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Hey you.
I want to write something today for the person who is really trying.
Maybe you’ve improved your dating profile. You’ve worked on your appearance. You’ve gone to the gym. You’ve pushed yourself to talk to people even though it scares you. Maybe you’ve approached dozens — or hundreds — of women. Or maybe your struggle isn’t dating at all. Maybe you’ve been working on your career, your business, your confidence, your social life, your body, your mental health.
And despite all of that effort, you’re still sitting there thinking: “Why am I not further ahead?”
I want you to know something before I say anything else: I get it. And I don’t want to immediately throw some motivational quote at you. I don’t want to tell you to “just be positive.” I don’t want to tell you that you should be grateful because somebody else has it worse.
Because sometimes this stuff genuinely hurts.
When you’ve tried again and again and the thing you want still hasn’t arrived, there can be a very deep fear underneath all of it. What if I can’t fix this? What if nobody ever really chooses me? What if I never find someone who cares about me? What if I work this hard and it still isn’t enough?
I know that feeling.
There were periods of my own dating life where I talked to hundreds of women and felt like I had almost nothing to show for it. There have been periods in business where I worked incredibly hard, made video after video, tried everything I knew how to try — and wondered if I was actually any good at this. I’ve had the thoughts: Maybe I’m a loser. Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I should quit.
So if you’re there right now, I’m not going to judge you for being tired. You’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed to be frustrated. You’re allowed to admit that you wanted more than what you’ve gotten so far. You don’t have to pretend that it doesn’t hurt.
But I also want to remind you of something I wish I’d understood much earlier:
Your results are not a measurement of your worth.
Not having a girlfriend yet does not make you unlovable. Being a virgin does not make you defective. Getting rejected does not make you ugly. Struggling financially does not make you a failure. Being behind where you thought you’d be by now does not mean you’ve wasted your life.
You are still you. And you are still worthy of love, respect and kindness — including your own.
Self-improvement can do beautiful things for you. It can help you become stronger, more confident, more socially capable, healthier, wealthier, more attractive, more resilient. But underneath all of that, I think there’s an even deeper journey happening.
You’re slowly learning to look at yourself and say: “I actually like this person.”
Not because you finally slept with enough people. Not because your bank account reached some magical number. Not because everybody approves of you. But because you know what it took to become who you are.
You remember the days you were terrified and still showed up. You remember the awkward attempts, the rejection, the doubt, the times you asked for help, the things you learned, the moments you tried again. And eventually you get to look back and realise: “God damn. I didn’t abandon myself.”
That matters.
And please remember that sometimes continuing does not mean pushing harder.
Sometimes continuing means resting. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is take a week off. Go see your friends. Play some games. Sit in a park. Go to the gym because you enjoy it, not because you’re desperately trying to optimise yourself. Sleep. Laugh. Eat something nice. Remember that you are a human being and not a self-improvement project.
If you’ve been grinding for months and you’re completely exhausted, perhaps you don’t need another productivity strategy right now. Maybe you just need to recharge. The work will still be there when you come back.
You are allowed to rest without quitting.
And when you’re ready, we keep going. Not because there’s something wrong with you that desperately needs fixing, but because there are beautiful experiences available to you.
There are people you haven’t met yet who are going to adore you. There are friendships you haven’t made yet. There are dates you haven’t been on. There are conversations, kisses, adventures and stupid little moments of laughter that you cannot possibly predict from where you’re standing today.
There are versions of yourself you haven’t met yet either.
And I know how difficult it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of the struggle. So if you can’t believe it today, borrow a little of my belief in you.
Your goals are not ridiculous. Wanting someone kind who genuinely likes you is not ridiculous. Wanting intimacy is not ridiculous. Wanting good friends is not ridiculous. Wanting enough money that you don’t constantly feel stressed is not ridiculous.
These are deeply human things to want. And you are capable of moving toward them.
It might take longer than you hoped. You might need to change your approach. You might need help. You might need to rest for a while and come back. But please don’t use the fact that you haven’t arrived yet as evidence that you never will.
And give yourself some credit for something else: you’re trying.
You’re here. You care enough about your life to try to make it better. That matters more than you think.
You don’t have to have everything figured out today. Just keep being willing to learn. Keep being willing to ask for help. Keep being willing to love yourself when things don’t go perfectly. Rest when you need to. And when you have some energy again, take another little step.
I promise you: there is so much more life ahead of you than you can see from where you’re standing right now.
You’re doing better than you think.
I’m proud of you for still being here.
Keep going.
