We Don’t Have to Be Alone (I’m Still Learning this Lesson Myself)

Hey guys, guess what – I’m Andy, and I am not perfect.

I say that a lot in my content – I think I do a pretty good job of telling you all my struggles, my doubts, I share my ups and downs, and I tell you that you do not have to be perfect with any of your self-improvement.

And here’s my next confession: I struggle to let people help me sometimes.

My big, beautiful, juicy ego wants to tell me that I can do this all by myself, I don’t need any help. People offer to help me (all the time – some of you even offer!) and I smile and shake my head, with a gentle “Thanks, but I’m ok”.

I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember – the guy who’s tempted to always be Mr Lone Wolf, not wanting to be a burden on other people, not wanting to accept people’s help because, after all, “I’m supposed to be the one giving to everyone else; not the other way around”. I put extra pressure on myself to be a good coach, be a good writer, be a good mentor to all of you – and then I don’t let other people mentor and coach me.

Which is funny when you think about it, given how often I say to all of you: “Let people help you! Let friends help you, I’m here as a coach if you want my help, or you can join a free forum, whatever. But for god sakes, let people help you!” ……and then I struggle to take that same advice myself.

(This is known as Solomon’s Paradox by the way – we’re often so good at giving advice to others, but we sometimes aren’t so great at applying that same advice to our own lives. I’m human just like the rest of you.)

But I’m starting to change that; over the last few weeks, I’ve let a lot more people help me. I’ve said “yes” when people offer. I’ve set up 4 new accountability partners with some of my friends and other guys who are crushing it. I’ve done more coaching with my coaches, and taken on more of their advice (instead of just saying “It’s fine, I’ll figure it out myself”). I’ve stopped turning down people who genuinely want to help me succeed and help me win, and already it’s been lifechanging.

I’ve had epiphanies that would have taken me years to figure out on my own, given to me in 30 seconds by some of my mentors. I’ve had deep, honest, beautifully-raw conversations with friends about stuff I’ve kept inside for ages. When it comes to business, I’ve learned more in the last month than I did in the entire year prior to that, and when it comes to personal & intimate relationships… god, don’t even get me started. I’ve learned so much.

And all because I just decided to take a dose of my own advice and be humble enough to put my ego to the side for half a second.

Beautiful things happen when we let people help us.

And it’s not just me – I know a lot of you struggle with the same thing. You don’t wanna be a burden, you don’t wanna be an “annoyance” to other people, you don’t wanna “bring down the mood by putting your shit on other people”. But none of those things are true – you are NOT a burden if you share.

You are NOT “bringing down the mood” by talking through the things that are bothering you, and asking other people to help you find the solutions.

You are NOT an annoyance – lots of people WANT to help you! They derive genuinely pleasure from helping others (I am one of those people. I genuinely ENJOY helping you – it brings me more joy than you could ever possible imagine). You’re allowed the things you want – and you’re allowed to have people help you.

One of my close friends struggles with the same thing – he’s often the rock (he works in crisis support/mental health counselling) and he’s so used to being the Stoic one, the rock, the one everyone else leans on – he’s that way in his relationship with his girlfriend too. He and I have recently started letting go of some of that and just letting others help us a little bit more, and we’ve teamed up to give each other accountability, since we get each other so well (we’re both stubborn when it comes to letting other people help us!)

I sent him this message this morning, which I think sums all of this up:

So what does that mean for you? Maybe you can take a page out of my book and accept that maybe you’re not always great at letting people help you, or letting people in. Maybe you can start practicing saying “yes” (even though it might be terrifying at first). Maybe you can ask some of your family to support your goals, or to listen to your struggles.

Maybe you can Google some forums/support groups/subreddits to find communities of people working on the same goals as you, so you don’t have to feel so darn alone with your dating goals, or your business goals, or your mental health goals.

Maybe you can go through my How to Make Friends guide and start building a strong support group of people that truly care about you.

You’re also welcome to join my coaching program and speedrun your goals, improve your mindset, and be part of a community of guys and girls who genuinely love helping you (even if sometimes you struggle to let them – that’s ok!)

But whatever you do, let’s all work on letting other people help us. We’ll be 100x more successful, in 100x less time, with 100x less drama and much, much, MUCH less suffering and loneliness. Take it from me – doing things by yourself is tough. It’s hard being the lone wolf all the time… They put “lone” in the word there for a reason.

This is a lesson I’m still learning myself. As always, the goal is for us all to make progress, not necessarily to be perfect.

As my friend says a lot, we’re all just doing our best – and I’m right there with all of you.

Thanks for being here with me.

P.S. If you do want help from me personally, I’ve got a coaching deal on for a limited time only:

---