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Success is like riding a bicycle.
Imagine you’re teaching a child how to ride a bicycle. You take them to a big, open park and you sit them down on the bicycle seat. Their little feet barely touch the pedals as they shakily try to hold onto the handle bars, ready to give it a go. They look up at you, ready for instructions.
About 100 ft away, you see a tree – a giant oak tree. You point at the tree, and you say to the child, “See that big tree? Make sure you don’t hit it. Avoid it. Don’t hit it. No matter what you do, do not crash into that tree.“
Do you know what happens if you actually do this for real? 100% of the time, the kid hits that tree. Despite your best effort to get him to avoid the tree, he somehow managed to screw it up completely. Who’s responsible?
The reason every kid will hit a tree if you tell them not to is because of how a bicycle works; the bike goes where the handlebars are pointed. You told the kid, “Don’t hit that tree”, and so he focused on the tree. He kept looking at it, afraid to hit it as he got closer and closer, all the while pointing his handlebars at the tree. CRASH.
You made him focus on the tree – and so he ended up going in that direction.
If you want the child to not hit that tree, you instead say, “Hey, turn 90 degrees to the right. See that giant, open field out there? No trees for miles. I want you to ride towards that big open field.” And this time as he shakily rides his bike, he’ll go towards the open field, because that’s what he’s focusing on. That’s where his handlebars are pointed. He’ll avoid the tree altogether; it won’t even be in his head. He might not even realise there was a big scary tree to begin with.
Our goals work exactly the same as the tree and the bicycle. It’s so easy for us to get caught up in focusing on the things we don’t want, focusing on problems, obsessing about negativity and limiting beliefs, getting caught up in fears and worries and concerns. In doing so – in focusing on the thing you don’t want – you are like the little kid on his bicycle, riding straight towards that tree. If all you focus on is the fact your boss isn’t nice to you, or that women ignore you, or that you’re fat, or that you don’t have the money you would like, or that achieving goals can be hard sometimes… you will fail. If you focus on negativity, you will hit that tree.
Instead, focus on that wide, open field; focus on the thing you DO want. Focus on the goal, focus on how wonderful it’s going to feel when you achieve it, focus on the self-improvement journey, focus on gratitude, focus on how good it feels to just be working on your goals. Focus on everything you actually want, and forget about the tree entirely. Future you isn’t going to be stressing about some stupid tree that doesn’t even matter, so why is current you stressing about it?
I have another similar philosophy: “Have a winner’s mindset, rather than a loser’s mindset”. In other words; play to WIN (focus on the thing you want), rather than “playing not to lose.” Focus on the outcome that you actually want; obsess about your goal, focus on it, go all-in.
Part of that obsession – part of going all-in and winning – means you have to turn your back on the tree. And that can be hard at times; it can be terrifying to put aside your fears and go for the life you want. The part of you that’s scared wants to focus on the tree. Fight the urge to stare at that damn tree – the tree doesn’t matter to you. You’re too busy winning.
It’s time for you to ride that bicycle towards the open field and get what you want.
If you want to really kickstart your journey and finally stop hitting those damn trees – come join The Winners Club and give yourself the life you deserve. We’re waiting for you. Here’s an interview I did with Rene – a client I helped sleep with 12 women in 12 weeks, as well as his very first 3some: