Most Recently Updated:
If you’re read any sort of “How to date girls” or “Pickup Artist” advice, you’ve probably heard of the term negging. A “neg” is an insult or passive-aggressive comment made towards a girl to bring her down a few pegs, when you sense she might think she’s “too good for you”. Some examples:
“Your clothes don’t match. Should have worn brown shoes.”
“Your roots are showing.”
“Your nose is a little red. You’re like an Eskimo. Cool.”
“You look like my little sister. Weird.”
The idea is by bringing her down, you’re showing her you’re not intimidated by her beauty/confidence, and you’re also showing that you’re more confident than her.
Except, negging is fucking idiotic.
By making a snide, passive-aggressive comment, you’re subconsciously telling yourself you don’t respect the girl, or you think she’s a bit of a bitch or too arrogant/mean… but she’s still worth your time. You’re actively choosing to talk to, spend time with & try to have sex with somebody you don’t respect (do you insult/make snide comments to people you respect?)
You’ll also only screen in girls who don’t mind if you insult them. Any girl with a modicum of self-respect is going to think you’re autistic for insulting her, as if your parents didn’t teach you basic social skills or tell you to be polite to strangers.
I also don’t think it’s healthy to spend time with girls who require you to neg her in order for her to bestow upon you the gift that is her pussy. It’s a hoop I personally don’t want to have to jump through just to get her, & I think any man with any self-respect should be better than that. If you can’t get her without negging her, then good riddance – you’ll go find a cool girl instead.
Look I get the rationale for it. I get that if you meet a girl who’s “guarded” and a bit bitchy at first, it sounds good on paper to disarm her with a neg and show her you’re not going to take her shit. The issue is, there are other girls out there in the world, and you don’t need to be focusing your time on the bitchy or guarded ones. There are plenty of hot, sweet & friendly girls who don’t require a neg just to talk to them. Focus your time on filtering in those girls instead.
Advocates for negging say it’s just a simple way to show you’re not intimidated and nervous by a beautiful woman. But hiding your nervousness isn’t even that important – I’d argue it doesn’t really even matter. The way to get laid is to hit on a tonne of girls (“play the numbers game”). You DON’T need to make every girl like you, and it doesn’t matter if sometimes you’re nervous, or intimidated, or say something stupid – just move on and go hit on another girl. I’m nervous and intimidated by plenty of girls – and so are all of my mates who regularly get laid – it literally does not matter. You can be nervous and still get laid if you hit on enough girls (and have your fashion sense, body and style somewhat sorted).
Ironically, by embracing your nervousness and being ok with being intimidated by hot chicks, you accept the nervousness, which in itself gives you an air of confidence. Sounds strange, but you’re comfortable being nervous. I say to girls all the time, “Hey you’re really sexy and I’m nervous talking to you, but I’m Andy. You single?” Me being totally ok with my nervousness makes me less nervous and I appear very confident – not to mention I don’t have to sit there stressing and overanalysing every single word in the conversation.
The only way to really improve your confidence is to talk to as many girls as possible (and be ok with the fact you’ll be nervous/intimidated for quite a while). Over time, by hitting on hundreds/thousands of girls, you’ll become confident and less intimidated by their beauty. You don’t need to fake it with stupid lines and lame insults – in fact, these will only make you more self-conscious and nervous, because you know you’re just putting up a front.