I get this question quite a lot: “Andy, I really want to start being honest with girls like you’re always going on about. But I’m worried about what she’ll say if I’m truly 100% honest. Are you sure I should be honest?“
Yes I am sure.
Having started out more deceptive than anyone, and eventually transitioning into being upfront and honest with every girl I bang/date, I can tell you my sex life is unequivocally better when I’m real with people. Hell, my life in general is better – there’s less drama, no arguments, no manipulation, no secrets and no surprises. I always know what’s coming, because I’m honest with everyone and they respect my honesty and give it back to me in return.
I know that when you haven’t had a lot of experience with being honest and real with people, there’s a terrifying fear that something bad will happen if you share the truth. Yeah, something bad might happen – that’s always a small possibility. But if you’re deceptive, if you lie or manipulate or hide the truth, there’s a very real possibility something bad will happen. When the lie comes out, drama usually ensues – nobody appreciates having been lied to.
And even if the lie doesn’t officially come out, people aren’t fucking stupid – they can sense when you’re holding back a bit. That trepidation you’re showing, the skirting around the truth you’re doing, is very easy for girls to pick up on. They’ll know you’re hiding something, and they’ll naturally treat you with suspicion, holding back the truth from you as well because they’ll get a sense that you’re not open and real.
When you ask me if I think you should be honest, what you’re really asking me for is permission to be honest. So here it is:
I give you permission to be honest with girls, and risk something bad happening. I promise you, everything will work out okay.
I know it can be scary at the start – you’re treading uncharted waters. I had a terrifying fear of what might go wrong if I told any girls the absolute truth. I was convinced the world would come crashing down. I thought they’d yell at me or throw a tantrum, or, heaven forbid: tell me I was a bad person. I thought that by lying, or “telling her what she wants to hear” or “keeping the truth to myself”, I was doing them a favour because I was saving them from pain.
Thing is, it’s really not your job to save anyone else from having a bad reaction to the truth. All you can do is be authentic, honest, totally real with girls, and see which girls are able to mirror your honesty and ethics and give you the same in return. The ones who can’t handle the truth – good – let them leave and move on to the next girl. If you lie, if you go out there and play games with girls and bullshit them, you’ll only end up with a bunch of girls who are happy to be lied to. And they’ll happily lie to you in return.
If instead you show yourself to be an open book, who does his best to tell the truth even when it’s uncomfortable, awkward and weird, then you’ll naturally end up with more girls who will tell you the truth… even when it’s a little uncomfortable.