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A question I get all the time is “How do I be more confident – how do I get rid of my limiting beliefs – so that I can take more action?”
My answer is always the same – if you’re waiting to feel confident before you take a ton of action, you’re doing it backwards.
Confidence isn’t something you just magically acquire by thinking about it. It’s not something you get from just forcing yourself to be confident. It’s not something a book, or a YouTube video, or an article can hand you. Confidence is earned – through action, through doing, through failure, through learning.
Confidence isn’t about “not being scared”, or “being a badass”. Confidence is knowing that even if it all goes to shit – even if you completely fumble and screw things up – you’ll be completely ok. Which if you think about it, means you can only be confident by literally failing – confidence literally requires you to make mistakes, to show yourself you’ll be ok.
Phrased another way: This is the essence of the Confidence-Competence Loop: action leads to competence, which in turn fosters genuine confidence. And that confidence propels you to take even more action, creating a self-reinforcing cycle of continuous growth.
My favourite analogy is riding a bike; you didn’t wait until you felt “confident” to ride. Nah, screw that – you got on, wobbled, fell over a bunch of times, probably cried and felt embarrassed and then mummy or daddy told you to try again. Each time you tried, you got 0.1% better, until finally you figured out how to ride the damn thing – and then confidence came after you’d figured it out.
The same with my own dating life. Do you think I felt confident to talk to women, when I first started this journey? Hell no, son! I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I was shaking, nervous, I even forgot my own name for a few seconds when hitting on one girl. I fumbled, I made mistakes, I looked like a giant dork, and I felt so embarrassed so many times.
And then I just kept on going.
And a beautiful thing started to happen; the more action I took (even when I wasn’t confident and definitely didn’t feel ready), the more I started to become somewhat competent. And eventually, as I just kept going, I started to feel like, “Oh shit… maybe I have some idea of what I’m doing here. Maybe I’m getting decent at this thing.”
Until one day I woke up and realised “Oh snap! I’m pretty good at sex and dating!” And with that, the confidence started to build.
And on that note – confidence isn’t binary; it’s not so “black and white”. Confidence is a scale, it’s a spectrum; you don’t just have to “be confident” out of nowhere. It’s much easier to see confidence as something you slowly level up over time, becoming 1% more confident with each week you work on your goal. Much like a stat in an RPG video game, you gradually level up your character (yourself), grinding XP and improving the more you play the game we call life.
It’s not “100% confidence” vs “0% confidence”; it’s not one or the other.
The Loop in Action
Here’s how the Confidence-Competence Loop actually works:
- Take Action: Start before you feel ready. Embrace imperfection.
- Gain Experience: Learn from successes and failures (really, they’re learning lessons) alike.
- Build Competence: Develop skills through practice and feedback.
- Develop Confidence: You’ll start to trust your own abilities, the more you practice.
- Repeat: Use your slowly-increasing confidence to tackle even bigger challenges, which in turn gives you even more confidence; and the cycle keeps going.
This loop is self-reinforcing. The more you do, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more confident you become. And the more confident you are, the more action you’re willing to take.
And if you have that voice in your head that says “Yeah but Andy, I can’t even get started. How am I supposed to even take action, when my fears are so overwhelming?” Start with this, and use that to take action; even the tiniest little baby step. If you’re wanting to approach women, literally just go outside for a walk and THINK about talking to some women.
If you’re wanting to start losing weight, just go for a 1-minute walk (yes, just 1 minute) and then tomorrow aim for 2 mins, then 3, and slowly increase that over the next few weeks.
If you want to build a business, just start by doing a bit of research/thinking about what business you might want to start – even just 5 minutes a day is infinitely more than 0.
Start small, throw yourself into the Confidence-Competence Loop, and beautiful things will happen.
Action silences doubts. Nothing else will; no amount of motivation from me, or promises of “You can do it!” or pushing from me will make the difference that just going outside and taking action will. Each step you take proves your doubts wrong. Each success, no matter how small, chips away at the fear.
Remember, courage isn’t the absence of fear – it’s acting despite it.
So don’t stress so much about confidence – it really isn’t necessary. I don’t think I’ve ever been confident about any new goal I start – the confidence comes later. And even if the confidence never comes, who gives a shit – I’m too busy taking action to even care.
After all, confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action – it’s a result of it.
And if you want more help with taking action and (eventually) becoming that confident badass you really want to be, right now I have a COACHING DEAL: Apply in the next 3 DAYS ONLY & get $2000 off the price + an extra 4 weeks of coaching. Payment plans available. Apply here.
