without porn.
If you’re in a situation where you self-medicate too much or have addictions, ask yourself: Is there anything in my life that’s making me deeply unhappy? Work on fixing those things, and you might find it a whole lot easier to work on your addiction.
Shaving My Head:
I wore a cap/beanie 100% of the time, whenever I was outside. This was really just avoiding the issue… so I finally worked up the courage to just say “fuck it” and shaved it all off. It was terrifying, very confronting, I felt weird/naked/vulnerable, but I’m so so glad I did it. Years later I’m so comfortable with the bald look, and I never have to worry about being insecure about my hairline – now I have no hairline to worry about 😉
Grooming myself and dressing better did not come naturally to me; like a lot of guys, I had literally NO idea what the hell I was doing. I did a tonne of research, following other guys on Instagram who looked good, and then just copying their clothes and accessories. It took me months of failed attempts to dress myself decently, hundreds of outfits tried on in changing rooms, sending pics of each outfit to my mates and asking for feedback.
I slowly improved my wardrobe, my accessories and my grooming over a year or two, with lots of trial and error. I whitened my teeth, got some tattoos, had my ears pierced, bought some nice watches and good threads, new shoes, bought a beard trimmer to groom myself, and a few other things. I’m now very happy with how I look.
Self-awareness (especially being aware of how negative my own thoughts were) was something I had to teach myself over time. The Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and counselling helped, as did a tonne of anger management books and books on philosophy, ethics, psychology, self-knowledge, etc. I suggest you start with my recommended reading list; particularly this book: You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought.
Self-awareness is something you build with time; it takes practice. It involves being present, and focusing on your emotions and how you’re feeling. It involves taking a deep breath before every action, and asking yourself, “What do I want to do in this situation; how do I want to react?” I got better over time, and now consider myself one of the most self-aware people I know.
Other free resources which help:
That just came over time, from kicking ass with my goals. Confidence isn’t something you can just “do” – it’s something that comes with practice and experience. So the answer is to throw yourself into your goals, taking daily action. Over time you’ll slowly dislike yourself less and less, eventually feeling like “Hey, maybe I kinda do have my shit together a bit”. Congrats! That’s the start of building confidence. Now just keep going.
If you want to read an extremely detailed log I kept on how I overcame my fear of approaching girls, that’s here.
I’ve achieved other things in my life too – I got briliant at photography & Photoshop by sheer hard work day in, day out. I did a “365 Project” where I had to take a photo every single day for 365 days in a row. I’ve gotten laid enough times I’ve now lost count, including a bunch of threesomes (something I never thought would EVER happen to me in a million years). I’ve shagged 200+ girls (as of 2022) from Tinder/online dating/approaching in the street.
Especially the sex stuff – I never in a million years thought I could be a guy who gets laid. It took me years of hard work, but in June 2018 I was able to post this on the GoodLookingLoser forums:
Ok. I’m finally able to admit this to myself:
I am a guy who gets laid.
More importantly, I am a guy who CAN get laid. If I moved to a new city, or a new country, and had to start my life anew… I know I could get laid within 1 week, without much effort.
Online dating, cold approach, I’m absolutely comfortable with all of it.
That’s such a massive fucking thing for me to say… It’s taken me 3 years of work to get there. This was my end goal when I first found Good Looking Loser. I wasn’t even sure I’d ever be able to reach this point.
Now that I’m here, I’m not sure what the next goal is. Part of me thinks “Ok dude, you can delete your account and stop posting on the forums. You don’t need it anymore”.
I’m so tempted to do that. To just enjoy this “golden era” of my life without keeping a journal of it. But I’d miss the friendships I’ve built up with a lot of you guys.
Plus I know it’s arrogant and stupid to think just because I’m getting laid right now means “I’ve made it” and can slow down and rest. This is the time I need to push myself HARDER, not rest of my laurels.
I’ll keep doing what I’m doing – trying to get laid more and more, improving my looks, improving my body, working on my killer instinct, pushing the boundaries. There’s still a LOT on my sexual bucketlist, plus I’m just enjoying getting new pussy. I’ll keep posting on here.
That was a really special day for me. The day I finally felt like I had shed the last of my “loser” label. I’d finally killed my inner loser.
One good thing about sharing my story is it’s encouraged others to share their stories with me. I get emails every week from people who’ve been through their own impressive self-improvement journeys, and it’s bloody awesome to see; I love a good underdog story. I’ve met so many amazing people through this awesome journey. I’ve even helped my main girlfriend go through her own pretty awesome self-improvement journey.
So if you’re at the start of your journey, or maybe you feel like a complete loser, or you worry that your life is so much worse than everybody’s else’s, or you wonder if you’ll ever be able to achieve anything: you’re not alone.
I felt like that, my friends felt like that, and a million other people have felt like that.
If a complete fucking loser like me can get his shit together, you sure as hell can too.
Want to kill your inner loser too but feel like you have NO idea where to start?
If you need help with getting laid or getting a girlfriend, start with my How to Get Laid guide. It’s a massive, step-by-step guide that’ll teach you everything from improving your appearance, upping your confidence, dressing better, how to text girls, what to do on dates, how to be the best fuck she’s ever had, retention (keeping girls around long-term) and everything else. And it’s totally free, so you have no excuses.
If you have no friends, start with my massive How to Make Friends guide. Don’t be a loner like I was; it fucking sucks.
If you need a support network, jump on these forums and get the support you need. I don’t want anyone suffering alone; please reach out and get other people to push you and guide you on your path to victory.
If you’re depressed, start with my list of depression resources. Seriously, click that link right now, please.
Also read this book, it’s lifechanging: You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought.
And if you’re feeling hopeless & suicidal, please read this: Don’t Kill Yourself.
Then read this: If You’re Feeling Hopeless and Helpless.
If you want to get into 3somes, go read my in-depth guide: How to Have a 3some (Even If You Don’t Feel Ready Yet).
If BDSM and kinky sex is more your thing, that’s here: My List of BDSM Resources.
If you want more in-depth help, I offer coaching here. I’ll make it clear I only work with guys who are absolutely serious about building an amazing life, and I demand hard work from everyone I let into my coaching programs. You will need to be committed to working your ass off, but you’ll be rewarded with an amazing life.
Remember that I started out as a complete unhappy, obese mess. So if I can get my shit together, you sure as hell can too. All you have to do is start; right now.
I know if you’re reading this, there’s a big part of you that feels like, “Yeah but my problems are even more insurmountable than anybody else’s; I’m a special kind of fucked up.” I absolutely promise you that isn’t the case. So many of my coaching clients and guys on my forums have said that: “I’m too fucked up to change”. All of them changed. We all start out feeling like we’re too far gone, like it’s too late for us; we’re all convinced we are exceptionally messed up and could never change. Truth is everybody can change; you just have to start with one tiny little baby step and take things one day at a time. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Don’t make excuses. Make it happen.
UPDATE 2022: I went through even more details of my self-improvement journey in this interview:
Me again, this comment won’t be as long, I promise (if you’re not sure what i mean, I am the 31 yr old bisexual woman who found your website and commented on, I think it was your fifth and final chapter of your guide with a very long comment. there is so much to say/talk about, and i got into it. don’t worry, i was respectful! but very long.).
Something you said in this article I’m commenting on right now: “It’s crazy how god damn sexist I used to be – there’s nothing more sexist than thinking an entire gender is “perfect” and can do no wrong. Jesus christ.” Yes, that’s true that believing one entire gender is perfect all the time is sexist. It’s self-damaging too as you point out. No gender is perfect, it’s true.
I said this in my other much longer comment and I’ll say it again that it’s really interesting how differently people can define words. In that other article for example, what you call the supposed ‘nice’ guy – In my experience and where I grew up/live, I have come to understand the ‘nice’ guy to be a man who is really only being nice to women to get sex. he’s not being a nice, good, kind, respectful person just to be a good person. He sees it only as a means to an end, and does not want to be around women that will not have sex with him because his thinking is “but I was nice to you -> women like that -> so why won’t you fuck me -> you’re a tease/bitch/insert_any_other_insult_or_slur_here if you don’t fuck me -> but i was nice to you” and it keeps going around. That’s my understanding of the word, but it seems your understanding is a little different to mine, and that’s fascinating to me. That you say the ‘nice’ guy is a man who is honestly nice but has no masculinity. He’s nice, but he has nothing else to offer. (Or, at least that’s what I got from what you said in that other article.)
We are on two separate continents divided by an ocean – you’re in Australia, I’m a canuck in Canada. i wonder how much of how we define some of these words has to do with that. The cultural, upbringing, religious effects – all of it is really interesting.
