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I see a lot of guys holding themselves to crazy-high standards when it comes to masculinity. They’ll compare themselves to other men they look up to, and beat themselves up if they ever fall short of those masculine ideals.
Like many things, my go-to answer is: “Give yourself permission to suck. See masculinity as a skill you can level up. Just aim to be 1% more masculine each week, and gradually build up your masculinity over time.”
But there’s something else that might help you to think about. Consider this: Were you masculine as a child?
I mean, really stop and consider it. When you were a small child, maybe even a baby, on a scale of 1-10 how masculine were you? Were you strong, stoic, independent, was your voice deep? Did you embody the masculine traits that define masculinity for you?
Probably not, right? Not many of us were particularly “masculine” when we were shitting our pants in diapers and constantly crying whenever mummy or daddy left the room. We weren’t particularly masculine when we did whatever we were told, and had no independence or agency in our own lives. Hardly the beacons of manliness or masculinity.
But, since the time you were wearing diapers, you’ve improved. You’re now more than a little better at being a manly man. You’ve become more masculine.
So, you have tangible proof you are capable of becoming more masculine. In fact, you’ve been doing it your entire life, ever since you were a baby. And all that’s left is to just keep improving, like you already have been.
Any anytime that voice pops up in your head and says “I’m failing at being a man!”, remember as a child you failed completely at being masculine. You weren’t masculine in any capacity; now you’re a whole lot more masculine, even if you’re not yet where you want to be. You’ve improved, and you will keep improving. Think how much more you’ll improve in another 5, 10, or 20 years. You won’t even recognise your old self.
It’ll be amazing.
So take some of that pressure off your shoulders; as long as you’re making a little bit of progress each week, that’s all that matters. (And if you’re not making progress; change something. Take action and improve your station in life). You have the rest of your life to become as masculine as you would like to be.
I promise.
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