In a previous article, a commenter mentioned the concept of “shit tests” and winning a girl over. He’s of the opinion you should be working to win over girls who are on the fence about having sex with you – including girls who “shit test” you.
A shit test is an insult/combative question/disruptive question a girl throws at you when she’s not really that interested in you, or is just a rude/socially-retarded person in general. She’s throwing up a hurdle and making things difficult for you.
Googling “shit test” brings up a host of articles – it’s a very common concept in the pickup artist/getting with girls world. All the articles you’ll read about shit tests say they’re a completely “normal” part of dating/having sex, as if you should expect to be insulted every time you want to have sex with a girl. Some articles go as far as to say every girl will shit test you, and “if you’re not getting shit tested, you’re doing something wrong.” Examples: this, and this and this.
“I bet you have a small dick.”
“I’m not giving you my number.”
“Do you just walk around hitting on girls all day?”
“You have man boobs”.
“I don’t date Asian guys.”
“You’re bald, that’s so gross.”
There’s several issues going on here. First of all, any girl that’s mean to you or insults you is someone you should run away from (assuming you haven’t said anything insulting to her first). You should NOT be sticking around and trying to “win over” a girl who’s mean to somebody she just met.
Second issue is all these articles talk about “passing” a shit test, as if you should be jumping through hoops like a little puppy dog. It’s an extremely unhealthy mindset to think you need to “please” girls and “win them over” – sex/dating isn’t a fucking test or quiz you’re trying to pass. Sex is two people deciding they’re into each other, and then going into the bedroom and touching each other’s naughty bits. It’s not a fucking power struggle.
Third, if you’re getting insulted/shit tested by girls (and it’s happening more than just 1 in every 100 girls), you’re doing something really wrong – or your appearance/sex appeal is really horrific. If you’re a fat, balding, badly-dressed short guy telling girls they’re cute, you’re naturally going to get a few insults/disgusted looks from girls. If that’s the case, fix that immediately, and then talk to girls. The vast majority of girls are really fucking nice people – they don’t insult random strangers for no reason.
Finally, any guy who gets laid a lot knows shit tests aren’t actually that common in the real world, and you can chalk up any shit test to “this girl is weird” and just go find another girl to hit on.
A lot of these articles say the point is you should aim to get to a point where shit tests don’t affect you, and you literally don’t care when a girl insults you. So you’re hoping to feel neutral when a girl insults you. That’s the best case scenario. But shouldn’t you be aiming to feel good when you talk to girls? Don’t you want to spend time with or have a conversation with a girl who makes you feel good, not neutral?
An Insult Isn’t “On The Fence” – it’s a NO
If a girl insults you/mocks you in a serious way, she’s not on the fence. She just INSULTED YOU. That’s a no, not a maybe. She’s very overtly telling you she’s not interested in sleeping with you. If you keep trying to have sex with her, you’re telling yourself you have no self-respect. Have a damn backbone; why are you trying to win over a girl who already turned you down?
The world is full of women – over 4 billion of them. If a girl insults you, move on and go find another one. There’s so many “yes girls” out there who’ll be enthusiastic and not require you to “work on them” or “win them over”. You’ll save yourself a lot of hassle if you ignore the maybe girls and spend your time finding the yes girls. It’s a better, more efficient use of your time. In the time you waste trying to overcome one girl’s shit tests, you could have hit on 10 more girls.
Game = Being Fake
When you’re playing games and handling shit tests, when you actually do have sex with the girl there’s always a small part of you that thinks, “She’s only having sex with me because I’m putting up a front and acting all confident and cocky and tough. If she knew the real me – the actual me – she’d leave me.”
When you actually decide to be real with girls and treat them like they’re on the same team (instead of being combative), and then have sex with a girl, you absolutely know she’s into you, and not just the mask you’re hiding behind.
Guys who advocate for playing games and winning girls over and having pre-rehearsed lines in your head are avoiding true vulnerability and openness. They’re avoiding being real, because they’re secretly terrified girls won’t like the real them underneath the mask. It’s cowardly to play games & put up a front; life is easier if you just drop the bullshit and be real.
So here’s my challenge to you. Go out and be real with the next 10 girls you try to have sex with. Try being normal, instead of trying to pass shit tests, “run game on her”, etc. Walk away from the insults, walk away from the girls who are on the fence, and go talk to girls who make you feel good. Be open with those girls, tell them if you’re feeling insecure, show them it’s completely cool to be open and vulnerable. Show her you’re on the same team.
After my You and Me article, a tonne of guys emailed to say they’d tried being real with girls and had massive success with it. So if you try being real, drop a comment below and share your story with us.
This is the most realest website on going out and fucking girls I’ve ever read. I used to watch a ton of RSDMAX and other RSD PUA bullshit. They keep feeding you with a bunch of nonsense that makes you feel like actually are doing something while occasionally showing infield footage or telling you to go out to talk to women while rapidly switching to their fucking $300 programs that tell you how to talk to girls, most don’t even succeed after they buy that useless shit and convince themselves to buy more of that, when the first thing you need to do is initiate contact on the street or in the gym as well as take care of your body and look attractive. I know the process of having sex with tons of women isn’t easy but for sure if you get through it, it will definitely test everything about you and be worthwhile in pleasure but you won’t regret it in your deathbed. I know I have A LOT to learn and your website is helping me out. I enjoy reading your posts and keep up the great work. No matter what keep this website up for years to come. Gonna come back every once in a while to read and learn more when the time is right.
