Andy’s Note: Hey guys, this is a guest post from my friend Alex, from Playing with Fire – he wrote a guest post for me, and I wrote one for his site.
In this guide, I am going to break down the biggest mistakes the vast majority of guys learning game make. And it honestly just boils down to a few very important things, which often get mixed up.
A bit about me: My name is Alex, and I have been a dating coach for over a decade. I created a popular YouTube channel that is currently at 230k subscribers and even own AI Rizz App.
But the important part is that I have coached thousands of men. And during that time has noticed the same mistakes being made over and over again. I’m going to share them with you, along with all the solutions, so that you can level up significantly faster.
Mistake #1: Having bad Tinder photos
The vast majority of men on dating apps have bad photos. It’s at least 90%. The issue is that most of them don’t know it. If I had a dollar for every time I had a coaching client say “I have good photos, but for some reason I am not getting matches,” I’d be very rich. A general rule of thumb is that if you’re struggling to get matches, your photos suck.
The issue is that men are notoriously terrible at judging dating photos. There are a myriad of reasons for this, but a large one is the difference between the male gaze and the female gaze. And that difference is pretty large.
When I started coaching, I would constantly ask all the girls I knew about my client’s photos, and even though I was pretty good, a lot of the time their picks surprised me. It took years for me to pick up on what girls are looking for in a dating photo.
And it essentially boils down to two big things:
1) How good you look in the photo– The goal is to look a point or so better in the photo than you do in real life. However, most men look several points worse than in real life. And by improving grooming, fashion, lighting, posture, and angles, everyone can look significantly better.
Here is an example. Take a look at these two photos, which were both taken within 30 seconds of each other:
In the one on the left, I look like a 4. In the one on the right, I look like a 7. Yet, the only thing that’s different is my posture, facial expression, and angle. This stuff can make such a huge difference.
2) How natural the photo looks – There is nothing less attractive to girls than “posed photos”. You want to make it seem like you were just doing some cool activity and one of your buddies just popped a photo of you, where you barely even knew the camera is there.
This vibe can definitely be replicated during a photoshoot if you know what you’re doing. Practice not focusing on the camera and relaxing. The most important thing is motion. Don’t just sit there stationary. Look left, look right, keep moving, while hundreds of photos are being taken, and a few of them will seem natural.
So, how do you get great photos?
From my experience, this is one of those things the average guy can’t do by himself or with a friend. Ive seen hundreds try and less than a handful succeeded. You used to need a professional photoshoot. The issue is that pro photographers are far from all the same. And unfortunately, most suck.
I personally know only 3-4 photographers that I would feel comfortable ever recommending (including Andy ofcourse). So this option is a gamble. And also quite expensive. In the last year, a better option has emerged; you can now use AI to generate ultra-realistic photos, and it doesn’t cost that much.
Mistake 2: A lack of proper screening
Guys who are successful with girls don’t try to make it work with every girl. While you spend the whole night talking to a girl who is saving herself for marriage, they are quickly screening out all the non-dtf girls until they get to one whose down. And then they pull her home, while you leave with a flaky phone number.
The point is, you can’t be afraid of losing girls. You need to screen AGGRESSIVELY. When it comes to a cold approach, that means early on in the convo, figuring out the girl’s logistics. You need to know what her plan is and if she has objections. Also, you need to test her compliance. This could be something as simple as moving her to a different part of the bar or a different bar completely.
When it comes to dating apps, you need to screen even more aggressively. Personally, I screen with my photos (by having a shirtless pic), my bio, and my text game. Here you can see an example from my profile:
As you can see, my bio is somewhat sexual, just enough not to get banned on Tinder. Then, when it comes to my texting, I utilize two strategies. I will use sexual innuendos and flirt with girls. This will screen out some of the prudes by itself. And then, I will invite the girl straight to my place for a bottle of wine.
If you have a sexual profile and bio, this works surprisingly well. If the girl says she’s uncomfortable with that, I will propose that “we meet at a bar nearby first”. This sets the frame that we will be going back to my place, before the date even begins. Here is an example of this in action:
Mistake #3: Bad Texting
The majority of men are notoriously terrible at texting. A decade ago, you could get away with it, but not in 2026. It doesn’t matter if you prefer dating apps, cold approach, or social circle, at some point you are going to need to text the girl. And if you can’t do this, you will miss out on a lot of opportunities.
Texting can essentially be boiled down to 5 stages.
