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A few years ago I was riding a train, just minding my own business, when this bubbly Vietnamese girl sat down in front of me, carrying a huge bunch of bananas. I made brief eye contact with her, smiled a bit… ah, that my first mistake. She immediately launched into conversation, asking about my day, where I was going, if I was doing anything interesting on the weekend – she was a super chatty one. I asked her why she had so many bananas. Her face lit up with a huge smile and she said, “I like bananas.”

I smiled and stared out the window, but this girl was very energetic and talkative – she kept starting up conversations and trying to get me to take one of her bananas. “I have so many bananas, are you sure you don’t want one? Just take one, they’re really nice.” She wasn’t super attractive, a little plain, but slim. As I was about to get off at my stop I thought, “Fuck it” and asked her for her number. She seemed extremely surprised and burst out with, “Really? You want my number?”

Cute.

A few days later we went on a date. I tried to kiss her a couple times but she was very shy, and later told me traditional Vietnamese girls don’t like to kiss in public. She told me she was a virgin (despite being 24 years old). She’d never learned any sex education in school (it’s not taught in Vietnam), had never watched porn or masturbated, and never talked about it with any of her friends.

Quick tangent: That seems to be pretty common in my experience with Vietnamese and (most) Chinese girls. They don’t learn about sex in school, their parents generally don’t tell them anything about sex other than “You study! No talk to boys!” They’re all usually too shy to talk to their friends about sex, so the end result is they have literally no idea what sex is.

I took her on another date a few days later and this time we kissed a bit and I even got her back to my apartment, but she was WAY too shy to have sex or do anything other than grind a bit. She was a sweet girl & wanted to have sex – was just nervous and “not ready yet” – so I was happy to be patient.

Fast forward another date and it looked like we were gonna have sex. But she had NO idea about anything… she’d never had an orgasm, and didn’t know how sex worked (other than the basic, “penis enters vagina”). She’d never even tried masturbating; I asked her, “Didn’t you ever accidentally touch yourself, like in the shower?” Nope. What the hell.

She’d never watched porn, ever. I didn’t believe her, so I whipped out my phone, went to Pornhub… and she got really shy. She covered her eyes and didn’t want to look at the screen, which was equal parts adorable and goofy. She said she even closes her eyes any time a kissing scene comes on TV/during a movie.

We fooled around a bit, I touched her a bit and showed her how her body worked. She absolutely loved me rubbing her clit. We had sex for a bit (with a tonne of lube and lots of patience – she was obviously tight). But now for the best part of the story…

When I started getting closer to cumming, I asked her if she knew what would happen when I orgasmed. She said, “It just means you feel really good, right?”
“Yeah, but you know what physically happens with my dick when I orgasm, right?”
“No..?”

I thought she was trolling me, but she was adament. I said, “You know how guys cum?”
“No?”

In this moment, there was a devil on one of my shoulders, and an angel on the other, arguing about what I should do. Part of me wanted to just surprise her and not tell her I was gonna spray cum all over her, because that’d be hilarious. But pretty mean. But funny. But mean.

Fuck it, of course I went with the devil. YOLO.

I made her get up really close to my dick, barely a couple of inches from it. She watched, curious, as I jerked off. The scene reminded me of when you tell your friend to look down the hosepipe to see if any water is coming out. Then right as he has his eye up close to the pipe, you quickly turn the hose on, spraying him in the face. I didn’t tell her what would happen – remember, she had literally no idea that guys shoot cum when they orgasm.

I got closer and closer, before finally saying one last time, “Are you sure you have no idea what will happen?” She was 100% adamant she didn’t know. With her face only an inch from my dick, without any warning BOOM I blasted her straight in the face, massive ropes right up her nose, which made her jump back and let out a mini scream. It was the funniest shit ever, I couldn’t stop laughing as I finished cumming. She yelled, “You asshole!”and eventually she started laughing too. Good times.

BANANA!

I saw her a few more times after that. It was amazing to me how she’d managed to keep herself so naive/ignorant for so many years. She even asked me WHY I wanted to have sex with her. I said “Because I find you attractive, and when a man finds a woman attractive, he wants to have sex with her.”

She was intrigued by that, like I was telling her something she’d never considered before. She kept asking me all these follow-up questions, like “Why are you attracted to me? Are other people attracted to me as well? Is it my body, or my clothes, or my hair?”

I seriously considered the fact she could be an alien sent to Earth to gather information about human sexuality. I really felt like I was talking to an autistic alien as I talked to her.

Over the next few weeks, things slowly petered out and we eventually stopped seeing each other. I wonder what she’s up to these days, and whether she’s offered any bananas to strangers on trains lately.