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I get this question all the time:
“Andy, can you still cold approach in 2026?”
Guys say it like there’s an expiry date on saying hi to a woman.
Yes, you can still walk up to a girl in 2026 – and 2036, 2076, and probably on Mars in 2160 – and say:
“Hey, I think you’re cute.”
That hasn’t stopped being allowed.
Unless there’s a literal war going on outside and the streets are on fire, you are allowed to talk to women.
All you’re doing is going up to another human being and giving her a kind compliment.
“Hey, I thought you were cute. Are you single?”
If she’s not single, you smile and say,
“Beautiful – I hope you guys are really happy together. Have an awesome day,”
and you walk away.
If she is single, you chat for a minute –
“What are you up to today?” –
and then say,
“You seem cool. I’d love to grab a coffee or a drink sometime. I’ll grab your number if you’d like that.”
That’s the entire “mystical art” of cold approach.
You’re not grabbing her.
You’re not trapping her.
You’re not harassing her.
You’re just being a polite little gentleman and leaving if she’s not into it.
The problem isn’t that cold approach is “dead.”
The problem is that you’re terrified of being creepy or doing something wrong.
You massively underestimate how kind you already are.
You’re worried about being a bad guy, which literally means you care about women feeling safe.
Creeps don’t lie awake at night thinking,
“What if I bother her?”
You do.
That’s not a flaw.
That’s a beautiful starting point.
Lean into that.
Go into every interaction with the intention of,
“I want this to be a nice moment for both of us. If she’s not into it, I’ll let her go quickly and respectfully.”
One of the easiest ways to do that is simply to check in.
If she looks nervous, say:
“Hey, I’m not here to make you uncomfortable.
Do you want me to keep talking, or would you rather I let you get back to your day?”
Most women will tell you clearly.
If she says, “I’m good, thanks,” you say, “No worries – enjoy your day,” and you’re gone.
You’ve been honest.
You’ve respected her.
You did everything right.
All of my coaching guys are out there doing this right now.
One of my clients, Victor, talks to thirty women a day.
He sleeps with a new girl once or twice a week.
He doesn’t even use apps anymore.
In his words:
“Cold approach is way too fun.”
He’s not superhuman.
He’s just a dude who decided,
“Fuck it, I’ll talk to women instead of only swiping.”
I still do it too.
These days I weave it into my life instead of doing big “approach missions.”
If I see someone I like, I ask myself:
“Do I feel like talking to her?”
If the answer is yes, I walk over:
“Hey, I know this is kind of random, but I thought you were really pretty. Are you single?”
We chat.
If she’s cool, I ask for her number.
No drama.
Just part of my day.
I met Molly – one of the women I’m dating now – from cold approach.
That day I’d already talked to a handful of other women.
Then I saw this insanely sexy girl strutting past and thought, “Fuck it.”
I jogged up, stopped her, and said,
“Hey, hey – you’re so pretty.”
She lit up and practically yelled:
“YES! Oh my God, this never happens! Guys don’t do this anymore!”
That’s the thing:
Because most men don’t approach in person,
when you do, you stand out in the best possible way.
Even if you’re nervous and stumbling, you’re still the only guy all week who had the courage to say hi.
And you can be honest:
“Hey, I’m a bit nervous right now, but I thought you were really cute.”
That’s some of the best flirting you’ll ever do.
Real > smooth.
And yes, women are overwhelmed on apps.
They feel guilty about not replying.
They feel pressure.
They feel drained.
Molly told me she had only ever met one person from Tinder before she met me.
She finds apps overwhelming and said she probably would’ve never replied if we’d matched there.
When I approached her in person, she was relieved.
For a lot of women, a real conversation with a kind man is a breath of fresh air compared to another message from “Hey :)” #389.
If the idea of walking up and asking for a number feels like Everest, start smaller.
Week 1:
Go outside and just imagine what you’d say.
Week 2:
Make eye contact and smile at one or two women.
Week 3:
Give tiny compliments like,
“Hey, love your shirt. Have a nice day.”
Week 4:
Add, “By the way, are you single?”
If she is, ask if she’d like to grab a drink sometime.
Small steps.
Exposure therapy.
You don’t go from terrified to smooth overnight.
You just inch forward.
Don’t even call it “approaching.”
That sounds huge.
Call it,
“I’ll just go say hi.”
And when you see someone you like, whisper,
“Fuck it,”
and start walking.
“Fuck it” kills overthinking.
If you want help with all this, that’s literally what I do in coaching.
We build your courage step by step.
We work on your self-worth so “no” doesn’t destroy you.
We create a dating life that feels abundant, not desperate.
You can jump on a free call with me, and we’ll talk about where you’re at, what you want, and whether coaching’s a good fit.
No pressure.
No hard sell.
Just honesty.
Reach out to me here:
http://kyil-extra.com/coaching
You’re allowed to have a beautiful sex life.
You’re allowed to talk to women.
You’re allowed to be the guy who actually takes a chance.
Stop waiting for the magical moment when you “feel ready.”
It doesn’t exist.
Look at that pretty girl.
Take a breath.
And say:
“Fuck it… I’ll just go say hi.”
