I’ve been writing articles for a number of years now, and have been coaching people for most of that time too. In all my years of helping people, I’ve come to realise something:
Most of the time, you care less about the actual words I use, and more about how you feel after consuming my content.
In other words, you follow my content to feel something, rather than to just read a bunch of words on a page. Maybe you want to feel motivated, driven, fired up, ready to go and kick ass and change the world.
Maybe you want to feel a little more positive, to feel a little more optimistic, to feel like maybe the world is a bit more kind than perhaps you’d first thought.
Maybe you want to feel like things are ok, and you’re gonna make it – even if your head is full of doubts and fears and insecurities.
Maybe you just want to feel like somebody cares – like your problems are understood by somebody else, like somebody else actually gives a shit that you’re suffering, and wants to help you move past it and live the life you’ve always wanted.
You’re here because you just want to feel better. You want your life to turn out ok. You want to know the life you lived actually mattered; that you mattered. How I get that message across to you – in other words, the exact wording I use – doesn’t matter nearly as much as I used to think it matters. The details don’t really matter. When all is said and done, you will just remember the feeling I left you with.
I feel the same way about my coaches, my mentors, the people I respect. I remember less of what they’ve said to me, and more of how they’ve made me feel. One of my friends said it best when we both went to the same spiritual coach: “I don’t actually remember what that coach said. I remember how he made me feel. Talking with him felt like peace, love, serenity. Like everything was ok.”
The same thing applies to you, and your interactions with the opposite sex, and family, and friends. Most people in your life won’t really remember the exact wording you used with them; they’ll just remember how you made them feel.
So when you find yourself stressing about how to word something “perfectly”, or what text message to send to a girl, or when you worried the other person might take what you’re about to say the wrong way… pause and remember this article. The person likely won’t remember what you say; they’ll remember how you made them feel.
So there’s no need to word things perfectly, or to be smooth, or any of that. Just think about what your intent is; how you’d like them to feel. If your intent is for them to feel good, just say that: “I want to help you feel good.” If your intent is to help them, just say that: “I want to help you, if I can.” If you like someone and want to ask them out, just say that: “I’ll be honest, I like you. Wanna go out with me?”
My good friend Cam and I were talking about this topic, and he said: “I think at times we can be hung up on being as precise with our words as humanly possible. “Oh no I said something that could possibly be misinterpreted, I better spend the next 10 minutes fully explaining what I meant so no one gets it wrong.'” In our search for the perfect wording we often forget the main point: people don’t care so much about your exact precise wording; they care about how you make them feel.
When I think about one of my biggest mentors – Chris from Good Looking Loser – the thing I remember most all these years later is how he made me feel. More than anything, he made me feel like I could make it. He made me feel like he believed in me. He made me feel like I was going to achieve the goals I wanted to achieve, if I just didn’t quit.
I hope I’ve made you feel the same way.
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