Another word that we have differing definitions/understandings of are the words feminism and feminist. I am truly sorry that you went through not only one abusive relationship, but two. I have as well. It was one, and shorter than the ones you went through. It was gaslighting, as in, being made to constantly doubt everything I did and rely on THEM for everything (and with my specific mental health needs, I am very vulnerable to that). There was no physical abuse, which added to the belief that I had nothing to complain about.
I do hate talking about it. Everything you said about how you felt during those so-called ‘relationships’ resonated with me. So did the suicidal thoughts and fantasies. I’m thankful for the both of us that those were only imaginary. I also want to apologize on behalf of women for any woman that made you feel like shite for being a man. That is terrible and nobody deserves that. Where we differ in definitions of feminism and feminist is that I have never heard of your definition of them before reading it here.
‘Putting all women on a pedestal and that they can do no wrong.’ I had never heard of that quite before. I am sorry for that affecting you so strongly. Maybe you won’t believe me when I say that, maybe you’ll think that I’m trying to bait you and brainwash you into hating yourself again, but I am truly sorry about what you’ve went through. And with my understanding of the word feminist, I do call myself one, and I’m proud of it. I am not at all proud of the women that believe in female superiority.
My understanding of the words is the acknowledgement that countries around the world have laws in place to prevent women from going to school, marrying who they want, getting whatever jobs/careers they want, and deciding if they want to have children or not. Men don’t face governmental laws preventing them from living their lives. The effort and fight towards making sure women can conduct their lives how they want is what feminism is to me. It’s the definition I learned from my own parents and how I grew up. It’s a political movement, not an excuse for abuse. Being a feminist was never supposed to be about putting women or putting certain women on a pedestal. That doesn’t work and makes no sense,…
So of course with women who do think that, there’s going to be in-fighting or fighting within the group. I have encountered this thing a few times – It’s women believing that OTHER women are scum or are inferior because they want to be homemakers or mothers or stay at home with the kids. Feminism is supposed to be about women having as much range that men have in whatever country they live in. It’s about having choice, options, range instead of being put into a box resigned to the home or resigned to being less important than men.
Finally, the women who say they hate men, that believe in female superiority and etc. are incredibly damaged women. I am not asking you to forgive the women who have so badly hurt you (Forgiveness is something people have to work for after all, not something people can just expect to be given to them “but I apologized!” Yeah? So what?.) And I’m not faulting you for coming to the conclusion that feminism is all about hating men. Those women have had repeatedly horrid experiences with men, and then they end up either flagging all men as a serious danger risk to themselves or they end up in groups of women who believe the same thing. And that got you caught up, and when you were young too and not as experienced as you are now. Groups of women who say “we hate men” may not be as… potentially dangerous as a group of men that hates women (and it really is more often about “I hate the laws in place that hurt me as a woman but that takes too long to say”), but it’s just as screwed up. Both of these mindsets really do come from the same screwed up places of bad experiences that fuel that hatred.
Nobody is ever really done self-improving, it’s a constant process. It’s a journey, not a race! Your progress you’ve made to being happier has already come a long way. You’re a good person. I hope you and your girlfriend both have a wonderful week 😀 🙂
You’re very sweet. I’ve long-since moved on from my toxic relationships (those were about 10 years ago), and I never blamed those women; I wasn’t an angel in those relationships either. We were all just hurting, and projecting that onto other people. I never hated them.
I don’t think feminism is solely about hating men (though there are a lot of feminists who fall into that camp, unfortunately – but I just avoid them. Just like “The Red Pill” and pickup artists have quite a few guys who hate women – best to avoid them). If someone tells me they’re a feminist, I then dig a little deeper and try to figure out if they have healthy views on men vs women.
I’d rather take each person on an individual-by-individual basis; if I believe they’re trying to make the world a little better, awesome – I’ll give that person my time. If I believe they’re trying to bring others down, I’ll just avoid them. I care more about that than whether someone is a feminist, or left-wing, or right-wing, etc.
A few sub women said to me “I opened the conv like a fake dom” on tinder.
I’m not a fake dom but just an inexperienced one.
I just have a dominant nature in bed and have some experience in the area but not claiming to be a master etc.
So a very recent conversation was:
Me: You look good on a leash (flame)
Her: I know right?
Me: Would love to see you on the leash on your knees blindfolded
Her: Lol bby only fake doms open like this
So… 🙂 What’s a better (or more real/experienced) opener?
Oh believe me I am and I am doing ok w/ women although obviously admittedly not as well as you do. But my question was more specific.
For example I’m curious to know what you’d say after she said “I know right?”