Stage 1: Opener – the point of the opener is just to get the conversation started. Some ones, I like are “hey trouble”, “you seem like my type”, and “hey wanna steal my confiest hoodie”. The most effective, though, is generating something custom. (Btw, my app can literally do this for you. It’s called FireTexts. You can learn more here).
Stage 2: Building investment – This is the same thing as banter. Basically, your goal is to get the girl talking. The more she invests in the convo, the more likely she is to comply with whatever you offer and the less likely she is to flake down the line.
The most important thing when it comes to building investment is relevance. For example, a girl who has a bunch of tattoos will enjoy discussing tattoos. But a girl who has none is unlikely to care. One topic that I think is relevant to most girls is their background/ethnicity. I will often ask, “where are you originally from?” and that can kick off a whole convo.
Here is another hack: every girl loves to know how other people perceive her. That is why saying something like “you seem like potentially my type” has such a high response rate, it’s because a girl is very eager to know what type you think she is. This is extremely effective on dates as well.
Stage 3: Optimally Closing
Here is how you don’t close “hey wanna hang out tomorrow at 8 pm?” When it comes time to set up the date, you want to first soft close. I like to say something like:
“We should get together sometime soon.”
This is a very easy text for her to agree to. Once she does, then you need to figure out her schedule. It makes no sense to propose a day and time during which she is busy (due to negative compliance loops). A very easy way to do this is just to straight up ask:
“What’s your schedule like”
Once you know her schedule, only then would I recommend proposing an exact day and time. By following this structure, you will significantly increase the number of girls who agree to the date and lower the flake rate (because you are scheduling for a time that she has said she is free). Here is an example of this in action:
Stage 4: Confirming the date
This is crucial. If you don’t confirm the date, most likely the girl is going to think you’re no longer interested and make other plans. If the date is a day or two out, you can just confirm the morning of the date with something like “hey, still good for tonight”.
However, if it’s 3 days or more out, then you need to say something the night before. Personally, I like to go with “pick out a cute outfit for tomorrow yet?”
Stage 5: Dealing with any potential concerns or objections
This doesn’t always happen. Some girls are just down with the plan. But a lot of girls might have a concern or two that you will need to address. These come in many different forms. A very common one has to do with expectations. Even if a girl is coming straight over, a lot of times she is concerned that you might have an expectation of sex. The best way to reassure her is with a simple “no expectations on my end”.
There could also be more mundane concerns, like she has work in the morning and wants to know you’re not going to keep her out all night. Especially common could be last-minute jitters. At that point, you just need to ease her mind by taking all the pressure off. Here is an example of a string of objections/concerns I got from a girl I wound up hooking up with:
Notice that once I overcame all her concerns, she was very eager to meet. And yes, she wound up coming over, and we hooked up that same night.
Overall, texting can definitely be a challenge for a lot of guys, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you want to learn more, check out this detailed guide I wrote on how to text a girl. There is a lot of other really good info there.
Mistake #4: Playing it “safe”
In order to attract a girl, you have to be willing to take social risks. Most men today struggle with this because they’re terrified of creeping a girl out, coming on too strong, or crossing some invisible line they don’t understand. So they play it safe to minimize rejection, ironically guaranteeing it. Playing it safe doesn’t create attraction; it kills it.
As a coach, I see smart, socially competent guys go on dates, have good conversations, and still hear the same line afterward: “You’re great, I just didn’t feel the chemistry.” Not because they messed up, but because they never took any real social risk.
Playing it too safe usually looks like waiting for perfect signals, asking instead of leading, going along with her plans instead of having her go along with yours, avoiding moments where she could reject you, and never actually making a move. Every guy who’s great with women, coach or natural, introvert or extrovert, shares this one trait: they’re willing to risk rejection.
Your brain fights this because, thousands of years ago, rejection meant getting kicked out of the tribe. But dating today doesn’t punish men for mistakes nearly as much as it punishes them for hesitation. I learned this the hard way – once literally friend-zoning myself out of a girl who was sleeping in my bed.
The fix was deliberately pushing through discomfort. Forcing myself not give a fuck and embrace social risks. If you do this, you might have some girls who get pissed off at you, but you will also have a lot more girls who want to sleep with you. To me, that tradeoff is well worth it.
Conclusion
Hopefully, you guys enjoyed this breakdown. Avoid the 4 mistakes I mentioned, and I guarantee your results will drastically improve. Remember, game or seduction is a skill that you can master with enough time and practice. So get out there and implement what you learned 🙂
Also, if you enjoy these types of practical no bs tutorials, I have a bunch on my main website. You can go here to explore my other dating advice guides.
