Audio version of this article:
I’m directly talking to YOU.
You probably feel like you don’t deserve to be here, like other guys in my community are better than, further ahead that you, more special than you, cooler than you.
Many of you tell me you don’t feel like you deserve to be here. 2 guys in particular who everyone else would say is elite told me, one after the other, 2 days apart, that they don’t feel like you deserve to be here.
One in particular even said he’s jealous of the other guy and compares himself to that guy all the time – and then that other guy told me 2 days later that he feels like a massive fraud who doesn’t belong.
If you guys knew who I’m talking about (I’m sure some of you can guess) you’d be gobsmacked that these 2 guys don’t feel like they belong. MANY of you have told me you look up to these two, and feel like you’ll never get to these guys’ level.
I told one of them all of this and he said, “I’m so insecure I never woulda guessed people look up to me. Like your article about always being filled with doubt – you’re insecure too. But you seem so confident.”
It’s a great point – I’m insecure about a million things. Of course I am, I’m human. I’m not perfect.
And a tonne of you tell me on coaching calls that you’re insecure and don’t feel like you belong, like you’re not cool enough to be trying to get laid.
I’ve lost count of the number of you that feel like you don’t belong in the group of “guys who get laid” or “guys who are improving their finances” or “guys who are losing weight” or just generally “guys who are working on improving themselves”
I’ll tell you right now, cool has nothing to do with it. “Good enough” has nothing to do with it. “Deserve” has nothing to do with it. Success is EARNED, it is not deserved. If you want success, if you want to reach your goals, it doesn’t matter whether you’re good enough or cool enough or deserve it – in fact, you WON’T be good enough at the start.
You haven’t EARNED it yet.
All that matters is you keep pushing forward, keep striving for more, and never ever quit.
A couple of years ago when I was a bit more of a newbie on the GoodLookingLoser Forums, I always felt like I didn’t belong. Like I wasn’t good enough. Even when having my first 3some, I literally felt like I still didn’t belong on the forums… like it was just a “fluke” and I’d “gotten lucky” and sooner or later they’d all find out I was actually a loser. I didn’t feel like I could ever be a player.
I didn’t feel like I could ever be cool enough.
The same thing with my finances – I’d always been in debt. I never felt like I deserved not to be in debt. Even when I got to a point where I could go full-time with coaching, I felt like I was an imposter. A fraud. Like I’d just gotten “lucky”, whatever the fuck that means.
News flash, most people who succeed feel like “I just got lucky” for a long time, until they finally internalise “No I EARNED this”. But that takes time; often months, sometimes years. It’s so normal, so common, to feel like an imposter and a fraud even after you succeed at something. But I promise you that fades eventually and you realise, “I worked hard to get here. It wasn’t luck. It was hard work, a stubborn refusal to ever quit, and just taking tiny little baby steps towards my goal every day. I deserve to be here.”
Many of you on the forums, many of you reading my website or listening to my podcast, have told me you often feel like you don’t belong here, you’re not cool enough to be here, not good enough to improve yourself and achieve your goals.
I’m talking to all of you.
You fucking deserve to be here.
You’re so much better than the average guy.
You care enough to fix your issues.
You’re aware of your flaws and you’re actively working on them.
You have the courage to admit you want something more from life, you don’t want to be complacent.
You’re terrified of getting to the end of your life and having regrets, and you’re brave enough to face that fear and do something to prevent it from happening.
You’re terrified of being average. You’re terrified of not being good enough. You’re here addressing that fear, learning, taking action, working on yourself. You’ve run from average and run towards something greater; you’ve sought out other people who want to be better too.
I know when you’re so acutely aware of all your flaws, all your insecurities, all the reasons you aren’t good enough, it’s very easy to feel like you don’t belong.
It’s very easy to feel like you’re an imposter.
It’s very easy to feel like other guys are better than you, that you’re on your own, that they’re all in a club together and you’re an outsider. That you’re not the cool kid and you can never be with the other cool kids.
But that isn’t the case. We all felt like losers at the start – hence the name of my main website, Kill Your Inner Loser.
I felt like the world’s biggest loser, for YEARS I felt like I didn’t belong and shouldn’t be here.
But even with all my insecurities, fears and doubts, I still made it. Even the loser called Andy was able to make it, despite never believing he deserved to.
And if I can do it, you sure as hell can too.