You missed the entire point of me giving you that link. You’ll figure out the answers if you just go hit on a tonne more women, make a bunch of mistakes, and learn along the way. This is all just a big experiment – you’ve gotta figure out a lot of it yourself. Me telling you exactly what to say in every single situation won’t really help you. You figuring it out for yourself is what will ultimately make you successful.
Fair play mate, thanks. And fantastic work btw.
Hi Andy. What do you recommend to guys who have nothing to say in conversations and their minds are blank when attempting to hold a conversation? Approach anxiety is already bad enough, I also don’t know how to even talk and find the right things to say at the right moment.
When I cold approach/daygame, I only ever talk for 1 or 2 minutes, then ask for her number. I don’t have long conversations or anything. You don’t need to either.
I just read all this post and you are amazing!
Great inspiration for me and many guys around. Very honesty and open 🙂
I’m a bald man as well. After many years it bothered me, I just shaved my head and it looks much better than my strange haircuts I had before.
Yeah man, so glad I decided to shave that shit.
Just saw this – thanks for the mention
Usually the people who have come a long way…
Have the craziest stories to tell.
Congrats and here’s to more success
“Not having the “right” to talk to girls: Oh man, this was a tough one. I had a complete breakdown when it came time for me to actually start hitting on girls. I had to go through several weeks of hell where I did nothing but process my emotions, my insecurities, my doubts, my fears, etc for 8+ hours a day. I literally took time off work to work on it. I had to sit down and ask myself, “WHY don’t I feel like I deserve to talk to women? WHY do I feel like I’m not good enough? WHY do I feel like I’m a loser?” That was incredibly confronting and by far the hardest thing I’d ever had to face. Much harder than everything else on this list.”
Going through this right now… it is true, the girls thing is way harder than fitness or professional goals. It is adrenaline rush after adrenaline rush, it breaks you down, it puts you down to your knees, it challenges your identity, your nice guy behaviors, your ego investments. You are basically unplugging from the matrix… it brings all the issues to the surface. You have to pretty much take time off from everything, quit life almost. That’s why if you solve that issue, you have a much higher chance of succeeding in every other area of life. It sure as hell has been the case for you.
Yeah it’s a billion times harder than fitness or career or anything else. Because it comes down to the very core of who you are: “Do I deserve love? Do I deserve to have people think I’m attractive? Do I deserve to be desired? Do I deserve to be a winner?” All the other stuff (career, fitness, etc) is stuff you DO. Being good with girls feels like something you ARE. You’re being so vulnerable by putting yourself out there and saying to every girl, “Please like me. Please want to have sex with me.”
I must have read this article a billion times during my darkest moments, and it was one of the only things that got me through:
Can you write a post on this part specifically? It seems like something I am (have been) going through for quite a while..
I’ve already started a similar article, but I’ve got 100 other articles to release first so if I’m honest, it won’t be out for a while.
If you like, shoot me an email for a coaching session and we’ll dive into it.
These resonated with me hard. I have a good career (software engineer), I have a side hustle that makes more money than my day job and it still just getting started, but general when it comes to girls and superiors, I have a hard time being vulnerable with them.
With people in general, the fundamental question “do you think I am good enough”, is something that i am deeply insecure about, so i try to avoid it all together. Also, I feel a little low because you seem to entered the manosphere around the same time I did and you made way more progress than I did. Nonetheless, I will be devouring the content in your site, and I will probably be looking into having you as a coach.
I made way more progress than you because this was the thing I focused on. Don’t compare yourself to me. I could easily make myself feel shit by saying “I still have to work a part time job to support myself; my coaching business doesn’t pay all my bills just yet. Meanwhile, Sidney has a good career and a side business
Therefore, he is way better than me and I’m a failure.”
See how that works?
I am always full of doubt and insecurities. We all are:
With vulnerability around girls, you just get better with practice. Baby steps. You have to force it at first, but eventually you get somewhat-decent at being vulnerable. Read this:
Your sexual openness triggers some deep fears in me – as a woman, I’m always afraid that I can only experience love if I am a man’s ultimate sexual fantasy. If he is sexually active/interested with another girl, then he is less available to love me.
I admire your self-improvement. Such hard work, and lots of courage to face those dark places inside of us.
I’ll do a podcast episode on this – I’ll reply here with another comment when it’s published.
EDIT: Episode is here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/7027759
Episode is up: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1279346/7027759
I love this one. Absolutely love this one. Great article.