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I get this question a lot:
“How many women do I need to approach before I start getting results?”
The short answer:
Do 100 approaches.
Then do 200.
Then keep going.
You don’t have to do them all this week. You don’t need to become some insane cold approach machine. But 100–200 approaches is a solid starting point if you want to understand how the numbers game actually works.
By then, you’ll have had women smile, women say no, women ignore you, women tell you they have boyfriends, women be flattered, maybe a few phone numbers, maybe a date.
But more importantly, you’ll stop treating every interaction like it defines you as a man.
And that’s the real game.
Stop Looking at the Mountain
If you haven’t done your first proper cold approach yet, “go do 100” can sound ridiculous.
Beautiful. Then don’t focus on 100.
Focus on one.
Go outside and try to do one approach. Maybe you do it. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you walk around for 15 minutes, see a cute girl, panic, and go home.
That still counts as trying.
The mountain gets climbed one tiny step at a time. You don’t need to be brave enough for the whole journey. You just need to take the next step.
You Don’t Need to Be Fearless
Some guys want to talk to 20 women a day and become super social. Cool. If that’s you, go for it.
But a lot of men don’t actually want that.
They just want to stop being so afraid of women.
They want to see a cute girl in a coffee shop and be able to say hi without their brain screaming, “Oh God, what do I say?”
That was me.
When I started, I wasn’t dreaming of some wild abundant dating life. I just wanted to be less terrified. I wanted to talk to women and have some of them be nice to me.
That’s a beautiful goal.
You don’t have to destroy every ounce of approach anxiety. If you can talk to even one in 50 women you find cute, that’s enough to change your life.
Social Approaches Count Too
If you’ve talked to women at festivals, parties, bars, cafes, meetups, or through friends, that counts.
A street approach feels different because you haven’t done it yet. But it’s still just a social interaction.
You’re walking up to another human being and seeing if she wants to talk.
If she doesn’t, cool. Wish her well.
If she has a boyfriend, beautiful. Hope they’re happy.
If she wants to talk, great. Talk.
It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
Stop Obsessing Over the Batting Average
Guys often ask:
“Out of 100 approaches, how many numbers should I get? How many bad reactions should I expect?”
I get why you want to know. But it’s almost impossible to answer.
When I started, I was unbelievably nervous. Sweaty. Dry mouth. Shaky. I forgot my own name once. I walked up to women with this energy of, “Please don’t hurt me,” and shockingly, they didn’t always feel relaxed around me.
These days, I’m much calmer, so my results are different.
But here’s the real point:
If you’re obsessing over the batting average, you’re still making her reaction the point.
Her reaction is not the point.
Your courage is the point.
Your growth is the point.
Your ability to stay open-hearted is the point.
Stop Calling It Rejection
I don’t really believe in rejection anymore.
A woman saying no isn’t necessarily rejecting you.
She might be saying yes to her boyfriend.
Yes to her comfort.
Yes to being single.
Yes to getting to work on time.
Yes to staying in her own bubble because she’s anxious and doesn’t want to talk.
That’s not her attacking you.
That’s her looking after herself.
And that’s beautiful.
If she says, “I have a boyfriend,” she’s being loyal.
If she says, “Not tonight,” she’s respecting her own pace.
If she ignores you, maybe she didn’t hear you. Maybe she’s anxious. Maybe she just doesn’t talk to strangers.
You can take it personally if you want.
But you don’t have to.
Every Approach Can Be a Win
After every approach, ask:
“What can I be grateful for here?”
If she was kind, be grateful for her kindness.
If she had a boyfriend, be grateful for her loyalty.
If she ignored you, be grateful for the chance to practice not taking things personally.
If she was rude, be grateful for the chance to practice self-love and resilience.
That doesn’t mean pretending your feelings don’t hurt. If something stings, let it sting. Go home. Feel it. Talk to a friend. Meditate. Be human.
But when the feelings pass, look for the lesson.
There’s always something to learn.
That’s how you stop counting rejections and start collecting courage.
Taking Breaks Isn’t Failure
If you do a bunch of approaches and then feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break.
Work on your fitness. Your business. Your friendships. Your hobbies. Your life.
That’s not failure.
A happy human being has a much easier time talking to other human beings.
Approaching matters, yes.
But enjoying your life matters too.
Your Challenge
If you haven’t done your first cold approach yet, try this:
Go outside for 15 minutes every day this week.
That’s it.
You don’t even have to approach. Just try.
If you do it, amazing.
If you almost do it, amazing.
If you panic and go home, still amazing. You tried.
Afterwards, write down one thing you’re grateful for.
Not one thing you did wrong.
Not one reason you suck.
One thing you’re grateful for.
That’s how you build this: courage, compassion, reps, and gratitude.
Final Thought
So yes, if you want a number:
Do 100 approaches.
Then do 200.
But the deeper answer is this:
Stop trying to “get over rejection” and start seeing that maybe rejection isn’t what you thought it was.
Maybe she’s not saying no to you.
Maybe she’s saying yes to herself.
And maybe your job isn’t to make every woman like you.
Maybe your job is to show up, be brave, be kind, tell the truth, leave people better than you found them, and keep going.
That’s the numbers game.
Not collecting women.
Collecting courage.
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