In a previous article, a commenter mentioned the concept of “shit tests” and winning a girl over. He’s of the opinion you should be working to win over girls who are on the fence about having sex with you – including girls who “shit test” you.
A shit test is an insult/combative question/disruptive question a girl throws at you when she’s not really that interested in you, or is just a rude/socially-retarded person in general. She’s throwing up a hurdle and making things difficult for you.
Googling “shit test” brings up a host of articles – it’s a very common concept in the pickup artist/getting with girls world. All the articles you’ll read about shit tests say they’re a completely “normal” part of dating/having sex, as if you should expect to be insulted every time you want to have sex with a girl. Some articles go as far as to say every girl will shit test you, and “if you’re not getting shit tested, you’re doing something wrong.” Examples: this, and this and this.
“I bet you have a small dick.”
“I’m not giving you my number.”
“Do you just walk around hitting on girls all day?”
“You have man boobs”.
“I don’t date Asian guys.”
“You’re bald, that’s so gross.”
There’s several issues going on here. First of all, any girl that’s mean to you or insults you is someone you should run away from (assuming you haven’t said anything insulting to her first). You should NOT be sticking around and trying to “win over” a girl who’s mean to somebody she just met.
Second issue is all these articles talk about “passing” a shit test, as if you should be jumping through hoops like a little puppy dog. It’s an extremely unhealthy mindset to think you need to “please” girls and “win them over” – sex/dating isn’t a fucking test or quiz you’re trying to pass. Sex is two people deciding they’re into each other, and then going into the bedroom and touching each other’s naughty bits. It’s not a fucking power struggle.
Third, if you’re getting insulted/shit tested by girls (and it’s happening more than just 1 in every 100 girls), you’re doing something really wrong – or your appearance/sex appeal is really horrific. If you’re a fat, balding, badly-dressed short guy telling girls they’re cute, you’re naturally going to get a few insults/disgusted looks from girls. If that’s the case, fix that immediately, and then talk to girls. The vast majority of girls are really fucking nice people – they don’t insult random strangers for no reason.
Finally, any guy who gets laid a lot knows shit tests aren’t actually that common in the real world, and you can chalk up any shit test to “this girl is weird” and just go find another girl to hit on.
A lot of these articles say the point is you should aim to get to a point where shit tests don’t affect you, and you literally don’t care when a girl insults you. So you’re hoping to feel neutral when a girl insults you. That’s the best case scenario. But shouldn’t you be aiming to feel good when you talk to girls? Don’t you want to spend time with or have a conversation with a girl who makes you feel good, not neutral?
An Insult Isn’t “On The Fence” – it’s a NO
If a girl insults you/mocks you in a serious way, she’s not on the fence. She just INSULTED YOU. That’s a no, not a maybe. She’s very overtly telling you she’s not interested in sleeping with you. If you keep trying to have sex with her, you’re telling yourself you have no self-respect. Have a damn backbone; why are you trying to win over a girl who already turned you down?
The world is full of women – over 4 billion of them. If a girl insults you, move on and go find another one. There’s so many “yes girls” out there who’ll be enthusiastic and not require you to “work on them” or “win them over”. You’ll save yourself a lot of hassle if you ignore the maybe girls and spend your time finding the yes girls. It’s a better, more efficient use of your time. In the time you waste trying to overcome one girl’s shit tests, you could have hit on 10 more girls.
Game = Being Fake
When you’re playing games and handling shit tests, when you actually do have sex with the girl there’s always a small part of you that thinks, “She’s only having sex with me because I’m putting up a front and acting all confident and cocky and tough. If she knew the real me – the actual me – she’d run.”
When you actually decide to be real with girls and treat them like they’re on the same team (instead of being combative), and then have sex with a girl, you absolutely know she’s into you, and not just the mask you’re hiding behind.
Guys who advocate for playing games and winning girls over and having pre-rehearsed lines in your head are avoiding true vulnerability and openness. They’re avoiding being real, because they’re secretly terrified girls won’t like the real them underneath the mask. It’s cowardly to play games & put up a front; life is easier if you just drop the bullshit and be real.
So here’s my challenge to everyone reading this. Go out and be real with the next 10 girls you try to have sex with. Try being normal, instead of trying to pass shit tests, “run game on her”, etc. Walk away from the insults, walk away from the girls who are on the fence, and go talk to girls who make you feel good. Be open with those girls, tell them if you’re feeling insecure, show them it’s completely cool to be open and vulnerable. Show her you’re on the same team.
After my You and Me article, a tonne of guys emailed to say they’d tried being real with girls and had massive success with it. So if you try being real, drop a comment below and share your story with us.