Cheers mate, appreciate it.
I don’t dismiss all PUA stuff as BS – after all, at least they’re getting guys to do *something* (even if it’s often misguided/completely misses the point). PUA material is like the first step of starting to get laid. A tonne of guys start with PUA stuff, then move on to properly going out and talking to girls/getting laid.
PUA is a stepping stone.
“the process of having sex with tons of women… will definitely test everything about you”.
Yep. Even though it seems like this whole process is just to have a lot of sex, it’s far more than that – this is about us becoming better men.
you also only have 8 lays from cold approach out of 826 apporaches, that less than 1% batting average. You could easily up that number from 5-10% with game. guys I posted above are proof of it being legit.
Those are just videos of guys talking to girls… not even getting laid
^ This is a good point. Josh, you’ve shown us videos of guys talking to girls and getting a phone number. You haven’t shown us proof these guys insert their penis into a woman’s vagina. The vast majority of numbers you’ll get do not lead to sex – a tonne of girls give out a phone number to be polite, etc.
Getting a phone number doesn’t equal getting laid.
Actually they do close alot of chicks. They dont show it on youtube but they show some of the closes on the facebook groups they have. they show the follow texts. Unless its all staged. I think you guys are coping a bit with game denialism. with game you might have slept 8 women out of those 2-300 girls. And more than double that at 826. yeah it would be more effort but bigger reward. There seems to be this whole looks are everything when it comes to cold approach and that you cant build attraction.
“With game you might have slept 8 women out of those 2-300 girls. And more than double that at 826.”
Maybe. Again – I (and many other guys) can’t be bothered jumping through hoops and winning girls over – I’m not turned on by girls who are on the fence about me. It’s very much a big turn-off to me. I’d rather 108 girls who are VERY into me, rather than 216 girls who were on-the-fence.
You seem very into game, whilst I have no interest in it, which is fine – we just like different things. At this point let’s agree we have different preferences/likes when it comes to women/dating/sex, so I don’t think there’s really much else to be discussed. You’ve been extremely polite & reasonable though, and I’ve enjoyed the “debate”.
(This isn’t me being a dick and saying “I’m not talking to you anymore!” or anything. Just don’t think we’ll ever change each other’s minds.)
If I used “game” on girls, I wouldn’t have done 826 approaches. I’d have done like 200-300, because running game takes a hell of a long time (and a lot of effort) vs the way I hit on girls.
The majority of my cold approaches go like this:
Me: “Hey, you’re sexy. You single?”
Her: “Thanks! But no I’m not single.”
Me: “Cool, enjoy your day.”
That takes about 10 seconds of my life, and it’s something I do on the way to/from work, or as I’m grocery shopping, or sitting on a train, etc. It takes no effort, and no time, out of my life. I don’t have to “go out to do sets” or amp myself up or “bring a wingman to help me hit on chicks” etc. I don’t waste 20 minutes talking to a girl who doesn’t really want to fuck me, desperately trying to win her over and prove I have sick game. I’ve been able to get laid 8 times so far in person (and 100+ from Tinder/online dating over the years) with practically no effort. The girls I’ve banged have been very into me, very sexually-open and open-minded in general, and much less likely to play games/be annoying/be manipulative/etc. I’m intentionally filtering in girls who don’t like playing games and don’t need to be “won over”.
Again, if you enjoy “game” and winning over girls who are on the fence, then go for it. It’s entirely up to you what you do with your time; I’m not going to tell you what to do. My article isn’t written for guys like you who enjoy game – if you enjoy it, keep doing it. My article is written for guys who don’t enjoy game, but think it’s mandatory when it really isn’t at all.
You missing out on alot of lays if your not using game on on the fence chicks. Dont know a girl teasing you or giving you a little shit is a big deal.
You passing up what could be alot of potential lays and play a HUGE numbers game by not doing so.
perfect example of dudes of crush it using game. average lookinig to.
Yeah if you want to fuck girls that are “on the fence” about you sure.
Or you could have some self-respect and not fiend after girls that only kind of want you
Absolutely you’ll miss out on a few lays if you don’t bother winning over the on-the-fence chicks.
You’re missing the entire point of self-esteem, having standards for yourself, etc. Once you get to a point where you’ve gotten laid enough, you don’t care about “missing out on lays”. I can’t stress that enough, and it’s a point you’re missing, so I’ll say it again: After you have enough sex, you do not care if you miss out on girls. You do. Not. Care.
And once you do not care if you miss out on lays, you start asking yourself, “What do I want in a girl? What type of girls do I want to have sex with?” One thing most guys who have enough sex start looking for is: I want this girl to be really into me. The idea of game, of trying to convince a girl she should have sex with you, starts to look really unappealing after a while. Why would you waste your time on a girl who’s only half into you, when there’s 10 girls standing right behind her who will be SUPER into you?
If you enjoy “running game”, then absolutely do it. I’m not going to tell you that’s wrong if it’s something you genuinely enjoy doing. But game is not even slightly mandatory for getting laid, and it’s something a lot of guys grow tired of when they see how easy it is to get laid without it.