Quick tip today: When you’re out trying to hit on girls (“cold approaching”), and you’re struggling to do it: set a stopwatch to go off in 10 minutes.
Once you hit the Start button on that stopwatch, you have 10 minutes – and no more than 10 minutes – to talk to a girl. It can be any girl, it doesn’t matter how you do it, it doesn’t matter how awkward or nervous you are… but you absolutely must say hi to at least one girl before the time goes off. No excuses – shut the fuck up and get it done. No thinking. Just do it.
What you’ll likely find is you spend the first few minutes making excuses, pussying out on a bunch of girls, and coming up with all sorts of dumb reasons why you can’t do it. “She’s on her phone and I wouldn’t want to annoy her.”
“That girl is with a friend, so I can’t.”
“That girl has her headphones on, and is listening to music.”
“That girl is super cute and probably already has a boyfriend.”
“That girl looks like she’s in a rush.”
“That girl looks like she’s waiting for someone, and it’d be awkward if they came over right as I’m hitting on her.”
You know, the usual dumb excuses we make when we’re really just scared.
But as the stopwatch gets closer and closer to 10 minutes, you’ll start feeling more and more adrenaline; “Oh fuck, I’m running out of time… shit… I can’t keep making excuses.” With 1 minute to go, you’ll say, “Oh fuck it, I have to do this” and you’ll immediatley run up to any random girl and say hi and tell her she’s cute. Congrats! You did it.
Nothing kicks your ass into gear and stops you procrastinating quite like time-pressure. Hitting on chicks is nerve-wracking as hell, and we play all sorts of mindgames with ourselves, making dumb excuses to rationalise why it’s ok to pussy out. It’s so easy to get stuck in our own head, wasting time overthinking things and not actually hitting on any girls. It’s so easy to try and think your way out of the problem, convincing yourself, “If I just think about this a little more, I’ll be able to talk myself into hitting on girls. I just have to give myself a pep talk, motivate myself and logic my way into doing this.”
Thinking doesn’t help you talk to girls. Shutting the hell up and just doing it is the only thing that works. You can’t think your way out of anxiety – jumping into the deep end is the only thing that makes the fear go away. The pressure of a time-limit – really it’s a deadline – forces you to stop thinking and start doing.
I’ve done the stopwatch method with so many coaching clients (and myself – especially myself) over the years. One guy who really stands out in particular is Radical over on our forums. It went exactly as I described above – I gave him a 10-minute time limit, and he procrastinated for about 9 minutes, making all the usual excuses we make when we’re nervous. With 1 minute to go I showed him the stopwatch and, whilst cursing at me for “making me do this”, he jogged after a girl and hit on her with only 30 seconds to go. Legend.
I also did this with a good mate of mine over a period of about 6 months, every single time we met up. We used to meet during our lunch breaks Monday-Friday and hit on girls together, and every single day we used the 10-minute stopwatch method with great success. It ended up being so successful we started using a 2-minute stopwatch; you’re welcome to experiment with a time less than 10 minutes too.
So if you’re struggling to hit on girls, if you find yourself making 100 excuses instead of just saying hi to a couple of females, then try the 10-minute stopwatch trick. Leave a comment below if you’ve ever tried something similar to this.
Update: Chado over on our forums has his own trick:
Me and my friends used to play this game called “Go.” We got it from the Simple Pickup guys who used to be on youtube. You point to a girl and say “go!” You have 5 seconds to approach and if you don’t then you drop and do 10 pushups no matter where you are. Or you pay them $5, pick your poison lol