My top 3 techniques for making sure you – and she – absolutely crush your goals without distracting each other when you live together.
Listen to the episode:
Summary:
- We’re going to talk about living with a woman, but still being hella productive
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- So I normally live on my own – I’ve always been a guy who needs his own space. I just can’t function with someone else in my space.
- With COVID lockdowns and all the psychotic shit that happened in Melbourne where I used to live, my girlfriend Imogen and I moved and went to stay with her mother for a few months. So I made the choice to live with Imogen and her mother temporarily, because it was better than being in Melbourne.
- That town started bringing in more fucked up laws just like Melbourne, so we planned a move to Brisbane. But in order to move there, we had to already have a place of residence or they wouldn’t let us in. Yep, more draconian bullshit.
- So we had to just grab an apartment – any apartment – without being able to inspect it first. It was easier for us to just find 1 apartment rather than have to dick about finding 2. So we made the compromise to live together for a year until the lease is up, and then we’ll live in separate apartments again.
- So I’ve had to adjust and figure out ways to still be productive while having your girl with you. Because living with a woman can be INCREDIBLY distracting – especially if they also work from home like Imogen does.
- You want to fuck each other all the time. You want to hangout and just chat, and have some cuddles, and spend time together. All that shit feels really really really nice… but I got to a point a few months ago where I was doing it too much, and using her as a distraction or procrastination from my goals.
- So this has been a good exercise in me figuring out how to live with a woman and enjoy having some female company, without ruining my productivity.
- Number 1 has been sleeping in separate bedrooms. This is absolutely mandatory for any couple that both have missions they’re working on and both want to be productive. Sleep is paramount – I’ve even written an article on that (link in shownotes below). You cannot be productive if your sleep is dogshit. And it’s bloody hard to get good sleep if you’re sharing a bedroom with someone.
- If you fuck your sleep up, it’s damn-near impossible to get as much done. No matter how hard you try, you just won’t be as productive, as creative, as motivated, as energetic as you can be with (roughly) 8hrs of undisturbed sleep.
- So fix your sleep ABOVE ALL ELSE. Good sleep – sleep in separate bedrooms, in a cool or cold room, as black as possible, on a comfortable bed with comfortable pillows and earplugs – is game-changing for your productivity.
- Not just that, but your entire life will be better – you’ll be happier, more creative, your brain works faster – everything is orders of magnitude better if you sleep in your own bed.
- Imogen and I both start winding down for bed at roughly 9pm – we’ll both go into our own bedrooms, read a book or watch a YouTube video (always using our blue-light-blocking glasses so the screentime doesn’t keep us awake – link in shownotes below to those glasses so you can see what I’m talking about).
- The second thing that’s worked for us is both having our own daily todo lists of all the tasks we want to accomplish. And no matter what, that list MUST be done.
- In order to get that list done, I set aside time where I am not allowed to be distracted by Imogen. I’ve drilled it into her, “I literally want you to IGNORE me until this time”. Most days it’s 3pm – so I’m not to be disturbed before then. I’ve literally told her, “I don’t want you to talk to me, or say anything to me, or ask me if I want something to eat, or ask me if I want a glass of water – you have to ignore me. And I must do the same with you – I have to ignore you.”
- (Obviously if there’s an emergency we’re allowed to talk to each other, of course. But for the most part, it’s “do not disturb” until 3pm”).
- Sunday is our day off – we spend the ENTIRE day together from the second we wake until the second we go to bed. That’s our “couples day” where we go on a roadtrip, do a weekly check-in (link in shownotes below to an episode we did talking about how productive our weekly check-ins have been for us).
- It may sound a little “cold” to literally ignore each other until 3pm, but for us, that’s been lifesaving. It’s the only way we can both be productive without distracting each other. Because we love the fucking shit out of each other, and every second I spend with her feels really god damn good. Which means it’s so damn tempting for me to just spend all day with her, procrastinating working on my site, or doing podcasts, etc. It feels really nice just being around her, and that can quickly turn into complacency. Which is not what either of us want.
- I’m also at the stage right now where I’m hustling – so is she. We both have financial goals we want to hit, so now isn’t the time for us to spend all day cuddling and procrastinating. We can do that shit once we’ve hit our financial goals.
- So if you’re in the same position where you’re currently working on some big goals, but you also live with a woman – talk with her and get her to listen to this podcast. Talk about setting a certain block of time aside each day that’s your “do not disturb” time – and use that time to absolutely SMASH your goals. Then once that time is up, you can spend all the time you like together.
- The benefit of this is you’ll find when your do not disturb time is over, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished some really huge things that day – because you were FOCUSED. So you’ll be able to relax and really enjoy your time with your girl in the afternoons/evenings, fully focusing on HER, without any distractions from work.
- I got this from a guy called Alex Becker, who gives business and life advice and mentors guys. This is exactly what he does with his woman (I think he’s actually married) – they don’t disturb each other until the afternoon, and then he can absolutely give her his wholehearted attention, without even thinking about work. He even turns his phone off so he literally can’t be distracted, and just gives her the entire rest of his day. She’s said she likes this better, because he’s completely with her and living in the moment, without thinking about work (because he’s already handled his work shit for the day).
- So give this a try, if you’re living with a woman. Sleep in separate bedrooms so your sleep is absolutely perfect. And set a certain block of time aside each day as your “do not disturb” time. If you’ve got big goals you want to achieve, have the do not disturb time be quite a big block of time (mine is 8am-3pm; 7hrs). If you’ve already handled your biggest goals, and your income is pretty passive, you can set aside a smaller block of time.
- If you can create a divide between “work time” and “couples time”, you’ll be able to 100% focus on both, and go all-in with both. Work deserves your undivided attention. Your girl deserves your undivided attention. The only way to do that is to create a hard wall between them, so they don’t bleed over into each other.
Shownotes:
Bathmate (free shipping with my link, plus you directly support me – cheers):
https://killyourinnerloser.com/bathmate
Sleep is Paramount:
https://kyil-extra.com/sleep-is-paramount/
Blue-light-blocking Glasses:
https://kyil-extra.com/sleep-is-paramount/#blue-light-blocking-glasses
Weekly Check-ins:
https://theinnerwinnershow.com/40/
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