Watch the YouTube version of this article:
There’s a question that a lot of you guys quietly carry around:
“Why does dating feel so unfair?”
“Why do we have to put in all the effort? We’re the ones buying the drinks, planning the dates, hitting the gym, working on our confidence, taking photos for dating apps, paying for the apps themselves (and often getting absolutely no matches). We’re the ones expected to approach, to perform, to take the lead, to be confident, to tell jokes and be funny, to be charismatic, smooth, charming, attractive, stoic, masculine, ambitious, and emotionally balanced – all at the same time.”
Meanwhile, women can simply say “no thanks,” and walk away.
If you’ve ever felt that sting of unfairness, I get it. I’ve been there too. For years, I felt like the deck was stacked against me.
And here’s the truth most people won’t say out loud:
You’re right. It is unfair.
Dating isn’t equal. It’s not a level playing field… but that’s ok.
The Truth About Effort
Men put in most of the effort in dating. That’s not a complaint — it’s just reality. You’re the one who takes the initiative. You’re the one who risks rejection over and over. You’re the one who’ll improve himself continuously – maybe you’ll make more money, maybe you’ll work on your confidence, or your flirting, maybe you’ll dress better, or hit the gym, or work on your sexual skills.
And when you try to talk about the fact that that sometimes feels like a heck of a lot of effort and work, most people just don’t care.
But I do. And so does this community.
Because I’ve lived it — from being lonely, depressed, and invisible, to building an entire life and business around helping men become stronger, freer, and more fulfilled.
What You Get in Return for Your Efforts in Dating
Yes, dating requires a lot from you. But what you get in return isn’t just sex or a girlfriend.
It’s transformation.
You’ll meet amazing women. You’ll experience real intimacy, connection, passion, and yes — wild, fun, kinky adventures. But even more than that, you become the kind of man you’ve always wanted to be.
Every rejection, every awkward date, every time you push yourself to hit on a woman – it all forges you into someone stronger, calmer, and more confident. You start to believe in yourself. You stop fearing “no.” You stop living small.
Rejection literally makes you into a better man.
And the funny thing is, that confidence bleeds into everything else — your career, your friendships, your finances, your health. You become the man who goes after what he wants, because he’s done it a thousand times before. This process of chasing women literally improves every single area of your life.
And that’s the real reward. You becoming better. Because after all, this was never just about getting laid. Be honest: this was never really just about women, was it.
The Cost of Giving Up
Now, some men decide to give up on dating. They say “It’s not worth it” and they retreat into work, video games, or isolation. If that genuinely brings you peace, I’m all for it. Go live whatever life you want to live – with, or without women.
But if deep down you still care — if you still dream about love, connection, or even just wanting to be desired by a woman — then quitting will eat at you. You’ll feel that quiet regret, that sense of not living authentically. Because ignoring something that deeply matters to you always creates suffering.
You can’t lie to yourself forever.
Women Have Their Own Battles
It’s also worth remembering: women struggle too. Their pain just looks different.
Many women live with constant fears about safety, being judged, or being labelled a “slut.” They worry they’ll be used and discarded. They have deep insecurities about their bodies — even the ones you’d swear are perfect.
Try asking a woman you’re dating what part of her body she’s insecure about. She’ll tell you — and you’ll probably think she’s crazy for even worrying about it. But that’s the point: everyone suffers.
Extreme feminists often look at men and think, “It must be easy for them.” (You know as well as I do, that being a man doesn’t mean your life is perfect all the damn time – that’s an absurd assumption, right?)
And some men look at women and think the same – “Women’s dating lives must be easy”. It’s equally absurd.
Both sides assume. And both sides project. (That’s part of why I have my Bridging the Gap series, to bring men and women together).
But underneath, we’re all human. We all bleed. We all doubt ourselves.
And when you really understand that, you stop seeing dating as a war between men and women — and start seeing it as an invitation to understand each other. It’s you and her, on the same team.
The Real Goal
This isn’t just about sex, money, or fame, or validation.
It’s about self-improvement.
It’s about becoming someone you respect.
Someone who’s honest, grounded, and strong — not because life is fair, but because you made peace with the fact that it isn’t.
That’s what I’ve built this entire brand on:
Honesty. Integrity. Growth.
And if you’re reading this — or watching my videos, or out there trying your best — I want you to know something:
You’re doing a good job.
Even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Even when no one thanks you.
Even when you’re tired of trying.
Stay the course, brother. Don’t quit. Because I promise you — when you finally get there, it’s worth it, in ways you can’t even imagine yet.
Need Help?
If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. You’re welcome to hit me up for one of my $200 coaching calls I’m offering (only for a limited time). Or my Hardcore 1-on-1 VIP Program is currently 50% off (only 1 slot left, payment plans are available). I’ll listen, I’ll care, and we’ll figure out a plan for you, together.
Or if you’re short on cash, jump onto my YouTube channel and leave a comment on the latest vid and people will help you out and give you some support (we’ve built a really awesome community of guys who genuinely care, and who respond to other comments).
Until then —
Keep going.
Keep improving.
And remember: this was never just about getting girls.
It’s about becoming the man who can.
