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BDSM and kink (and hell, sex in general) are things that have brought me a lot of joy over the years I’ve been exploring them. It’s a fun, wild world that opens you up both mentally, spiritually, and of course – literally 😉
But BDSM/kink can be quite intimidating to get into if you’ve never tried it before – there’s so many different facets to kink, how the hell are you supposed to know where to start? I’ve seen a ton of people get so overwhelmed by it all that they never actually give it a go, even though they want to.
So my go-to advice when starting BDSM/kink is:
Just approach it the way we approach anything else – give yourself permission to suck, just try a few things and see what you like, and slowly improve your skills & confidence over time, with practice.
You don’t have to be the kink-expert from day 1; I don’t even know how you would be, even if you wanted to. How can you be good at something you’ve never (or barely) done? So accept the fact you might be a bit clumsy at first, accept that things might be a little awkward when you first get started, accept that you might not always be smooth, accept that you might have no fucking clue what the hell you’re doing. Accept where you currently are, and then slowly improve, with practice.
BDSM/kink doesn’t have to be this big scary thing you need to navigate with caution and fear and trepidation. It’s just two (or more) people having some fun in the bedroom, trying a few different things, and seeing what they both like.
So on that note, here’s a few different things you can try. Just give them a go with your partner(s), see if they like it, see if you like it, and have fun.
1. Blindfolds
My go-to suggestion for people who haven’t tried any kink before. Use an actual blindfold, or a silk tie, or even the arms of a sweater/jacket. Blindfold your partner, and spend as long as you want teasing them, caressing their body, fucking them, making them moan, making them beg. There’s something incredibly erotic about seeing your partner blindfolded and having no idea what you’re going to do next. And for the person being blindfolded, there’s something incredibly fun about not knowing what’s going to happen, and just surrendering to – and enjoying – whatever comes next.
2. Handcuffs
Grab a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs (or some ropes – use soft ropes made for the bedroom, just search “BDSM ropes”) Grab a pair of “safety scissors” as well, just incase you need to cut the rope. Then have fun restraining your partner’s wrists above their head. Pair this with a blindfold and now you’re really cooking with fire. The things that made the blindfold hot – not knowing what’s coming next – are amplified when they also can’t use their hands. It’s very hot knowing they can’t move and can’t see what’s happening – and for them, it all ties in to that feeling of having to surrender and just let go.
3. Ice
Yep, ice cubes from your freezer – grab a couple, put them in a cup/mug, and take them into the bedroom. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, take an icecube, and very slowly run it over their body, noticing how they respond depending on where on their body you touch with the ice cube. Nipples are a great area to start with, but you’ll find their most sensitive parts might be places you never expected – the nape of their neck, thighs, ribs, inner thighs, clit, even hands.
4. Spanking
While your partner is restrained – or even if they’re not restrained – you can have a bit of fun playing around with spanking. Start very light – much lighter than you think – and try spanking their ass. Ask, “How does that feel?” or “Do you like that?” and see how it feels for them. Ask “Want it harder?” and go from there. Some people love VERY rough spanking, others prefer it a bit more gentle, but either way – there’s something very primal and sexual about spanking, particularly during doggy-style sex.
5. Ropes
Similar to handcuffs, but this time I’m talking about more advanced rope-tying, or even Shibari (an ancient Japanese form of rope-tying). I’ve got a few beginner tutorials, there’s plenty of books and YouTube vids you can watch, but again – start easy, make sure you have a pair of safety scissors, and have fun together. I’ve had quite a few clients who’ve gotten VERY into Shibari with girls they’re seeing; it’s a ton of fun.
6. Silent Sex (“You’re Not Allowed to Make a Sound”)
Here’s a bonus one because I’m in a good mood 🙂 A fun game you can play with your partner is tying them up, blindfolding them, then telling them: “You are not allowed to make a single sound; not even moaning. If you make a sound, we stop.” Then do everything else on this list, as well as having sex with them, fingering them, teasing them, going down on them – driving them absolutely crazy, all while reminding them, “Remember, you’re not allowed to make a single sound.” Not only is this a fun game for you, but it’s also incredible fun and hot for the person who’s not allowed to make a sound.
After you’re done, you can trade places and have them do everything on this list to you too 😉
Start with these 5 6 different ideas, enjoy them, explore them, and dive deep into my other guides, and have fun. BDSM/kink are such incredibly rewarding and exciting things to get into. You’re gonna have a blast.
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